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I am loved - still lonely? Hampshire
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My wife loves me, she has health conditions so can't meet my needs (see profile).
I am 52, all my friends are females from ages 30 to my age. I have zero male friends.
Yet I am lonely.
Get some nice hugs off my friends - but missing something that I can't describe.
I am sure I am not alone, not sure what the solution is.
Am in a good financial position - but it means nothing.
Weather does not help. Not going to do anything silly so don't worry about that.
I am sure I am not alone.
How are you feeling? |
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I'm fine thank you.
My mum died two years ago, leaving my dad a widower after 67 years of marriage. He's missing that indefinable something you describe, intimacy doesn't cover it neither does sex. |
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"I'm fine thank you.
My mum died two years ago, leaving my dad a widower after 67 years of marriage. He's missing that indefinable something you describe, intimacy doesn't cover it neither does sex. "
I am sorry for your dad's loss, 67 years is amazing. I am sure you mum is still with him in spirit if he, and you believe in this sort of thing.
I am glad you are managing x |
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"I'm fine thank you.
My mum died two years ago, leaving my dad a widower after 67 years of marriage. He's missing that indefinable something you describe, intimacy doesn't cover it neither does sex.
I am sorry for your dad's loss, 67 years is amazing. I am sure you mum is still with him in spirit if he, and you believe in this sort of thing.
I am glad you are managing x"
 I'm more than managing.
I just thought I'd let you know you're probably not alone in feeling the lack of something indefinable |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"she has health conditions so can't meet my needs" sounds kind of.. wrong? Like, I think you could have worded that better.
But I do get what you're saying. I've found it much easier to make new female friends ("hey, we have this one really fun thing we both want to do to each other") than male friends ("err, why are you speaking to me, I don't swing that way mate"). And when I do, I don't really want to talk to them about all my "alt" stuff - they weren't signing up for that.
Do we need "FabFriends"? |
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"It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for. Try to focus on the positives. Remember - your glass is half full, not half empty"
Positives ... am stupidly cash rich. Allowed to have female mates, they are all at this time platonic, we go camping, days out, and festivals.
Did have FWB end of last year - no emotional attachment which is unusual for me as I am such a fluff.
Just trying to find what is missing if that makes sense.
Thank you for the reply x
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"I'm fine thank you.
My mum died two years ago, leaving my dad a widower after 67 years of marriage. He's missing that indefinable something you describe, intimacy doesn't cover it neither does sex.
I am sorry for your dad's loss, 67 years is amazing. I am sure you mum is still with him in spirit if he, and you believe in this sort of thing.
I am glad you are managing x
I'm more than managing.
I just thought I'd let you know you're probably not alone in feeling the lack of something indefinable "
I am an emotional male (Empath) I feel everything, curse and and a blessing.
Thank you for saying that I am not alone, most of my mates are alone.
I can't fix them, and I can't fix me. I'd not want to miss my feelings, again there has to be a better way. |
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"I think you might benefit from psychotherapy to work out what you need. (Not a dig, not in the slightest. I think a lot of people would benefit from psychotherapy)"
I don't disagree. I am an Empath, so feel stuff from people if they are next to me, or other side of the planet.
Is a curse and a blessing. I'd not want to give it up - lots of books on Amazon about it.
Mindfulness/meditation has been amazing on helping.
No dig at all x |
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I would maybe suggest coaching as an alternative to psychotherapy if your problem is more rooted in your situation that your mental state. It can be really good to explore options and narratives and really hear yourself.
I just posted in the similar thread on here tonight. And I get you, totally. My circumstances are different, as in that I'm not only lonely but also for the most part alone. And definitely not cash rich. But I can get loneliness, it's been my companion for as long as I can remember. I can sit in a group of people at a dinner or in a pub, and at some point I'll find that everyone's facing the other way, I'm in this loneliness bubble.
I'm not in the habit of trying to find solutions, I just hope you find one that works for you. Be it coaching, therapy, or whatever. Try them all and see which one works. Except for antidepressants, those things are worse than living with reality. I sincerely hope one day you'll look back on this as a phase rather than the rest of your life. For me, it's too late. |
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You are not alone in that.
I too feel lonely at times. There is that phrase of ‘never let the one you love, feel alone when you’re there’.
For me is poignant personally as well as culturally, where my loved one socialises more on her phone with people she barely knows, than me ‘the love of her life’.
