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Perceptions of age
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Are we all delusional? Are we older-looking than we think ourselves to be? Is society's perception of ageing as "bad" driving negative behaviours? Why is it mainly for women that society markets anti-ageing creams and potions? Is it daft to push against the tide and try to slow do the ageing process?
Lots to think about. I've recently felt I've aged rapidly because my oestrogen has been suppressed (medical treatment) and my skin has quickly sagged and wrinkled. Before the treatment, I did genuinely look younger than my age. I now think I look at least my age or a bit older.
What does everyone else think (about the opening paragraph, not my age!!)
This is what prompted my musing: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/02/why-you-probably-look-much-older-than-you-think |
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I'm often told I look older than I actually am. Sometimes offensively older.
I think the reason beauty products especially anti aging products are aimed at predominantly women. Is because society has conditioned, especially women, that young and youthful is the norm.
There are entry level products aimed at men. But not anywhere near the same volume. I'm sure in time, as society changes. There will be more.
But for now. Men are to age, and women are to be left insecure desperately clinging onto their ' youth' because society dictates in order to be beautiful you have to own 200 face creams, eye masks, face masks, conditioners, toners, make up... and much much more.
All a ploy to get your hard earned cash from you.
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I think that everyone ages differently, so a group of people all the same age will not look the same.
However, I really dislike that women especially are expected to look as wrinkle free as possible. Wrinkles are a natural part of aging, and I dislike the botoxed immovable look and the fact that such pressure can make men and women overdo cosmetic procedures.
We need more women in the public eye willing to age naturally and people willing to support thwm to do so.
I'm fortunate to have very few wrinkles at the moment, but don't expect that to last forever...
Nita |
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Personally I'm pretty confident I don't look my age, but that's because I'm mostly hair and don't dress like a middle aged man (although I am getting strangely drawn to chinos in my dotage) and let's face it, I'm biased.
As for the skin products I noticed something interesting a few weeks ago when shopping for some face wash - lots of female-marketed products claim to "target the signs of ageing" as we all know, but I noticed several of the male-marketed products claim to target the same things, but refer to them as something like "the signs of tired skin" or "the signs of hard-working skin" and things like that. They're selling the same shit that does the same job, but marketing it by age-shaming women and congratulating men for working so hard. |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are "
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!) |
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"
As for the skin products I noticed something interesting a few weeks ago when shopping for some face wash - lots of female-marketed products claim to "target the signs of ageing" as we all know, but I noticed several of the male-marketed products claim to target the same things, but refer to them as something like "the signs of tired skin" or "the signs of hard-working skin" and things like that. They're selling the same shit that does the same job, but marketing it by age-shaming women and congratulating men for working so hard."
I hadn't thought about this, and it's a very good point.
Nita |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)"
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say  |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)"
Sadly, women especially are still very much judged on looks rather than other qualities.
There's still a lack of decent acting roles for women over a "certain age", though it is improving.
Even woman politicians are judged on what they choose to wear. What really needs to change is being judged purely on physical looks.
Nita |
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By *alcon77Man 26 weeks ago
under the sun & the moon |
I tend to have the opposite problem.
The only way I can vaguely look my age is if I grow a long beard..
I used to take my mum out in her wheelchair towards the end of her life and people would mistake me for her grandson.
When I was in my 20s I looked like I was about 12...late bloomer, which came with it's own issues back then..
It's all somewhat superficial for me though. As time goes on my medical file is getting as thick as the yellow pages. |
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"
As for the skin products I noticed something interesting a few weeks ago when shopping for some face wash - lots of female-marketed products claim to "target the signs of ageing" as we all know, but I noticed several of the male-marketed products claim to target the same things, but refer to them as something like "the signs of tired skin" or "the signs of hard-working skin" and things like that. They're selling the same shit that does the same job, but marketing it by age-shaming women and congratulating men for working so hard.
I hadn't thought about this, and it's a very good point.
Nita"
Yes, it IS a a good point. |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say "
Like I said in the OP, before this oestrogen suppression, I did look younger (not 10yrs) but now I think I look 38 or maybe early 40s (I'm 38). |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say
Like I said in the OP, before this oestrogen suppression, I did look younger (not 10yrs) but now I think I look 38 or maybe early 40s (I'm 38). "
Out of curiosity...what made you think you looked younger? |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say
Like I said in the OP, before this oestrogen suppression, I did look younger (not 10yrs) but now I think I look 38 or maybe early 40s (I'm 38).
Out of curiosity...what made you think you looked younger?"
