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Asian Men in the Swinging World
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I've been ummm'ing and ahhh'ing about creating this thread because it's something I'm interested in getting people's thoughts on, but didn't want it devolving into the usual way a race thread goes, but the curiosity has got the best of me.
For context, I've never wanted to let my race be a limitation of my enjoyment of Fab and acknowledge the "preferences" of others regardless of where they stemmed from. But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type. I'm also aware of certain stereotypes of (particularly South) Asian men in this lifestyle that can drive those preferences and narratives which has affected my own way of approaching Fab and clubs with those stereotypes being in the back of my mind.
So I guess my question is, how do you view Asian men in this lifestyle and would certain experiences or hearing things about them drive your own preferences and decisions?
Sorry, I've really fucking rambled there  |
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This is a difficult one for me to answer clearly because my ex is from Southern India so my decisions are based around my experiences with him. I'm wary of men who display similar characteristics to him but not of men who share his ethnicity. If I'm absolutely honest I'd want to know an older South Asian guy from a conservative family quite well before I'd consider getting too close sexually. |
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"This is a difficult one for me to answer clearly because my ex is from Southern India so my decisions are based around my experiences with him. I'm wary of men who display similar characteristics to him but not of men who share his ethnicity. If I'm absolutely honest I'd want to know an older South Asian guy from a conservative family quite well before I'd consider getting too close sexually. "
I think it's understandable you would want that based on your previous experience and use a different approach going forward and I'm glad that you can separate the behaviour from the ethnicity. Do you think people can often link the two as opposed to separating them? |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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I don't see Asian men any other way that I see other races. I've been with all races in this lifestyle, Asian men included so its very much down to the person. That being said, there is a lot of prejudice against them in the lifestyle which is clear to see on here which I guess only those with that mindset will understand. The way I see it anyone who puts a group of people in the same category in 2024, have no place in the swinging world or the real world for that matter. |
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I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case. |
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I'd do you Joe 
Honestly. I do see the stereotypes. Both the people expressing them and the unfortunate number of people who perpetuate those behaviours in public situations.
And it sucks. Both for the people who endure it directly and the people like yourself who get the unwanted feedback from a group of people you are nothing like in terms of behaviour.
I am well aware that not all Asian men are one particular way. And yet, if I'm at a club, and there's an overbalance of that group, I feel uncomfortable even if none of them have yet exhibited the behaviours that make my skin crawl.
I do my best to judge each individual on the data they directly present to me rather than relying on cues from stereotypes and cultural expectations. But it's not always as easy to do that as it should be  |
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case. "
Interesting what you're saying about the taboo nature of sex in certain circumstances.
There was a time when most of the men I met were Asian (and Muslim actually) but always had to be (to use the fab term) 'discrete'. |
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A bad experience with someone from a specific race isn’t justification to write off an entire group.
My ex was pretty shitty- I’m not going to assume all white men are horrible. My old boss was a bit of a pain. Doesn’t mean all white women are terrible. I cannot see a reason that I would let a bad interaction be the cause of any form of prejudice. Some people are dicks, it does not mean I’m going to attribute it to their skin |
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"This is a difficult one for me to answer clearly because my ex is from Southern India so my decisions are based around my experiences with him. I'm wary of men who display similar characteristics to him but not of men who share his ethnicity. If I'm absolutely honest I'd want to know an older South Asian guy from a conservative family quite well before I'd consider getting too close sexually.
I think it's understandable you would want that based on your previous experience and use a different approach going forward and I'm glad that you can separate the behaviour from the ethnicity. Do you think people can often link the two as opposed to separating them?"
I know people often link the two.
It's a very difficult conversation to have because people become very defensive.
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It’s the same for short guys, fat guys, ugly guys or insert any other impossible to control variable which affects your acceptance rate.
I’d quite like to bang Asian ladies but there aren’t any near me, and they would probably turn me down due to the options they already have. |
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By *alcon77Man 27 weeks ago
under the sun & the moon |
"I've been ummm'ing and ahhh'ing about creating this thread because it's something I'm interested in getting people's thoughts on, but didn't want it devolving into the usual way a race thread goes, but the curiosity has got the best of me.
For context, I've never wanted to let my race be a limitation of my enjoyment of Fab and acknowledge the "preferences" of others regardless of where they stemmed from. But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type. I'm also aware of certain stereotypes of (particularly South) Asian men in this lifestyle that can drive those preferences and narratives which has affected my own way of approaching Fab and clubs with those stereotypes being in the back of my mind.
So I guess my question is, how do you view Asian men in this lifestyle and would certain experiences or hearing things about them drive your own preferences and decisions?
Sorry, I've really fucking rambled there "
I get friend requests from people that say no asians too, I'm mix of a few things, but mainly north indian.
I tend to ignore those profiles/requests.
Just be yourself/embrace the individual. |
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case.
Interesting what you're saying about the taboo nature of sex in certain circumstances.
There was a time when most of the men I met were Asian (and Muslim actually) but always had to be (to use the fab term) 'discrete'."
That is interesting. Girl I saw years ago was from a Pakistani Muslim family. She had to be extremely discrete too. Even more so due to her gender. And the fact I'm not Muslim. |
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First and foremost they are human.
Second I judge them on their values, characters, appearance and their ability to communicate and demonstrate honesty etc.
If they are twattish they are twattish.... race doesn't come into it.
Culture might come into it as that heavily influences beliefs and behaviours but not race.
For every misogynistic, controlling, entitled , arrogant asian , i'll find you a counterpart non asian.
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"I've been ummm'ing and ahhh'ing about creating this thread because it's something I'm interested in getting people's thoughts on, but didn't want it devolving into the usual way a race thread goes, but the curiosity has got the best of me.
For context, I've never wanted to let my race be a limitation of my enjoyment of Fab and acknowledge the "preferences" of others regardless of where they stemmed from. But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type. I'm also aware of certain stereotypes of (particularly South) Asian men in this lifestyle that can drive those preferences and narratives which has affected my own way of approaching Fab and clubs with those stereotypes being in the back of my mind.
So I guess my question is, how do you view Asian men in this lifestyle and would certain experiences or hearing things about them drive your own preferences and decisions?
Sorry, I've really fucking rambled there
I get friend requests from people that say no asians too, I'm mix of a few things, but mainly north indian.
I tend to ignore those profiles/requests.
Just be yourself/embrace the individual."
Agreed just be yourself. People who are decent will like you for who you are. Stereotypes for certain communities are always the case sadly. I mean my dad is a Gypsy and I grew up with that lifestyle and culture when I was younger. But regardless of my background, I try to treat everyone with respect. |
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"I don't see Asian men any other way that I see other races. I've been with all races in this lifestyle, Asian men included so its very much down to the person. That being said, there is a lot of prejudice against them in the lifestyle which is clear to see on here which I guess only those with that mindset will understand. The way I see it anyone who puts a group of people in the same category in 2024, have no place in the swinging world or the real world for that matter."
I really appreciate that and I like to think a majority of people think the same. But if there are clear prejudices from certain people, I wonder wwhere the line is between letting them know and allowing them to have that preference? |
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Pshh.
I view Asian men the same way I view white and black men. Just men.
All know is, I show zero love to anyone who has “no Asian men “ on their profile. Even if they were the hottest person on the site and they approached me, I’d decline.  |
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case. "
I definitely think it's more communities than the Muslim one but you make a very interesting point about not wanting to be involved in that. But then to an extent, apart from those very open about their lifestyle, doesn't everyone who takes part in this want to keep it secret from their families? |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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I treat being approached by an Asian man the same as I would any other. I don’t think it’s fair to tar a whole group of people with the same brush off the back of a bad experience.
