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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"Sounds like you might be a little bit passively depressed?"
Oh that’s a given, I have bipolar. Peaks and troughs are a given. I feel things more intensely. Was just thinking specifically about the nature of loneliness though, but yes I’m heading for a depressive episode.
It’s actually World Bipolar Day today. |
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By *cflirtyMan 35 weeks ago
hants/ w sussex border |
"It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
"
Loneliness hits us all xxx even in a throng of people, please dont feel you need to offer something fun... the act of chatting, whether its messaging or talking can help.
You can never have too many friends, and they dont hasve to be someone you physically meet xxxxxx |
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Well, happy bi polar day!!
I was diagnosed with cyclothymia awhile back. It’s a bit of a roller coaster. I can’t imagine navigating life with bi polar.
Definitely don’t hold back messaging someone if you ever feel lonely. Just make sure you hit send and don’t over think it. |
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Aw my beautiful Estella Sorry you are feeling like this but I understand. I think I am lonely. And I feel there are different types of loneliness, like some days I like being alone. Other times I can be surrounded by people and feel lonely xx |
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
Loneliness hits us all xxx even in a throng of people, please dont feel you need to offer something fun... the act of chatting, whether its messaging or talking can help.
You can never have too many friends, and they dont hasve to be someone you physically meet xxxxxx"
You’re very right, you can’t have too many - and actually I have a tendency to focus on a few specific really close friends and crave them, especially if they have alternate plans, rather than actually distributing my time more evenly across more of my friendship group which would actually deepen those connections. I’m going to do something about that. Thanks. |
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Sorry to here you feel a bit lonely Estella. I think I'm across between an introvert and an extrovert. I love spending time with my family and friends but I also love my own company. If I spend a long time with people I become overwhelmed.
I do have cats so the house never seems empty. |
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"Well, happy bi polar day!!
I was diagnosed with cyclothymia awhile back. It’s a bit of a roller coaster. I can’t imagine navigating life with bi polar.
Definitely don’t hold back messaging someone if you ever feel lonely. Just make sure you hit send and don’t over think it."
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"Aw my beautiful Estella Sorry you are feeling like this but I understand. I think I am lonely. And I feel there are different types of loneliness, like some days I like being alone. Other times I can be surrounded by people and feel lonely xx"
Yes, I need time alone for sure, or I get overwhelmed and overstimulated - but sometimes my neediness for people is so high I don’t know how to navigate it! Love you. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I can get this, I am hardly ever alone but often lonely.
I don't have anyone that knows me completely, which is my own doing but it's just hard at times doing life alone.
I need a dog.
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"Sorry to here you feel a bit lonely Estella. I think I'm across between an introvert and an extrovert. I love spending time with my family and friends but I also love my own company. If I spend a long time with people I become overwhelmed.
I do have cats so the house never seems empty."
I wish I could have a dog. I miss my mum’s dog! Having a pet/s is such a good move.
Hope you’re doing well x |
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By *stella OP Woman 35 weeks ago
London |
"I can get this, I am hardly ever alone but often lonely.
I don't have anyone that knows me completely, which is my own doing but it's just hard at times doing life alone.
I need a dog.
"
To the woof friends we crave! |
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By *cflirtyMan 35 weeks ago
hants/ w sussex border |
Sometimes just a friendly chat helps, I recently lost my last remaining friend I served in the forces with and it kicked off the ptsd again.. chatting to a fellow fabber out of the blue really helped me.
Xxxxx |
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I totally get this. Feeling a bit lonely myself - I like having time alone but it struck me that I'm unlikely to see anyone over the Bank Holiday and...it would be nice if I did. It'll be fine - I've plenty of films/books/records/time to post nonsense on the forums. But some company wouldn't go amiss.
I hope you're OK and will reach out if not. |
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By *avexxMan 35 weeks ago
cheshire |
"I can get this, I am hardly ever alone but often lonely.
I don't have anyone that knows me completely, which is my own doing but it's just hard at times doing life alone.
.
I need a dog.
"
. im not joking a dog can be your best friend ive been there,, |
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For me my past and current situation with my ex causes me to feel lonely and depressed like there’s no going forward but just steps back but you just have to look past it and keep motivated now my life starting to turn itself round gradually so to anyone that’s on here that ever needs some to talk to then feel free not enough people talk  |
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Sending support and best wishes from a total stranger, remember despite everything you are a strong woman.
It's also important to recall that all emotions are natural & we will experience them right through our lives. Xx |
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Estella, there’s so much truth in what you wrote.
You have self awareness on your side and I hope this helps to get you through it. Have a friendly hug and a hair ruffle from me, but also lean into the friends who are happy to be there for you x |
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Nothing wrong with that. We all feel like that sometimes even in the presence of others. A constant feeling of loneliness that some people feel though is different and obviously not nice. I hope anyone feeling that have people to talk to. Sadly I know some don't. Any one of us who knows someone in that situation should do anything we can to mitigate that in every way we can  |
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"Nothing wrong with that. We all feel like that sometimes even in the presence of others. A constant feeling of loneliness that some people feel though is different and obviously not nice. I hope anyone feeling that have people to talk to. Sadly I know some don't. Any one of us who knows someone in that situation should do anything we can to mitigate that in every way we can "
Ps. Always happy to talk to anyone who might feel lonely and of course you too Estella. |
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"It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
"
Sorry for how you’re feeling. Being lonely is not a nice feeling at all I have the same feelings quite often so know a bit of how your feeling. I’ve spoken to doctors who just want to add more and more tablets, I’ve seen shrinks and they haven’t helped much if any |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Many of us may be random strangers on an internet forum but many if us also happen to have a heart. So of you are feeling lonely, there will be people here.
