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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking." If you've managed to arrange circa 10 meets in 2 months (which is a phenomenal achievement) but been let down each time, I'd suggest you revise your selection process. | |||
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"I don't understand timewasting and the like, and I feel for anyone who suffers from it. 10 seems like a lot for this kind of thing. If I count anything that might seem like time wasting, I think I'm up to 2? maybe one? since 2018. As others have said, maybe you should look at how you choose people to meet, in order to prevent this kind of thing happening." Your prob right , a get video call now after last time a got pied but a get his frustration if your putting the legwork in , us average Joe’s probably talk to 100s a girls to get a meet | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. " Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol" he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that?" Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking." Maybe its the type of meet you're seeking, last minute, maybe you haven't talked enough, exchanged enough information about each other, maybe they bottled it, maybe their pic doesn't resemble them, maybe theyve put weight on, so many reasons why they potentially can let you down, i too haven't been let down for years now but in the early days of fab yes i was let down a few times. | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol " No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. | |||
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"In the 12+ years I’ve been on here I’ve not once been let down " Me either and ive been here 14... maybe change how you choose and vet your meets | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol " I'm curious to know what your find entitled about what I've said or anything on my profile? I'm nothing special and I had zero experience before joining this site 8 years ago and yet somehow just because I say I've never had a no show or had my time wasted you think I'm coming across as entitled? There is a thread every day about people being let down repeatedly and they there are so many others like me who have never experienced this. We must be doing something differently. | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck." Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol " I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not." Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever " I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking." Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking." A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr " Bit harsh in the boy he could gen have a time waster , your prob more cautious or experienced at it | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr " I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like " Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that? | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? " We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking." Probably. But it’s the fab way, it used to be a minimum , but I’d definitely say it’s becoming more popular. | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that?" A don’t even know what differential means , it is a part in a car but must mean something obviously A don’t know what you want , think we got different opinions an that , you do seem more conceited than me like him , but that different folk am a scheme boy and would shag most girls as opertunity arise lol if a liked them , you guys more refined and selective , as fir treat you differently a don’t really want to argue wie women , you can slag it all you want a don’t do it , on here or real life , just how a am , goid luck to you Mrs | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others..." You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) | |||
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"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that? A don’t even know what differential means , it is a part in a car but must mean something obviously A don’t know what you want , think we got different opinions an that , you do seem more conceited than me like him , but that different folk am a scheme boy and would shag most girls as opertunity arise lol if a liked them , you guys more refined and selective , as fir treat you differently a don’t really want to argue wie women , you can slag it all you want a don’t do it , on here or real life , just how a am , goid luck to you Mrs " Deference means showing respect or preference. (loosely, I'm not quoting this from a dictionary) If I had to repair my car, I would *defer* to the expertise of a mechanic. If I believed that monarchy was a good thing, I would *defer* to Prince William, because I might believe that he is my superior in some fashion. You are showing deference - being receptive to my point of view and polite about it - in a way that you are not when a man is saying it. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that? A don’t even know what differential means , it is a part in a car but must mean something obviously A don’t know what you want , think we got different opinions an that , you do seem more conceited than me like him , but that different folk am a scheme boy and would shag most girls as opertunity arise lol if a liked them , you guys more refined and selective , as fir treat you differently a don’t really want to argue wie women , you can slag it all you want a don’t do it , on here or real life , just how a am , goid luck to you Mrs Deference means showing respect or preference. (loosely, I'm not quoting this from a dictionary) If I had to repair my car, I would *defer* to the expertise of a mechanic. If I believed that monarchy was a good thing, I would *defer* to Prince William, because I might believe that he is my superior in some fashion. You are showing deference - being receptive to my point of view and polite about it - in a way that you are not when a man is saying it." Am try to be nice about because your a women , that’s just the way a am , a don’t be mean to women even if a disagree wie them , a disagree wie you but try be nice about it , a don’t know what you want Ps I now know what defer means , the only differential a knew before was a moving part of a car , that’s all a ment Your as snobby as him , you happy now lol | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe)" Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. Nor looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do 
Mr | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that? A don’t even know what differential means , it is a part in a car but must mean something obviously A don’t know what you want , think we got different opinions an that , you do seem more conceited than me like him , but that different folk am a scheme boy and would shag most girls as opertunity arise lol if a liked them , you guys more refined and selective , as fir treat you differently a don’t really want to argue wie women , you can slag it all you want a don’t do it , on here or real life , just how a am , goid luck to you Mrs Deference means showing respect or preference. (loosely, I'm not quoting this from a dictionary) If I had to repair my car, I would *defer* to the expertise of a mechanic. If I believed that monarchy was a good thing, I would *defer* to Prince William, because I might believe that he is my superior in some fashion. You are showing deference - being receptive to my point of view and polite about it - in a way that you are not when a man is saying it. Am try to be nice about because your a women , that’s just the way a am , a don’t be mean to women even if a disagree wie them , a disagree wie you but try be nice about it , a don’t know what you want Ps I now know what defer means , the only differential a knew before was a moving part of a car , that’s all a ment Your as snobby as him , you happy now lol" I'm a person with a viewpoint. My genitalia has no bearing on the validity or otherwise of my viewpoint, and probably even my 90-something grandmother would rip into you for suggesting that women should be treated with kid gloves. This isn't 1788. I'm not some delicate fucking flower because I don't have a penis. If being able to discern people and not have my time wasted makes me snobby according to you, then fine. I won't lose any sleep over it. | |||
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"Funny how people seem quick to blame the victim rather than those who are blatant timewasters....." It’s a free to use site, there’s no paywall. It’s naive to think there aren’t going to be timewasters/ fake profiles/ keyboard wankers | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. Nor looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr "Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism  | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. I'm not looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism "I have to stop myself writing in psychotherapy lexicography....