Comments from near enough everyone who met me for the first time and upon finding out my age, stated they were very surprised to find out how old I was. In my professional career, I have often been mistaken for a student rather than a member of staff. |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say
Like I said in the OP, before this oestrogen suppression, I did look younger (not 10yrs) but now I think I look 38 or maybe early 40s (I'm 38).
Out of curiosity...what made you think you looked younger?
Comments from near enough everyone who met me for the first time and upon finding out my age, stated they were very surprised to find out how old I was. In my professional career, I have often been mistaken for a student rather than a member of staff. "
So you weren't showing the SEVEN SIGNS OF HARD WORKING SKIN then? |
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are
No, I agree. But I s'pose I'm asking why many of us feel a need to look younger? Or society expects us to try and avoid visibly ageing? Of course, we cannot deny our chronological age (despite many Fabbers attempting to do so!)
But everyone on fab looks at least 10 years younger...at least they claim that's what others say
Like I said in the OP, before this oestrogen suppression, I did look younger (not 10yrs) but now I think I look 38 or maybe early 40s (I'm 38).
Out of curiosity...what made you think you looked younger?
Comments from near enough everyone who met me for the first time and upon finding out my age, stated they were very surprised to find out how old I was. In my professional career, I have often been mistaken for a student rather than a member of staff.
So you weren't showing the SEVEN SIGNS OF HARD WORKING SKIN then?"
Not a year ago. I put in one hell of a shift over the past 14 months though and it's all gone to pot  |
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I feel like I am rapidly aging - i now have arthritis in my hand which is starting to impact daily life 
On the upside people seem shocked when they they meet me and then learn my age  i seem to be 'mid-40s' to them. I definitely feel mid 50s though |
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Our brains stop developing in our mid to late 20s so i think our perception is pretty much frozen there. Ive got grey hair so i think that ages ne somewhat but very few wrinkles. But if we are all a bit delusional then so what? |
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By *eliWoman 26 weeks ago
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"I don't get what's so bad about looking the age we actually are "
No, nor do I.
OP, I've met you. I wouldn't say you looked particularly younger than you are. And that's absolutely fine isn't it? I can only think of one person from Fab who I was surprised to find out their age.
I think we attribute certain things to being older and if we find ourselves developing/growing them we've been told that we should feel older.
That we have to minimise, hide it and we have to praise and compliment those who don't possess those things as looking youthful.
Or say we feel/think younger than we are because heaven forbid we actually feel our age. Act our age.
It's a crying shame really, the way we place youth as the upper echelon of beauty. I think most, especially if they're fond of saying things above, are a bit delusional. It's not harming anyone though, is it? |
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"Are we all delusional? Are we older-looking than we think ourselves to be? Is society's perception of ageing as "bad" driving negative behaviours? Why is it mainly for women that society markets anti-ageing creams and potions? Is it daft to push against the tide and try to slow do the ageing process?
Lots to think about. I've recently felt I've aged rapidly because my oestrogen has been suppressed (medical treatment) and my skin has quickly sagged and wrinkled. Before the treatment, I did genuinely look younger than my age. I now think I look at least my age or a bit older.
What does everyone else think (about the opening paragraph, not my age!!)
This is what prompted my musing: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/02/why-you-probably-look-much-older-than-you-think"
I haven't read the article... soz not soz.
We are all delusional, very few people genuinely look younger than they actually are. Once you strip away the outer trappings most people look as you'd expect within a range of possibilities. People often tell me I don't look my age but that is because I wear my hair longer and loose, wear clothes not typically associated with my age group and I'm not very tall. If I scraped my hair away from my face, put a pair of sensible shoes and a nice comfy elastic waist skirt with a lovely polyester blouse, I'd look every inch as people expect a 67 year old to look.
Societies perceptions are driving negative behaviours and images of older people but I am noticing a slight change.
Anti aging is mostly aimed at women because we're only attractive if we can be fucked and have babies apparently so we must look young or men won't want us.
It's not daft to try and slow the aging process but I'm not sure anything apart from surgery is really effective.
If it's worth anything at all you look about right for your your age group  |
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As I constantly say on these threads, I've yet to meet anyone I thought looked significantly younger than they are in real life.
I would say on line with the use of filters etc, you can fall into the trap of thinking that is how they genuinely look.
Ageing appearance wise although I'm not loving it, I'm not too bothered by it. I'm allowing myself to go white, think I'm the only one out of my friends who is. I'm more concerned about other aspects of ageing.
