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Self-image and confidence
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Today, I posted an image of myself seated in my wheelie chair. I usually avoid doing that and go through the pain of standing, on one leg usually, for the few seconds it takes to snap a picture. I was able bodied until I was 31 and I don't think I've actually come to terms with what my body looks like when seated all the time.
I'm overall a confident person in life, even in my wheelchair, but that confidence belies a really poor self image. There's not a huge amount about my body that I like or look at and think "yeah, you look pretty decent (or peng, as a friend of mine would say."
I'm working on it, though. The things people notice about me when at seated height, with my legs front and centre, and my abdomen folded over, is very different to when I could walk/sashay and stand up for long periods. No-one, apart from Mr KC, notices my bum anymore. And anyway, it doesn't look the same from muscle atrophy. My bad leg is permanently a weird colour and my foot is always swollen, and in shorts or a short skirt, it's pretty obvious (to me, anyway). However, I struggle with allodynia (hypersensitivity) and so long swishy skirts or trousers that move in the wind are actually painful to wear. Many types of clothing are uncomfortable to wear and have enough freedom of movement to self-propel too, so my fashion choices are much reduced.
Coming to terms with my flawed, reasonably-newly disabled body has been hard. It's still hard. So, I struggle with self image (appearance as well as with-wheelchair) but I still have my confidence. I don't know how that works or what the real point of this ramble is, but there we are!
How have you coped with the way your body has changed over time? That's a good question  |
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You look great OP & amazing you've posted especially saying you are still adjusting to your new body.
I have scars, I'm larger than I've ever been & to be honest no I'm not at all confident at the moment I don't feel sexy - but I'm trying, trying to adapt to looking alien in the mirror, trying to not panic someone will see my scars and trying to get that confidence back, it's hard when things change, I've lost my feeling sexy.
If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we are out own worst critics.
Mrs |
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You've had a lot to come to terms with. I wouldn't expect you to accept it all overnight. 
The only thing I have to cope with body wise is aging. We all have to do that though and on comparison it's nothing.
I rage against every new sign of the march of time, research ways of preventing, reversing or concealing it, realise I'm never going to do any of it and just accept it.
I have confidence because I don't think I'm bad for an old bird
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"Today, I posted an image of myself seated in my wheelie chair. I usually avoid doing that and go through the pain of standing, on one leg usually, for the few seconds it takes to snap a picture. I was able bodied until I was 31 and I don't think I've actually come to terms with what my body looks like when seated all the time.
I'm overall a confident person in life, even in my wheelchair, but that confidence belies a really poor self image. There's not a huge amount about my body that I like or look at and think "yeah, you look pretty decent (or peng, as a friend of mine would say."
I'm working on it, though. The things people notice about me when at seated height, with my legs front and centre, and my abdomen folded over, is very different to when I could walk/sashay and stand up for long periods. No-one, apart from Mr KC, notices my bum anymore. And anyway, it doesn't look the same from muscle atrophy. My bad leg is permanently a weird colour and my foot is always swollen, and in shorts or a short skirt, it's pretty obvious (to me, anyway). However, I struggle with allodynia (hypersensitivity) and so long swishy skirts or trousers that move in the wind are actually painful to wear. Many types of clothing are uncomfortable to wear and have enough freedom of movement to self-propel too, so my fashion choices are much reduced.
Coming to terms with my flawed, reasonably-newly disabled body has been hard. It's still hard. So, I struggle with self image (appearance as well as with-wheelchair) but I still have my confidence. I don't know how that works or what the real point of this ramble is, but there we are!
How have you coped with the way your body has changed over time? That's a good question "
That's incredibly admirable and inspiring. |
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Maybe look up Claire Lomas on FB op - slightly different as she’s paralysed chest down I think it is, but she’s exceptionally inspirational, and very approachable and shows just how life can be lived from a wheelchair (she has her pilots license, rides track bikes, goes skiing, alsorts!)
I can’t even begin to get my head round how life must change going from able bodied to not so kudos to you OP
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Thank you for all the comments (and some PMs) so far. Really appreciate all the positivity and kind words.
In terms of doing stuff as a wheelchair user, I'm pretty active. I do stuff. But stuff is expensive, as is the kit to do the stuff. A sports wheelchair fitted to the user (essential to avoid injury) is about £4000 minimum, for example. I've taken myself abroad, on my own, more than once, so I don't lack that kind of confidence, even if going places and doing stuff is much harder work, far more expensive, and requires military level planning now. There's no spontaneous days out anymore.
