 |
By (user no longer on site) OP 34 weeks ago
|
Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
"
Just play it simple and no need sex is gratification right op |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
Just play it simple and no need sex is gratification right op"
Fuckkkk and go |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny-DJMan 34 weeks ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
The barriers all depend on the person and what they've been through and why they have put up these barriers.
I myself can completely understand this as I've done it myself.
Usually people do this after getting hurt particularly badly, or if they've suffered abuse of some form or another.
You really need to respect these barriers as usually they are non-negotiable |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.
Down ?
I was picturing those barriers in a car park. They go up to open. "
If confused just think of knickers. When it’s a good thing they both come down.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.
Down ?
I was picturing those barriers in a car park. They go up to open.
If confused just think of knickers. When it’s a good thing they both come down. "
My new mantra |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 34 weeks ago
|
"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.
"
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "
They are protecting their feelings Woody so no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In my experience people are referring to trust , allowing the self to trust is lowering the barrier.
I don't have barriers like this , I trust easily but almost always choose to avoid deep feelings because when I’m not with her I don’t want to be consumed thinking about her , I need to crack on with life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 34 weeks ago
|
"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? They are protecting their feelings Woody so no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done "
no kissing?…..   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "
Well they kind of are, no? If people are putting up barriers to protect feelings? Or have I misinterpreted? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I do have barriers and I find it hard to let people in then when I do if they hurt me my barriers go straight back up as in I'll not allow myself to trust someone easily, my feelings will be muted and somewhat guarded i guess it's an odd way of trying to prevent future hurt.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "
Everyonea will be differen (strange that)
For some it's wheee theyvneet or not having people round their or certain acts or actions. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 34 weeks ago
|
"I only meet any meet once, never break that rule. Then you cant become attached"
They? So it more about done or else’s feelings rather than protecting yours? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.
I’m not talking about them being taboo.
I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? They are protecting their feelings Woody so no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done
no kissing?….. "
oh yes no kissing if they kiss you they are gazumped  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman 34 weeks ago
. |
For me it meant deliberately distancing myself from anything that could resemble feelings. Not being my authentic self. Deliberately keeping conversations fairly short with sexual partners, not entertaining anything more than friendship and even then it was a very weak definition of that term. I tried it for a bit. Did it so I could heal and not worry that another person could hurt me, cheat on me etc. Being vulnerable takes trust doesn't it? When that's broken by another, it's natural for people to retreat a bit I think.
And then a few months ago I realised I wasn't really living life. Not for me. So I started being myself again, unashamedly enjoying things, people. I refuse to allow past hurt to affect future happiness. I do understand why it happens, won't knock people who do place barriers up but that's not for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Barriers for me personally is living in fear permanently. Fear that if you let someone in they will hurt you etc. Did that for so long that it become normal. But if you shut out all possibilities of being hurt you also deprive yourself from joy and happiness.
Sometimes you have to be brave, learn from the carnage and put your best foot forward. Because living your life in fear is a life half lived. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *bi HaiveMan 34 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
These days any barriers I have are people dependant, not situation dependant.
If I'd gone down the road of blocking anyone and everyone off last year I'd not be here now.
It was only down to letting some people in that got me through things.
But I can totally understand why some feel the need to put emotional or physical barriers in the way in their life. Sometimes it's the easiest way to cope. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *bi HaiveMan 34 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"These days any barriers I have are people dependant, not situation dependant.
If I'd gone down the road of blocking anyone and everyone off last year I'd not be here now.
It was only down to letting some people in that got me through things.
But I can totally understand why some feel the need to put emotional or physical barriers in the way in their life. Sometimes it's the easiest way to cope. "
* 'here' as in on Fab. Not anything else.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You just ignore that and go about smashing your way insensitively through whatever made up psychological and emotional scarring the person perceived they have created as a defence mechanism until you get what you want. And then you have won and it didn’t matter what they meant…
Or it could mean, approach cautiously, they’ve been hurt in some way in the past. Something like that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
"
I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
I don't have barriers. I'm totally open to feelings. In fact I don't think I can have sex with someone without some sort of feelings being there. I'm not scared of feelings but realise it's not what most people are here for and that's ok |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
"
To be fair I have no idea either. I’ve been told by people I put walls up, though that’s usually by people I know I can’t trust. Likes wise I know when people are being cagey when talking about something and that’s cool as it’s not for me to pry and let it be. Other than that I have no idea
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done "
Sorry what now?! 
No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done
Sorry what now?!
No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with "
This. I don't do "feelings". But I also don't do casual fuck anyone sex.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done
Sorry what now?!
No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with "
Unfortunately, some people are here to look for free "whores". That's the sad truth  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
|
"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done
Sorry what now?!
No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with
This. I don't do "feelings". But I also don't do casual fuck anyone sex.
"
I don’t do casual fuck anyone either…no connection no sex! I couldn’t be like that |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I like feelings, feelings are good. I'm not here for meaningless one night stands (to each their own) I'm here to build friendships and possibly, hopefully more.
When you get to know someone, you're opening yourself up to care for them. Whether that's stops at being worried about a friend going through a tough time, or falling for someone we're only human. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are feelings and there are feelings. I feel friendship with the people I meet and that is definitely the case with the people I meet regularly. I would like to think they could rely on me if they needed to.
However I really don’t want a relationship and I know the people I am meeting don’t want a relationship either because I am pretty much always the addition to their marriage. That works for me and it works for them.
I think if feelings ever got more than friendship (on side) then that would be a strong signal to stop seeing each other. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Oww wow damn! I misunderstood, didn’t realise it meant treating people as meaningless sex objects or dehumanising them. Definitely not my way and not judging anyone else but even if it was just one night, I’d have more feelings, respect and regards to their well being as a person. Doesn’t mean I’m in love or want to date but would hold them with the same regards and respect as a mate at least. Don’t do sociopaths who treat others as meaningless objects to do robotic intermit stuff with with out any feeling and just focusing on dopamine from the next orgasm. Damn that’s just seems alien to me tbf x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 33 weeks ago
|
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable."
Simone above mentioned people who have been hurt tend to do things a certain way to not get hurt again. So I get it even if it might not be how I do things. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?
So if anyone has any ideas?
I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?
I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable.
Simone above mentioned people who have been hurt tend to do things a certain way to not get hurt again. So I get it even if it might not be how I do things. "
I’ve been hurt plenty of times. I still enthusiastically and unboundedly have feelings. You don’t get the good stuff without making yourself vulnerable. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 33 weeks ago
|
"I think the barriers aren't to stop you feeling they're to stop the other person knowing how you feel. To me barriers are refusal to communicate how you feel. "
That an interesting thought. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think the barriers aren't to stop you feeling they're to stop the other person knowing how you feel. To me barriers are refusal to communicate how you feel.
That an interesting thought. "
It stops people getting too close. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
