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ADHD and swinging.
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As an adult with late diagnosed ADHD I find that sometimes when it comes to swinging my ADHD can either be a blessing or a curse and it can vary really quickly and its a bit like being blindfolded on a roller coaster not always able to predict what may happen.
Interested to hear how others with ADHD find it and also what it's like for those without ADHD and their experiences of playing with people with ADHD. |
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No official diagnosis. But...
Waiting mode probably drives B mad - we're at a social or club at 7pm? Don't expect me to be able to do anything useful all day 
I can get huge anxiety in the build up to things and find the environment overwhelming especially if the music is too loud.
J |
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"No official diagnosis. But...
Waiting mode probably drives B mad - we're at a social or club at 7pm? Don't expect me to be able to do anything useful all day
I can get huge anxiety in the build up to things and find the environment overwhelming especially if the music is too loud.
J"
Completely get you with the waiting mode. Even more so when you desperately want to be productive but you just can't. |
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In the five years or so that I've been on Fab the ·significant· majority (but not all) of women with whom I've met, imbibed, socialised or played have been those with neurodevelopmental traits. I can't explain or fathom it.
A learned friend on Fab (a neurodivergent) opines that my profile somehow inexplicably attracts those that harbour such 'disorders' (I hate that word).
I'm do not have ADHD or anything similar (I'm neurotypical) but my experiences with 'neurodivergents' have been all positive. Although I'll admit that in some cases that positive experience has required much accommodating in empathy, 'wide-berth giving' and understanding on my part to invest in that person. But it's always been worth it.
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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I know more about autism than ADHD. There have been some recent neurodivergent threads on here though, you will see a few people who posted including those with ADHD if you want to reach out to those individuals  |
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I have a theory in its infancy about swinging and ASD. Specifically ADHD.
I have ADHD and I think it’s part of why I enjoy the lifestyle & find myself needing certain things.
Generally I find swinging/poly good for my ADHD. But things like changed plans, people being untruthful, loud clubs etc can be a struggle. |
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By *eliWoman 46 weeks ago
. |
I'm neurospicy but not ADHD flavour.
In terms of the "swinging
/poly scene" (I really don't like that term but trying to go with it), I've found far more ND people than I've expected - including those with ADHD. It's easier for me to talk to those who are because... I don't need to explain myself. Have to keep on explaining certain things. I also struggle with half lies, lies whatever. My ND friends it's reassuringly straight forward.
One particular social it's fantastic because I don't need to worry about masking, they're a fairly liberal open minded bunch of weirdos and it's great. They accommodate for quiet time, check about being hugged etc.
In terms of having sex with them? I embrace the chaos. One date involved us kissing heavily and the next he was playing the piano and getting me to sing along. And then he wanted to...
Anyway. It's far more supportive, enjoyable and just, I guess, better than you'd imagine at first.
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I have no formal diagnosis but I'm pretty sure I have ADHD (I've taken an online test and spoken to a counsellor with ADHD experience who advised I should see my GP for an assessment).
I've never thought about how it impacts on my sex life specifically although thinking about it, it probably explains why I want different relaxed experiences without strings with different people, and can only imagine seriously dating someone I am *very* into - another form of hyperfocus I suppose.
Anxiety probably has more impact on the way I use the site and how I (usually don't) approach people on here. |
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"I'm neurospicy but not ADHD flavour.
In terms of the "swinging
/poly scene" (I really don't like that term but trying to go with it), I've found far more ND people than I've expected - including those with ADHD. It's easier for me to talk to those who are because... I don't need to explain myself. Have to keep on explaining certain things. I also struggle with half lies, lies whatever. My ND friends it's reassuringly straight forward.
One particular social it's fantastic because I don't need to worry about masking, they're a fairly liberal open minded bunch of weirdos and it's great. They accommodate for quiet time, check about being hugged etc.
In terms of having sex with them? I embrace the chaos. One date involved us kissing heavily and the next he was playing the piano and getting me to sing along. And then he wanted to...
Anyway. It's far more supportive, enjoyable and just, I guess, better than you'd imagine at first.
"
'An open-minded bunch of weirdos' - there's the new Fab tag-line. |
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I don't know if I ever unmask fully anywhere anymore. I am so used to telling my brain not to interrupt and then losing track of what I actually wanted to say by the time there's a gap in the conversation.