My biggest challenge is seeing myself, my self-image, as a disabled person. And getting to grips with the perception of others when they see me for the first time. The perception of most people is that I will need help or they should do stuff for me, or that I shouldn't be in that space. I want to be seen for the portly woman in the chair, not the chair.
I have visions of educating the world about what can be done from a wheelchair, but then real life gets in the way.
 |
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"Thank you for all the comments (and some PMs) so far. Really appreciate all the positivity and kind words.
In terms of doing stuff as a wheelchair user, I'm pretty active. I do stuff. But stuff is expensive, as is the kit to do the stuff. A sports wheelchair fitted to the user (essential to avoid injury) is about £4000 minimum, for example. I've taken myself abroad, on my own, more than once, so I don't lack that kind of confidence, even if going places and doing stuff is much harder work, far more expensive, and requires military level planning now. There's no spontaneous days out anymore.
My biggest challenge is seeing myself, my self-image, as a disabled person. And getting to grips with the perception of others when they see me for the first time. The perception of most people is that I will need help or they should do stuff for me, or that I shouldn't be in that space. I want to be seen for the portly woman in the chair, not the chair.
I have visions of educating the world about what can be done from a wheelchair, but then real life gets in the way.
"
I know it's not the same thing or even close but...people kind of assume the same thing about older people. We need help, they need to do stuff for us or we shouldn't be where they are. So I can kind of empathise without being all #metoo or implying that being older is anywhere near suddenly finding yourself as a wheelchair user and having to adjust to your self image and everyone elses.
Stereotypes are hard to alter and I've learned an awful lot from you about what not to do |
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"Thank you for all the comments (and some PMs) so far. Really appreciate all the positivity and kind words.
In terms of doing stuff as a wheelchair user, I'm pretty active. I do stuff. But stuff is expensive, as is the kit to do the stuff. A sports wheelchair fitted to the user (essential to avoid injury) is about £4000 minimum, for example. I've taken myself abroad, on my own, more than once, so I don't lack that kind of confidence, even if going places and doing stuff is much harder work, far more expensive, and requires military level planning now. There's no spontaneous days out anymore.
My biggest challenge is seeing myself, my self-image, as a disabled person. And getting to grips with the perception of others when they see me for the first time. The perception of most people is that I will need help or they should do stuff for me, or that I shouldn't be in that space. I want to be seen for the portly woman in the chair, not the chair.
I have visions of educating the world about what can be done from a wheelchair, but then real life gets in the way.
"
We’ve spoken about this before and I had never factored in the planning that takes place into a simple train journey or short flight. I still give my mate stick about it cos I’m a dick, but at least now I do it from a place of understanding  |
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Ah, KC 
As I said on the other thread, you are bloody amazing. A true role model. A damn good friend who supports, helps but doesn't bubble wrap it. I admire you so much.
BUT, I get you with the body confidence angle. Folk can tell you til they're blue in the face how amazing you are/look, but if YOU cant look in the mirror and love what YOU see, it's so very hard. And that's before you start on your body not working the way it used to.
I don't know the answer. I wish I did. But you are beautiful. Seriously, you look a cherubi 21 yrs old (bitch).
And you are genuinely loved by all who know you
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"Thank you for all the comments (and some PMs) so far. Really appreciate all the positivity and kind words.
In terms of doing stuff as a wheelchair user, I'm pretty active. I do stuff. But stuff is expensive, as is the kit to do the stuff. A sports wheelchair fitted to the user (essential to avoid injury) is about £4000 minimum, for example. I've taken myself abroad, on my own, more than once, so I don't lack that kind of confidence, even if going places and doing stuff is much harder work, far more expensive, and requires military level planning now. There's no spontaneous days out anymore.
My biggest challenge is seeing myself, my self-image, as a disabled person. And getting to grips with the perception of others when they see me for the first time. The perception of most people is that I will need help or they should do stuff for me, or that I shouldn't be in that space. I want to be seen for the portly woman in the chair, not the chair.
I have visions of educating the world about what can be done from a wheelchair, but then real life gets in the way.
We’ve spoken about this before and I had never factored in the planning that takes place into a simple train journey or short flight. I still give my mate stick about it cos I’m a dick, but at least now I do it from a place of understanding "
Gatekeeper, you're an alright kinda dick though. Even if you were keen to see the back of me in London  |
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"Ah, KC
As I said on the other thread, you are bloody amazing. A true role model. A damn good friend who supports, helps but doesn't bubble wrap it. I admire you so much.
BUT, I get you with the body confidence angle. Folk can tell you til they're blue in the face how amazing you are/look, but if YOU cant look in the mirror and love what YOU see, it's so very hard. And that's before you start on your body not working the way it used to.
