FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why is so hard getting that first meeting & verification?
Why is so hard getting that first meeting & verification?
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
How easy do you find it in real life to get laid ?
Just lower your expectations and attend socials is the normal advice |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
Some couples are looking for something/someone specific and perhaps you didn’t fit the bill once they’d been talking. Or perhaps they felt your lack of experience means that you’d most likely not turn up or not be able to perform even if you did. After all not everyone can deliver even when they show and most genuine people on here can list plenty of no-shows/fakes/pic collectors/timewasters. Not saying that you are but from experience there’s a good probability.
Want experience? Get yourself to a swing club and meet and chat there. Then you can get veris from meets either chatting or playing.
A good way of getting yourself out there. |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
Everyone has to start somewhere and are new at some point. Go to socials or clubs, get yourself out there. No one is entitled to anything on here and it might take time. |
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It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs |
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By *red333Man 27 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
yes clubs your best bet but you'll have to talk to people to find out usernames and them yours  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 27 weeks ago
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs "
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria? |
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To a point, we agree with you. Everyone's stock answer is "clubs and socials". Due to our work commitments time off together is A rare and B rarer still when most of these events are on - for example weekends.
What we find even worse is those who seem to react snobbish to the fact we're not verified by anyone on here. Like you weren't a new profile and needed someone to verify you at some point...
Rant over  |
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It's clubs and socials. Think of this place like not just a sausage fest, but basically the place where all the sausage fests meet once a year to have a sausage extravaganza. Women can get hundreds of messages in a day. I've met two women off here and I'm probably doing better than most with that, although that was in 2021. Since then bugger all so I don't bother. |
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Usually because it's about single men who have unrealistic expectations here and, consequently don't anticipate what they have to do, as well as actually do it, in order to progress.
See the multitude of posts from single men who don't get it. Who often don't even highlight why anyone should pick them for further consideration. Do they provide visual details of how they look, so someone could evaluate whether they could stomach being physical with them? Do they mark out what they bring to the deal?
Sure, most will want sex. But how will it be?
Someone starts swinging. You'd imagine that one of their first considerations would be upon which swinging clubs to join and attend. I often fail to see this. Why? |
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Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. For this reason alone, almost all of the dozens of contacts made will not result in sexual activity. This fact must be a central aspect of forming realistic expectations about what is achievable. |
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
Attraction and connection is everything. Without this nothing is likely to happen. Many won't continue chat with those they don't see as compatible in this. It's difficult and happens to all. Best to just move on from them. Face to face is always better and you get a better read of people. I organised local social is best bet I feel. |
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
Or you're just not their cup.of tea |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
They obviously just werent into you, whats idiotic about that? No attraction means no meet |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
A pic of a Lynx can or a sky remote next to your fallice...be verified off it by Thursday....Be dripping in gush on Friday....
Op, now the serious answer, it's fab swingers and your awash in a sea of cock, stand out, even then if there's no attraction your pretty much fucked....
Mr |
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
In this case they were probably telling a white lie.
Or have had problems with unverified people in the past. |
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By *ustBoWoman 27 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
You don't meet their criteria because that is their choice. They don't want to fuck you and they have every right to say so. They used the excuse that you weren't experienced enough and that is fair enough. Just because you feel that their reasons are wrong is irrelevant. They have you a reason at least would you prefer they just ignored you. How they organise a meet is none of your business and what they offer and certainly not a reason to be almost sneery about them. You didn't seem to mind when you thought you might get a meet out of it.
And that attitude is exactly why I rarely do chats on here anymore too many think that the moment you start a chat they think they should be almost entitled to a meet.I have had that happen time and time again on here even when I made it clear from the start I wasn't going to meet them or that a chat doesn't guarantee one either.
The couple chatted to you and decided you weren't for them,which is everyone's right to do on here.
No one is here to do pity fucks or to meet people to give them more experience.
