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Feeling forgotten /neglected
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By *sWyld OP Woman 30 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Following Midnights thread it got me thinking about how we feel when we don't get the time, affection or attention from someone in the way we might need.
How do you work through those feelings? Are you good at letting the other person know?
I imagine for people with many partners it must be something you have to learn to navigate in a way that works for you all.
I've come to realise it's something I'm not very good it, almost reluctant to ask for someone's time etc for fear of being too demanding. Silly really.
So how do you deal with such feelings?
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By *edeWoman 30 weeks ago
the abyss |
I'm terrible. I don't tend to say and I never ask for time etc.
How do I deal with it? Equally terribly by internalising in and just pushing it away to a far off corner to join the rest of my unexpressed emotions  |
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I bottle things up, then I explode in tears and snot lol.
I'm not touchy feely which considering I've been in the lifestyle is a miracle I ever met anyone, I don't really yearn for cuddles or anything, my husband and I went through a separation recently and I must admit for the first time in my adult life, I did miss physical contact and there was a couple of times I did ask him for a cuddle (it was a very weird situation) and damn they felt good.
(We are back together now) |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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Yeah on my thread there are lots of people who believe they are attuned to their significant other... By what if their love language is mismatched and the person receiving the attention doesn't view it in the same way.. Sometimes do you just have to accept you are on different wavelengths?
If you are told you are needy for saying "I need attention" how does that make you feel? |
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"I'm terrible. I don't tend to say and I never ask for time etc.
How do I deal with it? Equally terribly by internalising in and just pushing it away to a far off corner to join the rest of my unexpressed emotions "
I think we are the same person  |
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I don't put too much thought into it. I will never beg (wrong word) but hopefully you'll know what I mean, anyone for their time or attention. If I feel like it's not being reciprocated then I'm done giving mine to them x |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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When I feel I need attention (it's not easy to get attention as no one in my life), I pay myself attention. I self date by going for a coffee or doing something I enjoy. And I pamper myself. Do my nails. Use a face pack. I make me centre of attention for me |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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I’ve been reading about relationship de escalation and relationships shifts in poly set ups. And that’s been really interesting.
Anyway more to the actual point I think I manage really badly but I, in the end, just talk it through. That’s always the best way. Communicating |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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Needs and expectations chats are important.
What are mine and your needs. And what are the expectations we have set around us meeting those? Eg I *need* to feel prioritised so we are going to have a check in everyday where we are just talking to one another for 30 minutes. And we agree to that as a way of meeting that need. So chatting uninterrupted for 30 minutes a day is now an expectation. Deviation occasionally from that is normal but communication is so important. |
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I often feel forgotten to be honest, especially since lockdown. Some of my friendships haven't recovered from that enforced break and when I was going through a bit of a tough time I felt like no-one ever asked me how I was, despite what we'd all just been through.
Of course, I tend to withdraw into myself when a bit down so those friends would probably say I was the one who didn't keep up with them. |
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"Following Midnights thread it got me thinking about how we feel when we don't get the time, affection or attention from someone in the way we might need.
How do you work through those feelings? Are you good at letting the other person know?
I imagine for people with many partners it must be something you have to learn to navigate in a way that works for you all.
I've come to realise it's something I'm not very good it, almost reluctant to ask for someone's time etc for fear of being too demanding. Silly really.
So how do you deal with such feelings?
"
So difficult when one is much more attentive/tactile than the other. I sometimes bring it to their attention but usually suffer in silence. I deal with it by reminding myself of all the other qualities they have and how I was so badly treated by others in the past (count my blessings in other words). Swinging helps a little yet just finding someone genuine nevermind also attentive and tactile is so incredibly difficult. |
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"I'm terrible. I don't tend to say and I never ask for time etc.
How do I deal with it? Equally terribly by internalising in and just pushing it away to a far off corner to join the rest of my unexpressed emotions
I think we are the same person "
And me ! |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 30 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I think perhaps I'm extra sensitive to this topic at the moment due to a long term friend (more than a friend) for over 18 years demonstrating how little they actually care recently, so apologies if this seemed like a strange post!
I think the nature of this site where we indulge in fleeting moments means that in many ways we have to be equipped to deal with when we are no longer being prioritised etc.
I've always seen fab a bit like a huge menu of delights, you want to explore and try them all but your plate is only so big!
Doesn't mean you won't ever eat them again though
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as much as people moan about fab and how they not getting a shag - yep still working on it
there is a community of people who actually are looking out for each other - chatting and connecting on a regular basis. I have had a few pm's at times checking that things are ok and there are a few people who i would happily run information past to see how crazy im being.
Im single, and my bird is flying the nest so more alone time. People are supportive of each other on here and we need to acknowledge that - and reach out to other that we havent spoken to for a few days |
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"as much as people moan about fab and how they not getting a shag - yep still working on it
there is a community of people who actually are looking out for each other - chatting and connecting on a regular basis. I have had a few pm's at times checking that things are ok and there are a few people who i would happily run information past to see how crazy im being.
Im single, and my bird is flying the nest so more alone time. People are supportive of each other on here and we need to acknowledge that - and reach out to other that we havent spoken to for a few days "
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I dive into my work… it helps that I work with different people every single shift.
I’ve kind of fallen out with most of my friends in my vanilla life and a couple of friends I met on here have disappeared so I’ve been sad about it. but don’t have the time or the inclination to dwell on it, so need to go away thousands of miles again to be distracted again… so roll on NYC at the weekend. |
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Time, affection and attention is quite an accurate summary of needs.