In terms of you OP only wanting to offer fun things and not burden your friends, I get that. But true friends would be happy to comfort you with an occasional burden.
Even though you have friends and family, perhaps any spare time you could direct some of that energy and need for human connect to those who may be even lonelier than you. Maybe volunteering to keep some elderly company who suffer crushing loneliness. It is amazing the healing effect charity work has on both sides.
Hugs to all you lonely people |
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"It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
"
Absolutely and feel this very much. As an odd and sad fact, when zoos first started to keep Elephants, they kept them segregated and alone. The longest life span of these elephants kept alone in captivity was 11 years compared to the normal life expectancy of an elephant. In short they gave up and died from isolation. Mentally and physically they gave up in every way as they are sociable mammals. Humans are the same, it’s not good and it scares me as someone that is by themselves, after a horrific 13 year relationship. I’m 40, all my friends have partners and kids etc so naturally don’t say anything when struggling cos they have their own lives etc unless it something pos. So if you ever want another person just to chat with, unload what’s going on without judgement you can always message me. Happy to share number of you do as we’re not alone and it’s an easily overlooked and forgotten thing by friends and fam x
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(Reposted to fix autocorrect spelling errors...)
I've lived with loneliness for pretty much as long as I can remember, including through eighteen years of a relationship (which was more like twelve in reality), so I understand completely what you mean. Loneliness can get you even if you're not alone. It's a silence in a noisy room, like you're in a bubble or invisible.
After almost five years of being single and trying on here and on basically every single dating and coming up empty that I'm just going to accept and embrace the fact that I'm simply meant to be alone. After all this time I think I'm simply unable to transition from where I am to some form of relationship. I don't want to think in terms of "I'm damaged" or "I'm unlovable" or "I'm unattractive", those aren't helpful. What I'm trying to do instead is think about what makes me happy and makes me feel good about myself.
It doesn't always work, and I've stayed back to the dating sites with the same results. "Hey, you're good looking but not what I'm looking for right now." But it's all I have or I check out early. At 51 it's not like I have a long time left anyway, not with my blood pressure. I've come to accept that I'll never be "good enough" for anyone else, but I can at least try for me. |
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Loneliness is not good. As humans we are sociable.
From my experience. I have been on my own , more than in relationship . For most adult life due mainly work. Yes meet lot of people. But not friends. Now yes due to age? Family have passed away and yes widower. I do have good elderly neighbours and a female and her family as friends . But like now on my own . People have their own lives . Which I understand. It is easy to get depressed . From comments on here. I am still optimistic that yes will
meet people even at my age . |
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I keep people at a distance. Physically and mentally. And those who've known me pretty well probably wouldn't see it, except maybe a few.
I think overall I prefer it this way, but it does wear on me at times. |
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I must admit I’m feeling very lonely x
My marriage split up 2 years ago and I was already used to “ my own space “ ! I now realise that there is differrr et by lonlieness categories and I’m very much in agreement of waves of it and then nothing . Forgetting about sex or dating ….things I miss is making 2 cups of tea or discussing a film or news item ? The other thing I’ve learnt is not matter what you do for people no matter how much , the real ones are fewer than you think !!! Xx |
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"It’s a funny old thing isn’t it?
I have adorable friends, and family that I love dearly, but at times I still struggle with an intense sense of loneliness. Sometimes even when I’m right in the heart of a group of my nearest and dearest there can be a disconnect and I feel as if I’m the other side of a glass window looking in and not able to fully connect.
It comes in waves, it’s not a constant - I think I’ve been under a fair amount of stress which is triggering a lack of even keel - but today I spent by myself thinking about the nature of loneliness and how human connection is the thing that truly I think life is about.
Sometimes all I want to do is message a friend and say, gosh I’m feeling lonely, I love you to pieces, how are you? But I freeze, wouldn’t want to burden them until I have something fun to offer. And yet I know if someone sent me that message I’d actually be honoured they were able to be that vulnerable and intimate with me. We truly are odd wee creatures aren’t we, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others.
So I’ll compromise and say it here:
I’m feeling a little lonely, how are you all doing?
"
if you ever want a chat over coffee I'm in London all the time x |
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"Lonely and married life is poor and she is distant.
Have tried meany things all met with negative comments aimed at putting me down..
Time to get out and build your own life?"
Yer I know but it's going to get expensive and complicated but it is heading that way. |
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"Lonely and married life is poor and she is distant.
Have tried meany things all met with negative comments aimed at putting me down..
Time to get out and build your own life?
Yer I know but it's going to get expensive and complicated but it is heading that way."
It's a faff unfortunately. And definitely not easy once you're out, but no one should have to live like that. I hope you manage one day. |
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By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
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Estella
You are not alone with how you feel and that loneliness can hit even when surrounded by people.
The loneliest I ever felt was when married ...
Sending big hugs x |
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By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
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"Lonely and married life is poor and she is distant.
Have tried meany things all met with negative comments aimed at putting me down..
Time to get out and build your own life?
Yer I know but it's going to get expensive and complicated but it is heading that way."
Worth every penny and complexity because then life becomes simple .... not without challenges but you will be happier ...
I would rather be alone than lonely with someone |
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(Sounds sort-of similar to depression)
