FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are you afraid of rejection?
Are you afraid of rejection?
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In what regard?
Professionally - depends. E.g. can cope with not getting through an interview but don't like being overlooked for a new thing within my current role.
Here? Not massively bothered, it's the manner of the rejection that's either tolerable or not. |
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Not at all. It's just a part of life.
If you like a person, but it's not reciprocal, why get het up about it as it's never going to happen sadly and would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you anyway?
Best to just feel whatever emotion you feel, and then move past it and chalk it up to a life experience
A  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Not on here. Take it all with a pinch of salt. Having said that i never message first, so maybe i am contradicting myself!"
Maybe you are slightly afraid. Only you know |
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"Not on here. Take it all with a pinch of salt. Having said that i never message first, so maybe i am contradicting myself!
Maybe you are slightly afraid. Only you know"
I think maybe i am Mr Pickle |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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No, i don’t see it as personal. Believe it or not I’d reject a lot of folks on here too but I wouldn’t want them to feel bad about it. Preference isn’t an active choice. |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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I'm not afraid of rejection, but some situations will affect me more than others. Being rejected by a friend, family member, or lover will hurt. Especially if they don’t tell you what's going on and play silly games because they're uncomfortable with looking like the bad guy.
On here? Not at all. I've always preferred to send a first message over being the recipient of one and being rejected is sometimes the outcome. Life carries on and I take it on the chin.
Being actively afraid of rejection can really hold a person back.
Nell |
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By *eliWoman 30 weeks ago
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On here? Not from a person I don't know, no.
I suppose I can be at times if I know a person. I'm quite cautious but like people easily. If I think they're not particularly interested I have a tendency to back away because I don't want to embarrass myself nor make them think eurgh, go away.
So yes, to a certain extent I am. It's rather situational though. |
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By *eliWoman 30 weeks ago
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"I don’t think I’m afraid of it. But I know I don’t like it and it upsets me. "
Ah maybe it's not fear. I don't like it and protect myself. No, mine is probably fear on some deeprooted level.
Do you not think it can sometimes stop you from enjoying life? |
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Oh here? Nah, not really. To put it bluntly it’s a numbers game, and somebody will either like you or not. It’s nothing personal, any more than it’s not personal I prefer my Xbox over my PlayStation. People have different likes, needs etc.
In clubs? That depends. People can be sharp, people can be rude, people can be polite. As long as people are honest that’s fine.
The hard part is when people get personal. I had one couple recently tell me I was too fat and out of shape for them. Fair enough, not what you wanted, but… there are ways to say it.
I’m married to a gorgeous woman, I have an amazing kid, I have all the toys, gadgets and things I need. I’m healthy, I’m secure in my job, I’m happy… if somebody in this lifestyle was enough to ruin that for me, then that person has gone above and beyond, and thankfully I haven’t met them yet!
Just be you. Be honest. Be happy. Because there is somebody for everybody, even this fat guy!
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"Oh here? Nah, not really. To put it bluntly it’s a numbers game, and somebody will either like you or not. It’s nothing personal, any more than it’s not personal I prefer my Xbox over my PlayStation. People have different likes, needs etc.
In clubs? That depends. People can be sharp, people can be rude, people can be polite. As long as people are honest that’s fine.
The hard part is when people get personal. I had one couple recently tell me I was too fat and out of shape for them. Fair enough, not what you wanted, but… there are ways to say it.
I’m married to a gorgeous woman, I have an amazing kid, I have all the toys, gadgets and things I need. I’m healthy, I’m secure in my job, I’m happy… if somebody in this lifestyle was enough to ruin that for me, then that person has gone above and beyond, and thankfully I haven’t met them yet!
Just be you. Be honest. Be happy. Because there is somebody for everybody, even this fat guy!
"
Fat?? Did they need their eyes testing?! You look great to me x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"On here? Not from a person I don't know, no.
I suppose I can be at times if I know a person. I'm quite cautious but like people easily. If I think they're not particularly interested I have a tendency to back away because I don't want to embarrass myself nor make them think eurgh, go away.
So yes, to a certain extent I am. It's rather situational though. "
That makes sense and I reckon it’s probably how a lot of people feel |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"I don’t think I’m afraid of it. But I know I don’t like it and it upsets me.
Ah maybe it's not fear. I don't like it and protect myself. No, mine is probably fear on some deeprooted level.
Do you not think it can sometimes stop you from enjoying life?"
A Cinderella story is one of my favourite films from my childhood and the quote ‘never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game’ rings true.
I think not liking rejection can make some things difficult but I think overall it doesn’t stop you from enjoying life. I think fear does though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Does anyone actually enjoy it? Sure you can reframe it so its not painful. But i would rather not get rejected."
But you can not enjoy something and not be afraid of it. |
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"Oh here? Nah, not really. To put it bluntly it’s a numbers game, and somebody will either like you or not. It’s nothing personal, any more than it’s not personal I prefer my Xbox over my PlayStation. People have different likes, needs etc.
In clubs? That depends. People can be sharp, people can be rude, people can be polite. As long as people are honest that’s fine.
The hard part is when people get personal. I had one couple recently tell me I was too fat and out of shape for them. Fair enough, not what you wanted, but… there are ways to say it.
I’m married to a gorgeous woman, I have an amazing kid, I have all the toys, gadgets and things I need. I’m healthy, I’m secure in my job, I’m happy… if somebody in this lifestyle was enough to ruin that for me, then that person has gone above and beyond, and thankfully I haven’t met them yet!