I’ve met with Asian men. I had a pretty shitty experience, but that was because he was an awful person and nothing to do with his ethnicity.
I remember chatting back and forth with a guy who I didn’t know was Asian at the time (all his pictures were in black and white so it would have been difficult to tell) when it came to the point of swapping face pics he wanted to "warn me" that he was Asian. Sad when you think of it like that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"I've been ummm'ing and ahhh'ing about creating this thread because it's something I'm interested in getting people's thoughts on, but didn't want it devolving into the usual way a race thread goes, but the curiosity has got the best of me.
For context, I've never wanted to let my race be a limitation of my enjoyment of Fab and acknowledge the "preferences" of others regardless of where they stemmed from. But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type. I'm also aware of certain stereotypes of (particularly South) Asian men in this lifestyle that can drive those preferences and narratives which has affected my own way of approaching Fab and clubs with those stereotypes being in the back of my mind.
So I guess my question is, how do you view Asian men in this lifestyle and would certain experiences or hearing things about them drive your own preferences and decisions?
Sorry, I've really fucking rambled there "
Since you rambled, I'll keep it short 
I knew you were Asian before I met you. It made no difference whatsoever. You were just a genuinely lovely guy. So I think, no matter the race, there's always a chance of you meeting a horrible guy (or woman).
Would I meet you again? Absolutely |
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"I'd do you Joe
Honestly. I do see the stereotypes. Both the people expressing them and the unfortunate number of people who perpetuate those behaviours in public situations.
And it sucks. Both for the people who endure it directly and the people like yourself who get the unwanted feedback from a group of people you are nothing like in terms of behaviour.
I am well aware that not all Asian men are one particular way. And yet, if I'm at a club, and there's an overbalance of that group, I feel uncomfortable even if none of them have yet exhibited the behaviours that make my skin crawl.
I do my best to judge each individual on the data they directly present to me rather than relying on cues from stereotypes and cultural expectations. But it's not always as easy to do that as it should be "
Thank you for being honest Prey
I see it from your point of view being in clubs and seeing a group of Asian men together might appear intimidating even if they haven't done anything and I've even been in positions where I don't want to be seen with that group so others don't get the wrong idea. Although I do feel that a group of any men may appear intimidating in a club setting as well. |
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Personally, race makes no difference to me. If you are respectful and honest and sincere, like you come across as being, then I would most definitely consider meeting you.
It’s disrespectful, dishonest and entitled people that turn me off regardless of race, gender, sexuality etc |
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case. "
I think the stereotype comes from a very different place from people being intimidated by strictness to be honest!!
I'm mixed but grew up with the white side of the family as more of an influence. I don't speak any 'asian' languages and have not been immersed or exposed to Asian culture growing up but I'm sure I get judged by some as a stereotype here on fab.
In real life in this lifestyle I've not encountered any issues. No one has said anything negative to my face. |
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I struggle to explain this one. And it’s not necessarily “Asian men” specific.
I would never ever rule out a whole group of people based on anything gender/weight/height/colour etc. and I don’t necessarily have a physical “type” as I tend to find the person sexy first (although there are those that I see and instantly phwoaaar obviously). But there are some demographics I suppose that I have fancied less often. For arguments sake (this is made up)
90% of my fancied people are middle height, purple haired, Mexican man
1% happen to be tall, green skinned, Icelandic men.
That’s so badly explained. I’ll try again one day.
I do agree that there seem to be preconceptions about certain race/religions though (not just Asian men and not always overtly negative). And it’s a thing we really need to be wary of I think. As that’s almost an insidious racism. Seems harmless, but I think can build. Again badly explained.
I’ll see myself out. |
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case.
Interesting what you're saying about the taboo nature of sex in certain circumstances.
There was a time when most of the men I met were Asian (and Muslim actually) but always had to be (to use the fab term) 'discrete'.
That is interesting. Girl I saw years ago was from a Pakistani Muslim family. She had to be extremely discrete too. Even more so due to her gender. And the fact I'm not Muslim. "
Yes you not being so compounds it. My closest friend is Sikh, growing up she wasn't allowed Muslim friends let alone anything more  |
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I’d also like to add that judgment of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, I’ve seen it and know a couple of Asian guys that experience it. It’s also an issue offline too but I think it might be more amplified in this lifestyle online world because we don’t pick people up on their behaviour half as much as we should on here. |
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Personally, we've never considered a persons ethnicity when deciding if that's a person we would be interested in getting to know with the possibility of play.
We have however stopped associating with many people in this lifestyle who choose not to and back that preference up with racism or xenophobia. Their preferences are their own but our preference is to not be around people like that at all. It happens more than I'd like to admit and it's a sour side to what is otherwise, a fun hobby. |
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"A bad experience with someone from a specific race isn’t justification to write off an entire group.
My ex was pretty shitty- I’m not going to assume all white men are horrible. My old boss was a bit of a pain. Doesn’t mean all white women are terrible. I cannot see a reason that I would let a bad interaction be the cause of any form of prejudice. Some people are dicks, it does not mean I’m going to attribute it to their skin "
That's what I always think. On one hand I do see that I'm not allowed to decide what a person's trigger is from a bad experience, but at the same time, it doesn't seem fair that skin colour has to be it |
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"I know people often link the two.
It's a very difficult conversation to have because people become very defensive.
"
I think that's why I hesitated in creating this thread. I was interested in people's thoughts but felt it would look similar to "calling out" people with those choices. |
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"I’d also like to add that judgment of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, I’ve seen it and know a couple of Asian guys that experience it. It’s also an issue offline too but I think it might be more amplified in this lifestyle online world because we don’t pick people up on their behaviour half as much as we should on here. "
Yes, here there's staunch defenders of 'preference'. I get that, people have them, sure. The way that's communicated on quite a few profiles is pretty grim though |
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By *alcon77Man 27 weeks ago
under the sun & the moon |
"A bad experience with someone from a specific race isn’t justification to write off an entire group.
My ex was pretty shitty- I’m not going to assume all white men are horrible. My old boss was a bit of a pain. Doesn’t mean all white women are terrible. I cannot see a reason that I would let a bad interaction be the cause of any form of prejudice. Some people are dicks, it does not mean I’m going to attribute it to their skin
That's what I always think. On one hand I do see that I'm not allowed to decide what a person's trigger is from a bad experience, but at the same time, it doesn't seem fair that skin colour has to be it "
I told a friend of mine that I get contacted by people that will state white only (or words to that effect) on their profile.
He joked to me that perhaps they have a colour chart on their wall. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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Sounds like plain old racism to me mate. Which this site does have quite a few issues with.
I’m a mix of ethnicity too as my family tree goes as follows.
British on mother’s side. Mediterranean and Arab on my dads side.
Have a guess which part some people turn their nose up at 
As another person has already said in the thread If people have a problem or some kind of bias (whether they are aware of it or not)with your ethnicity would you really want to meet up with them anyway?
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case.
Interesting what you're saying about the taboo nature of sex in certain circumstances.
There was a time when most of the men I met were Asian (and Muslim actually) but always had to be (to use the fab term) 'discrete'.
That is interesting. Girl I saw years ago was from a Pakistani Muslim family. She had to be extremely discrete too. Even more so due to her gender. And the fact I'm not Muslim.
Yes you not being so compounds it. My closest friend is Sikh, growing up she wasn't allowed Muslim friends let alone anything more "
Sadly it is the norm in large parts of the world. |
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"I know people often link the two.
It's a very difficult conversation to have because people become very defensive.