J |
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We’ve met quite a number of ND people and they’ve all been positive experiences.
They are lively, they enjoy the fun and their unpredictability is a positive (granted it would probably annoy me long term ) but they have been the life and soul of the party. They’ve also been up for exploring a lot; I guess it feeds their need for news things to entertain.
Not had much experience of the down sides but we have very much enjoyed our time with ND people.
K |
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By *asha86Couple 46 weeks ago
walsall |
Im so glad I've seen this thread! So i (Mr) have adhd and as time goes on there are more and more people on the scene that are becoming more open about it and i think its brilliant! Im lucky the friendship group we have on the scene accept me for who i am and dont judge. I was asked about medication for it and it was something im totally against for myself as i feel i wouldnt be myself any more. |
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It seems most people on fab are neuro atypical, which makes sense as hyper sexuality can be a feature and also relationships can be hard to maintain!
Personally I find it makes managing the worlds biggest inbox with the least support features (why no search option??) a nightmare. I loose people I’m interested in all the time because my adhd brain has moved on and forgets to reply, or we are chatting happily but then they drop out of emails I can see and I can’t search for their profile because all I can remember is what the profile pic looked like. |
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"It seems most people on fab are neuro atypical, which makes sense as hyper sexuality can be a feature and also relationships can be hard to maintain!
Personally I find it makes managing the worlds biggest inbox with the least support features (why no search option??) a nightmare. I loose people I’m interested in all the time because my adhd brain has moved on and forgets to reply, or we are chatting happily but then they drop out of emails I can see and I can’t search for their profile because all I can remember is what the profile pic looked like. "
Yes!!! I do this all the time. |
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"It seems most people on fab are neuro atypical, which makes sense as hyper sexuality can be a feature and also relationships can be hard to maintain!
Personally I find it makes managing the worlds biggest inbox with the least support features (why no search option??) a nightmare. I loose people I’m interested in all the time because my adhd brain has moved on and forgets to reply, or we are chatting happily but then they drop out of emails I can see and I can’t search for their profile because all I can remember is what the profile pic looked like. "
This sums up my experience and feelings, so well. |
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I'm diagnosed dyslexic, but as my son has been diagnosed ASD and ADHD it becomes very apparent I have very similar traits.
I find it hard meeting people for the first time as the internal monologue is constantly telling me I'm going to say something wrong and upset someone. Clubs are hard, but fun once I've had the to settle and adjust to the sensory inputs (audio, visual, and other )
The hardest thing by far though is sending initial messages.
I have previously started messaging you OP, but the internal monologue kicks in and tells me it's all rubbish and I hit back. This is probably the most open message I've ever written.
#fabtherapy |
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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ADHD diagnosed early in life, lucky I suppose, personally always struggle with the digital communication thing, much better in person but it’s getting to that point in the first place, love it though, live the excitement if all goes to plan but really struggle with last minute changes etc then there’s the most ignore messages thing, gets tiresome |
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I've retired from the swinging side of the lifestyle because I have attachment issues and become way to "obsessed" (undiagnosed ADHD and autism) with it all, going to a club? I can go to one but I'm anxious most of the day leading up to it, when I'm there I don't want to be there, can't talk to anyone unless I know them, I get bored very easily and then we make a beeline for the door (Rubik is also adhd, great pair we are), he has a habit of over sharing when at a social or a club (I'm just sat there, looking like a spare part as I'm uncomfortable most of the time lol) and find most people find an excuse to leave!
I've always known I have little quirks and apparently it's no surprise to people that know me that my counsellor picked up on all this and suggested I get tested, why didn't anyone tell me?!
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By *asha86Couple 35 weeks ago
walsall |
"I have a theory in its infancy about swinging and ASD. Specifically ADHD.
I have ADHD and I think it’s part of why I enjoy the lifestyle & find myself needing certain things.
Generally I find swinging/poly good for my ADHD. But things like changed plans, people being untruthful, loud clubs etc can be a struggle. "
This comment is something I totally agree with x |
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By *asha86Couple 35 weeks ago
walsall |
"I'm diagnosed dyslexic, but as my son has been diagnosed ASD and ADHD it becomes very apparent I have very similar traits.