I don't know the answer. I wish I did. But you are beautiful. Seriously, you look a cherubi 21 yrs old (bitch).
And you are genuinely loved by all who know you
"
Awwwwwwwwwww, Red. You are such a brilliant woman! Thank you. Also, my year of medical menopause has defo aged me, so I don't think I pass for 21 anymore
But yes, in all seriousness, you get it |
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"Thank you for all the comments (and some PMs) so far. Really appreciate all the positivity and kind words.
In terms of doing stuff as a wheelchair user, I'm pretty active. I do stuff. But stuff is expensive, as is the kit to do the stuff. A sports wheelchair fitted to the user (essential to avoid injury) is about £4000 minimum, for example. I've taken myself abroad, on my own, more than once, so I don't lack that kind of confidence, even if going places and doing stuff is much harder work, far more expensive, and requires military level planning now. There's no spontaneous days out anymore.
My biggest challenge is seeing myself, my self-image, as a disabled person. And getting to grips with the perception of others when they see me for the first time. The perception of most people is that I will need help or they should do stuff for me, or that I shouldn't be in that space. I want to be seen for the portly woman in the chair, not the chair.
I have visions of educating the world about what can be done from a wheelchair, but then real life gets in the way.
We’ve spoken about this before and I had never factored in the planning that takes place into a simple train journey or short flight. I still give my mate stick about it cos I’m a dick, but at least now I do it from a place of understanding
Gatekeeper, you're an alright kinda dick though. Even if you were keen to see the back of me in London "
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See, as I sit here now, my stupid body is doing stuff I don't want it to but can't stop!
I get frequent spasms in the muscle down the shin of my bad leg. It forces my foot to pull in towards the leg and won't release. I get similar in the big toe too and also spasms in the arch of my foot. It'll probably carry on through the night, randomly. It's pretty painful!
And it feels like I have lead weights in my pelvis, if I stand up, it's like I'm being dragged down and it's a huge struggle to straighten up. Makes it quite hard to sit on the loo, for example.
Fuck you, stupid body *shakes fist* |
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"Have you seen the dancers on Saturday Night Takeaway tonight Mrs KC?
I don't watch Saturday Night Takeaway - what did I miss? 
One of the dancers is a wheelchair user."
Ahhhhhhhh. I'll take a look. Is it on ITV? |
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"Have you seen the dancers on Saturday Night Takeaway tonight Mrs KC?
I don't watch Saturday Night Takeaway - what did I miss?
One of the dancers is a wheelchair user.
Ahhhhhhhh. I'll take a look. Is it on ITV?"
Yes it was on ITV 1. It's very shouty and noisy |
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Honestly, I'm really not coping well with the aging process at all, coupled with chronic illness.
I'm no longer a svelte size 8, and although I'm not obese, I'm much bigger than I ever was! Usually it's not an issue until I see a pic that someone else has taken from an unflattering angle, then I remember I'm not how I see myself in my minds eye. And there's really not a lot I can do to change it (can't exercise/don't eat that much or badly)
The hair isn't as fiery as it once was, and I can't afford to get it coloured.
Also probably just starting on the menopause, so yeah, not a fan of all the changes with age!! |
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"Honestly, I'm really not coping well with the aging process at all, coupled with chronic illness.
I'm no longer a svelte size 8, and although I'm not obese, I'm much bigger than I ever was! Usually it's not an issue until I see a pic that someone else has taken from an unflattering angle, then I remember I'm not how I see myself in my minds eye. And there's really not a lot I can do to change it (can't exercise/don't eat that much or badly)
The hair isn't as fiery as it once was, and I can't afford to get it coloured.
Also probably just starting on the menopause, so yeah, not a fan of all the changes with age!!"
A photo taken yesterday when we were out at a family meal didn't help how I feel about myself seated. I looked enormous.
I can empathise with a lot of what you've said, Mimi. It's really hard when things change but not in a way you can control or influence, isn't it?? E.g. changing your hairstyle can be empowering but it's because you choose to change it. You can decide what to do. But when hormones (or lack thereof) make changes that you didn't sign up for, it's super frustrating  |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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How do I cope? I don’t really. I hate my body more and more with every passing day. And it contributes to my negative view of myself when I’m in a bad headspace |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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Op, I don't know you but I do admire you. I admire anyone that can take an unfiltered pic in all it's glory and post it for all to see. I could never do that.
My pictures paint an unrealistic image of me, my fault I know. But I couldn't deal with people seeing me how i see me, so I guess you could say my self image needs work. Maybe one day I won't listen to the voices that still live in my head.
