FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why don’t men talk enough
Why don’t men talk enough
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Lots of reasons but mostly societal conditioning. Men don't talk about their feelings, men don't cry. You know those sort of things that some men think will diminish their masculinity. Just like some, including some on here, think that if a guy talks to them, especially if not straight, that they are after their crown jewels. It is how the world is. Not all men though, just some.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Females are well quiet and reserved at meetings. Depending what kind of meeting mind you. I mean work ones. Not gagging orders of third kind.
I am off to a meeting monday.. All about ptsd. I am going to listen take notes.
Males believe it not and females are shy and reserved humans. Would I talk at an males meeting.. Maybe depending on topic.
I do like to talk it is effective at times. |
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Because we're told 'Boys don't cry' and that masculinity is being 'strong' - but the definition of strength is just suffering in silence and not showing your feelings. As a result, it's actually stronger for a man to open up and talk than to stay silent.
Patriarchy screws up men as well as disadvantaging women. |
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As I've gotten older. I've learnt to open up more. Mainly to my partner. I can be emotional. I can share my feelings and it is quite refreshing.
Kudos to you with the work thing. Wouldn't get me there as don't mix work with personal life don't see the point |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I dunno. I always use the excuse that I don’t trust anyone. People tend to use what I tell them as ammunition for the weapon in the future.
I suppose that’s why it becomes easier to talk to strangers, it’s just my opinion |
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There is a myth perpetuated here and elsewhere that men do talk but only about sex and conquests.
I've never experienced this.
I've never had a conversation with a male friend or colleague about my sex life or theirs and I don't know anyone who has those conversations.
Until I joined fab when I was 52 and met a man through a social group who I had a lot in common with, I had never had a conversation about MH issues or thoughts and feelings. Neither had he and he was 55 at the time.
It's not always to do with social conditioning.
Sometimes its situational and circumstancial and just down to not having the right people around you. |
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We've been conditioned for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years, for men to be inhibited in many ways.  . There's such a huge cost to this, with repression doing nobody any good.
Perhaps there was benefit for leaders who had submissive people, who dutifully obeyed by being subdued and workhorses for them. The rest of the society then raged against aberrations. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I think there’s lots of reasons. I think there’s lots of cultural shit and masculinity shit. But I think men my age talk more. And hopefully that continues amongst coming generations. |
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"I think there’s lots of reasons. I think there’s lots of cultural shit and masculinity shit. But I think men my age talk more. And hopefully that continues amongst coming generations. "
You can't stop me from talking now. I bottled up things for 20+ years which lead me down a very dark path which I survived by talking. |
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Social influences, influences through are fathers as to how a man should be, not show any emotions, talk about feelings, show vunerablity, or display anything that may be percieved as weakness...the list of messed up messages we recoeve as males that blocks us from talking is endless ....
All a load of bollocks I'll add..
I'm fortunate that I have some males that have shown me, that's its ok to do the opposite of the above, and my experience is that by being emotionally vunerable offers me nothing bad, but freedom from self...
Mr
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"It’s a double edge sword, you want soft men, let them talk! "
So we should force men to feel isolated and suppress their feelings until they ruin their health, so we can have not soft men?
I dunno, man, I'm not that selfish. If I have to choose between "not soft men" and men being able to have the emotional outlets they need, I'll choose the latter, even if I prefer "not soft men". We owe boys and men better than forcing them down a narrow, emotionally stilted road. |
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By *9XAYNOR69Man 38 weeks ago
Centralised he/him/his From the land of cocksuckers |
It just wasn't done it was a sign of weakness.
Growing up in a strict military maltese family.
Being an older gay guy working shifts puts division between friends family it's isolating
I think it's easier now more support and advice networks.
I think I've come to terms with it. |
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I’m 62 and only in the last couple of years have spoken about how I feel about stuff which upsets me to my wife, surprise surprise she understands and helps a great deal. The one thing I don’t feel is weak, I feel strong and empowered |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough? "
If guys have been married or long term relationship they’re used to not being able to get a word in edgeways
The ability to talk freely will return eventually;) |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Simply because it hasn't been normalised yet. It could be due to a number of reasons though.
Personally, I don't think I know how to effectively communicate problems I have, I don't want to think I'm burdening others by telling them my problems, and sometimes when I want to vent, I don't want solutions which people seem to be dying to give me. |
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"Simply because it hasn't been normalised yet. It could be due to a number of reasons though.
Personally, I don't think I know how to effectively communicate problems I have, I don't want to think I'm burdening others by telling them my problems, and sometimes when I want to vent, I don't want solutions which people seem to be dying to give me."
