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By *adyBugs OP Woman 37 weeks ago
cognito |
We all know that a lot of people like a good old gossip, especially in this little swingy world.
So, do you listen to gossip and judge people based on it?
Or do you give people benefit of doubt and make up your own mind about a person, regardless of what you have heard?
Me, I am very much a make my own mind up person. |
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I don’t talk about who I meet so people wouldn’t know to tell me anything really.
A few years ago I was going to meet someone and I’d heard from a few people that he was a bit rough and didn’t take no for an answer so I didn’t meet him based on that. So I guess it depends what it was as to whether it would affect my decisions. |
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I think it depends a lot on a lot of factors.
Have I heard a single rumour from someone I don't know, or is it coning from multiple sources within the community who aren't known to be melodramatic or OTT.
How severe is the rumour. This person made a small faux pas or this person did something that would get them removed from any reputable event list.
I like to make up my own mind about people. But if the warning signs are bright from various sources it would be stupid to not at least hold them in mind while interacting with them  |
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By *adyBugs OP Woman 37 weeks ago
cognito |
"I don’t talk about who I meet so people wouldn’t know to tell me anything really.
A few years ago I was going to meet someone and I’d heard from a few people that he was a bit rough and didn’t take no for an answer so I didn’t meet him based on that. So I guess it depends what it was as to whether it would affect my decisions. "
Maybe in that situation you already had a gut instinct about him if you’d been talking to each other beforehand and that’s what you based your decision on?
Gut instinct and gossip judgments are separate in my opinion but sometimes happens at the same time. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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Gossip is just that. I try to ignore it. I said try, because once you’ve heard one thing you can’t unhear. But when I find out that it’s on true, I just imagine how stupid that person who told me that rumour starts to look.
So quite often I just sit and listen, I’ve found that’s the best way to hear the truth. |
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"I don’t talk about who I meet so people wouldn’t know to tell me anything really.
A few years ago I was going to meet someone and I’d heard from a few people that he was a bit rough and didn’t take no for an answer so I didn’t meet him based on that. So I guess it depends what it was as to whether it would affect my decisions.
Maybe in that situation you already had a gut instinct about him if you’d been talking to each other beforehand and that’s what you based your decision on?
Gut instinct and gossip judgments are separate in my opinion but sometimes happens at the same time. "
True. My gut instincts rarely let me down but I hadn’t had a bad one about him. Guess I’ll never know now but I didn’t take the risk. I’ve heard all sorts over the years and been pretty good at working out what was malicious and what wasn’t but ultimately I’ll make the decision on quite a few different things if I meet someone x |
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"We all know that a lot of people like a good old gossip, especially in this little swingy world.
So, do you listen to gossip and judge people based on it?
Or do you give people benefit of doubt and make up your own mind about a person, regardless of what you have heard?
Me, I am very much a make my own mind up person. "
we both like to make our own mind up |
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It totally depends who's told me and why, was it more than one person, is there any credit to their story, is it approved to tell me.... Many times it can put me off the person telling me more than whoever it is about - generally I don't care who's fucking who, who's said this or that I'm all for an easy life no drama.
As much as I do chat socially to some fab members I'm very selective & don't want to be in with gossip etc, although some advice/gossip has been much appreciated and saved some hassle.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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"I don’t really make opinions based on gossip but I find gossip hilarious 
Its a weirdly entertaining concept isn’t it "
It’s great. Like I love the drama. I don’t take it too seriously. But gossip is usually unserious. |
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I try to make my own mind up but I am sometimes influenced by what I hear. To be honest if someone is really nasty about someone I'm more likely to dislike the person telling me than the one its about. It also depends on how well I know the people involved.
I do try not to get involved in gossip but sometimes it's just too juicy and I'm not a perfect human |
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By *MCMan 37 weeks ago
London/EA |
I like to think I have an alright judge of character so like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and a chance.
There’s always two sides to a story so better to decide yourself. |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with. "
I had a dreadful experience at work when someone made awful untrue allegations about me and people believed them with the exception of those who knew me. |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with. "
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time. |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with.
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time. "
There's been a lot of that on here over the years, I found the best way round it is to just not talk to anyone |
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"We all know that a lot of people like a good old gossip, especially in this little swingy world.
So, do you listen to gossip and judge people based on it?
Or do you give people benefit of doubt and make up your own mind about a person, regardless of what you have heard?
Me, I am very much a make my own mind up person. "
I've got some gossip for ya 
Mr |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with.
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time.
There's been a lot of that on here over the years, I found the best way round it is to just not talk to anyone "
That’s pretty much what I’ve done for the last few years  . Lesson learnt the hard way x |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with.