I think that's why I hesitated in creating this thread. I was interested in people's thoughts but felt it would look similar to "calling out" people with those choices."
When it comes to race, ethnicity and even nationality people will fudge the issue. Not many people will tell the truth especially on here where the desire to be seen as inclusive and open minded is strong.
I don't know what can be done about it. I was involved in many conversations in which I was stereotyped and despite very obviously not fitting their ideas nobody ever changed their mind about me or women of my ethnicity . I'm not saying that in a #metoo way but just to illustrate that stereotypes are very slow to change |
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"It’s the same for short guys, fat guys, ugly guys or insert any other impossible to control variable which affects your acceptance rate.
I’d quite like to bang Asian ladies but there aren’t any near me, and they would probably turn me down due to the options they already have. "
I suppose, but I have found that people are more likely to write off meeting Asian men based off bad experiences in a way they don't for short, tall or fat guys |
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By *ornycougaWoman 27 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
You know my views on this one! I don't understand how anyone can make a blanket decision that a whole ethnic group is unattractive to them or, at the other extreme, to fetishise on the basis of race. I am attracted to individuals. Yes I have very clear preferences but I take each person at face value without preconceived ideas about how they look or behave until they prove otherwise to me. |
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"It’s the same for short guys, fat guys, ugly guys or insert any other impossible to control variable which affects your acceptance rate.
I’d quite like to bang Asian ladies but there aren’t any near me, and they would probably turn me down due to the options they already have.
I suppose, but I have found that people are more likely to write off meeting Asian men based off bad experiences in a way they don't for short, tall or fat guys"
To be honest it's not even actual bad experiences. It's preconceived bad experiences.
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I do think the anonymity of this place goes a long way in creating the problem. It’s so hard to see the people through the profiles on here. That makes it easier for those with conscious bias or the more subtle kind to keep doing what they do with impunity or without a second thought. 
Obviously it’s not on the same level but I’ve definitely had plenty of interactions where people have put me in a box before I’ve even opened my mouth. Based purely on my age and username I presume.
It’s a very ugly aspect of humanity. |
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"You know my views on this one! I don't understand how anyone can make a blanket decision that a whole ethnic group is unattractive to them or, at the other extreme, to fetishise on the basis of race. I am attracted to individuals. Yes I have very clear preferences but I take each person at face value without preconceived ideas about how they look or behave until they prove otherwise to me. "
You have the same view as me, HC. Totally agree. |
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"I get friend requests from people that say no asians too, I'm mix of a few things, but mainly north indian.
I tend to ignore those profiles/requests.
Just be yourself/embrace the individual."
I appreciate the kind words and always like to think people appreciate me for who I am, it's just that when you do have those profiles contact me, it does niggle at me a bit! |
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"
First and foremost they are human.
Second I judge them on their values, characters, appearance and their ability to communicate and demonstrate honesty etc.
If they are twattish they are twattish.... race doesn't come into it.
Culture might come into it as that heavily influences beliefs and behaviours but not race.
For every misogynistic, controlling, entitled , arrogant asian , i'll find you a counterpart non asian."
I love how to the point you are, Granny!  you've made a great point about culture and race and I think it's very easy for some to conflate the two. |
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"But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type."
It’s not the same thing (at all), but I get approached fairly often by women whose profiles say ‘no married men’. I’d try not to read too much into it. People are a messy mass of contradictions. It’s one of the things that makes us human and keeps us interesting.
I do sympathise though with feeling a bit ‘icky’ when approached by someone who has a potentially racist point of view on display. That can’t feel nice. |
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It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well. |
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Joe here is my little bit as I don't really get involved in these discussions about race/ethicity/politics and the like on line as always becomes a polarised discussion. The only thing that matters is the person. The rest will be down to whether someone is attracted to that particular person. If anyone excludes people from certain background in a blanket approach, not even worth giving them a second thought if they think that everyone from a certain background have the same characteristics, be it values, beliefs or even looks. That's how I view it and all I can say  |
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Judgement of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, and I find it fascinating to how how it’s delivered and received.
It’s hard for me to understand because I grew up in Newham and went to Uni in Leicester so I’ve grown up with and been around Asian people all my life  |
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Interesting thread Joe, I didn't realise that you were Asian, but I am also Asian, I am an ex Muslim too to make it even worse 
I did feel a bit awkward when I came across profiles that write off my ethnicity. But you can't change these people's views easily. There are cultural issues in the Asian community both Muslim and non Muslim, particularly the role of women where they are still treated like property rather than people. But as a British born Asian, I can see that we're moving away from such attitudes thankfully, though maybe not fast enough. My 2p worth. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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Don't know if this is going of in a bit of detour but here goes ... I worked predominantly with a group of asian men , Indian and Pakistani , and never felt safer or more respected. Ive also been with an asian man (not work related) and he was a gentleman .
I think its incredibly sad that in 2024 there is still racial prejudice and that the colour of someones skin is judged . |
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"But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type.
It’s not the same thing (at all), but I get approached fairly often by women whose profiles say ‘no married men’. I’d try not to read too much into it. People are a messy mass of contradictions. It’s one of the things that makes us human and keeps us interesting.
I do sympathise though with feeling a bit ‘icky’ when approached by someone who has a potentially racist point of view on display. That can’t feel nice."
With the greatest of respect, it's not the same thing in the slightest. Being of Asian descent is inherently who a person is. They cannot change or hide it. If you* are a married man on this site, you* can choose to hide it if you* wish or even change your marital status, if you're* here because of marital issues. But someone cannot change their ethnicity.
*This is the royalty "you". I don't know anything about your personal circumstances, RTG. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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It’s the minority that ruin it for the majority. I’m of South Asian origin and I’ve spoken with predominantly Pakistani men and their frustrations at not getting very far on Fab due to the no Asian men disclaimers. On the other hand I’m very popular as I’m one of very few Pakistani ladies on Fab. I do however sympathise with my fellow Pakistani men. |
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By *9XAYNOR69Man 27 weeks ago
Centralised he/him/his From the land of haribos |
You've explained it and have got it absolutely right
I've met Asian males and still meet regularly.
As long as it's genuine honest discrete no compromise respectful non judgmental and your meeting in safe discrete place I've experienced no problems
I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
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"You've explained it and have got it absolutely right
I've met Asian males and still meet regularly.
As long as it's genuine honest discrete no compromise respectful non judgmental and your meeting in safe discrete place I've experienced no problems
I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
"
Freedom! The freedom to allow us to be who we want to be. Thank you fab. Though I reckon with time and education those other parts are moving towards where we are currently. |
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"With the greatest of respect, it's not the same thing in the slightest."
Well, yes. That’s why I prefaced my post with “It’s not the same thing (at all), but …”
Don’t worry, I think we’re all on the same page and we all understand what race is. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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This relates to seeing the cover of a book and deciding it's not a good book or it's not worth reading without knowing anything else about it.
Get to know the "individual" and not allow prejudice to hinder progress. |
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By *ewcatWoman 27 weeks ago
Berkshire |
I haven’t read all the responses so sorry if I’m repeating.
I know we’ve discussed this before.
I didn’t grow up in the UK, I’ve spent the vast majority of my life overseas so my views on life are frequently quite different to people born and raised here.
I find Fab very tolerant of open racism, fetishisation of humans based on colour. I struggle to grasp the thought process behind ‘No Asian’ how can you claim an entire continent (45-50 ish countries) of people as exactly the same? Its ludicrous.
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"It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well. "
This is my experience too.... The way "some" Asian men view white western women.