I can offer a neurospicy workaround I came up with with a friend of mine who's got autism and ADHD.
"I want to talk."
"Do you want me to listen or offer solutions?"
I'm very solutions oriented in the way I talk, and she tends to be very "let me vent". If one or both of us remember to say/ ask about the intention of the discussion, it stops that mismatch you're talking about.
(I know there are Rules about not getting into the mechanics of conversation, because fucked if I know why, but fuck the rules) |
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By *xelciscoMan 38 weeks ago
Reading/bracknell |
Research also shows that each day the language density available to men is about 3 times less than for females. I.e. men start with a pool of about 2000 words and women about 6000. Obviously plus or minus standard deviations etc.. so depending on your activities and personality some go through it more quickly than others etc.
Plus now there is the egalitarian discourse that assumes all things are equal everywhere all the time.
There are probably lots of other reasons on top.
Soon a logorrhoea police too. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Good on you, mate. I used to attend a men's group called Andy's Man Club and that helped me so much.
They run groups every Monday except Bank Holidays, at 7pm in loads of towns and cities. Worth checking out if you or anyone you know might benefit from it. It's all free, with tea and coffee provided.
No pressure to speak. Most people just turn up and listen for as long as they need, until comfortable to talk.
It isn't counselling though and it's best not to treat it as such. A little additional support, that can have a positive effect alongside
More and more men are opening up and during my time there (about 6-7 months, on and off), the attendance count went from about 12 to nearly 40 I think. They ended up having to get additional facilitators and rooms.
This whole "man up" nonsense is so unhelpful. It's no wonder suicide rates are so high in men, when we're constantly told to suppress our feelings and "be a man" or some much thing.
These days, I see a man as being in touch with yourself and others equally. Being open and honest with yourself, never hiding who you are and talking about how you feel.
The dynamic is certainly changing for the better, albeit very slowly. It's definitely a generational thing, that is changing as mental health is becoming less taboo and more important to look after. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Personally i'd rather try to help myself overcome any issues. It has nothing to do with conditioning, or looking weak. I couldn't care less what other people perceive me as. I don't talk to other's about personal matters because it's none of their business.
Talking may help some people, i totally get that and I'm not knocking it in any way. It's just not for everyone. If i did feel the need to talk id rather talk to a professional who could offer up insight and pathways to help.
Talking to mates, may make you feel a bit better at the time, but you're still in the same situation you were when you get home and the door slams behind you.
I am however, very broken and cynical. So "my way" could possibly be a very unique take on the problem  |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"Simply because it hasn't been normalised yet. It could be due to a number of reasons though.
Personally, I don't think I know how to effectively communicate problems I have, I don't want to think I'm burdening others by telling them my problems, and sometimes when I want to vent, I don't want solutions which people seem to be dying to give me.
I can offer a neurospicy workaround I came up with with a friend of mine who's got autism and ADHD.
"I want to talk."
"Do you want me to listen or offer solutions?"
I'm very solutions oriented in the way I talk, and she tends to be very "let me vent". If one or both of us remember to say/ ask about the intention of the discussion, it stops that mismatch you're talking about.
(I know there are Rules about not getting into the mechanics of conversation, because fucked if I know why, but fuck the rules)"
That's a good way of doing things, I guess my worry comes from the way I ask them to just let me vent. I don't want to seem like I don't care about their opinion. I mean... I don't, but still  |
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"Simply because it hasn't been normalised yet. It could be due to a number of reasons though.
Personally, I don't think I know how to effectively communicate problems I have, I don't want to think I'm burdening others by telling them my problems, and sometimes when I want to vent, I don't want solutions which people seem to be dying to give me.
I can offer a neurospicy workaround I came up with with a friend of mine who's got autism and ADHD.
"I want to talk."
"Do you want me to listen or offer solutions?"
I'm very solutions oriented in the way I talk, and she tends to be very "let me vent". If one or both of us remember to say/ ask about the intention of the discussion, it stops that mismatch you're talking about.
(I know there are Rules about not getting into the mechanics of conversation, because fucked if I know why, but fuck the rules)
That's a good way of doing things, I guess my worry comes from the way I ask them to just let me vent. I don't want to seem like I don't care about their opinion. I mean... I don't, but still "
As a person who offers solutions as love/empathy, I like being told that people want to vent. Because I want to help. If helping is shutting the fuck up and/or making sympathetic noises, then that's what I want to do! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
What would qualify me as a 'man'?
