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Ridiculous injuries
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I was pulling my rather hefty wand up on to the bed earlier and managed to drop it on my ankle bone. Holy shitballs it hurt! Gonna bruise like a peach.
What random injuries have you had? They don't have to be sex related.
Mrs TMN x |
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Cum in eye really hurts and gave me a bloodshot eye.
Giving someone a bj for quite a long time gave me a clicky jaw for several days
Lifting a kettle bell and coughing injured my rib for quite sometime.
I can imagine leg wrist bone being very painful.
Mrs |
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"Sneezed whilst pissing pissed on myself and slipped a disc attempting not to piss on myself "
Omg I just laughed so much at that! At least you didn't slip over it and knock yourself unconscious. Bet slipped disc hurt! |
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"Sneezed whilst pissing pissed on myself and slipped a disc attempting not to piss on myself
Omg I just laughed so much at that! At least you didn't slip over it and knock yourself unconscious. Bet slipped disc hurt!"
Nothing hurt more than my pride haha got to laugh at yourself |
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By *MCMan 42 weeks ago
London/EA |
Split my head open when she was on top and a glass vase fell off the shelf from her rocking the bed, was dark and didn’t realise it cut me, 2 minutes later I was like jeez I’m sweating, wiped my head and realised there was blood all over my head and her bed.  |
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I smashed my ankle to pieces when I was a young man. Everyone assumed it was a skateboarding injury, to which I just said yes. I actually just slipped on some spilled beer. Didn’t even fall over. Just slipped a bit. Walked home. Woke up the next morning with my ankle joint all smashed up. Oops. Took six months in plaster to heal. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Tore my rotator cuff. Was knocking down a wall but hadn't swung yet. But my kid called my name, I jerked round, sledge hammer half raised. Never felt pain like it. Had to pay someone to knock the wall out in the end |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Eons ago I managed to carefully get a tiny metal splinter in my right eye - always use appropriate PPE people.
It bugged me for 2 days before I went to A&E and found out it sas a splinter not a scratch. I was not keen on th removal method - fine gauge4" long needle to "flick it out" the decider was when thr Dr said "oh yes I can see rust rings forming around it in your iris"
Mr
It bugged
"What random injuries have you had? They don't have to be sex related.
Bonus points if they are though, right?"
The most embarrassing was my then Gf in uni cracking my sternum while in the act. While I was staying at her parents and the day before her dad wanted to take me clay shooting with all his friends. Fun times
Mr |
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I sprained my ankle after I hit my head on a door frame due to my height and then slipped on the step as I reacted to the pain. My friend was the one who really hurt his head after he fell into a wall because he was laughing too much at me. Karma is great. |
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Dug a hole in the garden. Thought to myself “don’t fall down that hole.” Fell down the hole. Much pain. Stood up. Limped in and made tea. Went back out in the garden. Fell down same hole. Destroyed three ligaments in my ankle. I’m now five years down the line with physio every month.  |
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I have some incredibly gritty, tough injuries.
I’ve cut myself twice causing hostipal visits.
Once I was doing the washing up and the other time I was picking flowers.
Seriously. I still have the scars. |
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By *929Man 42 weeks ago
bedlington |
One of most embarrassing was playing paintball at one of those places that were popular back then with lads I worked with.
One of the games had a bridge in the middle that was only way to each side hat to try and take other teams side and running across it was slippy as fuck and feet slipped out in front and while in mid air the fright caused me to pull the trigger and unload rapid fire paintballs into my crotch at point blank range and landed on my right knee and could barely walk and couldn’t play any more games I was the laughingstock of everyone in attendance that day |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Tore my rotator cuff. Was knocking down a wall but hadn't swung yet. But my kid called my name, I jerked round, sledge hammer half raised. Never felt pain like it. Had to pay someone to knock the wall out in the end "
Did that faling off a push bike at 2 mph. The pain as you say is quite the thing.
At least you were doing something physical and err with a level of risk. All I had to do was stay upright. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Lifting weights at the gym a few yrs ago & some guy decides to cross my path, invading my space too, we trip over each other & I drop the weight on my foot & toes, I ended up with quite nasty bruising & couldn't wear my beautiful gold sandals to a wedding I was bridesmaid at. |
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The first girl I ever kissed was a large girl, she french kissed me, and took hold of my tongue with her mouth and sucked it so hard she damaged the ligament under my tongue.