Growing up I used to hang out in the clubs with a mixed crowd. I heard many a time that white women were dirty, cheap, easy, only for a good time (in secret) and I know lots of the lads would regularly get sent "home" if they met/dated white girls. And a few children that were disowned by that side of the family. Obviously, that was 30 odd years ago, so I imagine young men like yourself aren't as bound by religion/culture now, a few more generations down the line? |
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"It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well.
This is my experience too.... The way "some" Asian men view white western women.
Growing up I used to hang out in the clubs with a mixed crowd. I heard many a time that white women were dirty, cheap, easy, only for a good time (in secret) and I know lots of the lads would regularly get sent "home" if they met/dated white girls. And a few children that were disowned by that side of the family. Obviously, that was 30 odd years ago, so I imagine young men like yourself aren't as bound by religion/culture now, a few more generations down the line?"
Sadly many (not all) view White Western Women, in the same way many White Western Men view Thai and Filipina women as easy and up for a shag. |
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"It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well.
This is my experience too.... The way "some" Asian men view white western women.
Growing up I used to hang out in the clubs with a mixed crowd. I heard many a time that white women were dirty, cheap, easy, only for a good time (in secret) and I know lots of the lads would regularly get sent "home" if they met/dated white girls. And a few children that were disowned by that side of the family. Obviously, that was 30 odd years ago, so I imagine young men like yourself aren't as bound by religion/culture now, a few more generations down the line?"
I have mentioned it before in another thread. The attitude still exists, albeit not as bad as it was in the past. The same attitude extends to black women too. As an Asian myself, I have heard Asian parents tell their daughters only to befriend other Asian girls in schools because black/white girls are of "bad character". If the same parents had boys, one could imagine what attitude the guys will have towards these groups of women based on what their parents tell them.
I can see things are changing. Hopefully the future generations are better. |
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Things have changed a lot over the last few decades, it will get better slowly. Attitudes to race and colour take time to change, I think it's because a lot of this negativity comes from religion, religion acts to try to defend such attitudes in my experience, hence change takes longer than it should. |
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By *r_reusMan 27 weeks ago
Coventry |
Do you feel this is a race issue or does it only affect the men of that particular race?
Because I've had quite a few meets with Muslim girls and various other parts of Asia over the years, and found them to be quite lovely and well sought after. |
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"Do you feel this is a race issue or does it only affect the men of that particular race?
Because I've had quite a few meets with Muslim girls and various other parts of Asia over the years, and found them to be quite lovely and well sought after."
My guess is that it only affects men. Not swinging, but dating app stats show that Asian men are at the bottom of the stack when it comes to interest from women whereas Asian women are the top of the stack based on interest from men. |
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By *na64Woman 27 weeks ago
Manchester |
"You know my views on this one! I don't understand how anyone can make a blanket decision that a whole ethnic group is unattractive to them or, at the other extreme, to fetishise on the basis of race. I am attracted to individuals. Yes I have very clear preferences but I take each person at face value without preconceived ideas about how they look or behave until they prove otherwise to me. "
Think you’ve hit the nail on the head here. Perfectly |
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Honestly OP (JoeBeans) as one Asian Guy to another this is how I view it beyond swinging as that is just the tip off the ice berg..
Lets put swinging aside for a second and look at world wide view in general across the globe and it's NOT just limited to the United Kingdom but across the Earth..
If you are a South Asian Male 7 or 8 times out off 10 people will have something negative or bad to say in general and I will explain exactly why..
often and not the first thing most people will come to say or think off is the following:
Crime particularly the following:
- Terrorism/Wars on terror/conflicts
- Drug Dealing/Drug Use
- Fraud/Theft
- R.ape/Grooming Gangs
- P.aedophillia/Sexual
Harrasment/Stalker Activity
- Honor Killings/Forced Marriage
- Acid Attacks
- Murders
- Dangerous Driving/Speed Racing
- Dishonesty/Disgraceful behaviour and so forth/ No regard for Authority or laws.
- Migrants from the boat/Illegals
- Abusing ones own family if they grew up or were raised/had a South Asian father
the list is endless...
other things people look at/like to comment on is:
- Religious Fundamentalism/Extremism
- No Respect for women
- Anti LGBTQ+/Homophobic Sentiment
- Racism towards none South Asians
- Not integrating or following the rules/values off whichever country they go to this is especially seen as in the West or other countries spread through the globe..
Honestly it's like being sat in a court room in the defendants box and people and there is a never ending queue off complaints/witnesses making statements against you...
FOR THE RECORD...I am NOT saying that we have it the worst or anything else after all people from EVERY community/racial background has it's own individual challenges/obstacles and problems to deal with and overcome life is a struggle for all I am merely stating my own personal experience as a South Asian Male there is a level off accountability after all one has to accept and talk about issues in their own community and work on it..
As for the swinging scene or none swinging scene I have noticed ONE major factor...
for all the groups etc there is a mix people tend to have some good and some bad or there is a balance for everyone else..
when it comes to personal experiences with South Asian Men its majority negative statements/remarks from everyone be it Women, Couples, T-girls and Men off ALL different backgrounds/Racial groups etc.
Often they state:
- Swinging Scene/Clubs
- Sexual Performances
- Bad Behaviour/Experiences
- Legal/Criminal Issues where they had to get Police or loved ones etc involved
- Heart break
- Affairs/Relationships
- Lack off attraction
- Abuse
- Cultural/Pushy Behaviour/Selfish Lovers/Deceit.
- Lack off respect/controlling behaviour especially towards South Asian Women and their choices/independence to do as they freely please/wish in life.
- Work Place/ Everyday encounters/ Homophobia
To be honest that more or less sums it up be it everyday life or swinging related this is how you WILL be viewed in general..
People are more then welcome to go for what they wish/feel comfortable with I personally have no place to tell anyone regardless who they should or should not happily see/meet as it's not up to me to tell them otherwise or challenge it as it's a personal choice for them to go see, If I am excluded from this be it for my Racial background reasons or something else so be it that is life...
THAT Being said if you feel the need to repeatedly every time there is any mere mention off South Asian men in a conversation to have a repeated massive slag off fest over and over again and lets face it people have done in the past on here time and time again be it on here or real life and then hide behind the word "Preference" you can GTFO out off my face I have absolutely nothing to discuss with you ever..
I'll admit On the off chance some one from any gender lets casually slip or says "I Like Asian Guys" I just quietly nod my head and say "Okay" but in the back off my mind I am thinking "Hmmmm they say that now but the first sign off something going unpleasant/wrong they will then dislike and go off them just like the rest off them"...
I don't particularly feel happy writing all this because frankly life is too short nor do I take any pleasure in saying this but it's the true reality people don't say out loud...
If I could wish for one thing to come true in this world it would just simply be less negativity towards or coming from us and that is all it is important that we speak to one another and work to improve our own personal behaviour/conduct towards one another in everyday life and with everyone else we encounter for the most part..
To the OP (JoeBeans) if what I have said has made you upset or any other Asian Guys I do genuinely apologise that is not my intention if it comes off as harsh/brutal but this is just how it feels to me sometimes the reality to the point where I would rather not speak this kind off stuff as it has built up in me for a very long time over the years through life hence why I have my guard up around people quite often in life...
Life is short live a happy life be good to other people or be civil/respectful and try to live an honest/decent life and you're actions will speak louder on you're behalf regardless to how others will perceive you in this world I wish you all the best  |
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By *na64Woman 27 weeks ago
Manchester |
"From extensive research they have found the two groups that do poorly on dating sites are asian men and black women."
Now this is interesting, as on this site you get a lot of “fetish” messages from men of all races about black women.
