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How to fight the fear...
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I have found myself very interested in a girl 15 years younger than me.
It's definitely not purely a sexual interest, I'd be very keen to attempt to have an actual relationship with her but...
I'm not enormous confident, I worry that due to the age difference she might see my advances as creepy or presume it's motivated entirely by my penis, I don't take rejection very well (specially when I'm genuinely interested) and, I know I'm crap and awkward when trying to chat women up.
I'm sure I'm not the only person on here who is confidence deficient, or who over thinks everything so, I'm curious...
how do you overcome the anxiety in order to pursue something you want?
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"Fake it till ya make it, fella"
Sadly, I'm not that good an actor!
It pisses me off that I can sing and prance around like an idiot on stage in front of a roomful of people but, I break out in a cold sweat and my heart relocates to my throat when I try and actually express myself to a woman I like!
I envy those people with no fear! |
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By *ooBulMan 37 weeks ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
A faint heart heart never won a fair maiden ...
OR
To use a Chuck Yeager expression : Fly low & hit them hard! If you crash & burn then you definitely bought the farm on that one.....!
Or to use a friends expression: If you don't enter the lottery how do you expect to win it? If you don't at least you tried....
Soory, I'm tired & all out of metaphors    |
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"
how do you overcome the anxiety in order to pursue something you want?
"
In my experience, it's to genuinely NOT want it, or at least to build a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Then there's zero anxiety.
Also, she's 24, you're 39. That's not a big deal. You're making it a big deal. It's not.
Stop thinking so much. It's not serving you well.
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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Wank with your left hand and scream her name ... 
Joking ,,,
The coin only has two faces ...
Is not rocket science ...
1 is face and she will give u a head
2 is tails and she tell you : up yours
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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I overthink ….therefore I over am …
Either do or don’t, it that simple, and giving the adage, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Just ask pal, nothing too serious. ‘Fancy a date’? Or even ‘fancy hanging out doing something fun?’ Type thing.
We need to have the follow on story for this, I need to know how you get on.  |
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By *TG3Man 37 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I have found myself very interested in a girl 15 years younger than me.
It's definitely not purely a sexual interest, I'd be very keen to attempt to have an actual relationship with her but...
I'm not enormous confident, I worry that due to the age difference she might see my advances as creepy or presume it's motivated entirely by my penis, I don't take rejection very well (specially when I'm genuinely interested) and, I know I'm crap and awkward when trying to chat women up.
I'm sure I'm not the only person on here who is confidence deficient, or who over thinks everything so, I'm curious...
how do you overcome the anxiety in order to pursue something you want?
"
This place is all about the negatives unfortunately you will have to bite the bullet and meet her at some point, she knows your age and age is literally a number, she will either like you or not and by the sounds of it you already have so much in common, make a date |
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Good morning Phil, here’s a few thoughts that might be useful. Try to constrain your thoughts to only the immediate goal. It’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole of your dreams, but the first step is simply a coffee. Not dinner, not sex, not buying a house or children or planning your retirement. It’s just a conversation somewhere public. Keep it all small in your mind and it will feel more achievable. Remember, a sense of anxiety when pursuing something you want is perfectly normal, and this sense of fear is what holds most people back in life. A self imposed fear of failure or rejection is the single biggest reason why people do not fulfil their dreams. But equally, not failing and and therefore not learning from failure is also the single biggest reason why we become stuck and why we do not grow. Every experience is valuable, and as others have noted, if you aren’t in the race you cannot cross the finish line. Good luck! Xx |
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"Good morning Phil, here’s a few thoughts that might be useful. Try to constrain your thoughts to only the immediate goal. It’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole of your dreams, but the first step is simply a coffee. Not dinner, not sex, not buying a house or children or planning your retirement. It’s just a conversation somewhere public. Keep it all small in your mind and it will feel more achievable. Remember, a sense of anxiety when pursuing something you want is perfectly normal, and this sense of fear is what holds most people back in life. A self imposed fear of failure or rejection is the single biggest reason why people do not fulfil their dreams. But equally, not failing and and therefore not learning from failure is also the single biggest reason why we become stuck and why we do not grow. Every experience is valuable, and as others have noted, if you aren’t in the race you cannot cross the finish line. Good luck! Xx"
Great advice.
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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At her age she's heard and seen every attempt to chat her up. Be open about it and have something to offer. No, I am not talking about money. Be different and more interesting than the rest of the guys trying to get into her pants. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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Rather than get anxious about how she might respond, consider that asking her will remove the anxiety.
When anxious, upset, lacking confidence etc don’t focus on your emotive state (which you can’t control) and look at the options which remove that emotive state. Pick any option then deal with the choices which comes from that.
Basically get on the bus, any bus, heading in the right direction. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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"
how do you overcome the anxiety in order to pursue something you want?
In my experience, it's to genuinely NOT want it, or at least to build a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Then there's zero anxiety.
Also, she's 24, you're 39. That's not a big deal. You're making it a big deal. It's not.
Stop thinking so much. It's not serving you well.
"
I'm going to take this advice. I'm meeting someone this weekend who is 22 years younger than me. I'm going with the, "we're going for a drink, if anything else happens then great, but if it doesn't, he's a lovely guy" attitude. It's really easy to overthink things and let your nervousness spoil what could be a great night x |
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"Don't think about having an actual relationship with her, don't pursue her, just be yourself and slowly get to know her - make her laugh and you're 9/10ths of the way there. K."
This is exactly what I was about to write  |
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By *irthandgirthMan 37 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
Being the father to an adult daughter I have a real mental block over such an age difference. The only cultural things we would have in common is she would know the same kids programs I watched with my daughter.
Do I find women in their 20s attractive? Yes. Do I think I would want to date one? Nope. |
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"[Removed by poster at 11/03/24 07:41:43]"
I agree with this. I’ve always favoured same age or older women. As you get older you do find younger women attractive, sure, but I’d never go as young as my daughter.
I recently went to a lap dance club after about 20years. The lapdancer told me she was doing her masters degree and I said oh my daughter is too.
It just felt wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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"This is what's got me wide awake at 1 in the morning.
It's quite irritating."
If thinking about someone has you unable to sleep, I’d say work on yourself and your peace of mind a little more before pursuing this.
Romance should be fun, not stressful. It seems you’re getting stressed before even making a move. Try and figure out why and then fix that within yourself. Once you’re happy inside you’ll be in a better position to achieve the things you want |
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"Don't think about having an actual relationship with her, don't pursue her, just be yourself and slowly get to know her - make her laugh and you're 9/10ths of the way there. K."
Yeah an impromptu tickle goes a long way |
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