Same girl whilst riding me placed her hands on my chest, I had bruises on my chest for days afterwards.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I put a second layer of hair removal cream on my balls the first time I used it thinking the first layer didn't get all of it. They were red raw and stuck to the inside of my legs for a few days after |
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"I put a second layer of hair removal cream on my balls the first time I used it thinking the first layer didn't get all of it. They were red raw and stuck to the inside of my legs for a few days after "
Beat me to it!!! 
Writing about the injury, I mean, not creaming up your testicles. |
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By *wiggy2112Woman 42 weeks ago
some where in Yorkshire |
Whilst exploring with a whatenberg pinwheel.. I put it down on the bed … unfortunately my ex didn’t see it and he ended up sitting on it and it was stuck in his buttock.. it was a close call as it looked like we might have had to go to A&E …just to funny seeing his face |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I put a second layer of hair removal cream on my balls the first time I used it thinking the first layer didn't get all of it. They were red raw and stuck to the inside of my legs for a few days after
Beat me to it!!!
Writing about the injury, I mean, not creaming up your testicles."
I mean, the offer's on the table  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Yesterday stubbed my toe on a land mine because I was to lazy to put them past
Land mine = wight plate that’s what I call them when I just leave them laying around
Anyway finshed a work out and was bed time got up and stubbed my toe on one |
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"Joe wants to hear the one about a banjo string snapping in the back of a Vauxhall Corsa, back in the day. I just know it 
I heard a story of this happening with someone else recently. You women need to chill  "
Look, it's not very spacious in an M reg Corsa, especially not when one of you is 6ft 4. Oh, what a night and for all the wrong reasons  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 42 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Dug a hole in the garden. Thought to myself “don’t fall down that hole.” Fell down the hole. Much pain. Stood up. Limped in and made tea. Went back out in the garden. Fell down same hole. Destroyed three ligaments in my ankle. I’m now five years down the line with physio every month. "
Did anyone ever find the body though?
That's the important thing....  |
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By *ornycougaWoman 42 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"I put a second layer of hair removal cream on my balls the first time I used it thinking the first layer didn't get all of it. They were red raw and stuck to the inside of my legs for a few days after
Beat me to it!!!
Writing about the injury, I mean, not creaming up your testicles.
I mean, the offer's on the table "
Are tickets available via Eventbrite for this event? Asking for a friend |
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I don't know if this is actually true but did hear about a guy who accidentally stuck his buttocks together with super glue, I always wondered how he achieved it. My theory being he had it all over his hands and then suddenly needed a dump ?? |
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I was watching TV downstairs in my lounge and then decided to go off to bed. I turned all the lights off, and then once I got to my bedroom, I realized I’d left my phone downstairs. So, I went back down again and didn’t bother to turn the lights on. I ended up falling over a footstool; I landed really awkwardly, and my hand hit the carpet really hard. At the time, I didn’t think it was broken; it hurt like crazy, but I thought it would go away when I got up for work in the morning. However, it still hurt really bad, and I ended up having to do everything with one hand. I actually tried to work, but you can’t do much landscaping with one hand.
I ended up going to the hospital, and they confirmed it was broken and put a cast on. |
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"I don't know if this is actually true but did hear about a guy who accidentally stuck his buttocks together with super glue, I always wondered how he achieved it. My theory being he had it all over his hands and then suddenly needed a dump ??"
Crikey I wonder what happens to all the plops. They must go upwards. |
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"Dug a hole in the garden. Thought to myself “don’t fall down that hole.” Fell down the hole. Much pain. Stood up. Limped in and made tea. Went back out in the garden. Fell down same hole. Destroyed three ligaments in my ankle. I’m now five years down the line with physio every month.
Did anyone ever find the body though?
That's the important thing.... "
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I heard a bang in the night that shocked me awake and as I jolted I dislocated my shoulder
Never known pain like it, but luckily it popped back in by itself when I stood up |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I put a second layer of hair removal cream on my balls the first time I used it thinking the first layer didn't get all of it. They were red raw and stuck to the inside of my legs for a few days after
Beat me to it!!!
