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A happy wife is a happy life.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I was watching a renovation program where they can list it or love it, there was an indian couple and he let the wife decide most of the things, he was joking a bit at the end of the program and said, happy wife is a happy life.
What is your view of that quote and is it correct? I think that it is correct too  |
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Surely a happy couple should be for a happy life?
I find the original idea of a happy wife etc. to sound very old fashioned.
A marriage is a partnership, not about keeping one person happy. Both have needs and wants that need to be attended to. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Happy couple happy life
If one is happy when the other is miserable I'd be very concerned.
Although, even with that said I'm sure my hubby goes down the Happy wife happy life route some times. Probably for a peaceful life 
Mrs xx |
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"Happy couple happy life
If one is happy when the other is miserable I'd be very concerned.
Although, even with that said I'm sure my hubby goes down the Happy wife happy life route some times. Probably for a peaceful life
Mrs xx"
Maybe that would be a better expression then.
A happy wife for a peaceful life |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant."
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
Agreed.
Thirded.
It sets unrealistic and dangerous expectations on the husband. "
And makes the wife look like a spoiled brat. An innocent sounding if somewhat true phrase is symbolic of so much |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
Agreed.
Exactly..!
Should be:
Happy Spouse - Happy House.!"
Happy Wife Happy Life.......... we need to think about how it is being applied.
As some have said it can be taken one way and male needs are negated BUT .... it can also be taken to imply that women want certain things and are NAGS if they don't get it therefore giving the husband ear ache and a job list to do.
It CAN also be something simple like , he doesn't really give a tuppence ha'penny shit about the house etc and leaves the decision to her and there is no arguing as she gets her own way.
This was me n my husband when the house needed decorating ........ he didn't give a toss about aesthetics so I chose all the decor and he did the donkey. If he had chosen anything i'd have laid an egg ! Our tastes were not similar. He was happy for me to choose and I was happy to have my own way.
It's no different when choosing what's on the telly. If you really don't give a shit what you are watching you let the other person choose.
Now cars....... I didn't get a say there , unless I bought my own.
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together "
And that is pretty much the reason why my marriage doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently my sole job was to make sure that I didn’t do anything wrong (as defined by her) because I had no idea how hard things were and if there was an issue then I need to sort it, irrespective of the cause of the issue. Oh, and heaven forbid, if I might actually want to do something - how could I even entertain the idea????? |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
Agreed.
Thirded.
It sets unrealistic and dangerous expectations on the husband.
And makes the wife look like a spoiled brat. An innocent sounding if somewhat true phrase is symbolic of so much"
Yup. |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together
And that is pretty much the reason why my marriage doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently my sole job was to make sure that I didn’t do anything wrong (as defined by her) because I had no idea how hard things were and if there was an issue then I need to sort it, irrespective of the cause of the issue. Oh, and heaven forbid, if I might actually want to do something - how could I even entertain the idea?????"
Did you ever pull together like a team ? |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together
And that is pretty much the reason why my marriage doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently my sole job was to make sure that I didn’t do anything wrong (as defined by her) because I had no idea how hard things were and if there was an issue then I need to sort it, irrespective of the cause of the issue. Oh, and heaven forbid, if I might actually want to do something - how could I even entertain the idea?????"
Well this (and other things) destroyed my first marriage too as he was still expecting me to do the same load and give him the same attention even though I was home with 2 under 2 losing my marbles. When I couldn't he found that attention somewhere else. I think most men just don't realise how damn hard and soul destroying it is to be stuck home with a baby. If we turn into fire breathing dragon it's because of that. |
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"The man's happiness and desires should not be subdued and inferior. All partners should be equal and the old fashioned mindsets are better for the past "
That's a very idealistic view and unfortunately hardly ever the case. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"Our previous neighbours lived by this rule. His life was a flaming misery if she didn't get what she wanted. The way she spoke to him was awful, he literally just did as he was told"
I've realised recently that women don't respect men that are too nice. Men need to learn to so no sometimes when a woman demands something
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"Our previous neighbours lived by this rule. His life was a flaming misery if she didn't get what she wanted. The way she spoke to him was awful, he literally just did as he was told I've realised recently that women don't respect men that are too nice. Men need to learn to so no sometimes when a woman demands something "
He wasn't 'nice' he was an ordinary bloke who happened to get caught up with a controlling woman and took the line of least resistance. Either to make his life easier (it didn't) or because he was weak. Women mostly respect men who demonstrate qualities that deserve respect not because they have learned to say no |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together
And that is pretty much the reason why my marriage doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently my sole job was to make sure that I didn’t do anything wrong (as defined by her) because I had no idea how hard things were and if there was an issue then I need to sort it, irrespective of the cause of the issue. Oh, and heaven forbid, if I might actually want to do something - how could I even entertain the idea?????