With anti ageing creams etc, it's women who are asking for these kinds of products in reality. See any ageing thread it's women who point out their lack of wrinkles and grey hair etc. We can't blame companies for delivering what the general female population want. |
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I have to say though that it can be quite difficult to accept one's aging body. The words 'conceal', 'hide', 'cover', 'reverse' are often used in the same sentence as age. It's not long since women were encouraged to cover their arms and necks so people didn't see the terrible sight of a naturally aging body |
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I guess the anti aging creams, etc are targeted at women as we seem more bothered by the signs of aging. I've yet to chat to a guy my age who gives a crap about how his face looks or whether he's going grey!
I have always fallen in with western society's need for women to try to "age better" than men. Is this BECAUSE of advertising or some biological need for women to seek a "successful" (read older) mate who can provide & men to seek a healthy mate who can procreate (read younger)?
All I know is, I will keep buying the products as I hate how my face/skin is starting to look now that my oestrogen has depleted & I'm biologically redundant as a woman
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I think I look younger than I am purely because that’s what other people regularly tell me. I’ve no idea personally how old I look, I think there’s a whole range of factors such as happiness, how much you smile , your attitude & the way you dress that can give you the impression of being much younger.
I think older women have a bad deal from society, for men vitality increases and wisdom Is seen positively from 40-55 at least, silver foxes are seen as attractive, for women they begin to be viewed mire negatively and need to use anti-Aging in those years to demonstrate vitality and sexuality.
It’s unfair |
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"I guess the anti aging creams, etc are targeted at women as we seem more bothered by the signs of aging. I've yet to chat to a guy my age who gives a crap about how his face looks or whether he's going grey!
I have always fallen in with western society's need for women to try to "age better" than men. Is this BECAUSE of advertising or some biological need for women to seek a "successful" (read older) mate who can provide & men to seek a healthy mate who can procreate (read younger)?
All I know is, I will keep buying the products as I hate how my face/skin is starting to look now that my oestrogen has depleted & I'm biologically redundant as a woman
"
I've started putting factor 50 suncream on my face most days (when I remember), because a dermatologist told me I should. However, I don't use anything else and I frequently forget the suncream, to be honest! But you know me, Red. I don't wear makeup etc either.
I recently found my first grey hair, which was a bit of a reminder I'm getting older but then am reminded Mr KC has had grey hair since he was 14. I won't be dying it (I've never dyed my hair either). |
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I've got one objective measure of how I'm ageing, actually. I know my bone density is well within the normal range for my age, despite 7 years of much non-weight bearing and a year of oestrogen suppression. When I was 21, a previous scan showed my bone density to be in the upper quartile for my age. I think the fact I'm still OK bone-wise is mainly luck and the fact I did a lot of physical exercise as a younger person and had a big muscle mass.
I think it would be interesting to measure other objective measurements of ageing (maybe because I'm a boring old scientist ) |
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"I guess the anti aging creams, etc are targeted at women as we seem more bothered by the signs of aging. I've yet to chat to a guy my age who gives a crap about how his face looks or whether he's going grey!
I have always fallen in with western society's need for women to try to "age better" than men. Is this BECAUSE of advertising or some biological need for women to seek a "successful" (read older) mate who can provide & men to seek a healthy mate who can procreate (read younger)?
All I know is, I will keep buying the products as I hate how my face/skin is starting to look now that my oestrogen has depleted & I'm biologically redundant as a woman
I've started putting factor 50 suncream on my face most days (when I remember), because a dermatologist told me I should. However, I don't use anything else and I frequently forget the suncream, to be honest! But you know me, Red. I don't wear makeup etc either.
I recently found my first grey hair, which was a bit of a reminder I'm getting older but then am reminded Mr KC has had grey hair since he was 14. I won't be dying it (I've never dyed my hair either)."
Sunscreen is the best thing for your skin, KC. Keep it up!
I rarely wear make up myself, but when I do I find I now need to use a primer to "smooth" the under eye area due to creepy skin. I effing hate menopause!
Oh, and just one more thing. I need to reiterate that you have NEVER looked your age. You are one of those annoying creatures that could easily pass for 10/15 yrs younger than your biological age. (Though i agree, if you're not feeling it on the inside, it's all just bullshit).
Aging sucks  |
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I think ageing looks good on anyone who believes that it does.
But I agree we as a modern society have a lot to blame the social media for, especially the warped narrative of what “old” people should and shouldn’t be doing, let’s just say sex for an easiest example. |
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"I think ageing looks good on anyone who believes that it does.
