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'Mum, Dad, I've got something to tell you...'
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By *r_reus OP Man 35 weeks ago
Coventry |
Question for the older users (we'll assume that the girl in question is over 18)
Say one day your daughter tells you that she's become a pornstar or cam girl, how would you react?
Would you be supportive of her decision, or try to talk her out of it?
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I'd certainly talk to her about it.
I don't know how things like that will impact on people in the future so I'd mention that as a consideration but I'd rather they felt able to tell me stuff without fear of disapproval.
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I'd probably have a talk to her about security when it comes to online things and the best ways to avoid people finding out more than is necessary. Make sure she was taking reasonable precautions regarding her safety and wellbeing in general. And remind her that I will love and support her whatever she wants to do as long as it's not harmful and she doesn't expect me to subscribe myself  |
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"Question for the older users (we'll assume that the girl in question is over 18)
Say one day your daughter tells you that she's become a pornstar or cam girl, how would you react?
Would you be supportive of her decision, or try to talk her out of it?
"
I'd very much try and talk her out of it.
Society is not kind to women, and this kind of behaviour very, very much limits her future career options due to both narrow-mindedness and safeguarding.
We also know that sex work is very harmful to mental health, and I would be very worried about that. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 35 weeks ago
Coventry |
"Society is not kind to women, and this kind of behaviour very, very much limits her future career options due to both narrow-mindedness and safeguarding.
We also know that sex work is very harmful to mental health, and I would be very worried about that."
You mentioned 'narrow-mindedness' and mental health in the same post, so I'm now curious.
Sex work sees a woman using her physical femininity as a means of generating money, whereas many would say, in the most based terms at least, she should be using it to attract a romantic partner, quite possibly for life and with the possible outcome of starting a family.
Whilst there will of course be plenty of room for nuance in the above, this approach is essential for the continuation of the human race, without which none of us would exist now, so doing things which would deviate away from that will almost certainly be subject to criticism, there's nothing 'narrow minded' about it.
Then there's what you said about mental health, why would you suggest that is? |
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I'd want to talk with her about her motivations.
If they were because she wanted to find out more about herself at this stage of her life, I'd be supportive of her curiosity.
I'd point out that most porn is situated within old power and capital dynamics, and to call it liberating misses that it's usually "liberating" within a game set up by others. There is some porn that's not part of market dynamics - more art and culture led - but it's minimal.
So I'd really probe what she thought it would give her v what it is in a broader perspective.
If it came out, after the angles were looked at, that it would still be something good for her, then I'd want to make sure she was on top of the health and security aspects.
Ultimately, none of the above matters - I made my own overall life choices regardless of my parents' thoughts or wishes, and she should too.
So I'd want her to draw a lot of new experience from it, whilst being around if it became too much for her.
There are as many reasons for it to be good for her as not so good...and they're all her choices. |
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It's not as easy as social media / newspapers protray I.e. Earn 10k a month etc.
The abuse is high, the chances of ending up on drugs and having mental health issues are also high, I think most people wouldn't want to encourage their daughter into such an industry.
I cant say I would be over the moon as that's not who my daughter is and would be very much talking her out of it.
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I would hope that I had a good enough relationship with my daughter that she would talk to me about such things while they are still plans.
I would talk to her about the ways people are treated online when they are regarded as being sexually available, and even when they are not. I would point to career prospects in the future and the way sex workers are discriminated against. I would suggest that the skills she would develop in this line of work - marketing and such - might be a safer long term proposition in many other lines of work.
I would support her in whatever she did, but I would hope that she would learn about the cruelty of the world more remotely |
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"Society is not kind to women, and this kind of behaviour very, very much limits her future career options due to both narrow-mindedness and safeguarding.
We also know that sex work is very harmful to mental health, and I would be very worried about that.
You mentioned 'narrow-mindedness' and mental health in the same post, so I'm now curious.
Sex work sees a woman using her physical femininity as a means of generating money, whereas many would say, in the most based terms at least, she should be using it to attract a romantic partner, quite possibly for life and with the possible outcome of starting a family.
Whilst there will of course be plenty of room for nuance in the above, this approach is essential for the continuation of the human race, without which none of us would exist now, so doing things which would deviate away from that will almost certainly be subject to criticism, there's nothing 'narrow minded' about it.
Then there's what you said about mental health, why would you suggest that is?"
I would have thought the connection between mental health and narrow mindedness should be obvious.
People seeking sexual content for the sole benefit of their own satisfaction, sending vile abuse for women who are doing what they want with their own lives (as it is claimed we are all entitled to do). They want the material to jack off to, using their sexuality merely for their own pleasure. And then a subset of them perpetuate cruelty, abuse, and prejudice against people who engage in one of the oldest professions in the world.
Is it really a question why someone, receiving abuse etc, might suffer mental health problems?
And do you genuinely believe that a woman's sexuality "should" be for pumping out babies? Should a man's sexuality just be about pumping out babies? If so, what else would you like to ban? Modelling clothing? Suggestive advertising? Sites like these?