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time. "
This was escalated to a formal disciplinary enquiry. The person in question reported me and people I'd worked with for many years believed them. The things I'd allegedly said and done which were sackable offences were apparently in front of witnesses all of who were formally interviewed and as shocked as I was. It turned out that I had been asked to show them how to do something and when they did it wrong I pointed it out, helped them put it right and showed them how to do it again and they didn't take kindly to it, so decided to get their revenge.
I learned some very important lessons about people during that time |
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I make up my own mind, I do find the gossip comical especially when it is someone try to make another look bad because they have had a disagreement over something, that in its self can be often relatively trival in tge grand scheme of things. So I get the popcorn out get comfy and watch. |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with.
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time.
This was escalated to a formal disciplinary enquiry. The person in question reported me and people I'd worked with for many years believed them. The things I'd allegedly said and done which were sackable offences were apparently in front of witnesses all of who were formally interviewed and as shocked as I was. It turned out that I had been asked to show them how to do something and when they did it wrong I pointed it out, helped them put it right and showed them how to do it again and they didn't take kindly to it, so decided to get their revenge.
I learned some very important lessons about people during that time"
Wow that’s so awful! It hurts too. I’m pretty thick skinned but I was really hurt at the time. People can be so nasty  x |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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I pretty much make my own mind up about people, especially having gone to group socials where two or more people may not get on or see eye to eye and I find I get on with all of them so I'd rather form an opinion based on my own experience.
I'd be lying though if I said I didn't enjoy hearing a bit of goss even if I don't spread it myself |
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"A few years ago someone made up things about me. It was sad they felt the need to. I'll never understand why but it taught me to be very careful about who I associate with.
Same happened to me. Luckily one person angrily confronted me and two messaged me to tell me as they didn’t believe I’d say those things. I was so glad they all did as I wouldn’t have known. There’s bound to be others who believed the nastiness but not much I can do really. At least the true friends came out.
Was all very horrible at the time.
This was escalated to a formal disciplinary enquiry. The person in question reported me and people I'd worked with for many years believed them. The things I'd allegedly said and done which were sackable offences were apparently in front of witnesses all of who were formally interviewed and as shocked as I was. It turned out that I had been asked to show them how to do something and when they did it wrong I pointed it out, helped them put it right and showed them how to do it again and they didn't take kindly to it, so decided to get their revenge.
I learned some very important lessons about people during that time
Wow that’s so awful! It hurts too. I’m pretty thick skinned but I was really hurt at the time. People can be so nasty x"
Yep.
It's why even if I listen to gossip I never repeat it. 99% of it is embellishment and 1% is lies |
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Over the years I have seen a lot come and go, with associated drama.
I try and avoid it if I can.
Fab forums can be a little micro community of busy bees! Lots of honey to be had with the occasional sting! |
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"Over the years I have seen a lot come and go, with associated drama.
I try and avoid it if I can.
Fab forums can be a little micro community of busy bees! Lots of honey to be had with the occasional sting!"
Haha. Great analogy |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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I take people at face value and don't engage in drama. Anyone spreading nonsense about someone else is only a reflection of them and not who they are talking about. |
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"Wish I was as busy as some of the rumours and gossip I hear about myself.. that guy is honestly living the best life by the sounds! "
I've never heard any about myself. That sounds entertaining!
J |
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By *ambertMan 37 weeks ago
Cheltenham |
There is a fair chance all of this is in my head, and all of you are simply figments of my imagination.
So I assume anything I know about anyone is made up. By me.
Aside from _adybugs. I hear she is actually three raccoons in a human suit |
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By *ambertMan 37 weeks ago
Cheltenham |
"Wish I was as busy as some of the rumours and gossip I hear about myself.. that guy is honestly living the best life by the sounds!
I've never heard any about myself. That sounds entertaining!
J"
I heard you don't sort your recycling.
You monster |
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"Wish I was as busy as some of the rumours and gossip I hear about myself.. that guy is honestly living the best life by the sounds!
I've never heard any about myself. That sounds entertaining!
J
I heard you don't sort your recycling.
You monster "
|
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"Wish I was as busy as some of the rumours and gossip I hear about myself.. that guy is honestly living the best life by the sounds!
I've never heard any about myself. That sounds entertaining!
J
I heard you don't sort your recycling.
You monster "
J |
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Depends what the gossip is about.
If someone I know has met a guy and didn’t enjoy the sex, I’d not listen. But If she felt uncomfortable or in danger I’d listen.
General gossip I couldn’t care less for.
But safety I could.
So I guess a bit of both haha
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I always make up my own minds about people.
In my time here I've had people contact me and tell me all sorts of tales about people I've only ever engaged with in the forums and would never be meeting anyway.
I've been told tales about people I've never even heard of and I've been told tales about people I knew pretty well and they bear no resemblance to the person I know.
Information and gossip are currency on here and even though I make it very clear I have zero interest in any of it I still get these types of messages from certain individuals and they often start by saying I know you hate gossip but......