I find it hard meeting people for the first time as the internal monologue is constantly telling me I'm going to say something wrong and upset someone. Clubs are hard, but fun once I've had the to settle and adjust to the sensory inputs (audio, visual, and other )
The hardest thing by far though is sending initial messages.
I have previously started messaging you OP, but the internal monologue kicks in and tells me it's all rubbish and I hit back. This is probably the most open message I've ever written.
#fabtherapy"
I can understand totally about saying the wrong thing as I try to over compensate with talking for instance once there were 9 of us in a room and Mr adhd over here over compensated with talking untill I made everyone laugh that much my face was pushed into someone's crotch to get me to shut up  |
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Was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 13 and still to this day it has a dramatic effect on my life I'm constantly loosing focus and wanting something else my mind is always so loud with the many voices it contains after 23 years of living with it I still can't control it add/adhd isn't easy |
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"My RSD side of ADHD is kicking my ass hard at present, I have not been able to bring myself to meet for the last 15 months "
I know the RSD feeling all too well. Sorry to hear you're struggling with it. |
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It's a difficult one, especially having a late-diagnosis. It's been tough getting my head around it, after losing my partner. Realising my shifting focus would be something that she would compensate for. Its a bit like having strings missing from my bow at times.
I've found I have to accept that it will clash with some people's expectations. I do try to work on it, but the reality is that it just gets overwhelming. And then I start dropping the ball elsewhere in life, where I can't really afford to.
ADHD can make basic adulting administration a nightmare, I find. |
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"I never thought I’d see a thread about ADHD on here. I have ADHD so can completely resonate with whats been said so far by everyone. "
I don't have an official diagnosis (and was told at the doctor's appointment where I asked about it that there's nothing NHS Scotland can do to test for it...) but pretty much everyone who knows me could be knocked over with a feather if it were ever established that I don't have ADHD. |
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"I never thought I’d see a thread about ADHD on here. I have ADHD so can completely resonate with whats been said so far by everyone.
I don't have an official diagnosis (and was told at the doctor's appointment where I asked about it that there's nothing NHS Scotland can do to test for it...) but pretty much everyone who knows me could be knocked over with a feather if it were ever established that I don't have ADHD."
Won't get much help on the NHS, I paid and went private but it was worth it. Meds cost £90 a month though |
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"I never thought I’d see a thread about ADHD on here. I have ADHD so can completely resonate with whats been said so far by everyone.
I don't have an official diagnosis (and was told at the doctor's appointment where I asked about it that there's nothing NHS Scotland can do to test for it...) but pretty much everyone who knows me could be knocked over with a feather if it were ever established that I don't have ADHD."
I got diagnosed very young, I must’ve only been 8 or 9 years old. In the current climate of the NHS, the waiting times for tests for diagnose autism and ADHD or even a consultation are ridiculous whereas it was a bit more straightforward when I was younger. I think if you know you have ADHD, then use online resources to find ways to manage it. Thats exactly what I do. I don’t take any medication for it at all! |
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"I never thought I’d see a thread about ADHD on here. I have ADHD so can completely resonate with whats been said so far by everyone.
I don't have an official diagnosis (and was told at the doctor's appointment where I asked about it that there's nothing NHS Scotland can do to test for it...) but pretty much everyone who knows me could be knocked over with a feather if it were ever established that I don't have ADHD.
Won't get much help on the NHS, I paid and went private but it was worth it. Meds cost £90 a month though"
Have you not managed to get the NHS to take over responsibility for your prescriptions? |
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"I never thought I’d see a thread about ADHD on here. I have ADHD so can completely resonate with whats been said so far by everyone.
I don't have an official diagnosis (and was told at the doctor's appointment where I asked about it that there's nothing NHS Scotland can do to test for it...) but pretty much everyone who knows me could be knocked over with a feather if it were ever established that I don't have ADHD.
Won't get much help on the NHS, I paid and went private but it was worth it. Meds cost £90 a month though
Have you not managed to get the NHS to take over responsibility for your prescriptions? "
No Ritalin is now class B drug which means and can't be prescribed by a GP only and private specialist. Same as Xanex |
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By *m272Woman 31 weeks ago
London |
"Try autism and swinging. Jesus H. Christ, that's a bastard to work around!