Just be you. Be honest. Be happy. Because there is somebody for everybody, even this fat guy!
Fat?? Did they need their eyes testing?! You look great to me x"
I’m certainly not thin! I don’t think I’m fat, no. I think it was more the case i wasn’t what they wanted? Like looking for BBC and along comes a white guy. It’s never going to be what you want. BUT, as I said, there are ways to go about it! Being polite never hurt anybody! |
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"Does anyone actually enjoy it? Sure you can reframe it so its not painful. But i would rather not get rejected.
But you can not enjoy something and not be afraid of it. "
Maybe but i would still avoid it so the effect is the same. Rats scare the shit out of me so not like that. |
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By *eliWoman 30 weeks ago
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"I don’t think I’m afraid of it. But I know I don’t like it and it upsets me.
Ah maybe it's not fear. I don't like it and protect myself. No, mine is probably fear on some deeprooted level.
Do you not think it can sometimes stop you from enjoying life?
A Cinderella story is one of my favourite films from my childhood and the quote ‘never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game’ rings true.
I think not liking rejection can make some things difficult but I think overall it doesn’t stop you from enjoying life. I think fear does though"
I loved A Cinderella Story!
I think most people don't like it, not by someone they know. Why should they? It's not pleasant. I can't blame people if they occasionally are afraid of striking out because I know I am. |
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By *eliWoman 30 weeks ago
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"I don't like it and I'll actively avoid situations in which is think there's more than a 60% chance of it happening. This isn't fear I don't think, it's 'self' preservation "
Ah that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, even on Fab it's still an act of self preservation to not go for something if you think it's highly unlikely to happen.
I guess me drifting away is stopping myself from being hurt, not from fear but from not wanting to experience it. |
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I wouldn't say I am, sometimes it can be dissapointing but if you haven't been accepted in the past then you're only missing out on the unknown and it might not be as great as you think in your head.
Sometimes the dream is better than the reality. |
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Isn't that rejection a huge party of the whole cuckolding fantasy/ play ?
Sexually rejected, for which some people actively enjoy the tease, the denial, the chastity even, or the verbal humiliation that goes along with that scene?
Perhaps that is just the fetishisation of traumatic experiences? |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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On fab? If they ignore my message and we've never spoken then no.
If it's someone I've spoken to and I've already imagined having sex with them, I'm a tad disappointed when they change their mind/cancel. |
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"I'd say I am. Not so much on here but in real life situations. On here I don't really message often, but thats more because I'm a bit lazy."
If I looked like you in any way, I wouldn’t be worried about anything. I mean, I’m only getting the Batman part of you, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about  |
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"I'd say I am. Not so much on here but in real life situations. On here I don't really message often, but thats more because I'm a bit lazy.
If I looked like you in any way, I wouldn’t be worried about anything. I mean, I’m only getting the Batman part of you, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about "
I'm a wuss at heart, but thank you, you hunk of a man |
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"I'd say I am. Not so much on here but in real life situations. On here I don't really message often, but thats more because I'm a bit lazy.
If I looked like you in any way, I wouldn’t be worried about anything. I mean, I’m only getting the Batman part of you, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about
I'm a wuss at heart, but thank you, you hunk of a man"
I volunteer to give you both a reassuring hug  |
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"I'd say I am. Not so much on here but in real life situations. On here I don't really message often, but thats more because I'm a bit lazy.
If I looked like you in any way, I wouldn’t be worried about anything. I mean, I’m only getting the Batman part of you, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about
I'm a wuss at heart, but thank you, you hunk of a man
I volunteer to give you both a reassuring hug "
Bless ya! I’m fine, I came to peace with my body and looks a long time ago. I’ve not done too bad for myself! A gorgeous wife, a beautiful daughter and I manage (occasionally!) on here!
I may not be the next David Beckham, but I know all the song lyrics in Shrek 2 and that has to count for something! |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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Growing up when younger was hard for me as am sure for a lot young girls ,boys .
Me bad skin voted the ugliest boy not once but twice ( 3rd 4th year ) , got in to sport which helped me come out my shell not gave 2 fucks what anybody through.
Wow talk about ugly ducking story that was part my life.
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"I don't like it and I'll actively avoid situations in which is think there's more than a 60% chance of it happening. This isn't fear I don't think, it's 'self' preservation
Ah that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, even on Fab it's still an act of self preservation to not go for something if you think it's highly unlikely to happen.
I guess me drifting away is stopping myself from being hurt, not from fear but from not wanting to experience it. "
I just think that if there was a good chance I'd burn my hand sticking it in a fire I wouldn't do it.
I do wonder as I get older whether taking the 40% chance might lead to some exciting adventures.
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"Growing up when younger was hard for me as am sure for a lot young girls ,boys .
Me bad skin voted the ugliest boy not once but twice ( 3rd 4th year ) , got in to sport which helped me come out my shell not gave 2 fucks what anybody through.
Wow talk about ugly ducking story that was part my life.
"
Voted ugliest boy  that's horribly unkind  |
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Rejection is tough, no matter where it comes from but it’s also an enabler.
If you’re not affected by it then somewhere I think in you, you are affected but not letting it out.
One great thing about the FAB community I find is that it on the whole it is non judgemental
People pass on you of course but you can find some great people on here too, |
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By *929Man 30 weeks ago
newcastle |
I never chase or make first move so rejection not an issue.
rejection in the form of not getting a job I priced used to bother me but water off a ducks back these days can’t win them all haha |
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