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Breadcrumbing
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I've experienced this. Just enough to keep me waiting for more. It's shitty behavior.
However, I also have to take responsibility for allowing it as well... "
Yeah. I think we do have to accept that we have the power to walk away, especially if we suspect or realise.
But I think we don’t always realise. So we believe the promises. |
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By *eliWoman 38 weeks ago
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I have experienced it before, yes. I'm quite soft and a bit of a soppy romantic so I end up getting excited over... breadcrumbs. Nothing but stale breadcrumbs.
I've found the happier and more confident I'm feeling in myself, the more likely I am to say it's not working for me. So making sure I feel good helps me not fall for it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I have experienced it before, yes. I'm quite soft and a bit of a soppy romantic so I end up getting excited over... breadcrumbs. Nothing but stale breadcrumbs.
I've found the happier and more confident I'm feeling in myself, the more likely I am to say it's not working for me. So making sure I feel good helps me not fall for it. "
That’s super interesting about how your happiness and confidence impacts. But makes total sense.
You are romantic. I love it about you. But I think it makes us vulnerable to the nice words and promises |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Yes. I now see it and see the behaviour, so I take it for what it is now, and I’m able to curb my enthusiasm of anything.
I also know in the past I could have easily given off the breadcrumb vibes by mistake, I think lots of us can be guilty of that.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that"
I’m sorry to hear that.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"Yes. I now see it and see the behaviour, so I take it for what it is now, and I’m able to curb my enthusiasm of anything.
I also know in the past I could have easily given off the breadcrumb vibes by mistake, I think lots of us can be guilty of that. "
self awareness is important. Good for you |
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that"
OMG I was not expecting to read something so profoundly relatable as this. Thank you so much, reading that simple statement was like a light coming on.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"yep.
tell myself i'll stop falling for it, and i never do. Px  "
I don’t think it’s entirely on you though. Because they’re also promising things that they maybe know they can’t or won’t give. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that
OMG I was not expecting to read something so profoundly relatable as this. Thank you so much, reading that simple statement was like a light coming on.
"
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I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Had it happen once back in the day, then I realised they were a catfish.
The irony was I found the actual girl more attractive then the one she was pretending to be.
That whole situation was an absolute saga. |
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"yep.
tell myself i'll stop falling for it, and i never do. Px
I don’t think it’s entirely on you though. Because they’re also promising things that they maybe know they can’t or won’t give. "
Yep, and because you like that person you don't want to think in the negative about them  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful. "
I’m sorry man. This is really tough. I find it tough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"Had it happen once back in the day, then I realised they were a catfish.
The irony was I found the actual girl more attractive then the one she was pretending to be.
That whole situation was an absolute saga."
Oh shit. Sorry man |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"yep.
tell myself i'll stop falling for it, and i never do. Px
I don’t think it’s entirely on you though. Because they’re also promising things that they maybe know they can’t or won’t give.
Yep, and because you like that person you don't want to think in the negative about them "
terrible cycle |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"What isit ?
This !
I'm very confused?
Ive googled it and it says pretending to be interested? "
There’s better definitions like that. But it’s like the name suggests- leaving breadcrumbs for someone to keep them interested despite your own lack of interest. That’s a simplified version but like I say, there’s better definitions out there  |
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that
OMG I was not expecting to read something so profoundly relatable as this. Thank you so much, reading that simple statement was like a light coming on.
"
Always happy to chat |
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"I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful.
I’m sorry man. This is really tough. I find it tough. "
What's really pathetic, and I say this about myself, I am still really hungry up on her. I know what I should do and like I said it hurts but carrying on like this , hurts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful.
I’m sorry man. This is really tough. I find it tough.
What's really pathetic, and I say this about myself, I am still really hungry up on her. I know what I should do and like I said it hurts but carrying on like this , hurts. "
the thing is, it’s not your fault that you still are hung up on them. |
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that"
Purge the weakness from your mind and delete the messages. The past is dead so it let stay dead 
Life goes only forwards not backwards |
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I guess we have all had it happen at one time or another. I totally relate to the poster who said about going back and rereading messages. I guess tge only way to stop it is to learn to recognise it for what it js and then if you cant hold at arms length just block or cut them out if your lives (if its a vanilla friend). |
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"I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful.