Hard relate "
Agreed lol. The reason for this is that sex is a very demanding thing for an autistic person. It is the ultimate form of social interaction with another human being.
Autistics often find conversations with people a challenge so you can imagine how difficult something as intimate as sex can be.
Then there is the massive sensory overload, all the different sounds and smells and things that are felt
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Mrs here, I have ADHD too. It can be tricky swinging with ADHD mostly because of the rejection dysphoria. I like to go to clubs as it's easier to meet people face to face for me, I can read thier faces and body language in person. When I arrive at a club I need to have a sit down and take in the atmosphere and read the room of you like. I love a bit of people watching, it helps me feel more comfortable and identify who I like or who may like us.
I did a post the other day on here talking about ADHD and swinging, it seems that there are a lot of nuerospicy ladies in particular in the lifestyle. I can come across a bit eager and be a little too impulsive having constantly being told to calm down as a kid I always tend to mask a lot while in a club, of course this leads to burnout and vegetating in bed the next day for most of the day.
Some people are very hard to read and I struggle to workout whether they are interested in us or not, but most of the time I can tell quite quickly x |
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I was diagnosed a year ago and it's been a blessing to finally understand why I feel and do things that aren't necessarily the social norm.
I've met lots of other ND people on here which in itself is so comforting and it's amazing how we find eachother instinctively without realising it.
The difficulties I have within the Fab world are overwhelm at events and sometimes, during or after play and I'll need some quiet time to reset.
RSD can be difficult at times especially if I'm hormonal.
Staying focused when talking to someone or within a group of people when there's music or other conversations going on close by.
Craving sex! I have to really be careful that I don't get impulsive at times.
Burnout is also an issue. I'm all or nothing and that's difficult for me and others at times.
Oversharing....
I love fab though, it's great for exploring sexually and meeting so many lovely inclusive people. |
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There seems to be an odd convergence of swingers that are ND (Neuro diverse). It might be to do with the dopamine mining or the slightly obtuse nature of how things work? I’m not sure.
What I do know is that a lot of my friends and people that I encounter are on the spectrum somewhere. Does it make any difference? Not really. Most ND folks have developed high levels of coping mechanisms by this point in our lives and it’s nice to not have to mask if I meet someone that’s also ND.
I dare say that I kind of prefer to meet ND folks but that’s just because we have another thing in common. Neuro typical folks are still great and wonderful |
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ADHD, ADD, Autism etc are all “flavours” of Neurodiversity and given they’re all spectrums and can be present together it is often easier to use the bucket term.
I’ve a relative who is ADHD, Autist, and bi-polar for example. Bless ‘im. |
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By *CExeCouple 31 weeks ago
Lincoln/Exeter |
Bipolar here, and almost certainly some strong neurodivergent traits. The hypersexuality element of bipolar certainly has an impact on play.
Chels is an HSP (simply watching 24 hours in A&E will make her cry) which has had issues around playing too. The hugely kinky side will occasionally meet the highly sensitive side and they don't mix well lol.
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By *CExeCouple 31 weeks ago
Lincoln/Exeter |
Bipolar here, and almost certainly some strong neurodivergent traits. The hypersexuality element of bipolar certainly has an impact on play.
Chels is an HSP (simply watching 24 hours in A&E will make her cry) which has had issues around playing too. The hugely kinky side will occasionally meet the highly sensitive side and they don't mix well lol.
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By (user no longer on site) 23 weeks ago
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"No official diagnosis. But...
Waiting mode probably drives B mad - we're at a social or club at 7pm? Don't expect me to be able to do anything useful all day
I can get huge anxiety in the build up to things and find the environment overwhelming especially if the music is too loud.
J
Completely get you with the waiting mode. Even more so when you desperately want to be productive but you just can't."
Neurospicy here, and this hits real hard. 🖤 |
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"Recently diagnosed ADHDr and it’s a definite dopermine fix but sometimes it’s all too overwhelming
Hence why i leave and come back again "
Totally relate to this, sometimes it can be so stimulating and but then other times it’s the devil! |
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"Recently diagnosed ADHDr and it’s a definite dopermine fix but sometimes it’s all too overwhelming
Hence why i leave and come back again
Totally relate to this, sometimes it can be so stimulating and but then other times it’s the devil! "
100%
I love clubs but will stress on the day all day about it. Won’t sit still , just mind running overtime about it |
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"Recently diagnosed ADHDr and it’s a definite dopermine fix but sometimes it’s all too overwhelming
Hence why i leave and come back again
Totally relate to this, sometimes it can be so stimulating and but then other times it’s the devil!