I wonder if it’s because it’s anonymous. |
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"Pshh.
I view Asian men the same way I view white and black men. Just men.
All know is, I show zero love to anyone who has “no Asian men “ on their profile. Even if they were the hottest person on the site and they approached me, I’d decline. "
It's great to see that to be honest, especially when some single men can see something like that as a leg up with the "competition" faced on here |
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"I treat being approached by an Asian man the same as I would any other. I don’t think it’s fair to tar a whole group of people with the same brush off the back of a bad experience.
I’ve met with Asian men. I had a pretty shitty experience, but that was because he was an awful person and nothing to do with his ethnicity.
I remember chatting back and forth with a guy who I didn’t know was Asian at the time (all his pictures were in black and white so it would have been difficult to tell) when it came to the point of swapping face pics he wanted to "warn me" that he was Asian. Sad when you think of it like that. "
I'll be honest, when I first joined. These stereotypes I was in about were at the forefront of my mind and so I felt like I had to "warn" people that I was Indian which never felt good. Luckily, I learned that the majority didn't care but I'm glad you didn't let your bad experiences change your view as a whole |
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"Since you rambled, I'll keep it short
I knew you were Asian before I met you. It made no difference whatsoever. You were just a genuinely lovely guy. So I think, no matter the race, there's always a chance of you meeting a horrible guy (or woman).
Would I meet you again? Absolutely "
I really appreciate that, thank you so much! Of course, I always want to come across as genuine and myself, but if that can help people see that and change any preconceptions, then that's just a bonus |
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"Personally, race makes no difference to me. If you are respectful and honest and sincere, like you come across as being, then I would most definitely consider meeting you.
It’s disrespectful, dishonest and entitled people that turn me off regardless of race, gender, sexuality etc"
I appreciate that opinion and one that I feel like I've been lucky to believe in as I've never felt held back by my race in any way. I like to think that might the view of a majority of the forums if not Fab as well |
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By *ularliWoman 27 weeks ago
worcester |
I have no issue with any race, ethnicity etc.
I work with a lot of foreigners so mix with everyone.
I treat people as I’d like to be treated.
A new starter came in today and my first thought was wow he’s fit. He’s Asian, good looking, polite.
For me it’s all about the person, not their colour or religion.
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"I'm guessing because of stereotypes as most Asians in this country are Muslim. So maybe some people are intimidated and put off by the strictness of certain Muslim communities. Swinging is taboo but even more so with communities where sex outside of marriage is extremely frowned upon and even sex with someone who isn't a married partner can have serious consequences in large parts of the world.
I might be wrong, but that is what I believe is the case.
I think the stereotype comes from a very different place from people being intimidated by strictness to be honest!!
I'm mixed but grew up with the white side of the family as more of an influence. I don't speak any 'asian' languages and have not been immersed or exposed to Asian culture growing up but I'm sure I get judged by some as a stereotype here on fab.
In real life in this lifestyle I've not encountered any issues. No one has said anything negative to my face. "
Being intimidated by the strictness is an interesting one. We can come from sexually strict backgrounds as far as who we can date, marry etc. but like yourself, I was born here and feel more British than Indian in terms of worldview and hate to think that just because I look like I come from a strict background, that it would put people off. |
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I've not read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating myself.
I don't understand the no "insert word". It makes me think they're intolerant and hence not my kind of people. And if they message you with those kind of words on their profiles suggests they have no idea of their own racism. Which is a completely different thread of its own. |
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"I struggle to explain this one. And it’s not necessarily “Asian men” specific.
I would never ever rule out a whole group of people based on anything gender/weight/height/colour etc. and I don’t necessarily have a physical “type” as I tend to find the person sexy first (although there are those that I see and instantly phwoaaar obviously). But there are some demographics I suppose that I have fancied less often. For arguments sake (this is made up)
90% of my fancied people are middle height, purple haired, Mexican man
1% happen to be tall, green skinned, Icelandic men.
That’s so badly explained. I’ll try again one day.
I do agree that there seem to be preconceptions about certain race/religions though (not just Asian men and not always overtly negative). And it’s a thing we really need to be wary of I think. As that’s almost an insidious racism. Seems harmless, but I think can build. Again badly explained.
I’ll see myself out."
Haha it's completely fine! It's a hard to topic to gather thoughts and opinions on but I get what you mean. It's very simple to say that you prefer the aesthetics of certain people and that could be tied to a particular race, but when you rule out entire groups, that's when the area might become a bit grey |
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Very good point there, OP. But as from my experiences and I am Asian, it’s never easy, but that’s how it is and being oriental, you have to work extra hard but in say that we cannot be everybody’s preference.
And I would say to bring peace upon myself, I just take no notice of people and slightly underlined racist views, ultimately life is too short to worry about negativity |
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"I’d also like to add that judgment of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, I’ve seen it and know a couple of Asian guys that experience it. It’s also an issue offline too but I think it might be more amplified in this lifestyle online world because we don’t pick people up on their behaviour half as much as we should on here. "
I think that's why I have a bit of a problem with the word "preference" it's such a blanket term that we all have to accept regardless of the intent behind and just kills any kind of debate |
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To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. "
that’s a great question. I’ve been told to stick to your own kind ! What does that even mean to me, i find it difficult on fab. I’ve always been polite when I do message someone.
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I take people on a case by case basis.
The only bad experience happened to be a white male from the Eastern block.
I have found that some messages from Asian males have been defensive in nature, maybe because of the way some people have treated them here. I am an equal opportunities rejecter!
I am well aware of the stereotypes especially in clubs, but haven't personally had a problem. |
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"Personally, we've never considered a persons ethnicity when deciding if that's a person we would be interested in getting to know with the possibility of play.
We have however stopped associating with many people in this lifestyle who choose not to and back that preference up with racism or xenophobia. Their preferences are their own but our preference is to not be around people like that at all. It happens more than I'd like to admit and it's a sour side to what is otherwise, a fun hobby. "
That last sentence is really intriguing. I wouldn't call myself a seasoned swinger but have had my eyes opened at the possibilities of meeting a range of people which makes it a fun hobby. I suppose I shouldn't let some of those views dampen my own experiences that are to come |
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"Sounds like plain old racism to me mate. Which this site does have quite a few issues with.
I’m a mix of ethnicity too as my family tree goes as follows.
British on mother’s side. Mediterranean and Arab on my dads side.
Have a guess which part some people turn their nose up at
As another person has already said in the thread If people have a problem or some kind of bias (whether they are aware of it or not)with your ethnicity would you really want to meet up with them anyway?"
I'm a bit hesitant to throw out the word "racism" as I feel like it is a bit strong but I'm sure some people do have racist motives behind their preferences. And you're absolutely right in that I wouldn't want to meet up with people who do exclude certain groups. |
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"I know people often link the two.
It's a very difficult conversation to have because people become very defensive.
I think that's why I hesitated in creating this thread. I was interested in people's thoughts but felt it would look similar to "calling out" people with those choices.
When it comes to race, ethnicity and even nationality people will fudge the issue. Not many people will tell the truth especially on here where the desire to be seen as inclusive and open minded is strong.
I don't know what can be done about it. I was involved in many conversations in which I was stereotyped and despite very obviously not fitting their ideas nobody ever changed their mind about me or women of my ethnicity . I'm not saying that in a #metoo way but just to illustrate that stereotypes are very slow to change"
Oh they absolutely are and I can see why you'd want to rid yourself of a stereotype that you feel doesn't fit you as a person. Shouting about it though can feel a bit like swimming against the current. I suppose slow change can only happen if people are willing to accept it. |
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"You know my views on this one! I don't understand how anyone can make a blanket decision that a whole ethnic group is unattractive to them or, at the other extreme, to fetishise on the basis of race. I am attracted to individuals. Yes I have very clear preferences but I take each person at face value without preconceived ideas about how they look or behave until they prove otherwise to me. "
I definitely know how you feel and love that you're so inclusive in judging people as they are
I can't comment on being fetishised for my race but I'm sure that definitely comes with its own challenges as well. |
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"It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well.