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"How do I cope? I don’t really. I hate my body more and more with every passing day. And it contributes to my negative view of myself when I’m in a bad headspace"
Do you ever talk to anyone about it? I've started talking more openly to trusted people and trying to come to some kind of peace with what I look like and how my body works/does not work.
Like I'm sure is the case with me, other people see you differently to how you see yourself |
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"I think you look great Mrs KC, lovely inside and out. And I love how you are so unapologetically you with a take me or leave me attitude...
Perfectly imperfect
"
Awwwwww, shucks 
Thank you, my fellow countrywoman |
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"If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we are out own worst critics."
This, so much.
Friends and complete strangers say how cool and sexy you are, I know it’s tough but you need to listen to those voices as well as the one in your head. Posting this thread today just reinforces how awesome you are x |
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"Op, I don't know you but I do admire you. I admire anyone that can take an unfiltered pic in all it's glory and post it for all to see. I could never do that.
My pictures paint an unrealistic image of me, my fault I know. But I couldn't deal with people seeing me how i see me, so I guess you could say my self image needs work. Maybe one day I won't listen to the voices that still live in my head.
"
I don't know if it's different because I'm married and I know that Mr KC loves me and all my lumps and defects. He loves me, no matter what nonsense my body throws at me and so u suppose the worst case scenario on here is that no-one wants to bone me and we get some crappy DMs. I dunno.
Coyote, you look like an attractive lady but I know how it feels to NOT feel attractive. All I can say is that I hear you and you have all my respect for putting yourself out here as a single woman. I don't think I'd be so brave if I didn't have Mr KC at my side. |
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How inspiring, the fact you usually stand to pose despite it being so unbearable only shows how we've been programmed to think.
Your post has made me stop and think about why I complain about my body. And here you are absolutely smashing it from your "wheelie" - love that term by the way.
I think we are our own worst critics and with the added pressures from media/other people/ the people we once were, it can be very hard to accept changes in our own bodies.
I really just wanted to say keep smashing it beautiful and keeping being you |
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"I think you look great Mrs KC, lovely inside and out. And I love how you are so unapologetically you with a take me or leave me attitude...
Perfectly imperfect
Awwwwww, shucks
Thank you, my fellow countrywoman "
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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If you haven't been able bodied since 31, it seems that you've adapted very well... observing as an outsider..
I've been temporarily disabled for about 10 months (wheelchair & crutches) before and after 2 spine surgeries. My mental state was pretty negative when that was happening.
I've only had a slight taste of how difficult things can get. |
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"If you haven't been able bodied since 31, it seems that you've adapted very well... observing as an outsider..
I've been temporarily disabled for about 10 months (wheelchair & crutches) before and after 2 spine surgeries. My mental state was pretty negative when that was happening.
I've only had a slight taste of how difficult things can get."
I was able bodied up until the 7th month of my second pregnancy. I had not long since turned 31 then. It's been a solid downhill slope since then - I'm 38 now.
I remember you talking on here about your spinal surgeries - how have you recovered? |
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Hey Mrs KC, the majority of us take photos at our most flattering of angles. There's a reason why there are hardly any side on photos of women on here because we're all attempting to hide our bellies.
What I'm trying to say in a long winded way, is if I took the same photo as you I'd look similar. So don't put yourself down. You look amazing x |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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Love this post
Youth (and good health) is wasted on the young...
My Dad was knocked off his motorbike when I was 12, sustaining life-changing injuries that cause him great pain to this day. His left leg is paralysed and the neuropathic pain is getting worse with each year.
I get hung up on my body changing as much as the next person. 3 stone weight gain after babies and sertraline, pelvic organ prolapse, scarring from incorrectly stitched perineum (which had to be redone 9 months later), weight loss, prematurely grey hair that I can't dye, wrinkles, loss of elasticity in my skin due to perimenopause..... I just about get used to my body before it changes again!
I feel despondent about it at times, then I remember my Dad. He's so positive, despite his perpetual physical discomfort. Sure, I look older than my age, but I'm strong, healthy and pain free and I shouldn't take that for granted. |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"If you haven't been able bodied since 31, it seems that you've adapted very well... observing as an outsider..
I've been temporarily disabled for about 10 months (wheelchair & crutches) before and after 2 spine surgeries. My mental state was pretty negative when that was happening.
I've only had a slight taste of how difficult things can get.
I was able bodied up until the 7th month of my second pregnancy. I had not long since turned 31 then. It's been a solid downhill slope since then - I'm 38 now.
I remember you talking on here about your spinal surgeries - how have you recovered? "
Can't feel my foot on my right side still..maybe the feeling is slowly coming back (very slowly) hard to tell.