This may seem a bit harsh but it is the way it is on here. As far as I have seen from my time on here anyhow. I am certainly not interested in teaching anyone anything or being guilted into a meet with someone just because we exchanged a few messages.
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By *oxy jWoman 27 weeks ago
somerset |
no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative  |
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"I don't quite get how this site started with verifications as it seems to be a 'what came first? The chicken or the egg' situation, I'm sure someone knows ??"
I've heard that the site owners verified people they know, and it went from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative "
Does kind of seem pointless if you’re a single guy.  |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
Quite simply, attend a social? Then you are able to get a few veri's to show you are actually genuine/real.
Experience - I think few people want to spend their time with someone who hasn't been there before unless there is a really good connection. So, my advice woukd be to attend some clubs so, even if you did not have any successful meeting there, it at least shows you have some experience to draw on.
It is wise to pay attention to the comments above though - single men are in abundance on here and therefore, for some men, this means they will not find a compatible person(s) to meet with. It is less to do with you individually and more to do with statistical ratios.
MrsAbz |
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"no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative
Does kind of seem pointless if you’re a single guy. "
But yet some single guys do really well on here, go figure.....I wonder why that is
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative
Does kind of seem pointless if you’re a single guy.
But yet some single guys do really well on here, go figure.....I wonder why that is
Mr "
Social proofing  |
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"I would say clubs would be a good starting point
Not everyone wants to go to clubs."
Sure.
But the question was not "how do I get verified in a way that accords with my specific interests?" It's "how do I get verified when no one wants to meet unverified people?"
A club is the absolute lowest bar. Be a human, pay your money, ask the staff to verify that you exist (after you have proven that you bathe occasionally and are not a complete thundercunt to be around).
Socials often have some bar to entry, but are also relatively easy.
For many, one on one meets are almost impossible to find before being verified for the first time. |
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"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
It's not just about fitting the criteria. There are other factors. |
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God knows mate - ok I’m getting on a bit , but I’m good shape, good looking etc and I’ve sent loads of (ok) messages to people (who say they want my age range etc…) but never get anything back - yet in real life (lol) I don’t have problems at all - I guess it’s a numbers game and way more men than women - whoever said it’s a man’s world! Lol - they obviously weren’t swingers ……actually I did get invited to a 10
Man + gangbang last week (really gorgeous young fit girl) but when it came to it I cancelled as thought I might struggle in such a big group setting and being so much older than everyone else |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"
Social proofing
If that's the case, then it's all all about vicarious conditioning then, No?...
So, why so much moaning about how hard it is on fab for single guys?
Mr
"
I don’t think OP was moaning. He was asking a legitimate question. |
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"Yeah but how do you go on your own - I think a lot of clubs don’t like single men and also it may be a bit awkward rocking up on your own - makes you look real pervy …."
You find an event where single men are welcome.
You show up.
You don't behave in creepy ways.
Simple. |
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"actually I did get invited to a 10
Man + gangbang last week (really gorgeous young fit girl) but when it came to it I cancelled as thought I might struggle in such a big group setting and being so much older than everyone else "
And that is why unverified people don’t get meets - they are very hnlikely to turn up and if they do they are much more likely to not perform. Everyone loves the idea of meeting but most bottle it when they get a chance. |
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"actually I did get invited to a 10
Man + gangbang last week (really gorgeous young fit girl) but when it came to it I cancelled as thought I might struggle in such a big group setting and being so much older than everyone else
And that is why unverified people don’t get meets - they are very hnlikely to turn up and if they do they are much more likely to not perform. Everyone loves the idea of meeting but most bottle it when they get a chance. "
Yes. I've been someone who's taken a chance on someone in a gangbang scenario. It's the kind of thing that sometimes does translate into one on one meets. (Not inevitable, but does happen)
A let down, no chance. |
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"
Social proofing
If that's the case, then it's all all about vicarious conditioning then, No?...
So, why so much moaning about how hard it is on fab for single guys?
Mr
I don’t think OP was moaning. He was asking a legitimate question."
This was in response to the social proof Comment.....