Hence why I often bring it back to a first-person stance instead of using external blame
Mr | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Like others have said, I've been here 8 years and never had a no show or had my time wasted. Does that make me smug as someone suggested? Nope. Does it make me lucky? Again no. There's no luck involved. To answer the op I can honestly say I haven't noticed any difference in recent times because I've never come across these type of people. I've no doubt it goes on though and it's not a matter of blaming the victim as someone else believes. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes it's difficult to give advice on how to change that approach. Going on yer quotes on this yer up yer own arse lol but it must be working for you lol he and I are broadly saying the same thing, and yet we get very different responses. Why is that? Your a wee bit less entitled hen , check his profile lol , Tbf it’s working , a find most folk on here quite aloof , maybe it just me a thought folk would me more down to earth but no been the case , unfortunately take your chances on a night out I’d still more effective lol No. I just used softer language. I'm saying the same thing. What is entitled about understanding how to verify if people are real? It's just common sense. I'm sure you are more effective on a night out. Because my lifetime number of people "pulled" is zero, and that's deliberate. Even for casual encounters, I want to know a bit more about someone than they are good looking and are superficially charming. It's a safety thing, duck. Fair play lay Mrs am a shameless slut , but always treat a girl well if am lucky enough to be with her , a understand folk wanting more of a connection or to be sensible , guess I’m for the more frivolous girl lol I just want to go home without visiting the police, the hospital, or the morgue first. I'm not sure that's a very high bar for sensible or serious. At least I hope it's not. Don’t know what wrong , any relationship a had has started in a pub or chippy or taxi rank lol , met the mother of my kids in a pub , no saying pump every cunt just , it good to have online but good sometimes to get real life too , especially if it no do good on here , a wee reality check then can go again or whatever I'm not sure I said I've never developed a relationship in person. I've never had casual sex on the basis of a night out, and I don't plan to. I hate to break it to you, but this is "real life". I am a real person, typing on an actual keyboard. I don't disappear into a puff of smoke because I'm writing rather than talking. A get yer real a just mean life is easier in person , but a understand a lot a folk prefer this environment before meeting , am no have a go at you Mrs , were totally different folk know what a mean , a definite think folk on here are more refined and want sex but there no impulse it a long process , whereas am a dafty in town who has joined here to see what it like Again, you are being far more deferential to me than to RealityBites. Why is that? A don’t even know what differential means , it is a part in a car but must mean something obviously A don’t know what you want , think we got different opinions an that , you do seem more conceited than me like him , but that different folk am a scheme boy and would shag most girls as opertunity arise lol if a liked them , you guys more refined and selective , as fir treat you differently a don’t really want to argue wie women , you can slag it all you want a don’t do it , on here or real life , just how a am , goid luck to you Mrs Deference means showing respect or preference. (loosely, I'm not quoting this from a dictionary) If I had to repair my car, I would *defer* to the expertise of a mechanic. If I believed that monarchy was a good thing, I would *defer* to Prince William, because I might believe that he is my superior in some fashion. You are showing deference - being receptive to my point of view and polite about it - in a way that you are not when a man is saying it. Am try to be nice about because your a women , that’s just the way a am , a don’t be mean to women even if a disagree wie them , a disagree wie you but try be nice about it , a don’t know what you want Ps I now know what defer means , the only differential a knew before was a moving part of a car , that’s all a ment Your as snobby as him , you happy now lol I'm a person with a viewpoint. My genitalia has no bearing on the validity or otherwise of my viewpoint, and probably even my 90-something grandmother would rip into you for suggesting that women should be treated with kid gloves. This isn't 1788. I'm not some delicate fucking flower because I don't have a penis. If being able to discern people and not have my time wasted makes me snobby according to you, then fine. I won't lose any sleep over it." I don’t have a clue what you want or yer problem , your mental Mrs , your just minceing for a fight lol , Ain’t got nae problem wie yer validity or viewpoint , yer off yer trumpet lol good luck | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. I'm not looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism
I have to stop myself writing in psychotherapy lexicography....