As father to two young men, I'm very much interested. |
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By *r_PinkMan 38 weeks ago
london stratford |
I have a mate I have known since we were 12 in school! We are each others go to when we wanna moan, sulk, confess something or just talk shite!
I thought everyone had a mate or mates like that! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"It’s a double edge sword, you want soft men, let them talk! "
What's a soft man?
A sign of strength is being able to express how you feel, to be vulnerable and true to yourself. That takes a lot of courage. |
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
And this attitude is the reason that male s*uicide is so high... I would like to say my inbox is open if anyone needs to chat x |
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
So giving men the space to express themselves emotionally other than with anger and repression is caused by single mothers and should be shunned?
Nice theory. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. But I'm glad men have more socially acceptable options now. |
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
Yup toxic masculinity bullshit. Mental health pish with suicide being the biggest killer of men under 50.
Sigh. |
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Wow, this has taken a turn. No wonder some so called men think it is ok to be the kind of men that abuse women, beat one another after a drink or two or go queerbashing with their mates as I understand it is called. Well done to anyone advocating that kind of masculinity. A real role model for your kids. I am not allowed to shame apparently anyone in here but who cares, it deserves a ban if I get one. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
Ironically, if the absentee fathers grew a pair, took some accountability and were decent fathers/ role models for their offspring, things may be very different and their children may not feel as unloved or unloveable and potentially have a whole raft of emotions/feelings that they may want or not want to surpress. |
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I don’t think that mental health is an easy subject to open up about for most people. I never really thought about it until it affected me directly.
An off duty copper pulled me back from the edge a couple of years ago. I had texted my mate a few moments previous like nothing was wrong.
Looking back, I could have opened up. It just seemed impossible at the time.
Younger people are really pushing to open up the conversation around mental health, long may it continue |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I know three people who took their own lives. All men. Two of them good friends and the 'why didn't they talk to me' thing never goes away.
I'd like to think I'd do better if it ever came to it but I wouldn't say I'm entirely confident about that. |
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"I know three people who took their own lives. All men. Two of them good friends and the 'why didn't they talk to me' thing never goes away.
I'd like to think I'd do better if it ever came to it but I wouldn't say I'm entirely confident about that."
I'm sorry. That what if never really leaves you.
When a friend took his life last year, a relative told me not to blame myself, like I wouldn't for terminal cancer. She said, is it much different? His depression was terminal. (The analogy isn't exact. It was a useful reframing for me) |
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I've not read the whole thread so apologies if you've already covered this OP, but what did you talk about in the talking circle (if not too personal a question).
I can see why they could be helpful (though not sure it's my thing) but one arranged through work sounds a bit awkward to me. I'd rather talk to a friend, I think, or was it easier as you were less close than you would be to a friend? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I know three people who took their own lives. All men. Two of them good friends and the 'why didn't they talk to me' thing never goes away.
I'd like to think I'd do better if it ever came to it but I wouldn't say I'm entirely confident about that.
I'm sorry. That what if never really leaves you.
When a friend took his life last year, a relative told me not to blame myself, like I wouldn't for terminal cancer. She said, is it much different? His depression was terminal. (The analogy isn't exact. It was a useful reframing for me)"
I guess you can never know what somebody may be battling.
Each was very different circumstances. None of them gave any clue. |
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"I know three people who took their own lives. All men. Two of them good friends and the 'why didn't they talk to me' thing never goes away.
I'd like to think I'd do better if it ever came to it but I wouldn't say I'm entirely confident about that.
I'm sorry. That what if never really leaves you.
When a friend took his life last year, a relative told me not to blame myself, like I wouldn't for terminal cancer. She said, is it much different? His depression was terminal. (The analogy isn't exact. It was a useful reframing for me)
I guess you can never know what somebody may be battling.
Each was very different circumstances. None of them gave any clue."
Yes. I hear that. I feel for you. |
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"Research also shows that each day the language density available to men is about 3 times less than for females. I.e. men start with a pool of about 2000 words and women about 6000. "
This is so incorrect, the average available lexicon is from 25000-30000 words.... |
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I run a couple of men’s support groups, on some very specific topics, and the feed back is few categories; other than perceived shame & being vulnerable;
1) feel what they experience is unique, not relatable and people wouldn’t understand ‘their’ emotion
2) feeling they cannot express themselves as openly as they struggle because of a society driven expectation of stoicism
3) men don’t feel listened to within their own environments, which causes frustration that feel they cannot talk due to being corrected, overspoken or over ruled.
I don’t want to go into my men’s groups purpose here, but if anyone needs to talk, then you have a willing pair of ears here. 