This is my experience too.... The way "some" Asian men view white western women.
Growing up I used to hang out in the clubs with a mixed crowd. I heard many a time that white women were dirty, cheap, easy, only for a good time (in secret) and I know lots of the lads would regularly get sent "home" if they met/dated white girls. And a few children that were disowned by that side of the family. Obviously, that was 30 odd years ago, so I imagine young men like yourself aren't as bound by religion/culture now, a few more generations down the line?
Sadly many (not all) view White Western Women, in the same way many White Western Men view Thai and Filipina women as easy and up for a shag. "
That's a very interesting analogy, I wonder if similar attitudes do exist towards western men over there. |
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"It definitely is more of a cultural than a race thing. I have had poor experiences with Asian guys due to the cultural views of women. I am now regularly meeting a man who is racially Asian but culturally Caribbean and that's working well.
This is my experience too.... The way "some" Asian men view white western women.
Growing up I used to hang out in the clubs with a mixed crowd. I heard many a time that white women were dirty, cheap, easy, only for a good time (in secret) and I know lots of the lads would regularly get sent "home" if they met/dated white girls. And a few children that were disowned by that side of the family. Obviously, that was 30 odd years ago, so I imagine young men like yourself aren't as bound by religion/culture now, a few more generations down the line?
I have mentioned it before in another thread. The attitude still exists, albeit not as bad as it was in the past. The same attitude extends to black women too. As an Asian myself, I have heard Asian parents tell their daughters only to befriend other Asian girls in schools because black/white girls are of "bad character". If the same parents had boys, one could imagine what attitude the guys will have towards these groups of women based on what their parents tell them.
I can see things are changing. Hopefully the future generations are better."
I completely agree with this and the attitude can definitely go both ways as far as limiting who you see and attitudes passed down. I suppose it would take a couple of generations to break the cycle. |
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"I’d also like to add that judgment of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, I’ve seen it and know a couple of Asian guys that experience it. It’s also an issue offline too but I think it might be more amplified in this lifestyle online world because we don’t pick people up on their behaviour half as much as we should on here.
I think that's why I have a bit of a problem with the word "preference" it's such a blanket term that we all have to accept regardless of the intent behind and just kills any kind of debate"
It is a blanket excuse to be prejudiced against someone. All we can do here is call people out on it when we see it and if it’s reportable, make sure it reported.
By the way OP, Mr Bean, thank you for taking the time to reply to most of us on here. I appreciated your response and your time |
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"Do you feel this is a race issue or does it only affect the men of that particular race?
Because I've had quite a few meets with Muslim girls and various other parts of Asia over the years, and found them to be quite lovely and well sought after.
My guess is that it only affects men. Not swinging, but dating app stats show that Asian men are at the bottom of the stack when it comes to interest from women whereas Asian women are the top of the stack based on interest from men. "
I agree with you again! It seems that Asian women can be more sought after but I can't speak with them. Maybe that could be because of cultural expectations of women which makes it taboo and therefore more enticing. |
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"But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type.
It’s not the same thing (at all), but I get approached fairly often by women whose profiles say ‘no married men’. I’d try not to read too much into it. People are a messy mass of contradictions. It’s one of the things that makes us human and keeps us interesting.
I do sympathise though with feeling a bit ‘icky’ when approached by someone who has a potentially racist point of view on display. That can’t feel nice."
The choice not to engage with someone who is potentially lying to their partner/spouse is a moral choice. I have that on my profile as I'd never choose to be the cause of another woman's pain. It's about deceit and definitely in no way comparable |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. "
I think I had to put more effort into my profile just by way of being a single guy and outnumbering women and couples. My race didn't play a factor into it because I always thought no matter how good my profile is, it would appeal to those with those preferences. |
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"I know I read it a lot on profiles.
“No Asians.”
I don’ know why? I’ve never asked or pursued a thought Joe.
"
I get it to be fair. It's not something that would affect your own experience on here so I get why you wouldn't have given it much of a thought |
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"I’d also like to add that judgment of Asian men is definitely a thing on here, I’ve seen it and know a couple of Asian guys that experience it. It’s also an issue offline too but I think it might be more amplified in this lifestyle online world because we don’t pick people up on their behaviour half as much as we should on here.
I think that's why I have a bit of a problem with the word "preference" it's such a blanket term that we all have to accept regardless of the intent behind and just kills any kind of debate
It is a blanket excuse to be prejudiced against someone. All we can do here is call people out on it when we see it and if it’s reportable, make sure it reported.
By the way OP, Mr Bean, thank you for taking the time to reply to most of us on here. I appreciated your response and your time "
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Ok, unfortunately I haven't been able to respond to everyone as I would've liked as I love that you've taken the effort to post your thoughts and opinions and wanted to return in kind, but I have read everyone's responses.
I'm glad I'm not the only one to experience this and appreciate it will take time and effort for perceptions to change and I'm also sorry that people have had negative experiences and can only hope it doesn't affect your overall view in approaching certain men on here.
I didn't want my race to affect my experience on Fab and to date, it hasn't, but I'm glad there's be an honest and civil discussion |
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"Ok, unfortunately I haven't been able to respond to everyone as I would've liked as I love that you've taken the effort to post your thoughts and opinions and wanted to return in kind, but I have read everyone's responses.
I'm glad I'm not the only one to experience this and appreciate it will take time and effort for perceptions to change and I'm also sorry that people have had negative experiences and can only hope it doesn't affect your overall view in approaching certain men on here.
I didn't want my race to affect my experience on Fab and to date, it hasn't, but I'm glad there's be an honest and civil discussion "
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. "
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Yes.
But not just effort: I've had to anglicise my profile and unashamedly 'whiten' it. I make no mention of my cultural provenance in my profile (indeed why would I?). My profile is set as "caucasian" within the account settings because I refused to select "Asian" or "South Asian" in the drop-down list. Why? Because in doing otherwise it would simply close any doors of opportunity from the onset.
People (women) assumed I was caucasian until they met me for the first time at a Fab Social.
The cultural subterfuge within my profile has paid dividends: nearly all my meets in the last 3½ years have been on the back of women reaching out to me with a first message... ...that wouldn't have happened if my profile projected a darker shade of pale.
This is the very first time I have declared my ethnic background on the forå. I won't be doing it again.
By the way — this thread is Joe's 'magnum opus'. |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts.
•
Yes.
But not just effort: I've had to anglicise my profile and unashamedly 'whiten' it. I make no mention of my cultural provenance in my profile (indeed why would I?). My profile is set as "caucasian" within the account settings because I refused to select "Asian" or "South Asian" in the drop-down list. Why? Because in doing otherwise it would simply close any doors of opportunity from the onset.
People (women) assumed I was caucasian until they met me for the first time at a Fab Social.
The cultural subterfuge within my profile has paid dividends: nearly all my meets in the last 3½ years have been on the back of women reaching out to me with a first message... ...that wouldn't have happened if my profile projected a darker shade of pale.
This is the very first time I have declared my ethnic background on the forå. I won't be doing it again.