Unlike yourself, Right now we’re not battling illness, thankfully, but when that time comes we cannot take back the hurt of the loneliness and we cannot change where we invested our time, wishing we’d invested it more wisely; FAB for our relationship has been terrible, increased my loneliness and solitude. In some ways I have found myself starting to lean in to it more, and finding positives.
Solitude and loneliness has me now looking at my own self care, my own self improvement enabling and empowering a growing a newer stoic version of me. More on this privately maybe.
But reach out, happy to be a friend, an ear, share my plan and activities to change my world view.
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""she has health conditions so can't meet my needs" sounds kind of.. wrong? Like, I think you could have worded that better.
But I do get what you're saying. I've found it much easier to make new female friends ("hey, we have this one really fun thing we both want to do to each other") than male friends ("err, why are you speaking to me, I don't swing that way mate"). And when I do, I don't really want to talk to them about all my "alt" stuff - they weren't signing up for that.
Do we need "FabFriends"?"
My female friends ... we go on holidays, camping, days out.
A few of them know I had a FWB. They are my mates and I'd not want to bonk them. I go friend-zone quite quickly.
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"My wife loves me, she has health conditions so can't meet my needs (see profile).
I am 52, all my friends are females from ages 30 to my age. I have zero male friends.
Yet I am lonely.
Get some nice hugs off my friends - but missing something that I can't describe.
I am sure I am not alone, not sure what the solution is.
Am in a good financial position - but it means nothing.
Weather does not help. Not going to do anything silly so don't worry about that.
I am sure I am not alone.
How are you feeling?"
All my friends are females.....
Really don't think you are alone.
Red flags, |
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"I would maybe suggest coaching as an alternative to psychotherapy if your problem is more rooted in your situation that your mental state. It can be really good to explore options and narratives and really hear yourself.
I just posted in the similar thread on here tonight. And I get you, totally. My circumstances are different, as in that I'm not only lonely but also for the most part alone. And definitely not cash rich. But I can get loneliness, it's been my companion for as long as I can remember. I can sit in a group of people at a dinner or in a pub, and at some point I'll find that everyone's facing the other way, I'm in this loneliness bubble.
I'm not in the habit of trying to find solutions, I just hope you find one that works for you. Be it coaching, therapy, or whatever. Try them all and see which one works. Except for antidepressants, those things are worse than living with reality. I sincerely hope one day you'll look back on this as a phase rather than the rest of your life. For me, it's too late."
Thank you so much - I know this was from the heart x
I am the life and soul of any party, any business meeting - even if I am feeling down.
Lift up the group, the individuals, to make them happy. If they are happy - this makes me happy.
I do not get overlooked ... unless I want to hide for a bit ... then I do and those reach out to me and ask what is up.
Recharging is around other people - alone makes my battery go flat.
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As you are on a sex site looking for answers I’ll answer appropriately
Either
Get a dog
Get a sex robot
Admit you are playing the woe is me card my wife’s a I’ll and has agreed me to have sex with others so it’s ok. Oh by the way I’m rich did I say earlier i was rich
Go and talk with a professional to help
Don’t be getting involved with others emotionally while the lady you swore to love is ill. she may say it but may not mean it. I’m sure wants you to be happy but you think she enjoys knowing you are looking for sex
Accept your cards stop being woe is me and spend money on stuff
Get a brass once a week
Love your wife be happy and stop overthinking |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"All my friends are females.....
Really don't think you are alone.
Red flags, "
Sounds a bit suss to me too.. I'm not judging bro, but if your wife is ill.. why the eff are you on a swingers site? |
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By *inkForLifeCouple 26 weeks ago
Benidorm for the weekend |
It sounds a bit like a version of sleep procrastination. Where basically you're unable to sleep because you don't feel you've achieved anything personally, even so you've possibly made your company millions and you have made everyone else happy, but you've done nothing for yourself.
You clearly have, on paper, a very fulfilling and enjoyable life, but that isn't meeting your needs.
Wish you all the best. |
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By *inkForLifeCouple 26 weeks ago
Benidorm for the weekend |
"My wife loves me, she has health conditions so can't meet my needs (see profile).
I am 52, all my friends are females from ages 30 to my age. I have zero male friends.
Yet I am lonely.
Get some nice hugs off my friends - but missing something that I can't describe.
I am sure I am not alone, not sure what the solution is.
Am in a good financial position - but it means nothing.
Weather does not help. Not going to do anything silly so don't worry about that.
I am sure I am not alone.
How are you feeling?
All my friends are females.....
Really don't think you are alone.
Red flags, "
So a man reaches out for help and advice and support and because his life is "nice" he's a not allowed to be unhappy.