Mr |
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"Yeah but how do you go on your own - I think a lot of clubs don’t like single men and also it may be a bit awkward rocking up on your own - makes you look real pervy …."
If you don’t know anyone then how else are you going to go unless you go on your own?
If you think turning up is awkward then it seems very likely that you are going to have real issues if someone wants to fuck you in front of other people. |
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"Yeah but how do you go on your own - I think a lot of clubs don’t like single men and also it may be a bit awkward rocking up on your own - makes you look real pervy ….
If you don’t know anyone then how else are you going to go unless you go on your own?
If you think turning up is awkward then it seems very likely that you are going to have real issues if someone wants to fuck you in front of other people."
Always a locked room, unless there in VA that is
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"
Social proofing
If that's the case, then it's all all about vicarious conditioning then, No?...
So, why so much moaning about how hard it is on fab for single guys?
Mr
I don’t think OP was moaning. He was asking a legitimate question.
This was in response to the social proof Comment.....
Mr "
Are verifications not social proofing? |
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"
Social proofing
If that's the case, then it's all all about vicarious conditioning then, No?...
So, why so much moaning about how hard it is on fab for single guys?
Mr
I don’t think OP was moaning. He was asking a legitimate question.
This was in response to the social proof Comment.....
Mr
Are verifications not social proofing?"
If you stand by the psychological theory of it of course it is, in a few forms, also encompassing the 'halo effect'.
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By *ost SockMan 27 weeks ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"It's not hard it's easy, you can jump on cam and ask to be verified very quickly, organised socials again easy way to get verified in pretty sure there's plenty in London & the clubs attend and ask the owners to verify you.
Then again having a verification doesn't mean instant sex.
Mrs
Thanks to all of the replies:of course I don’t expect instant meets, instant sex and I don’t see myself as entitled but even a reasonable dialogue seems beyond a lot of people I have spoken to on here.
The couple who have sparked this commentary don’t accomodate or travel & offer spontaneous meetings but for some arcane and idiotic reason I don’t meet that criteria?"
Tbh, that’s really not the best way to go about it. There’s much more to it than clinically “meeting criteria”, just as in the real world. There’s a whole lot of intangible stuff.
Women and couples are often bombarded with messages and have a huge amount of choice. Some get 40 messages a day - even replying “no thanks” would be really laborious and time consuming.
IMO, the best way is to become part of the Fab community and let people get to know the real you and your character. That takes time and effort  . |
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By *oxy jWoman 27 weeks ago
somerset |
"no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative
Does kind of seem pointless if you’re a single guy.
But yet some single guys do really well on here, go figure.....I wonder why that is
Mr "
i totally agree there are some guys who do really well but compared to those who dont its a big big difference |
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Some of responses in here are really woah is me type of thing, and that also doesn't help. Gives off the wrong negative vibe. Profiles are shop windows and give others a kind of first impression of you. Tailor your messages as best you can and try to not to sound desperate. Don't be a dick and don't throw the toys out the pram. Like I said earlier it's tough. But you can only do what you can do. |
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"no attraction no connection = no meets it really is that simple .... most men on here never get anywhere ... theres are so many men compared to women and couples then bare in mind alot of those are fake then you'll realize theres even less on here than you think ...its a mega hard scene for most men simple as that .... and thats why clubs are recommended for men but then also bare in mind the club scene is also tiny compared to the scene its self
cam veris = mean nothing prove nothing and there are couples and women on here who give out fake veris willy nilly cam and meet rendering the veri system no longer worth anything...
rejection is a massive part for men on here its the norm and for as long as more men pour in daily and very few women or couples then it will only get worse ... not what you wanted to hear but its not what alot of men think it is its not a shag site its a swingers site nobody owes anybody anything basically
but you are on the best site for sure even after all the negative
Does kind of seem pointless if you’re a single guy.