I’m sorry man. This is really tough. I find it tough.
What's really pathetic, and I say this about myself, I am still really hungry up on her. I know what I should do and like I said it hurts but carrying on like this , hurts. the thing is, it’s not your fault that you still are hung up on them. "
That’s not how it feels tho, the one suffering always feels like he/she is to blame and is desperate for some form of contact from there narricst even if there being mean
Maybe some day I will delete their messages and stop torturing myself |
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that
Purge the weakness from your mind and delete the messages. The past is dead so it let stay dead
Life goes only forwards not backwards "
Oh I know i should. I blocked both there arses
But I can’t delete the messages
The love bomb is way worse |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"
Oh shit. Sorry man "
Cheers man but it's no biggie, it was a bit shit at the time because we really clicked, that none stop back and forth banter you rarely find with someone.
But you learn from it.
I'm glad it happened, it taught me early days not to get invested.
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that
Purge the weakness from your mind and delete the messages. The past is dead so it let stay dead
Life goes only forwards not backwards
Oh I know i should. I blocked both there arses
But I can’t delete the messages
The love bomb is way worse "
Give your phone to friend and ask them to do it |
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I did this for one of my friends couple of years ago she let me at her phone and laptop and I sanitised it for her. She was pissed at me after for abit but after few months appreciated the cure it gave her going forward.
Emotions / mind is just no different to Lego bricks , you can break them down and rebuild in a better new version . |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet! |
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"I did this for one of my friends couple of years ago she let me at her phone and laptop and I sanitised it for her. She was pissed at me after for abit but after few months appreciated the cure it gave her going forward.
Emotions / mind is just no different to Lego bricks , you can break them down and rebuild in a better new version . "
I would never take either of them back.
Both hurt me in ways I can’t even describe because I’m still learning how to cope
Domestic Abuse isn’t just about being hit.
It’s the mental scars it leaves on your heart/mind that are the hardest to get over |
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By *eliWoman 38 weeks ago
. |
"I have experienced it before, yes. I'm quite soft and a bit of a soppy romantic so I end up getting excited over... breadcrumbs. Nothing but stale breadcrumbs.
I've found the happier and more confident I'm feeling in myself, the more likely I am to say it's not working for me. So making sure I feel good helps me not fall for it.
That’s super interesting about how your happiness and confidence impacts. But makes total sense.
You are romantic. I love it about you. But I think it makes us vulnerable to the nice words and promises"
Yes. I think how strong we're feeling mentally can really have a big impact on how well we can manage situations like breadcrumbing.
We are vulnerable to the nice words and promises, boy do I know that.  I've had the most awful, shitty things said and then they pop up a couple of months later apologising and promising to not do that again. All the kind words.
At some point you realise you deserve more. A basic level of respect, of care. And yeah, it can be painful to detangle from the knotted prose of emotions but it does happen. |
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"I had to look this up.
I never knew the situation I was in had been given such a term.
In that case yeah, breadcrumbing horrible. It has knocked down my sense of worth and self esteem and even though I understand the predicament I'm in and, I know what advise I would give someone if they were in my situation, is still difficult and still very painful.
I’m sorry man. This is really tough. I find it tough.
What's really pathetic, and I say this about myself, I am still really hungry up on her. I know what I should do and like I said it hurts but carrying on like this , hurts. the thing is, it’s not your fault that you still are hung up on them.
That’s not how it feels tho, the one suffering always feels like he/she is to blame and is desperate for some form of contact from there narricst even if there being mean
Maybe some day I will delete their messages and stop torturing myself "
This. |
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It never happened to me but not sure I’d actually notice, I’d just think they probably aren’t really that interested in me and just ignore them or make it happen.
