I don’t want to fall into a vanilla relationship but I do want to start dating again… at what point and how do I mention wanting to be very experimental in a relationship with all kinks considered?
If I bring it up straight away I worry that she’s think that’s all I am after.
If I wait and get rejected/labelled I feel I might have wasted my time and have mislead her.
Obviously I would rather it progress naturally but would like to know people’s thoughts.
*This is open to anyone despite the subject title. |
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By *edeWoman 26 weeks ago
the abyss |
I suppose it depends on what dating apps etc you are using? Some are tailored to be a little more open about what you are into.
Otherwise it's all about open communication. If it's something that is important to you for a relationship to carry on then I would say discuss it early so as not to waste anyone's time  |
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There's places more tailored to the kink scene, I'd personally mention it on your profiles wherever you have them that way there's no wasted time with people who aren't interested in that, and only the ones that are will contact you/chat with you.
There's nothing worse than a few dates in and it's all going well and they tell you there into stuff that's a deal-breaker that you wouldn't even consider.
Save your time and just be upfront.
Mrs |
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Personally I'd rather know non negotiables on a second or third date. I don't know if it's because I'm older and feel I have less time to spend or that I've seen so many relationships flounder because a month, two months or ever years down the line one person suddenly declares their true self.
I think if it eas part of a mutual discussion around everything you expect from a relationship rather than just the sexual aspect no mature woman would be frightened off. If they were then the likelihood is it wouldn't have worked out anyway.
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You don't have to reveal everything in one go, so there's no reason why you can't progressively introduce and build upon what you share. If something is absolutely essential for you, it seems inappropriate to omit it - but context is all. Consider where and how you're meeting and finding people |
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If you're online dating I would suggest being up front about it on your profile and using apps that are more 'friendly' to people in alternative lifestyles such as Feeld or Okcupid. There are lots of poly/ENM/kinky people who use these apps and I think it is better to start something from a point of honestly and open communication about what you want, rather than 'revealing' it two or three dates down a line with someone who isn't compatible and wasting everyone's time |
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By *hoirCouple 26 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
Looking in more tailored places is probably the best way to start. I met C on a fb group that was for kinky people, including all forms of non monogamy. Everything was already discussed in a group style setting so everyone was aware of our proclivities.
P |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I've dated people and then tried to introduce stuff down the line ..... never really worked.
I've also been upfront and either scared them away ... or had great kinky sex
But as I am single not sure I am the best at dating advice  |
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By *sWyldWoman 26 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
How do you know any person you may meet won't want those things too?
Why is it assumed that she might be against it?
And why is vanilla seen as something bad? What's vanilla to one might be kink to someone else?
Also some of the best sex I've ever had has probably been more "vanilla " than anything else, yet by some of my friends standards it was probably not.
Perspective, open communication and mutual respect is key.
I'd far rather those conversations early on.
I dated someone briefly and realised we were actually both holding back on our desires for fear of putting each other off, when in reality we were both bored!
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