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Comedian are you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"Sometimes I’m off the chart funny, other times I fail to make the chart.
I like having someone to bounce off "
You’re definitely one for shared humour! Fascinatingly wholesome too!  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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To some people, a 25. To others, a 1 because I don't make racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic comments and pass them off as jokes while getting offended that others are offended  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"To some people, a 25. To others, a 1 because I don't make racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic comments and pass them off as jokes while getting offended that others are offended "
Such a bore. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"To some people, a 25. To others, a 1 because I don't make racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic comments and pass them off as jokes while getting offended that others are offended
Such a bore. "
I know, I really need to up my game |
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"To some people, a 25. To others, a 1 because I don't make racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic comments and pass them off as jokes while getting offended that others are offended
Such a bore.
I know, I really need to up my game"
Have a look at some English, Irish and Scottish jokes  |
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By *aizyWoman 43 weeks ago
west midlands |
"In my head I am hilarious, out loud, not so much 
I agree 
I have just thought of something really funny about you! 
You said you was into micro penises  "
Is that what that pic was you sent me?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"How funny are you from 1 to 25?
Ta X
Funny peculiar or funny ha ha ? 
*probably around a 20 either way...."
Is anyone a 20? Don’t you need to leave room to grow into it like kids shoes or a school blazer? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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I feel like I’ve not replied as much as I should in this thread coz I’m been busy stuffing my face and well fab/public restaurant don’t really mix too well together. But you guys seem to be very lively, so thanks to everyone who’s replied and you’re probably all dead funny too!  |
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in here -25 .... in my head im hilarious , and i type shit - totally funny - its just that you dont have my sense of humour - if everyone had my sense of humour i would be even funnier  apparently its in the bones - or so he said |
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"in here -25 .... in my head im hilarious , and i type shit - totally funny - its just that you dont have my sense of humour - if everyone had my sense of humour i would be even funnier apparently its in the bones - or so he said
Do you laugh out loud as your posting? I do!  "
yep - giggle - cant you see^^^^^^^^ clue |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"What about you OP, where do you place yourself on the funny scale?"
To myself I’m a 22 with some growing room. To others I’m like a marmite 6 or 15 I reckon? I think only you can really get yourself, others are always left guessing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"My friends tell me I’m really funny but then they actually mean mad as a box of frogs and tbh I’m all good with that "
I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I’m fairly witty occasionally.
Rest of the time I’m 25.
I’ve always got time to read yours. I like your humour. 
Thank you Woody.
* offers handshake "
*puts on robber gloves…. Offers hand to shake |
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"I’m fairly witty occasionally.
Rest of the time I’m 25.
I’ve always got time to read yours. I like your humour.
Thank you Woody.
* offers handshake
*puts on robber gloves…. Offers hand to shake "
* wipes hand on a passer by who should’ve been walking a bit further away |
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"My friends tell me I’m really funny but then they actually mean mad as a box of frogs and tbh I’m all good with that
I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet "
Of the frogs or the giant hamsters I fight in my dreams? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"My friends tell me I’m really funny but then they actually mean mad as a box of frogs and tbh I’m all good with that
I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet
Of the frogs or the giant hamsters I fight in my dreams? "
The boobs… |
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"My friends tell me I’m really funny but then they actually mean mad as a box of frogs and tbh I’m all good with that
I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet
Of the frogs or the giant hamsters I fight in my dreams?
The boobs… "
Oh Bert and Ernie love saying _ello |
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I use Fab to road test my smuttiest material so the quality is pretty uneven on here, maybe only a 15 on average.
By the time I take my tight 30 minute set to the Fringe, it should be a 20-minimum |
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If you consider your humour to be dark, perhaps somewhat twisted. Maybe some form of maladaptive coping strategy.
There's usually one person in a group, in stitches when I go off on one, and the rest look disturbed. With quizzical looks: trying to decipher if I really mean it or whether that makes any difference. I'll take that, I'm not one for big groups, learning all those names, taking up rental space in my brain. Now I know the names of cats that are the pets of people I don't even like. What the fuck will I ever use that information for?
How much redundant bullshit is living rent free in our brains? No wonder I keep forgetting where my keys are. Yet I can tell you Shirley from the SPAR has a a ginger cat called Mr Snuggles that is 4 and hates going into the carrier when he visits the vet. I'll still know that 10 years from now, but I'll lose my keys 1000 times by then.
The only solution I have is to try and destroy those brain cells with alcohol and hope Mr Snuggles is burnt from my memory. Then never engage in conversation with Shirley, just keep my head down, never make eye contact - don't even glimpse at her name tag. I'm just a customer here to buy your discount doughnuts lady, keep this professional - it's a business transaction - boundaries!
I'll go there at 10:30pm Shirley is the only attendant and I'll use the automated shit anyway; right under her nose. Even if the thing won't scan: I'll just keep swiping and swiping until she caves in, comes over and types the code in. I won't even break a smile, just grab my stuff and run. Yeah fuck you Shirley I don't even like cats - one day you'll die and the fucker will probably eat you. Not such a Mr Snuggles then is he? Fuuuucck my life, now it's name is in my head again.