Hence why I often bring it back to a first-person stance instead of using external blame
Mr "For sure. I use the car example to turn crime displacement theory into something that most people recognise. (I don't even have a car. It's just the common example to illustrate displacement) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. I'm not looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism
I have to stop myself writing in psychotherapy lexicography....
Hence why I often bring it back to a first-person stance instead of using external blame
Mr
For sure. I use the car example to turn crime displacement theory into something that most people recognise. (I don't even have a car. It's just the common example to illustrate displacement)"I get the displacement analogy | |||
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"In the 12+ years I’ve been on here I’ve not once been let down " Can see why  | |||
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"This threads went bat shit mental lol" Thats fab life | |||
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"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. I'm not looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism
I have to stop myself writing in psychotherapy lexicography....
Hence why I often bring it back to a first-person stance instead of using external blame
Mr
For sure. I use the car example to turn crime displacement theory into something that most people recognise. (I don't even have a car. It's just the common example to illustrate displacement)
I get the displacement analogy "I like it when clever people discuss fab problems. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Seem to have been an influx of let downs in last couple of months… I’m in double figures now, including travelling to a meet today and having a no show. Why do people agree to meet and then ghost? Is it an attention/ego thing? A bit of a boost knowing someone wants you? It’s just becoming painstaking. Who is the only person present in all of this?... You! So this could lay at your door....if all fails, try Wales Mr I think there's a slight distinction to make here. While it is not the fault of the person whose time is wasted, they can mitigate the risk. Think car thieves. If you don't follow any of the safety instructions and your car is nicked or stuff is thieved from it, it's the fault of the thief. However, you are less likely to have your stuff nicked if you follow safety tips (lock your car, hide valuables, etc). This gets into gross territory when we talk about violence - you shouldn't have to never go out and cover yourself in a burka etc to avoid being attacked, etc - although it's the same principle. It's called crime displacement theory. If I lock my car, thieves will break into *someone else's* car. What does timewaster displacement look like, and how do you apply it to improve your Fab experience? We see things very differently, as if this was happening to me, I'd be curious as to why? And what am I doing, possibly facilitating this behaviour from others... You're looking at how to displace the behaviour. I don't see that we're in disagreement. If your car kept being broken into, you would lock it, hide valuables, etc. If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. Timewasters and criminals exist. You can mitigate the effect on you, while other efforts may go on to try to stop the harmful behaviour. (In the case of violence, this means you can (mostly) prevent attack by never going anywhere, covering yourself entirely oh wait that doesn't work, never being alone, etc etc etc - and/ or we can recognise that the harm of all but imprisoning people against predators is more harmful than going against predators. You'd think. Maybe) Truthfully, Swing, I only scan read you reply, so did not fully get the premise behind your words...lesson to self: don't just scan-read. But I do concur, with your basic sentiments. Which in my understanding is, im powerless over other people's behaviour, bit what I'm not powerless over is the mitigation of the impact it has on me. I'm not looking at the things I'm doing to facilitate the behaviour... Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you will do
Mr
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm just using the correct criminological terminology because... nerd/ autism
I have to stop myself writing in psychotherapy lexicography....
Hence why I often bring it back to a first-person stance instead of using external blame
Mr
For sure. I use the car example to turn crime displacement theory into something that most people recognise. (I don't even have a car. It's just the common example to illustrate displacement)
I get the displacement analogy
I like it when clever people discuss fab problems. "I aint clever just use chatgtp | |||
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" If you kept being jerked around on here, you might ask yourself how to prevent it happening. )" It might not stop being let down though, no matter what you have put in place | |||
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"In the 12+ years I’ve been on here I’ve not once been let down Can see why "Nobody likes a show off.  | |||
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