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Question for the older users (we'll assume that the girl in question is over 18)
Say one day your daughter tells you that she's become a pornstar or cam girl, how would you react?
Would you be supportive of her decision, or try to talk her out of it?
"
There is no shame in making money from the sex industry, but there are certainly more risks involved.
Id want them to make an informed decision and know they can come to me with any issues or concerns and that I'd want to know they are being looked after.
If they're kids of swingers and even suggest becoming a 'sex worker's - chances are they're gunna do whatever TF they want anyway let's be honest. |
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"I'd feel I'd failed as a parent.
What if she told you she was joining fab swingers to bang loads of guys for free ? *doffs hat to you sir*"
Im homely interested in the answer. I have three daughters and would love them the same no matter what choices they make in life and would never feel a failed parent because they exercise choices as adults, I’ve made some questionable choices as an adult and wouldn’t blame my old mum !  |
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I wouldn't be happy. I'd do my best to talk her out of it but, if that's ultimately what she chose to do, I would do my best to be supportive.
I would make sure she knew the risks and potential consequences of doing that though.
I can't imagine a daughter of mine wanting to do that though. I see my daughters being lawyers, or teachers. |
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"I wouldn't be happy. I'd do my best to talk her out of it but, if that's ultimately what she chose to do, I would do my best to be supportive.
I would make sure she knew the risks and potential consequences of doing that though.
I can't imagine a daughter of mine wanting to do that though. I see my daughters being lawyers, or teachers. "
Awwww I hope they live up your super high expectations! What a pressure to carry though be careful not to project that even accidentally can do them a huge load of mental damage that can take decades of therapy to fix. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"I'd feel I'd failed as a parent.
What if she told you she was joining fab swingers to bang loads of guys for free ? *doffs hat to you sir*
Im homely interested in the answer. I have three daughters and would love them the same no matter what choices they make in life and would never feel a failed parent because they exercise choices as adults, I’ve made some questionable choices as an adult and wouldn’t blame my old mum ! "
I've no desire to know about my children's sex lives and I'm certain they feel the same.
If you can honestly claim that when your daughters started school you'd have been happy they'd go on to a career in porn then we have very different opinions on what our kids should aspire to. |
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By *irthandgirthMan 35 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
She would have my love. Not my blessing or support.
There would be many conversations abojt welfare and security etc., but i dont think I can countenance being in favour of her putting herself in a position where she could ruin current and future familial, friend, romantic and professional relationships, affect her mental health, possibly affect her children's future (there are numerous stories of OF creators' children being mercilessly bullied and even ending their time too soon) or reducing her amazing personality to a set of mechanical acts on a transactional basis. |
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The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
"
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well) |
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well)"
Yep!
Ours have made some very poor choices in their lives, many's the time we've had our head in our hands as they hurtle into disaster despite our warnings. Here's the shocker we were just the same. Parenting never ends for the parents but being a child ends for your kids and you have to accept it |
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By *irtymCouple 35 weeks ago
Scotland |
Personally I'm a hypocrite and would feel some way about someone doing porn for money yes but porn for freedom of expression and exhibition then yes I stand by that but gaining a profit of it no it doesn't sit well with me |
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well)
Yep!
Ours have made some very poor choices in their lives, many's the time we've had our head in our hands as they hurtle into disaster despite our warnings. Here's the shocker we were just the same. Parenting never ends for the parents but being a child ends for your kids and you have to accept it"
I have a... somewhat distant younger relative who the family quietly suspects has gone into some sort of sex work.
The part of the family I'm close enough to speak to just quietly hope that she comes out of it relatively unscathed. I share that view. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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My issue isn't the sex. It's that they'd have got to such a point of desperation in life. I'd hope they'd always turn to us for support long before feeling they needed to tread that path. |
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well)
Yep!
Ours have made some very poor choices in their lives, many's the time we've had our head in our hands as they hurtle into disaster despite our warnings. Here's the shocker we were just the same. Parenting never ends for the parents but being a child ends for your kids and you have to accept it
I have a... somewhat distant younger relative who the family quietly suspects has gone into some sort of sex work.
The part of the family I'm close enough to speak to just quietly hope that she comes out of it relatively unscathed. I share that view."
I think I'd be the same.
I think the template answer on fab when it comes to sex work is that there's nothing wrong with it blah blah but very few people would want their children involved or at least wouldn't actively encourage it. The reality is very often light years away from the millionaire lifestyle portrayed in 'documentaries'. |
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"My issue isn't the sex. It's that they'd have got to such a point of desperation in life. I'd hope they'd always turn to us for support long before feeling they needed to tread that path."
I think some people think that things like camming are glamorous and easy money.
It comes in two flavours that I've seen. One is young women who try it. The other is men, often older men, who are apoplectic that there is a section of the market where men aren't financially dominant, and therefore men are victims because... they choose to buy this stuff? (it's a whole fucking culture war thing. It's very amusing to watch commentators who claim to be into freedom and entrepreneurship and such wet themselves when it's a young woman succeeding in life  ) |
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"My issue isn't the sex. It's that they'd have got to such a point of desperation in life. I'd hope they'd always turn to us for support long before feeling they needed to tread that path."