Writing about the injury, I mean, not creaming up your testicles.
I mean, the offer's on the table
Are tickets available via Eventbrite for this event? Asking for a friend "
Absolutely, and audience participation would be encouraged |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"The first girl I ever kissed was a large girl, she french kissed me, and took hold of my tongue with her mouth and sucked it so hard she damaged the ligament under my tongue.
Same girl whilst riding me placed her hands on my chest, I had bruises on my chest for days afterwards.
"
Wtf....aren't you glad she didn't give you a BJ if she damaged the ligament under your tongue when kissing. (I'm thinking banjo string ooooouuuucccccchhhy) |
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We had a really large sunflower that had reached the end of its life. The head was really big and heavy so the whole plant was leaning over. I came along with the secateurs and cut off the head, not thinking that once the weight was gone the plant would bounce back upright. It did. Right on my nose. My husband heard the thwack and turned round to find me clutching my nose. No real harm done, but he does still laugh about it. |
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The stories only get more outrageous, back when I was in school in the 80s a mate told me a story about a guy who's in bed with a woman, then the husband comes home. Husband in a rage attacks guy with an axe, anyway said guy has an axe embedded in his skull, part of his brains in his hands and runs naked to the police station |
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"The stories only get more outrageous, back when I was in school in the 80s a mate told me a story about a guy who's in bed with a woman, then the husband comes home. Husband in a rage attacks guy with an axe, anyway said guy has an axe embedded in his skull, part of his brains in his hands and runs naked to the police station "
Well he was axing for trouble there |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"The first girl I ever kissed was a large girl, she french kissed me, and took hold of my tongue with her mouth and sucked it so hard she damaged the ligament under my tongue.
Same girl whilst riding me placed her hands on my chest, I had bruises on my chest for days afterwards.
Wtf....aren't you glad she didn't give you a BJ if she damaged the ligament under your tongue when kissing. (I'm thinking banjo string ooooouuuucccccchhhy)"
Can we please stop mentioning the damn banjo string?!  |
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By *orny PTMan 42 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"I have some incredibly gritty, tough injuries.
I’ve cut myself twice causing hostipal visits.
Once I was doing the washing up and the other time I was picking flowers.
Seriously. I still have the scars."
was it a wine glass as they are bloody lethal. |
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"The first girl I ever kissed was a large girl, she french kissed me, and took hold of my tongue with her mouth and sucked it so hard she damaged the ligament under my tongue.
Same girl whilst riding me placed her hands on my chest, I had bruises on my chest for days afterwards.
Wtf....aren't you glad she didn't give you a BJ if she damaged the ligament under your tongue when kissing. (I'm thinking banjo string ooooouuuucccccchhhy)"
She did give me a BJ's as it happens, was pretty good with them too. I guess the moral of the story is to put the right tool in the right location  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I broke one of my ribs opening a drawer in my freezer.
I misjudged how close I was standing next my wardrobe, swung my head around and cracked my nose off the corner. I’m not sure if I actually broke it or not, but there was a lot of blood and I still have a bump |
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By *nnCeeWoman 42 weeks ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
Got a bad case of carpet burn on the outside of my knee at uni, as someone thoughtfully put the hideous nylon carpet up the breezeblock wall either as insulation, as a shite pinboard, or some weird aesthetic.
Almost broke my back falling out of a minibus onto the curb (d*unk, uni...).
Almost knocked myself out numerous times smacking my head into things (metal staircases, walls, low beams) (d*unk, uni...).
Put my neck out, sneezing.
Gave myself a black eye for Christmas last year, when I slightly over indulged at the pub and face planted onto the pavement after 7 hours of drinking.
A week later, managed to headbutt my front door and smack the corner of the metal electric meter cupboard into my collarbone, as I failed to shut said meter cupboard door before going out to read the gas meter and stupidly thinking I'd remember that I'd left the cupboard open and that opening the front door would mean the doors would collide...
Perhaps I should stop drinking... |
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I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal |
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By *irthandgirthMan 42 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
I had a very deep burn in my thigh from an oxyacetlyene welding torch. (Long story)
I have a scar on my hand from having to break into a neighbours house when the door locked behind her and her 2 year old was trapped in the house.