Would you say the same if a women posted this? |
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"All my friends are females.....
Really don't think you are alone.
Red flags, "
I do feel alone.
My female friends have husbands, children, and children, then husbands come first - and no way am I ever going to get grumpy about this. Some have elderly parents who need care - lucky to snatch an hour in a coffee shop or at mine between they need to change their parents pads.
Guess I am at a time in life?
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By *lynJMan 26 weeks ago
Morden |
I didn't feel lonely while my partner was alive despite the medical issues she had. We always had a connection even when we were apart.
Now she is gone (she passed away almost 2 years ago) I often feel lonely. The worst times are heading home after work and weekends; long weekends even more so. I have friends and colleagues but obviously I don't spend all my time with them. Sometimes it feels worse after spending time in company - the change from being with people and then being on my own is very marked.
OP, have you tried talking with your wife about how you feel? Perhaps she feels the same and you both need to let each other know. |
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"So a man reaches out for help and advice and support and because his life is "nice" he's a not allowed to be unhappy.
Would you say the same if a women posted this? "
They'd all be sending d*ck pics right now...
You can't judge someone's experience through your own lens and say "you should just get on with it." There are millionaires who blow their brains out yet poor people who struggle on. Everyone does what they think is right and what they think they're capable of in the moment. Don't be quick to judge. |
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"All my friends are females.....
Really don't think you are alone.
Red flags,
I do feel alone.
My female friends have husbands, children, and children, then husbands come first - and no way am I ever going to get grumpy about this. Some have elderly parents who need care - lucky to snatch an hour in a coffee shop or at mine between they need to change their parents pads.
Guess I am at a time in life?
"
Could you be looking in the wrong place for what's missing? |
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Lots of, er, comments.
Have so say we are not normal, we are basically vegan hippies, she has chronic fatigue, plus other things which I am not going to mention, net is, she is imprisoned by health - and that imprisonment came to me by proxy.
Would not wish it on my worst enemy. |
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"Lots of, er, comments.
Have so say we are not normal, we are basically vegan hippies, she has chronic fatigue, plus other things which I am not going to mention, net is, she is imprisoned by health - and that imprisonment came to me by proxy.
Would not wish it on my worst enemy. "
That basically was my parents situation except they weren't vegan hippies .
I think people expect an awful lot from the spouse of very ill people and try to shut them down if they voice any frustration of negative feelings. |
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"Lots of, er, comments.
Have so say we are not normal, we are basically vegan hippies, she has chronic fatigue, plus other things which I am not going to mention, net is, she is imprisoned by health - and that imprisonment came to me by proxy.
Would not wish it on my worst enemy.
That basically was my parents situation except they weren't vegan hippies .
I think people expect an awful lot from the spouse of very ill people and try to shut them down if they voice any frustration of negative feelings. "
Agree but if they just were honest and said my wife and I are ill and can no longer have sex. I am now basically her carer and we have agreement for me to seek other carnal arrangements it would come across better than the tinder ad he has written |
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"Agree but if they just were honest and said my wife and I are ill and can no longer have sex. I am now basically her carer and we have agreement for me to seek other carnal arrangements it would come across better than the tinder ad he has written "
She is sort of functional in day to day life , battery goes flat quickly, needs sleeps, and things aren't close to what they used to be - compromises agreed.
Feel free to provide a re-write of my profile All help accepted.
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"It sounds a bit like a version of sleep procrastination. Where basically you're unable to sleep because you don't feel you've achieved anything personally, even so you've possibly made your company millions and you have made everyone else happy, but you've done nothing for yourself.
You clearly have, on paper, a very fulfilling and enjoyable life, but that isn't meeting your needs.
Wish you all the best."
Made the company billions. I got a Mont Blanc pen - worth £150 and some nice pay rises. You are right - I did nothing for me - and I basically worked for +25 years and gave up holidays to get overtime.
Are you a coach/councillor?
I did do a lot of volunteer/charity work - and touched many lives.
I was 'asleep' during this working time - got awakened just over two years ago to the situation. Making the best of it - on a journey.
Thank you for taking the time to post - it has given me things to think about. |
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"As you are on a sex site looking for answers I’ll answer appropriately
Either
Get a dog
Get a sex robot
Admit you are playing the woe is me card my wife’s a I’ll and has agreed me to have sex with others so it’s ok. Oh by the way I’m rich did I say earlier i was rich
Go and talk with a professional to help
Don’t be getting involved with others emotionally while the lady you swore to love is ill. she may say it but may not mean it. I’m sure wants you to be happy but you think she enjoys knowing you are looking for sex
Accept your cards stop being woe is me and spend money on stuff
Get a brass once a week
Love your wife be happy and stop overthinking "
Love a dog - but no other person would walk it - also do not want to go through the loss of another dog - too painful!