It’s the ABCDEF of fab
Always be closing, don’t ever forget. Then people cant waste your time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet! "
I think there’s PLENTY of people on this site that will say things to keep you interested in pursuing them or will just straight up promise to meet for sex and give a million reasons as to why they can’t. Etc etc. it happens everywhere |
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Yes, many years ago when single
They'd blow me out then keep messaging enough so that I'd still be interested, saying they wanted more etc.
I was a bit vulnerable when it happened due to a bereavement, would cut contact now with someone like that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I'm old enough and wise enough to be realistic that people don't always mean what they say - especially on fab where peoples horn level definitely impacts their promise level
I think our state of confidence /happiness vs our vulnerability /neediness /loneliness depends whether we over-read
I'm very careful not to promise anything I'm not prepared to deliver... But even then i still find people over-read what I say |
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet! "
They do happen though, it's not a bad place to meet like minded people.
I've been with my other half almost 8.5 years, we met here.
Lots of people have got together here, some are even married now.
|
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet!
I think there’s PLENTY of people on this site that will say things to keep you interested in pursuing them or will just straight up promise to meet for sex and give a million reasons as to why they can’t. Etc etc. it happens everywhere"
I just keep it simple. Talk arrange meet. If not contact on day then block |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet!
I think there’s PLENTY of people on this site that will say things to keep you interested in pursuing them or will just straight up promise to meet for sex and give a million reasons as to why they can’t. Etc etc. it happens everywhere
I just keep it simple. Talk arrange meet. If not contact on day then block "
this is smart tbf |
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet!
I think there’s PLENTY of people on this site that will say things to keep you interested in pursuing them or will just straight up promise to meet for sex and give a million reasons as to why they can’t. Etc etc. it happens everywhere
I just keep it simple. Talk arrange meet. If not contact on day then block this is smart tbf "
I am merciless with people |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet!
They do happen though, it's not a bad place to meet like minded people.
I've been with my other half almost 8.5 years, we met here.
Lots of people have got together here, some are even married now.
"
I agree. Just this last weekend I met with someone I chatted here for coffee. We had a fun chat and who knows, it may lead to more? It has in the past. |
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"I did this for one of my friends couple of years ago she let me at her phone and laptop and I sanitised it for her. She was pissed at me after for abit but after few months appreciated the cure it gave her going forward.
Emotions / mind is just no different to Lego bricks , you can break them down and rebuild in a better new version .
I would never take either of them back.
Both hurt me in ways I can’t even describe because I’m still learning how to cope
Domestic Abuse isn’t just about being hit.
It’s the mental scars it leaves on your heart/mind that are the hardest to get over "
It took me many many years to realise what was going on, oh and a breakdown.
It wasn't until people started explaining what things like gaslighting was that I ever had a clue. Then things start to click in place like why you seek dopamine hits in other places and bit by bit week by week and month by month you start to have more understanding.
That is why your first comment hit me so strongly. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Yes I've experienced this, hurts like hell, when people pursue you hard then drop back to breadcrumb/ pop up when suits them. Equally, its hard to walk away from someone you see great potential with, but the reality is they aren't giving you the respect or consideration of consistency
Perhaps intentionally, or unintentionally, they aren't ready or inclined to be *that potential person.
In the beginning I'll treat someone how I feel for them/ want to be treated, if I receive breadcrumbing or a change in behaviour, I'll step back & meet them where they are - treat them the way they treat me, or just step out.
I guess it's just incompatibility, the right person won't see you as too much or not enough, the right person/time for them won't make them back off & want to breadcrumb.
Take care |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I'm trying to understand if 'breadcrumbing' has happened to people on this site?
Given that this site is primarily for people to arrange meetings for sex.. I would be VEEEEERY cautious of anyone dropping 'crumbs'. Meets and affairs of the heart do not mix and never the twain shall meet!
They do happen though, it's not a bad place to meet like minded people.
I've been with my other half almost 8.5 years, we met here.
Lots of people have got together here, some are even married now.
"
Sure that happens, but way less than the majority of people using the site to meet for sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Yes. For 18 months recently. I recently messaged her and told her that she’s a coward for not explaining why she did it to me. Then blocked her and deleted her no.