It doesn't seem to be desperation nowadays so much as they assume they can make easy money without too much hard work. |
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well)
Yep!
Ours have made some very poor choices in their lives, many's the time we've had our head in our hands as they hurtle into disaster despite our warnings. Here's the shocker we were just the same. Parenting never ends for the parents but being a child ends for your kids and you have to accept it
I have a... somewhat distant younger relative who the family quietly suspects has gone into some sort of sex work.
The part of the family I'm close enough to speak to just quietly hope that she comes out of it relatively unscathed. I share that view.
I think I'd be the same.
I think the template answer on fab when it comes to sex work is that there's nothing wrong with it blah blah but very few people would want their children involved or at least wouldn't actively encourage it. The reality is very often light years away from the millionaire lifestyle portrayed in 'documentaries'. "
I would discourage the entertainment industry, marrying a royal, or senior politics on similar (not identical) grounds. Being in the public eye is not a good life. |
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"The thing is after a certain point we have very little influence over our children's lives. We can advise (if asked), counsel (if asked) and worry but unless we're horribly over bearing we can't control.
We tried to let both of ours know that we'd support them even if we didn't approve of their choices in life but they're adults and as entitled to live their lives how they want without reference to us and vice versa.
My mum once told me that she would love and try to support me no matter what I did, although she'd struggle if I murdered one of my siblings.
(This is a hypothetical. My siblings are alive and well)
Yep!
Ours have made some very poor choices in their lives, many's the time we've had our head in our hands as they hurtle into disaster despite our warnings. Here's the shocker we were just the same. Parenting never ends for the parents but being a child ends for your kids and you have to accept it
I have a... somewhat distant younger relative who the family quietly suspects has gone into some sort of sex work.
The part of the family I'm close enough to speak to just quietly hope that she comes out of it relatively unscathed. I share that view.
I think I'd be the same.
I think the template answer on fab when it comes to sex work is that there's nothing wrong with it blah blah but very few people would want their children involved or at least wouldn't actively encourage it. The reality is very often light years away from the millionaire lifestyle portrayed in 'documentaries'.
I would discourage the entertainment industry, marrying a royal, or senior politics on similar (not identical) grounds. Being in the public eye is not a good life."
I advised our children to marry millionaires and failing that hairdressers. In my experience they are the two most difficult people to find. Neither took my advice |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"My issue isn't the sex. It's that they'd have got to such a point of desperation in life. I'd hope they'd always turn to us for support long before feeling they needed to tread that path.
It doesn't seem to be desperation nowadays so much as they assume they can make easy money without too much hard work. "
Easy to see how it would seem that way. Ellen was propositioned a few times when we were younger. She was offered very good money to waitress topless once and at a time when we could really have done with the cash.
Can't believe she wussed out of it  |
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"My issue isn't the sex. It's that they'd have got to such a point of desperation in life. I'd hope they'd always turn to us for support long before feeling they needed to tread that path.
It doesn't seem to be desperation nowadays so much as they assume they can make easy money without too much hard work.
Easy to see how it would seem that way. Ellen was propositioned a few times when we were younger. She was offered very good money to waitress topless once and at a time when we could really have done with the cash.
Can't believe she wussed out of it "
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After watching a documentary on cam girls my naive view that it was easy money was quickly changed, the amount of money some of them pay out to make sure they are “relevant” and “current” was ridiculous. Yes, some may earn big bucks, but once all the overheads were taken out, there’s not really much difference in the money they can earn to other jobs out there.
So with that in mind I would sit down and have an open conversation with them, if they still wanted to do it, I would support them. |
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"Society is not kind to women, and this kind of behaviour very, very much limits her future career options due to both narrow-mindedness and safeguarding.
We also know that sex work is very harmful to mental health, and I would be very worried about that.
You mentioned 'narrow-mindedness' and mental health in the same post, so I'm now curious.
Sex work sees a woman using her physical femininity as a means of generating money, whereas many would say, in the most based terms at least, she should be using it to attract a romantic partner, quite possibly for life and with the possible outcome of starting a family.
Whilst there will of course be plenty of room for nuance in the above, this approach is essential for the continuation of the human race, without which none of us would exist now, so doing things which would deviate away from that will almost certainly be subject to criticism, there's nothing 'narrow minded' about it.
Then there's what you said about mental health, why would you suggest that is?"
Just because I mentioned narrow mindedness and mental health in the same post, doesn’t mean that I suggested they are connected.
Other people’s narrow-mindedness prevents me doing some jobs because in my younger days I took my clothes off for money.
There have been peer-reviewed studies on the mental health of sex workers. I’m sure you can find them if you google.
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By *AYENCouple 35 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
Having to have sex or even just talking about it with someone you don't fancy or have no connection with must rank as one of the worst things you can choose to commit to. And once you start there aren't many alternative options available, so you've sort of trapped yourself. So I would try to talk her out of it, but people don't usually take advice - ultimately I would support her. K. |
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