100%
I love clubs but will stress on the day all day about it. Won’t sit still , just mind running overtime about it "
And then I talk myself out of it when I become so overwhelmed. Obviously going alone heightens this so hiking is such a cure or atleast a time out. Nature is a serotonin boost! |
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"Recently diagnosed ADHDr and it’s a definite dopermine fix but sometimes it’s all too overwhelming
Hence why i leave and come back again
Totally relate to this, sometimes it can be so stimulating and but then other times it’s the devil!
100%
I love clubs but will stress on the day all day about it. Won’t sit still , just mind running overtime about it
And then I talk myself out of it when I become so overwhelmed. Obviously going alone heightens this so hiking is such a cure or atleast a time out. Nature is a serotonin boost! "
That’s very true
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I have a question. Seems this thread is very friendly and supportive so hope you don't mind if I go a little off piste. Being diagnosed and or being diagnosed as an adult. Does that help in any way? Or are the coping mechanisms the same weather you are diagnosed or remain undiagnosed? |
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"I have a question. Seems this thread is very friendly and supportive so hope you don't mind if I go a little off piste. Being diagnosed and or being diagnosed as an adult. Does that help in any way? Or are the coping mechanisms the same weather you are diagnosed or remain undiagnosed? "
For he it simply put all the missing jigsaw puzzle in to place
So many aspects of my life made sense and it’s helped me to find ways of dealing with areas that I just thought I was rubbish with
Gave me a bit of inner peace |
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"I have a question. Seems this thread is very friendly and supportive so hope you don't mind if I go a little off piste. Being diagnosed and or being diagnosed as an adult. Does that help in any way? Or are the coping mechanisms the same weather you are diagnosed or remain undiagnosed?
For he it simply put all the missing jigsaw puzzle in to place
So many aspects of my life made sense and it’s helped me to find ways of dealing with areas that I just thought I was rubbish with
Gave me a bit of inner peace "
So in your case, very worth while finding out? And how do you find out is it. A matter of going to your gp and asking for an assessment? |
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"I have a question. Seems this thread is very friendly and supportive so hope you don't mind if I go a little off piste. Being diagnosed and or being diagnosed as an adult. Does that help in any way? Or are the coping mechanisms the same weather you are diagnosed or remain undiagnosed?
For he it simply put all the missing jigsaw puzzle in to place
So many aspects of my life made sense and it’s helped me to find ways of dealing with areas that I just thought I was rubbish with
Gave me a bit of inner peace
So in your case, very worth while finding out? And how do you find out is it. A matter of going to your gp and asking for an assessment? "
Yes your GP will help |
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"As an adult with late diagnosed ADHD I find that sometimes when it comes to swinging my ADHD can either be a blessing or a curse and it can vary really quickly and its a bit like being blindfolded on a roller coaster not always able to predict what may happen.
Interested to hear how others with ADHD find it and also what it's like for those without ADHD and their experiences of playing with people with ADHD."
Carla here. Was diagnosed with adhd this year.. I find it both a blessing and a hindrance. Sometimes I find if we get guests here i feel that if they aren't entertaining me enough I get very quickly bored and going onto fab trying to find someone else whilst they're here 🙈 |
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"No official diagnosis. But...
Waiting mode probably drives B mad - we're at a social or club at 7pm? Don't expect me to be able to do anything useful all day
I can get huge anxiety in the build up to things and find the environment overwhelming especially if the music is too loud.
J
Completely get you with the waiting mode. Even more so when you desperately want to be productive but you just can't."
I hate waiting mode, the fact that because I gave something at 7 I can't do anything all day bugs the hell out of me.
I also hate executive dysfunction, I try to explain it to others as, I see the cup that needs to be moved, I know it needs to be moved, I know I'll feel better once it's moved, but I just can't do it.
I struggle to stay focused and often forget to message people. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"As an adult with late diagnosed ADHD I find that sometimes when it comes to swinging my ADHD can either be a blessing or a curse and it can vary really quickly and its a bit like being blindfolded on a roller coaster not always able to predict what may happen.