They have even said exactly the same if we have met at socials.
Fab has it's very own influencers and they have an audience.
The sad part is that those who welcome and encourage them don't seem to understand that they are also talking about them to others.
I have been at socials and overheard prominent forum users telling other peoples stories and sharing other fabbers personal experiences, most of which I'm sure were told to them in confidence. |
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"I don’t really make opinions based on gossip but I find gossip hilarious "
Even more funny when someone tells you gossip about yourself, without realising your the person the tale is about.
Had that in a club once x |
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By *irthandgirthMan 37 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
I've been the focus of malicious gossiping on here in the past, as I found out through friends.
I have neither the time, energy, or will to talk about others, less so if it is about someone I have no actual experience with.
As much as it isn't nice to find out someone thinks ill of me, ultimately their ignorance is of no consequence and I find it a useful filter if someone isn't willing to make up their own mind. |
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"I always make up my own minds about people.
In my time here I've had people contact me and tell me all sorts of tales about people I've only ever engaged with in the forums and would never be meeting anyway.
I've been told tales about people I've never even heard of and I've been told tales about people I knew pretty well and they bear no resemblance to the person I know.
Information and gossip are currency on here and even though I make it very clear I have zero interest in any of it I still get these types of messages from certain individuals and they often start by saying I know you hate gossip but......
They have even said exactly the same if we have met at socials.
Fab has it's very own influencers and they have an audience.
The sad part is that those who welcome and encourage them don't seem to understand that they are also talking about them to others.
I have been at socials and overheard prominent forum users telling other peoples stories and sharing other fabbers personal experiences, most of which I'm sure were told to them in confidence."
You often allude to these things and the nosy parker in me wants to know more, but I know its a bad idea...
Keep walking Tess, keep walking! |
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"When it comes to fab I'd say you can get a feel for forum contributors. We're not involved enough with people off site to be involved in gossip. "
Apart from one friend I'm not involved with anyone off site at all.
I haven't met anyone new through fab in more than 4 years.
I haven't been in a chatgroup since 2020.
For some reason though I have been tagged in other peoples drama including people I've never spoken to or met, never engaged with in the forums and never even so much as fabbed each others pics.
I've had messages from fabbers asking if it's me that someone is talking about in various forum comments and I don't even know who any of these people are including the fabbers who are messaging. |
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"I always make up my own minds about people.
In my time here I've had people contact me and tell me all sorts of tales about people I've only ever engaged with in the forums and would never be meeting anyway.
I've been told tales about people I've never even heard of and I've been told tales about people I knew pretty well and they bear no resemblance to the person I know.
Information and gossip are currency on here and even though I make it very clear I have zero interest in any of it I still get these types of messages from certain individuals and they often start by saying I know you hate gossip but......
They have even said exactly the same if we have met at socials.
Fab has it's very own influencers and they have an audience.
The sad part is that those who welcome and encourage them don't seem to understand that they are also talking about them to others.
I have been at socials and overheard prominent forum users telling other peoples stories and sharing other fabbers personal experiences, most of which I'm sure were told to them in confidence.
You often allude to these things and the nosy parker in me wants to know more, but I know its a bad idea...
Keep walking Tess, keep walking! "
I have been asked who these people are but I've never once named them even in private because I won't lower myself to their level.
I know for a fact that if I was to do so, many people would call me deluded as there was no way these people would ever do such a thing.
Some would be shocked while others would just nod sagely. |
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"When it comes to fab I'd say you can get a feel for forum contributors. We're not involved enough with people off site to be involved in gossip.
Apart from one friend I'm not involved with anyone off site at all.
I haven't met anyone new through fab in more than 4 years.
I haven't been in a chatgroup since 2020.
For some reason though I have been tagged in other peoples drama including people I've never spoken to or met, never engaged with in the forums and never even so much as fabbed each others pics.
I've had messages from fabbers asking if it's me that someone is talking about in various forum comments and I don't even know who any of these people are including the fabbers who are messaging. "
We've had one person maybe two try gossiping about other site members in all the time we've been here. I suspect we're not interesting enough to attract gossip about us and I say that in a realistic way not a 'poor us' or fishing for compliments way. |
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By *edeWoman 37 weeks ago
the abyss |
I tend not to listen to general gossip. Information from people I trust who have had first hand experience is slightly different, but generally I make my own mind up on a person.
I don't think there's any gossip about me.... unless it's me you're all talking about - thought my right ear was burning up  |
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By *irthandgirthMan 37 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"I tend not to listen to general gossip. Information from people I trust who have had first hand experience is slightly different, but generally I make my own mind up on a person.
I don't think there's any gossip about me.... unless it's me you're all talking about - thought my right ear was burning up "
*everyone goes quiet and looks suspicious* |
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