I broke my ribs over my mates head doing Jujitsu when I threw him and realised I had put too much power in and I was going to throw him off the mat. I over-rotated to keep him on the mat but landed awkwardly.
I got concussed for 6 weeks by being thrown on top of my head (Jujitsu again). I went blind for an hour and a half. Made teas and coffees by smell.. drove myself home. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal"
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion |
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion "
I fell down some marble stairs at Blackpool Tower and landed on my coccyx. I was about 7 or 8. It was absolutely agonising but I was just picked up, plonked on my feet and told to stop making a fuss. I've often wondered if some of my back problems could be traced back there |
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion "
See - I could have died!! Luckily my brain was unaffected….. ahem |
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion
I fell down some marble stairs at Blackpool Tower and landed on my coccyx. I was about 7 or 8. It was absolutely agonising but I was just picked up, plonked on my feet and told to stop making a fuss. I've often wondered if some of my back problems could be traced back there "
That’s what you get for venturing to Blackpool |
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion
I fell down some marble stairs at Blackpool Tower and landed on my coccyx. I was about 7 or 8. It was absolutely agonising but I was just picked up, plonked on my feet and told to stop making a fuss. I've often wondered if some of my back problems could be traced back there "
Landed on your what? |
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By *ascaIMan 42 weeks ago
Cheshire Liverpool Manchester |
My brother did a ‘Pedigree’ to me on my mums bed when we were younger (HHH’s wrestling finishing move). I remember leaning over the edge of the bed with blood pouring out my mouth. Nearly bit the end of my tongue off and was a swift trip to A&E to get it sorted.
As a result my brother became the new intercontinental champion after I couldn’t continue.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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When I was 19 I was playing jnr football against men in there 30s some guy snapped my two ankles with A 2 footed tackle had to get two plates in both ankles and 6 screws in each was in a wheel chair for six months then on crutches for six a while year of rehab to learn to walk again and I was waiting to be signed by a pro youth team and that ended my football career never kicked a football again cause of it  |
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion
I fell down some marble stairs at Blackpool Tower and landed on my coccyx. I was about 7 or 8. It was absolutely agonising but I was just picked up, plonked on my feet and told to stop making a fuss. I've often wondered if some of my back problems could be traced back there
Landed on your what? "
The very end bit of the tailbone at the base of your spine. Coccyx. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I blacked out at the top of my stairs and tumbled down unconscious. Came to in a heap at the bottom.
When I was 8 I ran into a tennis net cord, bounced back and knocked myself out. They didn’t even take me to hostipal
I fell off a swing around the same age. I went over to my aunties house crying, she phoned my dad to pick me up saying I was “acting it”. No one cared until I blacked out and had to be taken to hospital. I had concussion
I fell down some marble stairs at Blackpool Tower and landed on my coccyx. I was about 7 or 8. It was absolutely agonising but I was just picked up, plonked on my feet and told to stop making a fuss. I've often wondered if some of my back problems could be traced back there "
Jesus! I often look back and wonder how I’m still alive. Everything was fixed with a slap on the back and told “you’ll be right enough” |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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One time when I was out a good few years ago in a bar with a loud live band playing....A male platonic friend decided he'd lift me up & kept throwing me up in the air....I was roaring....He thought I was roaring with excitement the idiot but no ....I was roaring with pain....Because each time he threw me up I was banging my nose on a concrete arch. My poor nose took a long time to recovery but it's still not straight as it was badly broken |
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I fell down the stairs and was in agony but managed to get back up them and lay on my bed. Mum found me n3xt day and called an ambulance. That's all I remember. I woke up nearly three weeks later after being put in a coma as I couldn't breathe for myself. Leg broke in three plac3s, broken knee, thirteen broken ribs and a pierced lung |
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By *bi HaiveMan 42 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I got a carpet burn on my dick once.... 
Um... Were you dragging yourself along the carpet like a doggy?
Only think I could think of was shagging a hole in the carpet "
Pub carpet. Missionary with a barmaid after closing.
Got a little over enthusiastic, slipped out and instead of slipping back in....slid over the carpet.
Pub carpets were rough old things back then.... |
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By *bi HaiveMan 42 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Does being run over by your own car count ? Yup, that was me  "
Do you have a better excuse than East 17's Brian Harvey though?