She has my email, and I know that somewhere down the line she’ll drop another crumb or two. And I’ll fall in again. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Yes. I've experienced this. There was a natural connection from the moment we met. To me, I'd unknowingly met him years prior and he'd somehow been connected to my ex husband (high school then worked for same company etc).
Definitely been breadcrumbed over time. Totally relate to the Dopamine hit but it comes with the crash when there are absences and more questions. It was really shit. I had to step back because it was a headfuck and I know my worth. |
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What situation have you whippersnappers created a ridiculous term for now?? .
Breadcrumbing...
Oh you mean leading someone on.
Has it happened to me of course. It's happened to everyone I would assume. Especially with the internet where people have so much choice they might move onto the next, or they may just be sat there bored and fancy flirting with no intention of taking it any further. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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It’s happened to me more times then I’d like to admit but the thing I’ll do it block and delete the perpetrators numbers I go no contact. Even if they plead at a later date for me to give them a second chance I decline learnt my lessons on that too. |
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By *mf123Man 38 weeks ago
with one foot out the door |
No idea i dont buy into a lot of this new fangled jargon but as i understand it
Im sure this can happen without intent especially if its done out of fear
Fear is the path to the darkside for a reason |
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Surely it has happened to everyone - in the olden days it would have been called “stringing someone along”.
Being brutally blunt - if you are gullible or desperate enough to be strung along then there are people out there who will take advantage for their own gratification. Personally if someone did that to me then I would just walk away but I appreciate that others might see it differently. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"Surely it has happened to everyone - in the olden days it would have been called “stringing someone along”.
Being brutally blunt - if you are gullible or desperate enough to be strung along then there are people out there who will take advantage for their own gratification. Personally if someone did that to me then I would just walk away but I appreciate that others might see it differently."
I give married ladies a bit more time, but if things don't progress after a few weeks then I stop writing. It's clearly not meant to be. |
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"Yeah I’ve been panko’d a few times
Panko’d 
I love that "
Interesting to see language evolving so quickly!
Panko’d, or should it be pankoed?, it has to be from now on (for the time being, subject to further linguistic evolution). |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Breadcrumbing sometimes can be misunderstood for communication styles. It's not about what the other person does, it's about what you are willing to accept. It's easy to manage.. communicate, clarify or cut it off with a person. |
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"What situation have you whippersnappers created a ridiculous term for now?? .
Breadcrumbing...
Oh you mean leading someone on.
Has it happened to me of course. It's happened to everyone I would assume. Especially with the internet where people have so much choice they might move onto the next, or they may just be sat there bored and fancy flirting with no intention of taking it any further. "
It’s way more complicated than just leading someone on  |
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I've been thinking about this as the thread progresses and now think that 'breadcrumbing' or 'Pankoing' as it shall now be called is merely one of the techniques which can be used for 'stringing along'.
No doubt the creator of the term is suitably chuffed that it caught on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I should add that a number of birds regularly visit my place and I always feed them tidbits to encourage their return.
Doesn't stop them going elsewhere, though!"
I lay breadcrumbs to keep them coming and then every time they get close to my bed I slam the door shut and laugh at them. Breadcrumbing  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"I've been thinking about this as the thread progresses and now think that 'breadcrumbing' or 'Pankoing' as it shall now be called is merely one of the techniques which can be used for 'stringing along'.
No doubt the creator of the term is suitably chuffed that it caught on."
Call it what you want. If you know what I’m talking about it honestly does not matter even a little bit |
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It’s happened to me several times. When I’ve been low and vulnerable, I’ve fallen right for it.
Since I’ve worked on myself and got more confidence, I’ve been able to say hey I get the feeling you’ve lost interest.
If they’re not fully interested in me, I’m not interested in them one bit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"It’s happened to me several times. When I’ve been low and vulnerable, I’ve fallen right for it.
Since I’ve worked on myself and got more confidence, I’ve been able to say hey I get the feeling you’ve lost interest.
