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What is the worst advice you could give to someone visiting Scotland for the first time
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"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic. "
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?"
Oh, death  |
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By *orny PTMan 38 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?"
What's football? |
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"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?
What's football?"
No good asking me! |
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By *ags73Man 38 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?
What's football?"
Not advisable as that means you like cricket. |
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By *ister_EMan 38 weeks ago
Hayling Island |
When I lived in Scotland my favourite way to get a rise out of them was to say "You know Scotland isn't a real country, its just an uppity British province"  Next came sheep jokes and telling them that the Irish invented whisky
Don't bother teasing them about being cheap though.... It's a source of national pride
I love the Scott's really, and living in Aberdeenshire was amazing. I could get away with giving them a bit of shit because I'm South African... Don't suggest trying it if you're English though! (Not unless your mother can sew ) |
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By *orny PTMan 38 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?
What's football?
Not advisable as that means you like cricket."
What's cricket? |
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By *ags73Man 38 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?
What's football?
Not advisable as that means you like cricket.
What's cricket?"
Don’t ask me, is it a step up from Morris dancing or something? |
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You’ve got to imitate their accent when you talk to them, it’s like Spain they’ll love that you tried to talk in the local language..
Open every conversation by saying loudly and very slowly
Do. You. Speak. English |
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Go into a bar and sit there doing the crossword. When you’ve sussed out who the oldest lairiest Scotsman is in the bar, ask loudly what cast adrift on an island, 8 letters beginning with M could be, when he tells you the answer, claim to be a bit deaf and keep asking him to speak up a bit, until he shouts at you, it’s marooned you idiot. The whole bar will then start cheering.  |
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By *TG3Man 38 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Go into a bar and sit there doing the crossword. When you’ve sussed out who the oldest lairiest Scotsman is in the bar, ask loudly what cast adrift on an island, 8 letters beginning with M could be, when he tells you the answer, claim to be a bit deaf and keep asking him to speak up a bit, until he shouts at you, it’s marooned you idiot. The whole bar will then start cheering. "
lol |
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By *lynJMan 38 weeks ago
Morden |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
How would anyone rate my chances if I said that I don't have the silightest clue who Rangers or Celtic are?
What's football?
Not advisable as that means you like cricket.
What's cricket?
Don’t ask me, is it a step up from Morris dancing or something?"
It's a type of insect similar to a grasshopper. |
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By *TG3Man 38 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Try and get to the bottom of what a “chip supper” would contain.
Chips usually
Yeah, but is it chips with chips?
"
lol no its the meal which could be a black or white pudding battered with chips so that would be a black pudding supper or a white pudding supper |
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"Go into the Sarry Heid and order a cocktail."
Lol. I haven't been there in over twenty years. An interesting venue for the intellectuals.
As for the person who mentioned the word "cow" - no, no, no!  |
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"Get a battered pizza they are delicious
When I had my gall bladder removed that was the first naughty meal. Designed by God for consumption after a bevvy."
no offence but I'd rather have a kebab from Chucky's in Garston. It's these small cultural differences that make life so diverse and fulfilling though.  |
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Well don't do what I did in a wee pub attached to a petrol station 
Went for a drink with stepdad as the bar was closed to them house, I tried paying with a Scottish pound note not a five pound note (yes it was long enough ago that a fiver purchased two pints)
The guy behind the bar was extremely stroppy and threatened to bar me, all I did was say "sorry mate it all looks the same to me bit like monopoly money innit bruv "
Some people are so sensitive |
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By *ean counterMan 38 weeks ago
Market Harborough/ Kettering |
"Go to a pub and start a conversation on who the better football team is between Rangers and Celtic.
Or say both should join an English league and give the others a chance! "
Yeah, they might be ok in the english 1st division but they wouldn't survive the championship ! |
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Start a discussion about the 6th verse of the National Anthem that mentions travelling up to putting unruly scots back in their place
‘Lord grant that Marshal Wade, May by thy mighty aid, Victory bring. May he sedition hush, And like a torrent rush, Rebellious Scots to crush, God Save the King’
- and end it with quite right too - uppity bastards!! It seems to hit a funny bone and they’ll really take you to their hearts  |
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"Ask the bar staff if the notes & change are funny money & it reminds you of Monopoly....
Cos, I bet you they've not heard that much.   "
I near enough always have Scottish notes in my purse - far nicer than the Bank of England notes |
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By *orny PTMan 38 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"If in Glasgow. Go to the bar and ask for a pint of Venom."
is this it?
Fill a pint glass with some ice
Add a 25ml shot of your favourite vodka
Add 25ml shot of Southern Comfort.
Pour a 275ml bottle of Blue WKD/VK into the glass
Top off the drink with orange juice and watch the colour satisfyingly turn from blue to a bright luminous green
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