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By *unchalMan 35 weeks ago
Dartford |
"Last night my wife said: "Come upstairs with me & I'll put on that black lace number."
I said: "No thanks, I can't stand Agadoo.""
Damn. That made me giggle. But I am old enough to remember how good Billy Don’t Be A Hero was. Didn’t it win Opportunity Knocks? They were a real band once. |
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One more and we’ll shut up. 
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls' getaway trip, shopping, casinos, massages, and facials.
Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who'?"
I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over... On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want.
So here I am." |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Aww hugs jokes aren’t really my specialty but can can offer you some flattery
By telling you your awesome and so gorgeous and lovely
You make me smile from time to time to I thank you for that your truly wonderful x |
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By *alcon77Man 35 weeks ago
under the sun & the moon |
Sean Connery once came round to my house and very kindly helped me with some DIY.
I left him to it for a bit, but upon hearing an almighty crash, I rushed back into the room and saw lots of stuff had fallen on the floor.
-I heard sobbing..'what's wrong Sean?'..I asked.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "I'm ashamed of my shelf." |
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Sorry to here, hope you feel better soon. Not been myself for a few days either. Here is a poor attempt of one:
A horse goes into a restaurant. The host says, "Hey!" The horse replies, "You read my mind." |
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In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
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"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?"
Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals  thanks for your considered input  |
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"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?
Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input "
I do have an awesome new picture of my boobs if you'd like it though Midnight 
J |
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"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?
Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input "
Actually, if not quite a joke, it was intended as a satirical comment on the tendency of threads to devolve into whataboutery along gender lines.
I must be coming down with a case of forum fatigue if I am trying to satirise posting trends |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
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"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?
Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input
I do have an awesome new picture of my boobs if you'd like it though Midnight
J"
How could i possibly refuse  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
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"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...
I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?
Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input
Actually, if not quite a joke, it was intended as a satirical comment on the tendency of threads to devolve into whataboutery along gender lines.
I must be coming down with a case of forum fatigue if I am trying to satirise posting trends "
I'm out of sorts, so I'll apologise if i read it wrong x |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Three girls at a wine bar arguing about how much dick they can take.
One says "I've taken three dicks at once, you can't beat that!"
The second responds "Well I've been double fisted, two fists are more than three dicks!"
Third one grins smugly, slowly inching down the bar stool. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"
"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit. |
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"Three girls at a wine bar arguing about how much dick they can take.
One says "I've taken three dicks at once, you can't beat that!"
The second responds "Well I've been double fisted, two fists are more than three dicks!"
Third one grins smugly, slowly inching down the bar stool."
  |
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I met an older woman in the pub last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We had a couple of drinks and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'MOM...YOU STILL AWAKE?..... |
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