What was the question? Oh yeah I'm a laugh a minute, take a seat I'll make you feel like your life is a bed of roses. You'll be pouring your anti-depressants down the toilet and skipping to work the next day like a child without a care in the world. Just keep passing me Negronis and don't fill my head with erroneous details.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"If you consider your humour to be dark, perhaps somewhat twisted. Maybe some form of maladaptive coping strategy.
There's usually one person in a group, in stitches when I go off on one, and the rest look disturbed. With quizzical looks: trying to decipher if I really mean it or whether that makes any difference. I'll take that, I'm not one for big groups, learning all those names, taking up rental space in my brain. Now I know the names of cats that are the pets of people I don't even like. What the fuck will I ever use that information for?
How much redundant bullshit is living rent free in our brains? No wonder I keep forgetting where my keys are. Yet I can tell you Shirley from the SPAR has a a ginger cat called Mr Snuggles that is 4 and hates going into the carrier when he visits the vet. I'll still know that 10 years from now, but I'll lose my keys 1000 times by then.
The only solution I have is to try and destroy those brain cells with alcohol and hope Mr Snuggles is burnt from my memory. Then never engage in conversation with Shirley, just keep my head down, never make eye contact - don't even glimpse at her name tag. I'm just a customer here to buy your discount doughnuts lady, keep this professional - it's a business transaction - boundaries!
I'll go there at 10:30pm Shirley is the only attendant and I'll use the automated shit anyway; right under her nose. Even if the thing won't scan: I'll just keep swiping and swiping until she caves in, comes over and types the code in. I won't even break a smile, just grab my stuff and run. Yeah fuck you Shirley I don't even like cats - one day you'll die and the fucker will probably eat you. Not such a Mr Snuggles then is he? Fuuuucck my life, now it's name is in my head again.
What was the question? Oh yeah I'm a laugh a minute, take a seat I'll make you feel like your life is a bed of roses. You'll be pouring your anti-depressants down the toilet and skipping to work the next day like a child without a care in the world. Just keep passing me Negronis and don't fill my head with erroneous details. "
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 43 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'm funny the way that strange bloke who hangs around outside the shops saying "_ello dere, I talk to the trees, that's why they put me away" is funny. A legend in my own lunchtime, with the wit if 1000 camels, if camels did comedy.
"Laugh? I nearly fucking died!" (Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: Giedi Prime)
"Funnier than the Black Death" (Wat Tyler)
"Huh?" (Albert Einstein)
"What, me worry?" (A.E.Neumann)
3¼ |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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I’m a 3. But like Stewart Lee I’m not really after laughs so I don’t care! what I want is a temporary mass consensus of the london liberal elite that evaporates upon contact with air.  |
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"I'm funny the way that strange bloke who hangs around outside the shops saying "_ello dere, I talk to the trees, that's why they put me away" is funny. A legend in my own lunchtime, with the wit if 1000 camels, if camels did comedy.
"Laugh? I nearly fucking died!" (Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: Giedi Prime)
"Funnier than the Black Death" (Wat Tyler)
"Huh?" (Albert Einstein)
"What, me worry?" (A.E.Neumann)
3¼"
I’ve seen better. (Stevie Wonder) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"You can’t be sending me jokes in pm, that’s cheating!
Not my fault you didn't read it on the thread !  "
What is this like Christmas Day reading the cracker jokes? xx |
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"You can’t be sending me jokes in pm, that’s cheating!
Not my fault you didn't read it on the thread !
What is this like Christmas Day reading the cracker jokes? xx "
I came up with that one myself I'll have you know lol |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 43 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm funny the way that strange bloke who hangs around outside the shops saying "_ello dere, I talk to the trees, that's why they put me away" is funny. A legend in my own lunchtime, with the wit if 1000 camels, if camels did comedy.
"Laugh? I nearly fucking died!" (Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: Giedi Prime)
"Funnier than the Black Death" (Wat Tyler)
"Huh?" (Albert Einstein)
"What, me worry?" (A.E.Neumann)
3¼
I’ve seen better. (Stevie Wonder)"
"That's true" (DJ Trump) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 43 weeks ago
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"You can’t be sending me jokes in pm, that’s cheating!
Not my fault you didn't read it on the thread !
What is this like Christmas Day reading the cracker jokes? xx
I came up with that one myself I'll have you know lol"
I’d give you 1! |
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"You can’t be sending me jokes in pm, that’s cheating!
Not my fault you didn't read it on the thread !
What is this like Christmas Day reading the cracker jokes? xx
I came up with that one myself I'll have you know lol
I’d give you 1! "
Oi oi ! I'd give you 1 2 |
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"I’m a 3. But like Stewart Lee I’m not really after laughs so I don’t care! what I want is a temporary mass consensus of the london liberal elite that evaporates upon contact with air. "
They throw you in jail for that, these days |
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"When I said I wanted to be a comedian everyone laughed.
Well they're not laughing now.
Cred. Bob Monkhouse
Absolute genius. RIP Bob. "
One of the funniest comedians I've seen. He was writing for other comedians for years before venturing out in his own right. |
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