"Troubled reality TV star Brian Harvey has provided an astonishing explanation for the bizarre and terrifying accident in which he was run over by his own Mercedes... claiming it was caused by a meal of three giant baked potatoes smothered in tuna mayonnaise and cheese.
Harvey, speaking for the first time about the incident that nearly cost him his life, says he fell under the car as he leant out of the driver's door to be sick because he had eaten so much - and the Mercedes rolled over him."
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By *TG3Man 42 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I was pulling my rather hefty wand up on to the bed earlier and managed to drop it on my ankle bone. Holy shitballs it hurt! Gonna bruise like a peach.
What random injuries have you had? They don't have to be sex related.
Mrs TMN x"
I nailed myself to a tarpaulin i was hurriedly trying to erect with a nailgun straight through my thumbnail |
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Before meeting me, my hubby dislocated his two middle fingers, on his left hand, whilst fingerings one of his best mates Aunties.
I found out about this at the rugby club, he and his friend played for. True story. He still gets stick when he goes down there.
The full story is quite funny but also quite long,
Mrs x |
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Staple gun went off in my hand. By the time I released the trigger I managed to staple 3 fingers together !
In a hotel before a night out. Got hit in the face by a swing door. Black eye and bruising covering half my face. |
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By *irthandgirthMan 42 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"When I was 19 I was playing jnr football against men in there 30s some guy snapped my two ankles with A 2 footed tackle had to get two plates in both ankles and 6 screws in each was in a wheel chair for six months then on crutches for six a while year of rehab to learn to walk again and I was waiting to be signed by a pro youth team and that ended my football career never kicked a football again cause of it "
And it's wankers like that that made me take up Muay Thai and Jujitsu instead. Much safer. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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These are wild. Mine is tame, tripped trying to avoid standing on the dog who was running at me on a slope - tore the ligaments all the way around in my foot, 6 months of physio. Another time, a tipsy dog walk, fell in a bush, got stuck, a random neighbour rescued me, looked like I'd been attacked, with the scratches on my face, neck, arms, legs, etc |
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"Sneezed whilst pissing pissed on myself and slipped a disc attempting not to piss on myself "
I've replayed that in my head about 5 times now and it's never not funny .
Obviously, I don't wish the pain on you.
But fuck - that description, and the movie short in my head...they're priceless . |
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"The stories only get more outrageous, back when I was in school in the 80s a mate told me a story about a guy who's in bed with a woman, then the husband comes home. Husband in a rage attacks guy with an axe, anyway said guy has an axe embedded in his skull, part of his brains in his hands and runs naked to the police station "
He must have had a splitting headache |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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When I was a kid I was walking our family dog - it ran into the next field where a handful of cows had been moved in and was then chased by them.... I ripped my thigh open on the barbed wire fence, trying to catch the dog. Trip to a+e and was left with a mahoosive scar that has just faded, some 40 years later |
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"I was pulling my rather hefty wand up on to the bed earlier and managed to drop it on my ankle bone. Holy shitballs it hurt! Gonna bruise like a peach.
What random injuries have you had? They don't have to be sex related.
Mrs TMN xI nailed myself to a tarpaulin i was hurriedly trying to erect with a nailgun straight through my thumbnail "
Now I do not believe that you wanted to do that did you.
Said in my best Harry Enfield |
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"Whilst exploring with a whatenberg pinwheel.. I put it down on the bed … unfortunately my ex didn’t see it and he ended up sitting on it and it was stuck in his buttock.. it was a close call as it looked like we might have had to go to A&E …just to funny seeing his face "
I stood up and it 3 of the spikes had pierced my bum lol |
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By *TG3Man 42 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I was pulling my rather hefty wand up on to the bed earlier and managed to drop it on my ankle bone. Holy shitballs it hurt! Gonna bruise like a peach.
What random injuries have you had? They don't have to be sex related.
Mrs TMN xI nailed myself to a tarpaulin i was hurriedly trying to erect with a nailgun straight through my thumbnail
Now I do not believe that you wanted to do that did you.
Said in my best Harry Enfield "
no i definitely didn't i had to get a pair of pliers to snip end of brad nail off and pull nail through my thumb and nail |
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