Paul |
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"Research also shows that each day the language density available to men is about 3 times less than for females. I.e. men start with a pool of about 2000 words and women about 6000.
"
This statistic fascinates me, as one of my groups optimises this. So being in dialogue can be challenge, when it comes to articulating thoughts, feelings and emotions in ways that are appropriate. |
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"Research also shows that each day the language density available to men is about 3 times less than for females. I.e. men start with a pool of about 2000 words and women about 6000.
This statistic fascinates me, as one of my groups optimises this. So being in dialogue can be challenge, when it comes to articulating thoughts, feelings and emotions in ways that are appropriate. "
I sit in a mutual aid group and have done for 10 11 years, where men talk openly about feelings. In mu experience it starts with firstly identifying feelings and emotions, then learning to articulate them in a manner that's is not dysfunctional in nature, which is often done vicariously through shared experience that we go through.....big up the power of speech...
Mr |
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"I actually think.. men need to stop feeling guilty about being a man and stop listening to this toxic masculinity bullshit. Absentee fathers and women denying access are leading to a generation of boys being brought up as metrosexual and afraid to be a man. I think way too much mental health pish is being played out when guys just need to grow a pair and stand up straight and learn to dig yourself out the rutt that they've let modern society create for themselves. Imo."
Ooh dear........I'm so glad I have men in my life, who showed me it was OK to ask for help and to be vunerable, as that rutt you refer to. They reached in and offered me there hands, when I couldn't or even know how to dig myself outta it....
Mr |
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Often it’s timing.
Or I’m asked about stuff other than me, which admittedly is usually more important.
Or it’s the wrong person to talk about it.
Or that I’m listening to someone else offload and I don’t want to add to what they’re carrying.
The plans for conversations don’t always work out or the person is busy or it’s the wrong person there.
Often hear
‘Oh if I’d known you needed to talk..’
But you can’t answer
‘Well, you didn’t know and there wasn’t a space to fit it in or a way to change the conversation.’
And that’s how it goes before getting into psychology of how conversations are driven or steered by people or control or any of the stuff that’s murkier.
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That would literally be my nightmare. I like to deal with things on my own. I don't like to talk about things that are bothering me. Especially with some randoms at work.
It's good that some people fond value in it, but still think people need to be treated like individuals, not every guy wants to talk about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I think there’s lots of reasons. I think there’s lots of cultural shit and masculinity shit. But I think men my age talk more. And hopefully that continues amongst coming generations.
You can't stop me from talking now. I bottled up things for 20+ years which lead me down a very dark path which I survived by talking. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough? "
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough? "
Because they’ve been led into toxic behavior by patriarchal culture.
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA "
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless. |
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"That would literally be my nightmare. I like to deal with things on my own. I don't like to talk about things that are bothering me. Especially with some randoms at work.
It's good that some people fond value in it, but still think people need to be treated like individuals, not every guy wants to talk about it. "
I am broadly with this. I am naturally an introvert in so far as I get my energy internally and the idea of having to sit around and talk/listen to a bunch of people I work with talk about their problems really doesn’t fill me with joy.
I don’t feel the need to talk about my “issues” because I don’t feel the need to talk about them. It really is as simple as that.
It’s not due to societal pressure or whatever idea that others seem to want to push onto me. I can imagine that some people get real benefit from it - I benefit in other ways and am happy with that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless."
How is my statement a part of the problem … If it wasn’t part of our DNA to never let our emotions out and stop thinking you can solve all the problems and don’t need help then what causes that … what has toxic behaviour got todo with anything … he asked a question of why men don’t talk.. you’ve obviously been inside the mind of a man by the way your talking ..
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless."
The OP never mentioned anything about toxic behaviour so I'm not sure why you would casually slip it in.
That said, I think I know what you are attempting to say...
The stigma attached to not talking about MH lies with the inherent belief that it is somehow ingrained in man's DNA perhaps? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless."
I mean DNA as part of our mental make up and not an actual chromosome |
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I open myself up with maybe 5 people in my life. At least in my experience, that's true with most men. They don't open up their feelings to random colleagues or new friends. You need to build a really strong connection with a man for him to open up to you.
While it's true that toxic masculinity is a problem with some men, the problem is much more nuanced than that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"That would literally be my nightmare. I like to deal with things on my own. I don't like to talk about things that are bothering me. Especially with some randoms at work.
It's good that some people fond value in it, but still think people need to be treated like individuals, not every guy wants to talk about it. "
Absolutely agree that it's not for everyone. Some deal internally, others need to let it out. It's finding what works best for you.