It made her happy when I had a FWB - things were easier on us both - this is not fake happy, I read her like a book. She is not worried, and knows that she is not missing out.
I didn't get emotionally involved with the FWB - I am aware of my emotions and the emotions of others. She decided she wanted a b/f, not a role I could fulfil.
Thank you for your thoughts - will keep them under consideration.
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By *inkForLifeCouple 26 weeks ago
Benidorm for the weekend |
"It sounds a bit like a version of sleep procrastination. Where basically you're unable to sleep because you don't feel you've achieved anything personally, even so you've possibly made your company millions and you have made everyone else happy, but you've done nothing for yourself.
You clearly have, on paper, a very fulfilling and enjoyable life, but that isn't meeting your needs.
Wish you all the best.
Made the company billions. I got a Mont Blanc pen - worth £150 and some nice pay rises. You are right - I did nothing for me - and I basically worked for +25 years and gave up holidays to get overtime.
Are you a coach/councillor?
I did do a lot of volunteer/charity work - and touched many lives.
I was 'asleep' during this working time - got awakened just over two years ago to the situation. Making the best of it - on a journey.
Thank you for taking the time to post - it has given me things to think about."
Nope not a coach etc. I work for blue chip corporate, but ive been lucky enough to have had some sound advice over the years.
One of the most profound pieces of advice I ever been given was "you've always got a choice". The options available might make you feel like you don't have a choice, but in every single situation, you have a choice. |
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"Lots of, er, comments.
Have so say we are not normal, we are basically vegan hippies, she has chronic fatigue, plus other things which I am not going to mention, net is, she is imprisoned by health - and that imprisonment came to me by proxy.
Would not wish it on my worst enemy.
That basically was my parents situation except they weren't vegan hippies .
I think people expect an awful lot from the spouse of very ill people and try to shut them down if they voice any frustration of negative feelings. "
This is so true. Usually at the expense of the spouse's mental health, yet nobody ever seems to notice it, you have put up and shut up it seems
OP I hope you find what you seek, caring for someone full time is bloody hard and you need that down time.
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"I didn't feel lonely while my partner was alive despite the medical issues she had. We always had a connection even when we were apart.
Now she is gone (she passed away almost 2 years ago) I often feel lonely. The worst times are heading home after work and weekends; long weekends even more so. I have friends and colleagues but obviously I don't spend all my time with them. Sometimes it feels worse after spending time in company - the change from being with people and then being on my own is very marked.
OP, have you tried talking with your wife about how you feel? Perhaps she feels the same and you both need to let each other know."
Hi GlynJ - am sorry that your partner passed. Yes I have a spiritual connection with my wife, sounds like you had the very same as well.
My wife knows how I feel - was only able to discuss it in the last two years, and she knows she has changed, she does the best she can for her health - and I've been on a mission since we were together, the amount of private healthcare she had is just crazy - she is probably as good as she is going to get.
There is not anything we havn't discussed.
I hope that you find your way.
Thank you.
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"Nope not a coach etc. I work for blue chip corporate, but ive been lucky enough to have had some sound advice over the years.
One of the most profound pieces of advice I ever been given was "you've always got a choice". The options available might make you feel like you don't have a choice, but in every single situation, you have a choice."
Blue chip too ... there are always choices. You can't control what you can't control, you can control what you do or feel about it.
Find a silver-lining in what you can, even if it is self-growth, or acknowledging that life throws experiences that can be embraced, or moaned about.
Here - reaching out for thoughts from the collective - as some folks are in a similar situation. Learning, open-minded, also grateful for my privileged position.
Thank you |
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"It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for. Try to focus on the positives. Remember - your glass is half full, not half empty"
Glass is overflowing ... going all over the place ... need some more coming my way!
Thank you. |
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"Think most of us feel this at times….
Hi WhiteWitchXXX, I identify as a male witch, Reiki Master and healer, crystals, all the woo woo stuff. I can't fix this for her, I did and doing my best. "
That’s all you can do |
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"That’s all you can do"
Thank you. When we first met I said, "I have been put on this planet to fix you".
Not fixed, is a lot better than she was, and cost the company I used to work for a lot of money in healthcare.
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By *nnCeeWoman 26 weeks ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
"Positives ... am stupidly cash rich. Allowed to have female mates, they are all at this time platonic, we go camping, days out, and festivals.