Well this (and other things) destroyed my first marriage too as he was still expecting me to do the same load and give him the same attention even though I was home with 2 under 2 losing my marbles. When I couldn't he found that attention somewhere else. I think most men just don't realise how damn hard and soul destroying it is to be stuck home with a baby. If we turn into fire breathing dragon it's because of that."
I respectfully disagree on so many levels to what you’ve written but leave you to your opinion. |
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"The man's happiness and desires should not be subdued and inferior. All partners should be equal and the old fashioned mindsets are better for the past
That's a very idealistic view and unfortunately hardly ever the case."
Why is it idealistic? How is it hard to be equal partners in a relationship? |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships "
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
"
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash. |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash. "
In relationships where people don't think in terms of certain popular stereotypes of 'rules' this is certainly true. Unfortunately a lot of people see relationships as a battle ground where you right for dominance |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash.
In relationships where people don't think in terms of certain popular stereotypes of 'rules' this is certainly true. Unfortunately a lot of people see relationships as a battle ground where you right for dominance"
This entire concept baffles me. |
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This is so hard to answer. There is give and take in every relationship/marriage. The problem is when one or other starts taking advantage...with no thought or respect for the other. Then it can be all take take take and not much give. This can lead to resentment and ultimately a lot of unhappiness. |
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"I hate that expression - it implies that the males happiness is largely irrelevant.
The thing is, once kids come into the picture, women in general have it hundred times harder than men, so they better be making our lives less miserable or it's not gonna work. It doesn't mean they are less important (well in a way they are, as now the kid is the most important) it just means we deserve all the attention/pampering because we gave up our lives to raise the demon spawn we created together
And that is pretty much the reason why my marriage doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently my sole job was to make sure that I didn’t do anything wrong (as defined by her) because I had no idea how hard things were and if there was an issue then I need to sort it, irrespective of the cause of the issue. Oh, and heaven forbid, if I might actually want to do something - how could I even entertain the idea?????
Did you ever pull together like a team ?"
At first we did. Life got in the way though - she was at home all the time with the kids (her _active_ decision which I had no problem with at all) and she just grew to resent me. She was always a forceful character - I like that because who wants a doormat as a partner? - and that got channeled into taking it out on me. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I stayed for the kids and I remember one day my daughter who was only young just looking at me with complete pity when I had been on the end of a tirade and saying to me “Don’t worry daddy I will always love you.”. That killed me. |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash.
In relationships where people don't think in terms of certain popular stereotypes of 'rules' this is certainly true. Unfortunately a lot of people see relationships as a battle ground where you right for dominance
This entire concept baffles me. "
Me too and I thought that things had moved on but I'm not sure they have. |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash.
In relationships where people don't think in terms of certain popular stereotypes of 'rules' this is certainly true. Unfortunately a lot of people see relationships as a battle ground where you right for dominance
This entire concept baffles me.
Me too and I thought that things had moved on but I'm not sure they have. "
I get sad a lot as I scroll through Instagram and other sites and see the utter claptrap that's written by "influencers" about relationships. It's enough to make you cry  |
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"Sorry to say this (I'm not) but there's no equality in relationships
Can you expand on that a bit?
I don't think there's equality in as far as both partners contribute exactly the same things to all areas. I think equality is possible in terms of overall physical, mental and emotional contribution
There's give and take over time. The balance of giving and taking changes and fluctuates, but it all evens out in the wash.
In relationships where people don't think in terms of certain popular stereotypes of 'rules' this is certainly true. Unfortunately a lot of people see relationships as a battle ground where you right for dominance
This entire concept baffles me.
Me too and I thought that things had moved on but I'm not sure they have.
I get sad a lot as I scroll through Instagram and other sites and see the utter claptrap that's written by "influencers" about relationships. It's enough to make you cry "
I avoid them it's awful!
It seems to me that lots of people take relationship advice then try to make their relationship fit it. Rather than establishing a relationship, dealing with any issues that come up and seeking advice 'together' if you can't solve them between yourselves |
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"The man's happiness and desires should not be subdued and inferior. All partners should be equal and the old fashioned mindsets are better for the past
That's a very idealistic view and unfortunately hardly ever the case.
Why is it idealistic? How is it hard to be equal partners in a relationship?"
Because once you have kids nothing is equal, your income is not equal, your social life is not equal. I know at least a dozen women around me whose marriage didn't survive that stage because the husbands were not pulling their equal weight. The few who are still married are unhappy because they gave up those things above. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"…
What is your view of that quote and is it correct? I think that it is correct too "
Simple answer. Yes I agree with it, if you both want a loving meaningful marriage.  |
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"The man's happiness and desires should not be subdued and inferior. All partners should be equal and the old fashioned mindsets are better for the past
That's a very idealistic view and unfortunately hardly ever the case.
Why is it idealistic? How is it hard to be equal partners in a relationship?
Because once you have kids nothing is equal, your income is not equal, your social life is not equal. I know at least a dozen women around me whose marriage didn't survive that stage because the husbands were not pulling their equal weight. The few who are still married are unhappy because they gave up those things above."