I guess I’ve gotten used to being on my own and I reach out and draw back depending on how it’s going with someone, I think I said yes on another thread to fearing rejection and I’ll quietly move on if conversations or chats die either hear or on WhatsApp/Messenger/Text.
It’s internalising a lot of thought and emotion.
I know with someone I really liked that I won’t get the response or even attention that I’d like from them and that’s acceptance and although I might see something, they likely don’t.
With others, I might take a chat so far, but when it feels forced, again sort of back away and leave it.
I frustrate myself, I’d like to be less polite and more forward, I hope my interest is evident, but maybe it’s too coy, not strident or mannish enough.
But, all in all, I caught a break with fab and a chance to at least try again when i had been in a worse state of mind about my future before that.
It’s probanly learning things I didn’t have to in my previous life and taking on board how to communicate as well as being grateful for the attention that I find the right tone to say ‘I’m interested’.
I guess I work with what I have and see how it goes with a woman that I like and see where it leads.
As for the ones I hope or hoped for, I guess that’s letting it lie and accepting it may just be a friend and that’s all it can be.
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It really is a horrible feeling, a mixture of disappointment and and hurt I think.
Talking is everything, but sometimes someone doesn't want to listen and the fact is that they've just become selfish within the realtionship.
Sometimes, if you give your whole self to someone, they take it for granted regardless of if they mean to as its just the way they are.
It depends how much you want to be a part of a dynamic where you aren't thought of as much as you think of them. I think you know deep down they don't care as much as you do and we all deserve that feeling of being wanted and cared about. It's the foundation of being a healthy, caring human being for me.
I like most am guilty of not speaking up when I should have and the longer you leave it, thinking that you're being a bit daft or overthinking things, the worse it inevitably gets. |
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I think if your not getting the time and affection you need or want , asking for it will almost never help. Withdrawing and protecting yourself a little is probably better.
We’re all different in what we need and our style of communicating.I’m often told I’m great in person , too good in fact because when I’m not physically present it’s awful, can be almost non-existent - a huge difference. It’s usually just a coping strategy.
To answer your question, how I deal with it when I need more- I either use a nudging strategy or I withdraw and wait.
Nudging is asking for a small but daily act of service & obedience. Start small and build on that. A daily face pic before 10am. Some people would call it training but it isn’t, it’s also a 2-way agreement, just reciprocated differently. |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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With friends, I’m not needy for attention, even with someone that means more to me, I’ve never needed it. I easy going and know people do things differently. That’s how I deal with it, I just let them be them, by giving me what they want to give.
That also helps me know what going on sometimes or what I realy mean to someone. Because sometimes something changes and it’s noticeable. |
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"Following Midnights thread it got me thinking about how we feel when we don't get the time, affection or attention from someone in the way we might need.
How do you work through those feelings? Are you good at letting the other person know?
I imagine for people with many partners it must be something you have to learn to navigate in a way that works for you all.
I've come to realise it's something I'm not very good it, almost reluctant to ask for someone's time etc for fear of being too demanding. Silly really.
So how do you deal with such feelings?
"
Well I don’t have anyone so those feeling are more in general than specific to a particular person these days. I tend to bury those feeling deep down and try and keep myself so busy it distracts me from wanting affection or attention so when I fall into bed I’m out like a light and don’t miss having someone to hold etc. Likewise by doing that I don’t end up being that friend that people/ couples avoid because they go on about being lonely etc. I wouldn’t say though my approach is the answer but no one is perfect. If it someone your in a relationship then communication has to be the key in a way that is compassionate, respectful and considerate to each other. Remember they won’t know what’s going on in their partner head so it may be a big shock, even heartbreaking to suddenly be confronted with something they simple weren’t aware of. On the other hand they may feel the same x
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I think I'm usually quite good at verbalising it eventually.
One of my partners recently had his second kid, so obviously the health and wellbeing of his nesting partner and their family comes first. Which, admittedly, sucks for me at times, but I entered that situation knowing I'd be less of a priority than I'm used to and communication is good generally. Though sometimes I do just swallow my feelings on it.
With others, I'm much more prone to just word vomiting how I feel about things and what thoughts I have on improving the situation, after I've let them gestate for a while  |
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I'm kinda good, but I let it build 1st which isn't good.
I over think it or don't know how to ask/bring it up then if I have to ask I feel like I'm being needy.
I've gotten a lot better this past couple of years and I will just say I need a cuddle or I just need some extra loving.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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I give it a little time then I share my feelings, with the hope of finding a resolution. If I don't get one, I back off. I know that time/ energy can fluctuate with friends, but if it's someone you are trying to build/ maintain something significant with, then it needs to serve each of you well. I don't appreciate those that yo-yo & like the pursuit then back off when they 'get' what they want. Attachment styles can come into it - anxious Vs abandonment attachment styles can cause unpleasant clashes. |
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I have struggled with this in the past probably due to past relationships where the woman checked out but wouldn't talk about it and denied anything was wrong when I did
Single right now and have bouts of feeling alone and useless etc |
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By *EAT..85Woman 30 weeks ago
Nottingham |
I've been actively evolving in this recently.
I write people off that clearly have no time for me and check in regularly with those that do. If I'm needing connection and attention I will tell them, because if I don't, how will they know? I check if their needs are being met, and how I can meet them if they're not. And if we don't meet each others needs (the ones that we used to or the ones that we want) then something has to change. |
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