Interested to hear how others with ADHD find it and also what it's like for those without ADHD and their experiences of playing with people with ADHD."
I’m exploring this topic myself
I’m convinced i have ADHD and it’s been responsible for my need and desires for casual sex
I’ve always wanted to think my brain was wired for kink and now I know why.
As you say this is a blessing and a curse especially if your in a relationship with someone else  |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"I have a theory in its infancy about swinging and ASD. Specifically ADHD.
I have ADHD and I think it’s part of why I enjoy the lifestyle & find myself needing certain things.
Generally I find swinging/poly good for my ADHD. But things like changed plans, people being untruthful, loud clubs etc can be a struggle. "
100% agreed 👍 |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"I was diagnosed a year ago and it's been a blessing to finally understand why I feel and do things that aren't necessarily the social norm.
I've met lots of other ND people on here which in itself is so comforting and it's amazing how we find eachother instinctively without realising it.
The difficulties I have within the Fab world are overwhelm at events and sometimes, during or after play and I'll need some quiet time to reset.
RSD can be difficult at times especially if I'm hormonal.
Staying focused when talking to someone or within a group of people when there's music or other conversations going on close by.
Craving sex! I have to really be careful that I don't get impulsive at times.
Burnout is also an issue. I'm all or nothing and that's difficult for me and others at times.
Oversharing....
I love fab though, it's great for exploring sexually and meeting so many lovely inclusive people."
200% me
Just can’t kick fab kink habbit from my life |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"Recently diagnosed ADHDr and it’s a definite dopermine fix but sometimes it’s all too overwhelming
Hence why i leave and come back again
Totally relate to this, sometimes it can be so stimulating and but then other times it’s the devil!
100%
I love clubs but will stress on the day all day about it. Won’t sit still , just mind running overtime about it "
Can’t do clubs too busy |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"I have a question. Seems this thread is very friendly and supportive so hope you don't mind if I go a little off piste. Being diagnosed and or being diagnosed as an adult. Does that help in any way? Or are the coping mechanisms the same weather you are diagnosed or remain undiagnosed?
For he it simply put all the missing jigsaw puzzle in to place
So many aspects of my life made sense and it’s helped me to find ways of dealing with areas that I just thought I was rubbish with
Gave me a bit of inner peace "
200% for me it was like a light shining on my life events and why I got drawn on to fab |
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By *aui.Man 16 weeks ago
around here |
Honestly, it seems to me that a high percentage of swingers or at least people on fab are ND. Or maybe it's because I attract/seek out others similar to myself.
I think it affects my sex life in pretty much the same way as it affects the rest of my life. The sex itself is pretty amazing, creative and generally a massive release of dopamine. I do have huge issues with maintaining longer term relationships though, for various reasons. |
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Neurodiverse (wave!).
I only meet or play with other ND people, because they're my tribe and they make sense to me. I don't feel comfortable around neurotypical folks, because I struggle to relate or understand them.
That's not to say I can't be thrown by an ND comment, but I'm more likely to understand where it comes from and why. NT comments are another language entirely. |
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"100% agree with this, Dopamine by a lull and boredom to only return again.
Can be extremely addictive at times. "
When the dopamine hits don’t hit the way they used to…  (natural dopamine I hasten to add lol)
The mix of ADHD and peri/menopause has hit me like a Shinkansen at top speed. Especially with anxiety-social anxiety etc |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"100% agree with this, Dopamine by a lull and boredom to only return again.
Can be extremely addictive at times. "
Hey there can you please message me about this post? |
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What a great thread. I'm recently diagnosed with ADHD but I've known I was ND my entire life. I'm finding great comfort in the comments here, as they echo (alarmingly close) my own experiences.
I can't go to clubs for fear of rejection, can't initiate conversation because of fear of oversharing, can't join in conversations because my go-to is dark sarcasm, so you end up being a watcher, and that's fine.
You know when you meet another ND and it's glorious. Like sliding into a familiar pair of shoes, that just fit and make you feel good.
I've always wondered 'how' my ND is connected to my sexual needs and this thread has helped me connect many many dots, so thank you, all.
Much love to the lot of you. Xx |
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