Did have FWB end of last year - no emotional attachment which is unusual for me as I am such a fluff.
Just trying to find what is missing if that makes sense.
"
From some of your answers it seems like perhaps you are missing some male company? Are there any activities which you enjoy for which you could join a club in your area, and create some friendships this way? Not sure what you enjoy... badminton, golf, singing, pottery... perhaps something like this would give you both an outlet, and some 'you' time, and also perhaps offer some more testosterone fuelled friends?
Whichever way, I hope you find what it is you feel is missing x |
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By *red333Man 26 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"My wife loves me, she has health conditions so can't meet my needs (see profile).
I am 52, all my friends are females from ages 30 to my age. I have zero male friends.
Yet I am lonely.
Get some nice hugs off my friends - but missing something that I can't describe.
I am sure I am not alone, not sure what the solution is.
Am in a good financial position - but it means nothing.
Weather does not help. Not going to do anything silly so don't worry about that.
I am sure I am not alone.
How are you feeling?"
Are we solely basing this on sex or are you wanting male mates for friendship join a club, golf, cricket, rugby, dance, loads of clubs where you can meet people  |
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Loneliness can be an interesting & complex problem. It’s quite common that people can be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely I felt this in the past and know others Who have this kind of feeling. usually related to finding meaning
Sounds like you’re not fulfilled or have clear purpose in life ? Or maybe don’t allow your friendships to go deep enough to be truly satisfying? |
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If you say all your friends are women but it’s only friendship with an odd cuddle here and there from what I read from your post, do you think it’s the thrill of sex you’re missing OP and that’s why you’re here? |
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"
From some of your answers it seems like perhaps you are missing some male company? Are there any activities which you enjoy for which you could join a club in your area, and create some friendships this way? Not sure what you enjoy... badminton, golf, singing, pottery... perhaps something like this would give you both an outlet, and some 'you' time, and also perhaps offer some more testosterone fuelled friends?
Whichever way, I hope you find what it is you feel is missing x"
Thank you - don't need any testosterone fuelled friends, but missing male company for sure, but would prefer to miss it rather than have the wrong type. Feelie vegan male empaths who do Reiki are rare it seems 
I am sure I will work it out in time. Thank you! |
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"Try joining gym, local events, whatever interests you have there are people out there to meet,
Wish you all the best sir"
Thank you - I was a pillar of the community, have binned this. There are probably quite a few in my local area that recognise me on - but we are all in the same boat. Thank you. |
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"How are you feeling?Are we solely basing this on sex or are you wanting male mates for friendship join a club, golf, cricket, rugby, dance, loads of clubs where you can meet people "
Feeling lost - that I know the solution is out there but can't find it at this time. It is probably on it's way ... just need to be patient.
Loving dancing - amazing for the root chakra. At eco Festivals I go to these.
I'm vegan, Empath, feelie, and this is a niche.
Appreciate and thank you for your thoughts!
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"Loneliness can be an interesting & complex problem. It’s quite common that people can be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely I felt this in the past and know others Who have this kind of feeling. usually related to finding meaning
Sounds like you’re not fulfilled or have clear purpose in life ? Or maybe don’t allow your friendships to go deep enough to be truly satisfying?"
Meaning in life ... be nice to all humans and animals (been vegan for 2 years - really miss meat etc!).
Other meaning ... as long as it involves lot of cuddles I am in.
Purpose in life ... seems to be a wayfarer for people who didn't know they were spiritual. I didn't know ... had to work it out for myself.
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"My wife loves me, she has health conditions so can't meet my needs (see profile).
I am 52, all my friends are females from ages 30 to my age. I have zero male friends.
Yet I am lonely.
Get some nice hugs off my friends - but missing something that I can't describe.
I am sure I am not alone, not sure what the solution is.
Am in a good financial position - but it means nothing.
Weather does not help. Not going to do anything silly so don't worry about that.
I am sure I am not alone.
How are you feeling?"
You're Horny simple as that. |
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"If you say all your friends are women but it’s only friendship with an odd cuddle here and there from what I read from your post, do you think it’s the thrill of sex you’re missing OP and that’s why you’re here?"
Cuddle and a few kisses - platonic. Most of my friends are spiritual and that is better than sex - giving or getting Reiki is amazing depending how sensitive you may be.
Here to have non-romantic connections - and touch, snogs, then 'that'.
Had a FWB end of last year which worked out well for myself and my wife.
Thank you for your reply x
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