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Do you feel guilty?
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By *sWyld OP Woman 42 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
If you get on really well with someone but you just don't fancy them?
Maybe guilty isn't quite the right word but it's definitely a feeling of discomfort.
How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?
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By *eliWoman 42 weeks ago
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No because... right, so I did before. Used to.
And then I remembered that just because someone fancies me, it doesn't mean they want to act on it. It could be a fleeting thing.
I'm also generally rather bad at picking up on if someone does so I think that's a blessing of sorts.  |
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Called out? For what? "WE HAD A LOVELY CHAT ABOUT OUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPINGS, WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED YET?!" Nobody is obliged to fancy someone. If somebody tries to make out that you're somehow in the wrong because you won't sleep with them, I'd argue they're probably not as good a friend as you thought they were. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl "
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat |
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat "
Would you like a shovel? |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I’d say no because if I didn’t fancy a person I’d probably said something already but I feel what your saying OP because even telling someone the spark isn’t there is a bit gloomy   |
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"How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?"
See, this is the bit I don’t like.
It’s okay to not fancy someone! And it isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t even need to be the end of the friendship.
But there are times when I’ve made it clear, as gently as possible, that I’m not feeling it. Not in that way. And the woman concerned has … shall we tactfully say she’s not taken it well?
That’s when it gets awkward. And when some people can actually turn nasty. (I’m sure women get this from men all the time. It’s unusual for me to have to deal with it the other way around. Sticks in the memory a bit.) |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat
Would you like a shovel? "
Yes please put myself in a right hole |
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By *eliWoman 42 weeks ago
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"Kind of sad no one has said that to me now.  Hey ho.
I’ll d*unkenly shout it in your ear tomorrow, if you like. I’m good like that."
Gosh you really are. Right, perfect, I'm holding you to that. |
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat
Would you like a shovel?
Yes please put myself in a right hole "
I was waiting for the "but" to really seal the deal!
I have to ask, as a larger girl, why you found her attractive enough to sleep with initially though? Was it a case of emptying your balls? |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat
Would you like a shovel?
Yes please put myself in a right hole
I was waiting for the "but" to really seal the deal!
I have to ask, as a larger girl, why you found her attractive enough to sleep with initially though? Was it a case of emptying your balls?"
I was with her for a while was not a one off |
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"Most definitely I was with someone for a while they had an amazing personality got on like a house on fire, but was a larger girl
Dont get me wrong I don't mind a bit off cushion for the pushing at all I like a bit of meat
Would you like a shovel?
Yes please put myself in a right hole
I was waiting for the "but" to really seal the deal!
I have to ask, as a larger girl, why you found her attractive enough to sleep with initially though? Was it a case of emptying your balls?
I was with her for a while was not a one off "
Ok, so what was it then, I don't want to put words in your mouth, its a genuine question? |
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By *eliWoman 42 weeks ago
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"Called out? For what? "WE HAD A LOVELY CHAT ABOUT OUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPINGS, WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED YET?!"
Kind of sad no one has said that to me now. Hey ho.
Me either Meililicious, me either  "
Oh Bugsy. I'll do it for you soon, promise.  |
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"How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?
See, this is the bit I don’t like.
It’s okay to not fancy someone! And it isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t even need to be the end of the friendship.
But there are times when I’ve made it clear, as gently as possible, that I’m not feeling it. Not in that way. And the woman concerned has … shall we tactfully say she’s not taken it well?
That’s when it gets awkward. And when some people can actually turn nasty. (I’m sure women get this from men all the time. It’s unusual for me to have to deal with it the other way around. Sticks in the memory a bit.)"
I’m so glad this post came up something that has bothered me for a long time
I think some women think that guys who are good friends will just sleep with them occasionally , usually when they want to, and it’s no big deal, it’s just sex, going out and having a good night.
And if you say no they take it very personally like it’s the biggest insult she’s ever had.
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If I got on "that" well with them then they would know if I fancied them or not as I'd be up front.
Too many people these days seem (I'll use the word scared..not right I know) to be open with others as to how they feel.
If they take it badly or whatever, that's on them.
Why sugar-coat shit? |
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If I had just been friendly I wouldn't understand why they were calling me out. I might be sorry that they'd mistaken friendship for romantic interest but that wouldn't be my fault. I'd say they were the ones who should feel awkward if anybody should |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 42 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Thing is, I'd hate someone to be just pretending to be into me, I'd rather the honesty. Infact I spend most of my time surprised when someone is attracted to me.
I think a lot of it comes down to how we view ourselves too.
And maybe that's the thing. I've been called out and accused of being shallow but it's not shallow. It's just I didn't fancy them. It's quite matter of fact.
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"Thing is, I'd hate someone to be just pretending to be into me, I'd rather the honesty. Infact I spend most of my time surprised when someone is attracted to me.
I think a lot of it comes down to how we view ourselves too.
And maybe that's the thing. I've been called out and accused of being shallow but it's not shallow. It's just I didn't fancy them. It's quite matter of fact.