By the way — this thread is Joe's 'magnum opus'. "
Thank you Nero, I'm glad to have got the discussion started
As far as having to "whiten" your profile, I completely understand the need to do that as it can feel like it would open doors for people to know the real you instead of pre-judging by your skin colour and to be honest, I would've had no idea had I not met you at a social. I think it can be common to tailor things towards what people want to see rather than what we show of ourselves. |
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I've just skimmed this thread but this really annoys me.
When are people gonna be taken at face value?
Grouping a whole ethnicity together is ridiculous to me.
A prick is a prick no matter what ethnicity they are,if you had a bad experience with a white man would you right off all white men?
The individual person I'm speaking to is exactly that,an individual. |
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"I've just skimmed this thread but this really annoys me.
When are people gonna be taken at face value?
Grouping a whole ethnicity together is ridiculous to me.
A prick is a prick no matter what ethnicity they are,if you had a bad experience with a white man would you right off all white men?
The individual person I'm speaking to is exactly that,an individual."
Thank you for saying that Em, I'm glad that I've seen this opinion throughout the thread as well and it has really lifted my hopes again |
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By *os19Man 27 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. "
. Although I’m not Asian I am often asked if I am Asian that I feel I have to state on my profile that I’m Greek Cypriot born and raised in London due to stereotyping.Yes I do feel I have put in a good effort in my profile.
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I'm 'white', but I'm adopted and my siblings are 'Asian'. They're Pakastani' and I've yet to have an answer on my heritage, although my parents always stated 'Jewish'. Which really doesn't fit with the above. But my birth mother doesn't want to talk about it. So I'll just have to live with that |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts.
•
Yes.
But not just effort: I've had to anglicise my profile and unashamedly 'whiten' it. I make no mention of my cultural provenance in my profile (indeed why would I?). My profile is set as "caucasian" within the account settings because I refused to select "Asian" or "South Asian" in the drop-down list. Why? Because in doing otherwise it would simply close any doors of opportunity from the onset.
People (women) assumed I was caucasian until they met me for the first time at a Fab Social.
The cultural subterfuge within my profile has paid dividends: nearly all my meets in the last 3½ years have been on the back of women reaching out to me with a first message... ...that wouldn't have happened if my profile projected a darker shade of pale.
This is the very first time I have declared my ethnic background on the forå. I won't be doing it again.
By the way — this thread is Joe's 'magnum opus'. "
Right, pop me down for shocked |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts.
•
Yes.
But not just effort: I've had to anglicise my profile and unashamedly 'whiten' it. I make no mention of my cultural provenance in my profile (indeed why would I?). My profile is set as "caucasian" within the account settings because I refused to select "Asian" or "South Asian" in the drop-down list. Why? Because in doing otherwise it would simply close any doors of opportunity from the onset.
People (women) assumed I was caucasian until they met me for the first time at a Fab Social.
The cultural subterfuge within my profile has paid dividends: nearly all my meets in the last 3½ years have been on the back of women reaching out to me with a first message... ...that wouldn't have happened if my profile projected a darker shade of pale.
This is the very first time I have declared my ethnic background on the forå. I won't be doing it again.
By the way — this thread is Joe's 'magnum opus'. "
Never would have known... what I do think is it's very sad that people feel that they have to hide their true selves just because some people are unable to see past skin colour... to me an arsehole is an arsehole whether they're white , black or green with pink spots... I judge a person on who they are...having grown up in a family with inherently racists views... I hope I have skipped those traits.. x |
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It is racist for sure on fab when people can put “white only” or something to that effect. I get preferences are preferences but I don’t get how u can be un-attracted to a whole race of people. Surly that’s not a preference? (I dunno). I mean this is fab, it’s for swinging and having fun, race shouldn’t be a preference, it should be about a connection, chatting with someone and thinking “oh.., this could be fun”! Once I see a person I almost know straight away if I’m attracted to them (race not being a factor, it can be hot body, handsome face or amazing assets lol) and then after some chat I’ll defo know if there is chemistry and then the sex is usually great. So I don’t personally see how u can factor race into that. I get how being in a relationship with someone who is Asian could be harder if their beliefs and ideals where completely different to yours but that isn’t limited to someone of a different race because you will have those issues with everyone regardless of skin colour. I have met a few south Asian lads and lads of different races from myself and had amazing times, but I’ve spoken to far too many who have had similar experiences in the gay community or white guys who have said to me they don’t like a race of people and honestly, when I challenge them about it they don’t have a reasonable answer. Optimistic view point here now- but when I grew up in the east end of Glasgow the only Asian people I knew worked in the local shop/take away, but now it’s much more multi cultural. so hopefully things like that will start phase out more as the world becomes smaller and people start to live in the same communities together. Love and attraction should know no colour |
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One thing to add, Asia contains more than half of the worlds population, so those who don't want to date Asian, have literally rejected half of the world population. It's their loss, their problem, don't waste too much time thinking about idiots. |
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"One thing to add, Asia contains more than half of the worlds population, so those who don't want to date Asian, have literally rejected half of the world population. It's their loss, their problem, don't waste too much time thinking about idiots."
I think you probably know that here in the UK, "Asians" is most likely used as a catch-all term for people with Indian subcontinental origins. Most British people don't include the Far East in that, nor the people of central Asia. In the USA, "Asian" is pretty much a euphemism for people from the Far East. |
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts.
•
Yes.
But not just effort: I've had to anglicise my profile and unashamedly 'whiten' it. I make no mention of my cultural provenance in my profile (indeed why would I?). My profile is set as "caucasian" within the account settings because I refused to select "Asian" or "South Asian" in the drop-down list. Why? Because in doing otherwise it would simply close any doors of opportunity from the onset.
People (women) assumed I was caucasian until they met me for the first time at a Fab Social.
The cultural subterfuge within my profile has paid dividends: nearly all my meets in the last 3½ years have been on the back of women reaching out to me with a first message... ...that wouldn't have happened if my profile projected a darker shade of pale.
This is the very first time I have declared my ethnic background on the forå. I won't be doing it again.
By the way — this thread is Joe's 'magnum opus'.
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Right, pop me down for shocked "
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"I know I read it a lot on profiles.
“No Asians.”
I don’ know why? I’ve never asked or pursued a thought Joe.
I get it to be fair. It's not something that would affect your own experience on here so I get why you wouldn't have given it much of a thought "
Not until now when someone brings up these subjects.
There’s allsorts of preferences in here, and I get it. But I never get how someone can completely negate a whole ethnic group, and I don’t care to ask because I’m unsure I could cope with listening to some idiotic bigotry discguised as a preference.
Just my opinion.
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"One thing to add, Asia contains more than half of the worlds population, so those who don't want to date Asian, have literally rejected half of the world population. It's their loss, their problem, don't waste too much time thinking about idiots.
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I think you probably know that here in the UK, "Asians" is most likely used as a catch-all term for people with Indian subcontinental origins. Most British people don't include the Far East in that, nor the people of central Asia. In the USA, "Asian" is pretty much a euphemism for people from the Far East. "
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This ^ pretty much sums it up.  |
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"I treat being approached by an Asian man the same as I would any other. I don’t think it’s fair to tar a whole group of people with the same brush off the back of a bad experience.
I’ve met with Asian men. I had a pretty shitty experience, but that was because he was an awful person and nothing to do with his ethnicity.
I remember chatting back and forth with a guy who I didn’t know was Asian at the time (all his pictures were in black and white so it would have been difficult to tell) when it came to the point of swapping face pics he wanted to "warn me" that he was Asian. Sad when you think of it like that. "
Very sad indeed x |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I think "no Asians" means "I prefer white Caucasians, but can also stretch my Orientalist nature around the BBC stereotype."
