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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.
Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table  |
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"Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.
Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table "
Because in my day I was scouted by Dundee...despite the rugby balls on show. I still have a turn of pace, good in the air and don't roll around when tackled.
Plus I'm good at the 3rd half. Wait that rugby.
Happy to cut oranges up. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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Can do 500 sit ups droping from 25kg in sets off 100 only stoping to drop off 5kg at a time so 100 at 25kg drop 5kg off 100 at 20kg drop 5kg off 100 at 15kg and so forth
Can do 6 sets off 8 rep pull ups with 20kg hang from my waist
Can do 4 sets off 8 press ups with a 10kg wight plate on my back
Can row 85-95kg
Can standing dumbbell press 50kg for 8 reps 4 sets
Can single hand row 45kg for 4 sets 8 reps
Yes I am a monster
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.
Give me a second to come up with an official job title…. "
This is serious stuff! You can't be waiting in the changing rooms for the sweaty men in shorts to come in   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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"Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.
Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table
Because in my day I was scouted by Dundee...despite the rugby balls on show. I still have a turn of pace, good in the air and don't roll around when tackled.
Plus I'm good at the 3rd half. Wait that rugby.
Happy to cut oranges up."
A noble role, but football is a bit like rugby if you wanted to give it a go and try really hard  |
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I’ll be the irritating fuckwit in the stands going:
Who’s he?
And who’s that?
Why’s he doing that?
What just happened?
Who’s the bloke in the middle? In black?
Why’s he allowed to pick it up?
Why’s it called football if you’re allowed to use your head?
Why’s it so long?
What do you mean that’s just half time?
Why did he just fall over?
Why are they throwing stuff on the pitch?
Oh, he’s got a mouth on him hasn’t he!
Why do they keep spitting?
Those chips are shit aren’t they.
What happens if no one scores?
How much longer? |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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Because I have the goalkeeping excellence of Andre Onana, the defending masterclasses of Harry Maguire, the midfield magic of Ali Dia and the finishing of Timo Werner when he was at Chelsea. Truly, having me in this will be a sight to behold. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.
Give me a second to come up with an official job title….
This is serious stuff! You can't be waiting in the changing rooms for the sweaty men in shorts to come in "
You’re right. Absolutely disgusti….what time do I start?  |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.
Give me a second to come up with an official job title….
No need. You're hired!"
Yes! You’ll barely even notice that I’m there  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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"My ideal role is what the Italians call the fantasista or trequartista: an impish, inventive presence that decorates the pitch with guile and whimsical touches.
Ideal for 5-a-side then  "
You sound like you know what you're doing. Straight in! |
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"I can go in goal if you like. I'm good with my hands
But how good are you with your feet? We need modern and open minded goalies!"
I'm REARly good!
I'm under 40, so that makes me modern here and I'm straight. You won't have me getting confused which side I'm playing for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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"Can do 500 sit ups droping from 25kg in sets off 100 only stoping to drop off 5kg at a time so 100 at 25kg drop 5kg off 100 at 20kg drop 5kg off 100 at 15kg and so forth
Can do 6 sets off 8 rep pull ups with 20kg hang from my waist
Can do 4 sets off 8 press ups with a 10kg wight plate on my back
Can row 85-95kg
Can standing dumbbell press 50kg for 8 reps 4 sets
Can single hand row 45kg for 4 sets 8 reps
Yes I am a monster
"
Can you carry a dumbbell running around the pitch though? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 37 weeks ago
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"I can guarantee you will have md the night with a clean sheet.
Oh. Wait.
Something about balls. "
A clean sheet isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes it's just about having a bit of fun |
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