I'm very careful with how I exercise now. I don't lift heavy weights at all.
I much more favour body weight exercises.
As far my body changing, not so much in appearance, maybe that's genetic (lucky that way)..in ability yes, it's noticeable. |
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"Love this post
Youth (and good health) is wasted on the young...
My Dad was knocked off his motorbike when I was 12, sustaining life-changing injuries that cause him great pain to this day. His left leg is paralysed and the neuropathic pain is getting worse with each year.
I get hung up on my body changing as much as the next person. 3 stone weight gain after babies and sertraline, pelvic organ prolapse, scarring from incorrectly stitched perineum (which had to be redone 9 months later), weight loss, prematurely grey hair that I can't dye, wrinkles, loss of elasticity in my skin due to perimenopause..... I just about get used to my body before it changes again!
I feel despondent about it at times, then I remember my Dad. He's so positive, despite his perpetual physical discomfort. Sure, I look older than my age, but I'm strong, healthy and pain free and I shouldn't take that for granted."
Nell, I love your hair  It suits you so well.
Oh, and POP. I have it too (x3) and it's another way our bodies try and fail on us, eh? My surgery for one of the prolapses failed after a year 
I know you have many of your own challenges, I don't have a monopoly on crappiness. Your challenges are as real as anyone else's, whether or not it's a physical challenge or something else. |
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By *stellaWoman 40 weeks ago
London |
All the love for you and this post, Mrs KC.
I have such self loathing about my body but I forget all the things it can do for me. I need to reframe my negative speak. It’s funny how we hold ourselves to a standard we rarely hold anyone else to. It’s the totality and wholeness of a person that makes me fancy them, why I can’t appreciate myself similarly is so unproductive.
You’re beautiful, and I appreciate you. |
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I have to laugh at the very small number of people who DM to tell me I'm a benefits faker because I can stand up, yet use a wheelchair. I won't demean myself by explaining how that's a thing, but the word "ambulant" should be in your Google search. I hope everyone told their Granny/Grandpa they was faking it too, when they needed a wheelchair to get around Tesco, but walked in the house
It's hilarious how the ability to stand on one leg for the time it takes a camera shutter to open and close is apparently enough to tell a total stranger that you're a "fake"
And no, I'm not going to reply to anyone asking for the gory details of "what's wrong with me". Soz.
Love, peace and bananas |
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I've lost my confidence completely.
I've always been bipolar so that comes with it's own problems.
But since I damaged my leg my confidence has gone down to zero.
I haven't left the house on my own for over a year and when I leave the house I can only walk a short distance with my walker.
My family and friends are brilliant but I feel a burden |
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"Today, I posted an image of myself seated in my wheelie chair. I usually avoid doing that and go through the pain of standing, on one leg usually, for the few seconds it takes to snap a picture. I was able bodied until I was 31 and I don't think I've actually come to terms with what my body looks like when seated all the time.
I'm overall a confident person in life, even in my wheelchair, but that confidence belies a really poor self image. There's not a huge amount about my body that I like or look at and think "yeah, you look pretty decent (or peng, as a friend of mine would say."
I'm working on it, though. The things people notice about me when at seated height, with my legs front and centre, and my abdomen folded over, is very different to when I could walk/sashay and stand up for long periods. No-one, apart from Mr KC, notices my bum anymore. And anyway, it doesn't look the same from muscle atrophy. My bad leg is permanently a weird colour and my foot is always swollen, and in shorts or a short skirt, it's pretty obvious (to me, anyway). However, I struggle with allodynia (hypersensitivity) and so long swishy skirts or trousers that move in the wind are actually painful to wear. Many types of clothing are uncomfortable to wear and have enough freedom of movement to self-propel too, so my fashion choices are much reduced.
Coming to terms with my flawed, reasonably-newly disabled body has been hard. It's still hard. So, I struggle with self image (appearance as well as with-wheelchair) but I still have my confidence. I don't know how that works or what the real point of this ramble is, but there we are!
How have you coped with the way your body has changed over time? That's a good question "
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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Your positive outlook does wonders for those who havent taken that step you have. Lets face it, most people dont like looking in the mirror and seeing whats in front of them. Well done you for being positive and screw those haters.
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"I've lost my confidence completely.
I've always been bipolar so that comes with it's own problems.
But since I damaged my leg my confidence has gone down to zero.
I haven't left the house on my own for over a year and when I leave the house I can only walk a short distance with my walker.