Re earlier Muslim references: being of that background myself, I do happen to find it decadently decently indecent if someone else with a similar cultural capital was going against the grain.   |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I judge people on who they're not their skin colour, ethnicity etc.
I have had bad experiences with some and great experiences with others. It is about them as a person. I have to find them attractive facially for me to be interested but then how that unfolds depends on how we get on.
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By *bxanfCouple 26 weeks ago
Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, Stourbridge |
We personally don't discriminate based on skin colour, we take each person as they come on an individual basis. Negating an entire race is absurd to us, but as it is their lives, I can't really speak for them.
However, the only truely negative experiences we have had on here is from South Asian men who immediately resort to calling us racist for rejecting them. |
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"We personally don't discriminate based on skin colour, we take each person as they come on an individual basis. Negating an entire race is absurd to us, but as it is their lives, I can't really speak for them.
However, the only truely negative experiences we have had on here is from South Asian men who immediately resort to calling us racist for rejecting them."
That's just an idiot, you get idiots in every community tbf |
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"I've been ummm'ing and ahhh'ing about creating this thread because it's something I'm interested in getting people's thoughts on, but didn't want it devolving into the usual way a race thread goes, but the curiosity has got the best of me.
For context, I've never wanted to let my race be a limitation of my enjoyment of Fab and acknowledge the "preferences" of others regardless of where they stemmed from. But over the last week, I've been messaged by profiles who have "No Asians" or "Black/mixed race men only" in their bio so initial interest must have been there... Until I tell them I wouldn't be their type. I'm also aware of certain stereotypes of (particularly South) Asian men in this lifestyle that can drive those preferences and narratives which has affected my own way of approaching Fab and clubs with those stereotypes being in the back of my mind.
So I guess my question is, how do you view Asian men in this lifestyle and would certain experiences or hearing things about them drive your own preferences and decisions?
Sorry, I've really fucking rambled there "
Asian and Muslim here. I just ignore those messages but it makes it easier for me if they have No Asians on their profile. If they want to stereotype whole race based on ethnicity and religion then it’s their problem not mine. I have been lucky to have met and made good friends on this scene. |
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I don't do men Joe.
But if I did (and you did), not only would you be one of the people at the top of my list, I'd also want to kiss you deeply and have occasional breakfast, lunch, and a movie out with you.
And at no point has ethnicity figured in any of that.
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"To the OP and Asian males on the thread. I have a question. Due to the stereotypes. Do you feel you have to put more effort into your accounts when being on this site compared to other men? Interested in your thoughts. "
It doesn’t make any difference how good is your profile if someone doesn’t want to meet preferences based on ethnicity or religion etc.
No. My profile reflects who I am in real life. I don't see a necessity to write my ethnic origin in my bio. |
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I have always been attracted to Asian men and met a few on fab all who were lovely. I think it's the skin tone, dark hair, brown eyes and long eyelashes which grab my attention and short beard or stubble is a bonus. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"We personally don't discriminate based on skin colour, we take each person as they come on an individual basis. Negating an entire race is absurd to us, but as it is their lives, I can't really speak for them.
However, the only truely negative experiences we have had on here is from South Asian men who immediately resort to calling us racist for rejecting them."
There quite foolish for not being able to take rejection |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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This is all second hand, but I think there is a perception that "Asian men" behave differently than others. However I'd bet that it's actually at most a region rather than all Asia. At worst it's now confirmation bias at play. And to be clear, I'm saying if there was an issue it's a case of higher occurrence of bad behaviour (but still could be low overall) rather than "all asians'
But I can completly believe this is then causing "structural" issues as well as I individuals using crude heuristics to filter.
It's hard to challenge individuals. Preferences they will shout.
But we need to call out clubs and social events and the like that looks to be discriminating, in the same way as we'd shout out a company that seems to only employ men. Oh, it's lack of talent they say. We only accept the best.. it's not our fault if that happens to be non Asians/men. No. You need to make sure you aren't causing a bottleneck.
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"It’s the same for short guys, fat guys, ugly guys or insert any other impossible to control variable which affects your acceptance rate.
I’d quite like to bang Asian ladies but there aren’t any near me, and they would probably turn me down due to the options they already have.
I suppose, but I have found that people are more likely to write off meeting Asian men based off bad experiences in a way they don't for short, tall or fat guys"
I think that's very true. Someone's stature will not necessarily affect behaviour unless they have a Napoleon Complex. But we are very much a product of the society we grew up in. Morals ethics and the way we treat the opposite gender can be very much impacted. There is a bit of a north south and east west divide in Europe in regards to this let alone between continents.Likewise our past experiences with men of a certain culture is bound to overshadow our future experiences. All we can do is try hard to treat everyone as an individual. Easier said than done but it is the only fair thing to do. |
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A decent bloke is a decent bloke and there is no reason why Asian guys shouldn't do well as long as they conduct and present themselves well and behave respectfully
However, there is a but
Many Asian guys assume they don't get meets because they are Asian and get hung up on that - many stand out for 'dummy spit' posts
Rather than understanding that, in general, meets are few and far between for a lot of guys here, they concentrate on what they believe to be holding them back
I don't think this behaviour is particular to Asian guys though - I've seen similar posts by 50+ guys, chubby blokes, guys with less than perfect bodies etc etc
If we focus on who we are, behave in an agreeable manner and hold ourselves well, we will get meets
Accepting that there are those who would never meet you is always a good head place to be
Comparing your meets to those of others is never a great position to come from
After all, comparison is the killer of joy!
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"I don't see Asian men any other way that I see other races. I've been with all races in this lifestyle, Asian men included so its very much down to the person. That being said, there is a lot of prejudice against them in the lifestyle which is clear to see on here which I guess only those with that mindset will understand. The way I see it anyone who puts a group of people in the same category in 2024, have no place in the swinging world or the real world for that matter."
Well said but I think it's not new it's quite old culture about asian |
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Thank u so much all of you for your lovely views. It made me more confident to stay on fab. "Everyday I get reply no Asian please of in profile if u r Asian we r not interested" from today on I will start ignoring them nd continue my search.
Happy Fabbing everyone.
Love from Worcester |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"I don't see Asian men any other way that I see other races. I've been with all races in this lifestyle, Asian men included so its very much down to the person. That being said, there is a lot of prejudice against them in the lifestyle which is clear to see on here which I guess only those with that mindset will understand. The way I see it anyone who puts a group of people in the same category in 2024, have no place in the swinging world or the real world for that matter."
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I'm personally not attracted to Asian men but I would never dream of writing 'no Asians' on my profile, how awful.
I have witnessed some Asian men at clubs who have a tendancy to follow women around and hover round doorways to rooms/toilets etc but I have also witnessed white and black men do this too so I think it's definitely more about the type of person rather than ethnicity.
It's a shame that there seems to negative attitudes to Asian people on here, everyone should be treated equally and I'm sorry for people that's happened to. |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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I don’t see race at all. I see people I fancy, people I don’t, people who are funny, people who aren’t etc. I wouldn’t even waste my time trying to correlate that to race, if it does then it does, but then that would just be sexual preference and I wouldn’t adjust my preference just to be inclusive. I’d never state “no this” or “no that”, partly because I’m often surprised by what I actually end up liking, however if others like long hair or no beards etc and they put that on their profile then I guess at least it saves me the bother of contacting people I’m not going to get along with.
I guess what I’m saying is we can debate or police what a profile says, but we can’t tell people what they think or police thought, much as we might like to sometimes. I’d happily meet an Asian if I fancied them and connected with them, but I wouldn’t be thinking of them as an Asian, just another human being |
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