If they’re not fully interested in me, I’m not interested in them one bit "
We love a self aware Queen. Love that for you babe |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Part of the reason I don't like to chat online for too long (just enough to get a good idea of each other) and actually meet in person.
Only so much you can garner from a few messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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If you or anyone else identifies that you are vulnerable or a bit gullible with warm words.. best stay off sites like this, as it can only cause further harm. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 38 weeks ago
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"If you or anyone else identifies that you are vulnerable or a bit gullible with warm words.. best stay off sites like this, as it can only cause further harm. "
Breadcrumbing doesn’t only happen to vulnerable or gullible people
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"It’s happened to me several times. When I’ve been low and vulnerable, I’ve fallen right for it.
Since I’ve worked on myself and got more confidence, I’ve been able to say hey I get the feeling you’ve lost interest.
If they’re not fully interested in me, I’m not interested in them one bit
We love a self aware Queen. Love that for you babe"
Just call me Bridget Jones |
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"Has it happened to you? Do you think it can happen unintentionally? How do you stop it happening, if you can?"
I invest in people who invest in me and I also keep busy!!
I'm too old to be waiting around for people to get their act together. I prefer to go and get what I want.
When applied to swinging it can be a little ferocious. 
Good thing as a single woman, I can handle three guys in one night.
Hard to worry about that one dude who is breadcrumbing when I just pulled 3 random blokes in the club.
If you are a pure introvert then that's harder. I like my alone time but I recognise for me that too much time spent on my own doing nothing in particular doesn't engage my brain enough to stop worry/ruminating/obsessing over breadcrumbing...etc etc...
It's normal to have these thoughts but it's when you get stuck on them that it might become a problem. |
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"I've experienced this. Just enough to keep me waiting for more. It's shitty behavior.
However, I also have to take responsibility for allowing it as well...
Yeah. I think we do have to accept that we have the power to walk away, especially if we suspect or realise.
But I think we don’t always realise. So we believe the promises. "
Bless your heart. My heart has turned to stone. I don't believe most of what people tell me and I only believe half of what I see and I need varifocals. Lol! Call it trust issues or baggage or just lived hard life experiences, I don't believe people ( men and women) anymore. |
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"I have experienced it before, yes. I'm quite soft and a bit of a soppy romantic so I end up getting excited over... breadcrumbs. Nothing but stale breadcrumbs.
I've found the happier and more confident I'm feeling in myself, the more likely I am to say it's not working for me. So making sure I feel good helps me not fall for it. "
Aww...I can't be bothered to say anything until they pop up after I've changed phone and say "Who is this? no, I don't remember you and out of sight out of mind in my case."
I can be a bit cold but it's my own self-protection. I have limited mental energy/spoons and I have to spend it looking after myself mainly. I can't waste it on people who do no reciprocate in communication or actual physical presence... no matter what they promise. |
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"From a narcissist ex yes twice ..
I still go back and read the messages for that dopamine hit . I know it’s dumb cos it depress me but I like to torture myself like that"
I'd get a better dopamine hit out of cocktails, naked jacuzzi and riding my bicycles...with zero guilt. It's my man replacement project. Lol! |
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"Surely it has happened to everyone - in the olden days it would have been called “stringing someone along”.
Being brutally blunt - if you are gullible or desperate enough to be strung along then there are people out there who will take advantage for their own gratification. Personally if someone did that to me then I would just walk away but I appreciate that others might see it differently."
Someone explain it to me as an ego thing. Basically, look at all these women /men who want to shag me/are attracted to me. It also explains why some people go mental over verifications.
Meanwhile, I will forget to give verifications even though I've had a great time with that person. And what really makes me cringe is when people hassle and pester you for verifications...
Like dude/dudette I have a life outside of Fab, swinging and sex.
Given how modernity is ruining most of our brain function, I'm not surprised that most people are struggling to balance it all and do end up breadcrumbing intentionally or unintentionally..
Yes I'm that friend that thinks I replied to your text when I didn't...I just thought of a reply but didn't actually type it out. 
Sigh getting old. |
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