My family and friends are brilliant but I feel a burden"
Diamond, would you ever consider a wheelchair or mobility scooter or something? Getting my wheelchair revolutionised my life, I waited too long to do it. It took another disabled person to tell me I was a daft twat, for me to see the light. I hope you do find the confidence to go out on your own again
And I totally understand how you feel when you say you feel like a burden. I feel like that a lot too. |
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You look great OP.
In terms of your question. Yes I was insecure for a while. I was bullied a lot for being a ginger back in school. So I was always self conscious. Of my pale skin and freckles. Took me years to overcome it and feel comfortable with myself. |
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By *hagTonightMan 39 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I love it. I like to flex and check out my abs in different angles
How do you maintain the 6 pack with all the haribos ?"
I maintain it by just having few haribos a day, one can enjoy it, but in a controlled way too. |
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"I've lost my confidence completely.
I've always been bipolar so that comes with it's own problems.
But since I damaged my leg my confidence has gone down to zero.
I haven't left the house on my own for over a year and when I leave the house I can only walk a short distance with my walker.
My family and friends are brilliant but I feel a burden
Diamond, would you ever consider a wheelchair or mobility scooter or something? Getting my wheelchair revolutionised my life, I waited too long to do it. It took another disabled person to tell me I was a daft twat, for me to see the light. I hope you do find the confidence to go out on your own again
And I totally understand how you feel when you say you feel like a burden. I feel like that a lot too. "
I don't know kinky. A mobility scooter would help me a lot to get out but I do feel like I'd be giving in. It's something I do think about. But then it's it's feeling like I will give in as in my head it's not permanant |
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"I've lost my confidence completely.
I've always been bipolar so that comes with it's own problems.
But since I damaged my leg my confidence has gone down to zero.
I haven't left the house on my own for over a year and when I leave the house I can only walk a short distance with my walker.
My family and friends are brilliant but I feel a burden
Diamond, would you ever consider a wheelchair or mobility scooter or something? Getting my wheelchair revolutionised my life, I waited too long to do it. It took another disabled person to tell me I was a daft twat, for me to see the light. I hope you do find the confidence to go out on your own again
And I totally understand how you feel when you say you feel like a burden. I feel like that a lot too. I don't know kinky. A mobility scooter would help me a lot to get out but I do feel like I'd be giving in. It's something I do think about. But then it's it's feeling like I will give in as in my head it's not permanant"
A mobility scooter is just a tool to aid you. To make your life easier and hopefully, more enjoyable. It might enable you to be more independent and to participate in activities you enjoy. If you do recover more from your injury you don't have to use a mobility aid anymore, just like people use crutches temporary after a broken leg or whatever.
Using a mobility aid is not failure. I'd say it's quite the opposite. |
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"Maybe look up Claire Lomas on FB op - slightly different as she’s paralysed chest down I think it is, but she’s exceptionally inspirational, and very approachable and shows just how life can be lived from a wheelchair (she has her pilots license, rides track bikes, goes skiing, alsorts!)
I can’t even begin to get my head round how life must change going from able bodied to not so kudos to you OP
"
Gutted her lap of the TT never went ahead. |
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"I've lost my confidence completely.
I've always been bipolar so that comes with it's own problems.
But since I damaged my leg my confidence has gone down to zero.
I haven't left the house on my own for over a year and when I leave the house I can only walk a short distance with my walker.
My family and friends are brilliant but I feel a burden
Diamond, would you ever consider a wheelchair or mobility scooter or something? Getting my wheelchair revolutionised my life, I waited too long to do it. It took another disabled person to tell me I was a daft twat, for me to see the light. I hope you do find the confidence to go out on your own again
And I totally understand how you feel when you say you feel like a burden. I feel like that a lot too. I don't know kinky. A mobility scooter would help me a lot to get out but I do feel like I'd be giving in. It's something I do think about. But then it's it's feeling like I will give in as in my head it's not permanant
A mobility scooter is just a tool to aid you. To make your life easier and hopefully, more enjoyable. It might enable you to be more independent and to participate in activities you enjoy. If you do recover more from your injury you don't have to use a mobility aid anymore, just like people use crutches temporary after a broken leg or whatever.
Using a mobility aid is not failure. I'd say it's quite the opposite. "
I'd agree with you there. It took ages for my mum to agree to have a mobility scooter because she thought of it as a loss of independence. The first thing she said when she did get one was that it have her her independence back .
Now persuading my dad to use a walker is another story... |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"….
If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we are out own worst critics.
Mrs "
That’s a Good thought. But it’s hard to do that, but I sometimes have.
I really do think some will see me the way they make me feel, because that means me feel amazing.
Op, someone else said above that confidence is sexy. Our bodies do change, so our attitudes just need to adjust I think, we need to own who we are right there and then. Choose people to get naked with who want you naked and are thrilled with the thought.