Clearly my husband and I are an aberration then. I've always earned more and still do, we have one child of our own plus my son (we've been together since my son was 18 months old).
My husband does the bulk of housework and DIY due to my acquired disability. I am the sole qualified driver and so am responsible for all driving, however far we go.
We manage finances entirely jointly, have done since before we got married.
We are both currently antisocial gits. We enjoy each other's company. During lockdowns, we worked in the same rooms, for the same organisation and lived together 24/7. We didn't argue. We were perfectly happy (aside the being unable to go out much).
We're baffled by the description you paint of relationships. |
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"That's the excuse my husband used to give me full rein. It's working so far for both of us  "
Yeah, same here. Our lives are so much more harmonious since he knows I see other people and that I am on Fab. He does raise his eyebrows at some of my photos though. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion."
Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how? |
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By *RWoodyCouple 43 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?"
Do those days or occasions 'benefit' women?
I'd like to think the 'Happy Wife Happy Life' motto has it's origins from someone who feels happiness themselves from making their wife/partner happy by an action or gesture. I don't think it's about doing something they don't want to do just to make their wife/partner happy.
J x |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?"
We tend to celebrate anniversaries together, we don't take too much notice of Valentine's day but we sometimes buy each other a card.
If marriage is of no benefit to men why do so many keep doing it? It's not as if they can't get sex until they've put a ring on it |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?"
It depends on the relationship surely?. My husband loves spoiling me on these occasions, I'd be happy with a card but it's something he enjoys and has always enjoyed.
I might have to ask him why for 31 years has he been doing something that has no benefit to him .. |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?"
It's an excuse to look like you give a shit when you give your partner useless trinkets she doesn't need, when you don't pull your weight the rest of the time.
The real benefit of relationships is seen in the statistics. Widowers die off much faster than widows. |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?
It's an excuse to look like you give a shit when you give your partner useless trinkets she doesn't need, when you don't pull your weight the rest of the time.
The real benefit of relationships is seen in the statistics. Widowers die off much faster than widows."
I walked into a colleagues office once, she'd just received a bouquet from her husband. She said she always knew when he'd cheated and was about to be caught out. They're divorced now. |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?
It's an excuse to look like you give a shit when you give your partner useless trinkets she doesn't need, when you don't pull your weight the rest of the time.
The real benefit of relationships is seen in the statistics. Widowers die off much faster than widows.
I walked into a colleagues office once, she'd just received a bouquet from her husband. She said she always knew when he'd cheated and was about to be caught out. They're divorced now. "
I once said to a boyfriend that I'd rather get a single daisy on (I picked a random date) than a dozen red roses on Valentine's Day. I got a dozen red roses.
Years later, I said the same thing to my then boyfriend, now ex-husband. I got a single rose on Valentine's Day (he said he wanted to), *and* daisies on the day I'd picked at random. Not that I'm super into flowers, but he'd respected my wishes and the intention behind it. (That gifts are about the thought behind it, not the fact that society tells you you should) |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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I think that seeking happiness from another person is too much expectation. We should be making ourselves happy (self regulating) & sharing that happiness with each other. Also, fully open communication, working together as a unit to tackle all the chores, domestic labour, childcare, & giving eachother time to ourselves, etc. & playing to our strengths, is the way to maintain a relationship IMO. |
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"I was watching a renovation program where they can list it or love it, there was an indian couple and he let the wife decide most of the things, he was joking a bit at the end of the program and said, happy wife is a happy life.
What is your view of that quote and is it correct? I think that it is correct too "
Yep of course. A happy life partner sounds wonderful |
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"If I'm honest there's no real benefit for men being in relationships other than headaches, drama, stress
That's your opinion. Ok you say its my opinion but when it comes to things like Valentines Day or special anniversary's and marriages you really telling me it benefits men? If so how?It depends on the relationship surely?. My husband loves spoiling me on these occasions, I'd be happy with a card but it's something he enjoys and has always enjoyed.
I might have to ask him why for 31 years has he been doing something that has no benefit to him .. "
We don't buy each other gifts for Valentine's or birthdays and at Christmas, it's hit and miss. Depends if either of us needs anything. We do get each other cards mainly, though Mr KC didn't buy me a Valentine's card this year. We instead do something nice together. We take a day off work and have a day out or go away for a little break (usually with a child in tow). We've started taking our main family holiday at the Christmas period so that's our Christmas gift to ourselves and the family.
We don't collect trinkets or stuff, we don't see the point. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 42 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think that seeking happiness from another person is too much expectation. We should be making ourselves happy (self regulating) & sharing that happiness with each other. Also, fully open communication, working together as a unit to tackle all the chores, domestic labour, childcare, & giving eachother time to ourselves, etc. & playing to our strengths, is the way to maintain a relationship IMO. "
Yes, you are right there, those are also good points too |
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