Some people simply can't handle emotions to begin with, so they just crack on and ignoring or dealing with the issue themselves works just as well.
We're all different. What works for one, might not for another.
I think nowadays it's more about letting men know there is help available, should it be needed. Rather than forcing them all to open up.
Sadly, there is still a stigma about men's mental health and the attitude of some people isn't helping. If someone does or doesn't want help, then that's entirely up to them. The only time I would ever push a person, is if I felt they really could benefit from it and I saw the potential solution to be very successful. Even then, it would be a gentle nudge, rather than a full-on shove lol.
I used to keep myself to myself all the time, mostly due to not understanding why I felt certain ways. Only recently I discovered that I had ADHD my entire life and it was the main reason for so many emotional states.
Opening up really helped that journey along. I could explain why this and that happened and give reasons, not excuses. I can't imagine where I would be now, if I hadn't. Probably not here, to be fair.
I still have the odd occasion where I don't speak up. But now they last a few days, not weeks.
A little internal reflection and understanding yourself can go a long way, that's for sure. Whatever methods works best, that's the one to choose. |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless."
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour. "
Toxic masculinities init |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour.
Toxic masculinities init "
Innit tho bro |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour.
Toxic masculinities init
Innit tho bro "
That is not you! Stay true to yourself Nora |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour.
Toxic masculinities init
Innit tho bro
That is not you! Stay true to yourself Nora "
I was tryna be cool Steve  |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour.
Toxic masculinities init
Innit tho bro
That is not you! Stay true to yourself Nora
I was tryna be cool Steve "
Try ‘doe’ instead of tho  |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless."
While we don't know whether it's ingrained in our DNA, we also don't know if it's not ingrained in our DNA. Nature vs nurture is a question we haven't found an answer for yet. So we can't be sure.
But as some other posters have mentioned, many men do not want to open up for the sake of opening up and it doesn't have anything to do with toxic masculinity. I prefer opening up to a very few friends with whom I have a history. I am not going to open up in a group or some friends with whom I don't share such a strong bond. Of course, there are men who like opening up. All power to them. |
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Well from one who knows it’s good to talk. It’s needed at times too. Just have to be honest with yourself and just talk to someone. You’d be surprised some will listen. I had a very close mate we talked about anything and everything. Unfortunately he’s no longer with us and I won’t have or ever will have anyone like that again. Closest I’ve come since was surprisingly someone off here. She listened gave advice and in all honesty she got me and helped me as she was a listener. But takings good even the small things. We’re all only human and need to open up at times no matter how big or small |
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough? "
It's something I'm passionate about. It's ok to not be ok, and men always say they are fine, I'm guilty of it too, but with the right people I truly open up.
Men, speak those feelings! It may make you look weaker to certain people but fuck em! |
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Honesty, openness, vulnerability … a Jedi craves not these things.
Sorry, fucked it. I’ll try again.
Honesty, openness, vulnerability … these take strength. Real guts. Anyone who sees them as signs of weakness is an idiot, quite frankly. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I have just been on a mens talking circle which was set up by my work. Which was really really helpful
As a society Why do we think that boys and men don’t talk enough?
Because we have been thought not to talk it’s ingrained in our DNA
It’s not ingrained in your DNA. It’s literally not. And this kind of statement is part of the problem because it teaches men that attempting to change their toxic behavior is pointless.
No it doesn’t. What’s toxic behaviour got to do with this? Not talking or opening up isn’t toxic behaviour. "
Well said. It's this terrible notion that fatherhood and 'patriarchical culture' is toxic that makes many men feel disillusioned with themselves. Men shouldn't be forced by female indoctrination to be like them by talking incessantly thereby ruminating constantly their woes. They need their mates round then and go do masculine things and have a laugh, but society is hell bent on kicking men all the time these days. A lot of guys are pretty sick of it, getting blamed as a gender for women's problems. |
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By *xelciscoMan 38 weeks ago
Reading/bracknell |
"Research also shows that each day the language density available to men is about 3 times less than for females. I.e. men start with a pool of about 2000 words and women about 6000.
This is so incorrect, the average available lexicon is from 25000-30000 words...."
Thank you for correcting me. It is information I had read in passing some years ago. You prompted me to revisit. This was overruled since and here is the quote from a 2019 article from Psychology Today, an international research journal:
A review of 56 studies conducted by linguistics researcher Deborah James and social psychologist Janice Drakich found only two studies showing that women talked more than men, while 34 studies found men talked more than women.[6] Sixteen of the studies found they talked the same and four showed no clear pattern."
Axel |
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