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By *luerooMan 39 weeks ago
Bridgwater |
i was born in 1960 with a hare lip and cleft palate, have had probably a dozen or more corrective proceedures in hospital, confidence i have none, a life time of cruel piss taking from early school daysto the present day. |
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"….
If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we are out own worst critics.
Mrs
That’s a Good thought. But it’s hard to do that, but I sometimes have.
I really do think some will see me the way they make me feel, because that means me feel amazing.
Op, someone else said above that confidence is sexy. Our bodies do change, so our attitudes just need to adjust I think, we need to own who we are right there and then. Choose people to get naked with who want you naked and are thrilled with the thought.
"
Thanks, Woody. My musings yesterday weren't so much about people wanting to get naked with me. It was more about acceptance of my body at all, and more so acceptance of the newly (ish) acquired faults that I have not really come to terms with, and how different my body looks when seated in a wheelchair. I much prefer how I look when stood up. |
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"i was born in 1960 with a hare lip and cleft palate, have had probably a dozen or more corrective proceedures in hospital, confidence i have none, a life time of cruel piss taking from early school daysto the present day."
That's sad to read, we can totally understand how it would make you feel |
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By *sWyldWoman 39 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I think you're such a strong woman and I love the way you see things. You're passionate and courageous and you've got fire in your belly. Those are the things that make someone beautiful. Not how we get around of the way we dress.
Changes are hard, and people's preconceived ideas or those stereotypes that hang over our heads for many reasons are exhausting to battle.
Everyone has their own unique glow and we should all wave that flag so damn proudly. I hate that the world (media) often tries to make us feel wrong, bad, silly for doing it.
When it comes to self esteem and confidence I have none. I give a great pep talk but I spend my life faking it. I hate how I look, I never feel "enough" and I have massive imposter syndrome. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells me I look nice. I'll never believe it.
However what I'm slowly finding is self acceptance and more importantly self forgiveness.
They are things I need to work on all the time but slowly they are developing.
For all of us who might loathe of wish our bodies were different, we also need to celebrate all the things our bodies do. Our massive capacity to love, care and support others, the resilience to get through all the challenges so far, the courage and the strength to fight on and not give up.
This sums it up much better than I ever could..
"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful."
F Scott Fitzgerald
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" This sums it up much better than I ever could..
"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful."
F Scott Fitzgerald
"
I love this quote! Thank you. And I hear you with the imposter syndrome. I really and truly do |
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By *aizyWoman 39 weeks ago
west midlands |
You look great OP you really do, we are our own harshest judges, I am so critical of myself every pic I take all I see is flaws and things about me I don't like, I am getting better about it I think it is my age, I have a lot more confidence now than when I was younger. You come across on here as a strong confident woman, and I hope your self image keeps growing. |
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I have acceptance in something, I cannot change and knowing that it's a part of me, gives me the confidence to love myself, floppy tits, menopause belly and wobbly thighs included. My special guys are into me and that's all that matters. I'm never going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's ok x |
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"I have acceptance in something, I cannot change and knowing that it's a part of me, gives me the confidence to love myself, floppy tits, menopause belly and wobbly thighs included. My special guys are into me and that's all that matters. I'm never going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's ok x"
I honestly think you’re one of the most confident people I have ever met and have always admired that about you x |
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Great post.
This confirms something that I thought for a long time - real confidence comes from your abilities & character not from your appearance. It’s based on what you do or have done not how you look.
This is why fake compliments actually damage peoples confidence, They reinforce the lies that your worth is based on how you look |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"….
If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we are out own worst critics.
Mrs
That’s a Good thought. But it’s hard to do that, but I sometimes have.
I really do think some will see me the way they make me feel, because that means me feel amazing.
Op, someone else said above that confidence is sexy. Our bodies do change, so our attitudes just need to adjust I think, we need to own who we are right there and then. Choose people to get naked with who want you naked and are thrilled with the thought.
Thanks, Woody. My musings yesterday weren't so much about people wanting to get naked with me. It was more about acceptance of my body at all, and more so acceptance of the newly (ish) acquired faults that I have not really come to terms with, and how different my body looks when seated in a wheelchair. I much prefer how I look when stood up. "
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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I've been using crutches since end of 2022, and sometimes think I should post pics with them here, just so any potential meets aren't taken aback once they see me in person. I've alluded to pain in my profile blurb, but not been 100% honest and upfront. Maybe I should, thank you for opening the discussion! |
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"I've been using crutches since end of 2022, and sometimes think I should post pics with them here, just so any potential meets aren't taken aback once they see me in person. I've alluded to pain in my profile blurb, but not been 100% honest and upfront. Maybe I should, thank you for opening the discussion! "
There are pictures and videos of me on our profile on crutches and also using a Zimmer frame. I need different things at different times, depending on how bad things are, but having moved to a bungalow a year ago, I can mainly just use my wheelchair, no matter what. My view is that if people are put off meeting because of the use of mobility aids, then I don't want to meet them. We've definitely had some unpleasant interactions and some people immediately vanish when they realise I'm disabled. It doesn't feel nice, but I wouldn't want to meet such people.