But yet some single guys do really well on here, go figure.....I wonder why that is
Mr
i totally agree there are some guys who do really well but compared to those who dont its a big big difference"
So those that don't need to ask themselves, why? Stands to reason, since they are the common demonator in every interaction they have on here.... |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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OP just give it time, there are so many good (genuine), bad (untrustworthy) and ugly (personality) peeps online. You'll sooner or later connect with somebody good. Fortunately, there are more good so it's only a matter of time. Good level of communication and understanding is key. Just be yourself and enjoy the experience. Clubs are also a good place to meet and connect with peeps. Best wishes. |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
|
"
Social proofing
If that's the case, then it's all all about vicarious conditioning then, No?...
So, why so much moaning about how hard it is on fab for single guys?
Mr
I don’t think OP was moaning. He was asking a legitimate question.
This was in response to the social proof Comment.....
Mr
Are verifications not social proofing?
If you stand by the psychological theory of it of course it is, in a few forms, also encompassing the 'halo effect'.
"
Ahh man. Thanks for the laugh  |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
Because you’re a single male and probability is against you. Welcome to Fab. |
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By *ild_oatsMan 27 weeks ago
the land of saints & sinners |
What are you expecting…. Them to be throwing themselves at your feet.
Follow the advice previously given about attending socials and clubs….
Men on this site probably outnumber women by about 1000 to 1.
Expected nothing and that way you won’t be disappointed….
This type of question gets asked in this forum with depressing regularity which I can only imagine stems from a sense of entitlement. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 27 weeks ago
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????
A bigger cock maybe."
Funny.  |
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"I’ve had a few conversations on here but my most recent has the couple saying to me “You don’t have enough experience….”HOW am I supposed to get it????"
By spending money, it makes the world go round. |
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By *dc1Man 27 weeks ago
essex and all over the south |
Clubs.!!!! Its were i only meet people. This site is rubbish for meeting. So many use it like facebook. Go to clubs. Its not a guarantee you will meet there but the odds are far better |
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By *oxy jWoman 27 weeks ago
somerset |
"Clubs.!!!! Its were i only meet people. This site is rubbish for meeting. So many use it like facebook. Go to clubs. Its not a guarantee you will meet there but the odds are far better"
correction this site is not rubbish for meets couples and women can do very well on here |
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By *orny-DJMan 27 weeks ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
You've only been on fab for 5 months OP.
Most guys wait around a year before getting their first meet. Some fair better, others less so.
Don't get so hng up on getting that green tick though as you'll actually put people off if they feel that you're only interested in meeting them for the purpose of getting it rather than being genuinely interested in them. |
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By *dc1Man 27 weeks ago
essex and all over the south |
"Clubs.!!!! Its were i only meet people. This site is rubbish for meeting. So many use it like facebook. Go to clubs. Its not a guarantee you will meet there but the odds are far better
correction this site is not rubbish for meets couples and women can do very well on here "
Then im pleased for the people of somerset. I have a female friend and couples friends and they all say the same. Fab has to many wanabies. We all only meet at clubs |
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Interesting debate.
As we've previously commented, there seems to be a huge emphasis on "club meets" for a lot of people on here especially for "newbies" to get verified. Which is great but also a handicap for people in positions like ourselves where due to life, club meets either aren't at a good time or just otherwise very inconvenient per se. Yes, there are other options but some people seem very much on a "club meet or no verification" ...policy?
We fully get why the verification process is here, but as someone else commented, what happened at the beginning? Chicken and egg situation. Some people seem to be so focused on if you've got the little green tick or not - often wonder if they pay for the "verified" tick on Facebook or Twitter if being verified is the be all and end all. |
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"Clubs.!!!! Its were i only meet people. This site is rubbish for meeting. So many use it like facebook. Go to clubs. Its not a guarantee you will meet there but the odds are far better
correction this site is not rubbish for meets couples and women can do very well on here
Then im pleased for the people of somerset. I have a female friend and couples friends and they all say the same. Fab has to many wanabies. We all only meet at clubs"
I get meets, I get meets I get all the meets
Mr |
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