But I agree we as a modern society have a lot to blame the social media for, especially the warped narrative of what “old” people should and shouldn’t be doing, let’s just say sex for an easiest example."
Your first paragraph is so true. Take Dame Judy Dench and Helen Mirren as examples.
Mind you Helen Mirren comes in for a lot if criticism, most recently because she grew her hair long |
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"I think ageing looks good on anyone who believes that it does.
But I agree we as a modern society have a lot to blame the social media for, especially the warped narrative of what “old” people should and shouldn’t be doing, let’s just say sex for an easiest example.
Your first paragraph is so true. Take Dame Judy Dench and Helen Mirren as examples.
Mind you Helen Mirren comes in for a lot if criticism, most recently because she grew her hair long "
I was going to cite Dames Judi and Helen as two examples of famous ladies who appear to have largely aged normally and who have mainly avoided doing obvious things to cover up or try and alter their ages. I was pleased that Dame Helen starred in the Leo Grande film. It showcased an older lady's body in a way that I don't think I've ever seen in mainstream film making.
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By *sWyldWoman 26 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Sometimes I look at others my age and think I look old, then I go on Tinder and realise I actually don't
I think we are often our own harshest critics with these things and we do compare ourselves to others.
I think I've reached a point where I'm slowly accepting who I am and rather than feeling guilty about it, I'm trying to embrace it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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People tell me I look younger than I am, and I my head I think of myself as younger. But then I catch my reflection in the mirror and I'm depressed. I'm old. |
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I find it strange to even worry about it. If you are not comfortable in your own skin by the time you are considered "old" then you have other major issues.
Yes, you can throw money at your body and look a few years younger but I am more concerned that my body works. When I buy a car, I look under the bonnet. |
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Multiple people have told me I look about 7 years younger than my actual age recently. I'm saddened by how happy that makes me, if you see what I mean. It shouldn't matter, I should be beyond that. |
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By *arkus1812Man 26 weeks ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
"And anyone who says "you're as old as you feel," I feel about 95 "
I can relate to that, I look in the mirror and see an old man in his 80s however as soon as I start the daily chores I feel much older, |
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Pretty much everyone I meet is always surprised at my age. And the fact my child is at uni. You look good for 47... But what should 47 look like?
People these days don't dress dowdy and frumpy like our grandparents did, once you hit a certain birthday.
And other than moisturising I don't do anything to help, like Botox, colour my hair, any brows/lashes. |
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"I find it strange to even worry about it. If you are not comfortable in your own skin by the time you are considered "old" then you have other major issues.
Yes, you can throw money at your body and look a few years younger but I am more concerned that my body works. When I buy a car, I look under the bonnet."
Yeah. My body doesn't work |
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Some of the leading actors in the movie Cocoon were in their late 40s and early 50s when they appeared in it in 1985 playing residents of a nursing home.
50 year olds these days don't look like 50 year olds in previous generations.
I am 5 years older than my dad was when he died 37 years ago but look 10 years younger.
He dressed in a completely different style as did my grandfather who always wore a cardigan with shirt and tie and was in his 60s when I was a child.
He was always an old man as far as I was concerned but I don't feel like an old man as I approach 60. |
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I read that article too, and came to the conclusion it was probably right that we can easily become delusional about how we think other people see us. We might look younger but other aspects of us give the game away.
On the other hand, some people do age faster or slower because of work, diet, lifestyle, etc,so there's no real answer that fits eevryone. |
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"Some of the leading actors in the movie Cocoon were in their late 40s and early 50s when they appeared in it in 1985 playing residents of a nursing home.
50 year olds these days don't look like 50 year olds in previous generations.
I am 5 years older than my dad was when he died 37 years ago but look 10 years younger.
He dressed in a completely different style as did my grandfather who always wore a cardigan with shirt and tie and was in his 60s when I was a child.
He was always an old man as far as I was concerned but I don't feel like an old man as I approach 60. "
I do wonder about this. Our perception of what people "should" look like at different ages is often based on people we've known in the past and/or from previous generations. My Grandma dressed a certain way in her 70/80s, but she was born in 1930. Today's 70yo women were born in 1954. It would make sense that they would present themselves differently.
Also, since nutritional status and healthcare have improved over the past 40-50yrs+, it also makes sense that people will age differently and look different to their antecedents at the same age.
One thing the article referred to was the differences in the way poverty and health status impacts ageing in different groups. |
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. She's part of the damn problem 