Hope you are coping okay? |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"I've been using crutches since end of 2022, and sometimes think I should post pics with them here, just so any potential meets aren't taken aback once they see me in person. I've alluded to pain in my profile blurb, but not been 100% honest and upfront. Maybe I should, thank you for opening the discussion!
There are pictures and videos of me on our profile on crutches and also using a Zimmer frame. I need different things at different times, depending on how bad things are, but having moved to a bungalow a year ago, I can mainly just use my wheelchair, no matter what. My view is that if people are put off meeting because of the use of mobility aids, then I don't want to meet them. We've definitely had some unpleasant interactions and some people immediately vanish when they realise I'm disabled. It doesn't feel nice, but I wouldn't want to meet such people.
Hope you are coping okay?"
That's pretty gross, people running away when they realise you're not able bodied. Ugh, humans. My dad was in a wheelchair most of his life, my twin was wheelchair bound from age 3, so it's not a 'new' or 'different' thing for me. It's just life, isn't it? I'm doing okay, I always knew it was coming, surprised it took this long. And wheelchair will be next for me, that's approaching alarmingly quickly. But again, you adapt, don't you? And anybody who doesn't want to get to know uh just because you are using aids that enhance your life? They're buttholes and can go fuck something poisonous |
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By *hoirCouple 39 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"I've been using crutches since end of 2022, and sometimes think I should post pics with them here, just so any potential meets aren't taken aback once they see me in person. I've alluded to pain in my profile blurb, but not been 100% honest and upfront. Maybe I should, thank you for opening the discussion! "
Just allude to it or hide a pic in private. Anyone trying to run people down for things they can't help isn't worthy of a damn thing.
C |
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How do I cope?
Firstly I don't use the word cope. Coping to me rouses connotations that I am enduring something. Existing, getting by and I'm not.
Aging is a privilege, having the freedom to express myself is a privilege.
My worth, wellbeing, attractiveness is not based on my body in my 20s, my body now or in 20 years. Nor is it based on whatever is the latest aesthetic or an acceptable hotness based on my age. Nor is it based on which man or woman would sleep with me or not sleep with me. Based solely on the way I look. I don't care. I will not succumb to this stupid ideal of being the best version. I am the best version of myself every day.
I'm not mad about my double chin as I age. I have to use a walking stick if my pelvis has a bad day.
But is that enough to make me doubt how beautiful I am? How successful? How clever, kind, insightful, loyal, supportive and sexy I am? The answer is no and will always be no.
Love yourselves for who you are in the present.
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By *edeWoman 39 weeks ago
the abyss |
You are an amazing human Mrs KC for so many reasons. Mainly your heart and capacity to understand struggles that people are going through.
Confidence is something I've never had. I generally 'fake it until I make it' or more likely until crumble into a dark corner. I'd like to say I'm working on it but in honesty I'm not entirely sure how too/what else to try. At them moment I just try to focus on everything else and ignore the horrible little head goblins as much as I can. One day at a time |
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See folks, today is one of *THOSE* days. I'm in excruciating pain, to the point I'm struggling to even get out of bed and into my wheelie chair. I'm needing Mr KCs help to do everything. It's that feeling of wasting my BH, one of fairly few days we're all off work and school together. Similar happened in the Feb half term when I took TWO whole days off. Which I spent in bed and then WFH the rest of the week, in agony and on the painkillers I try and avoid taking. Another flare happend as we were setting off on our last proper family holiday in Dec 2022, I spent much of the first week of that in/on bed or reclining on a sofa. The pre-booked hire car for adventures barely got used.
I get so annoyed with the failing of my body to the point where I don't know how I can ever love it, considering able bodied me wasn't exactly Ms. Body-confident UK
Sorry to bring down the jolly BH spirit but if anyone knows of one of those exoskeleton thingies going free/cheap, can you let me know? They're about a million quid new  |
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Oh Mrs KC! Sending the gentlest of hugs. The frustration must be immense. It reminds me of the line from Evita that always makes me cry. "What is the use of the strongest heart, in a body that's falling apart?"
J |
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