"
I don't think it's shallow at all, attraction is just there or it isn't and you don't control who you find attractive |
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"Thing is, I'd hate someone to be just pretending to be into me, I'd rather the honesty. Infact I spend most of my time surprised when someone is attracted to me.
I think a lot of it comes down to how we view ourselves too.
And maybe that's the thing. I've been called out and accused of being shallow but it's not shallow. It's just I didn't fancy them. It's quite matter of fact.
"
Shallow because they mistook your intentions? Ooook |
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IRL? No.
On here? There have been a few times I've met someone and not felt an attraction. I've always just said "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling it". It's never been a problem, but then I'm not really looking for friendships in that situation.
There's only been one time where I've met a fabber, not fancied them, and we've gone on to be friends. I just said it. It felt awkward but I'd hate to lead someone on, so I'd rather be upfront. I don't do game playing.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *bi HaiveMan 42 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If you get on really well with someone but you just don't fancy them?
Maybe guilty isn't quite the right word but it's definitely a feeling of discomfort.
How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?
"
No. Not any more, but I probably did when younger. Getting on with someone and fancying them have generally been two completely separate head spaces to me.
Sometimes things develop both ways.
There have been people I've 'fancied' based on initial interactions and physical/facial attributes, where it's become apparent after a time that that's all it was - a more physical thing rather than a deeper friendship connection.
Likewise there have been people I've been friends with where there's been nothing more than just getting along like a house on fire, and then almost a lightbulb moment where I realise that I do actually fancy the pants off them. Sometimes it turns out they feel the same way too. Other times it's obvious they don't, and I can accept that.
Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I'd hope there was always enough respect and openness for either side to be able to let the other party know how they felt at any given time.
But either way I've never felt guilty. Nor would I ever put any blame or guilt on them if dynamics changed. People change. Relationships change. Life goes on.
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By *ags73Man 42 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Thing is, I'd hate someone to be just pretending to be into me, I'd rather the honesty. Infact I spend most of my time surprised when someone is attracted to me.
I think a lot of it comes down to how we view ourselves too.
And maybe that's the thing. I've been called out and accused of being shallow but it's not shallow. It's just I didn't fancy them. It's quite matter of fact.
"
Sorry did someone actually message you sayinv you were ‘shallow’ and all that?
Seems a bit too obsessive sort of thing, take the knock back and move on would be my advice to them |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about it, especially if I’ve been honest about how I feel, but I do sometimes.
I’m not sure why they feel the need to call you out on it but it’s extremely awkward. They already know what the answer is going to be. I’m not sure what it’s going to achieve other than making me feel like shit, having to keep reiterating the same thing over and over again and torturing themselves.
Maybe it’s my own fault for believing that they just want to be friends and still interacting with them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I …..
Maybe it’s my own fault for believing that they just want to be friends and still interacting with them. "
I’ve never had the misfortune of somebody chasing me, or becoming insistent, or a pest.
I do think, being someone who is friendly myself, you leave yourself open to somebody miss reading your friendliness.
Answering the original question. Yes, it makes me feel bad if it’s someone I like.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I …..
Maybe it’s my own fault for believing that they just want to be friends and still interacting with them.
I’ve never had the misfortune of somebody chasing me, or becoming insistent, or a pest.
I do think, being someone who is friendly myself, you leave yourself open to somebody miss reading your friendliness.
Answering the original question. Yes, it makes me feel bad if it’s someone I like. "
I don’t think it’s necessarily done to make me feel bad. I think they think it’s a joke, which is fine, but it doesn’t make it any less awkward when it comes up.
I can see how being friendly can sometimes be misinterpreted as flirting if the person isn’t great at differentiating between the two. |
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"I can see how being friendly can sometimes be misinterpreted as flirting if the person isn’t great at differentiating between the two. "
Yeah, this is exactly the situations I was thinking of.
Like going to meet someone for a social - it doesn’t mean I fancy them. It means I’m up for meeting them for a drink. And the other person doesn’t always see it the same way. So we both end up feeling awkward. |
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"If you get on really well with someone but you just don't fancy them?
Maybe guilty isn't quite the right word but it's definitely a feeling of discomfort.
How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?
"
No, because I’m equally as great a friend whether we have sex or not. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I think I’m usually the one whose feelings are unrequited. I hope the person doesn’t feel bad and if they’re honest about it it’s better because then the dynamic can shift to be more balanced. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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On the odd occasion someone likes me and u don’t like them back, I don’t feel uncomfortable. I am honest and then I’m just happy and grateful that someone felt that way about me and I’m sensitive to ensure I don’t cause any hurt. |
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By *rispyDuckMan 42 weeks ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"If you get on really well with someone but you just don't fancy them?
Maybe guilty isn't quite the right word but it's definitely a feeling of discomfort.
How do you feel in these situations, particularly if they then call you out on it?
"
It can feel awkward your right 
I just say it direct like ‘hey we get along great and think you’re awesome’ but I don’t see anything more than friends. Sucks for them to hear ofcourse but if they can’t process it that’s more their problem not yours . Speaking from experience |
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