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Do you ever find it baffling...
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain? |
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I used to.
There was an absolute adonis that was blatantly into me for years and I just took it as being friendly because there was just no way that beautiful God bodied, like he could easily have been a gym or underwear model, could want this hot mess.
About 18 months since I realised that I'm not the only person with odd taste in aesthetics.
These days I'm just happy when someone I'm attracted to is attracted to me too, regardless of body types or beauty standards  |
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I think you often assume you have a type but it’s not until you get to know a person that you realise that irrespective of their age or shape you still find them interesting and attractive.
Sexiness is more than skin deep!  |
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By *sWyldWoman 38 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I spend most of my time on fab lusting after people who are way out of my league. Sometimes though, they do genuinely seem to fancy me back. It always surprises me but I've gotten past my need to question it.
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Hugs nsp your wonderful and beautiful and amazing ok fluffing done now on to your question
Yes I am always amazed when people find me attractive as I don’t nesserly find myself attractive |
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Always thrown when I receive any praise to be honest and sort of squirm at compliments.
I make same assumptions as posh that only gym fit people like gym fit people and that sort of thing, can’t help it I guess. |
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What is a type.
I have met you, and yes I would lol.
It's not just physical looks for me, it's personality as well that I find attractive, you could have the most stunning body in the world, but if you are as dull as dishwater, I'm never going to be attracted |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I’m not my type’s type. And tbh I’m grateful that anyone finds me attractive at that point. I’m not an idiot, I know I’m not typically attractive. If someone I find attractive finds me attractive I’m usually pretty doubtful of it but I’m starting to learn to believe people more |
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"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
It's all about the connection and personality for me it trumps whatever the other person looks like  |
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By *ullyMan 38 weeks ago
Near Clacton |
Had a few messages recently saying how turned on my pictures made them and about having a desirable cock,bum and how lovely my profile etc etc, I loved it more because these compliments were from people that I would never meet, because of distance gender or personal choice. And they knew that as well as I, so to me they were genuine compliments. So thanks lovelies keep it up. As someone who has recently emerged from a very low and dark place I am rejuvenated and the past can stay there. Cheer up a lovely today, make their day, pay them a compliment. |
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"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
I'm still yet to work out what goes on your brain tbf  |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 38 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I don't see how people find me attractive.
I'm the case of most guys that message me, however, they're just after a warm hole for their penis, and they're buttering me up in the hope I'll make one available.  |
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I'm still surprised the Mr fancies me to be honest, I always find it strange I'm nothing special, I'm not in shape, I'm boring as fuck generally so yeah I find it really odd.
Saying that I don't really have a type or taste I like people based on interactions mostly.
Mrs |
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"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
Fancy who you fancy
love who you love
And fuck who you want (with consent)
Just because media has drilled into us that "beautiful" people belong with other "beautiful" people.
We are all unique and have our own preferences |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then”  |
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"I don't see how people find me attractive.
I'm the case of most guys that message me, however, they're just after a warm hole for their penis, and they're buttering me up in the hope I'll make one available. "
Is that buttering your hole up.
Sorry couldn’t resist. |
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"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street."
Look, we’ve talked about this. You’re utterly gorgeous. *Everybody* gives you a second glance out on the street, you hottie. |
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By *andT2023Couple 38 weeks ago
in the middle |
I had exactly the same issue last week ...my brain seemed to be wired up to dismiss the compliments and messages of the superfit . I was looking for the catch. I find it hard to believe people like that would be attracted to me .xx |
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"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then” "
Exactly that. I always take it with a pinch of salt when a hot young guy says he finds me sexy and attractive. I know they would never would want to be caught with me in public. And often when I ask for just a social first I get ghosted.
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..
Online dating seems to be a tick box exercise. People want love island look alikes.
Real life is different. Some people aren't conventionally good looking but have a energy, or something in their body language that's very attractive.
Ofen you see average looking blokes with stunning partners and vice versa.
Opposites attract??
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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My dilemma is how do younger guys find older women attractive ? I think because when I was young I didn't find men my " age now" attractive I really struggle to get past this ! I'm talking about 20 plus years age difference! |
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I aways find it amusing who I find sexy and who I do not.
I know years ago all male friends used to go on about one girl in our group been sexy she did nothing for me.
Same as when much young was a girl in village bit of a top boy bit scruffy sometimes she just gave you hard on looking at her. |
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You’re not the only one that thinks that, people have a tendency to think that like attracts like and dismiss anyone that steps outside of that.
People seem to believe this so much that they’ll sabotage or argue with someone if they don’t conform with this stereotype, no matter how much they’re told or proven otherwise |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I used to.
There was an absolute adonis that was blatantly into me for years and I just took it as being friendly because there was just no way that beautiful God bodied, like he could easily have been a gym or underwear model, could want this hot mess.
About 18 months since I realised that I'm not the only person with odd taste in aesthetics.
These days I'm just happy when someone I'm attracted to is attracted to me too, regardless of body types or beauty standards "
Me too! I think I realised a while back about the odd taste in aesthetics, but I just assumed that the couple of people involved had the same weirdness as me... |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think you often assume you have a type but it’s not until you get to know a person that you realise that irrespective of their age or shape you still find them interesting and attractive.
Sexiness is more than skin deep! "
Oh absolutely! Based on the people in my past and present a physical type isn't evident at all |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I spend most of my time on fab lusting after people who are way out of my league. Sometimes though, they do genuinely seem to fancy me back. It always surprises me but I've gotten past my need to question it.
"
That's kind of what I'm saying... except my brain goblins refuse to let it lie! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I like lots of different types. So I kinda get it.
But I do understand where you’re coming from Posh.
When I think of a few people who I’ve had the privilege of being with, and I had imagined they would never be into me, or that feeling you are completely out of their league (you can shoot me for using that phrase)it does make me wonder what they see in me.
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Hugs nsp your wonderful and beautiful and amazing ok fluffing done now on to your question
Yes I am always amazed when people find me attractive as I don’t nesserly find myself attractive "
You're too cute 
And from what I've seen of you... you're attractive |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Always thrown when I receive any praise to be honest and sort of squirm at compliments.
I make same assumptions as posh that only gym fit people like gym fit people and that sort of thing, can’t help it I guess."
We've been conditioned! You know it's not true though, right... the brain goblins are liars!
Don't squirm too much but I love your profile pic. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Every time I go to Empire Cinema I look in the mirror before walking out and think that I look average to awful....but I always seem to get compliments, even been called gorgeous so I just don't worry about it any more...I just try to look the best that I can and then go out and enjoy myself. |
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By *hilloutMan 38 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
Grab yer coat love, you've pulled 
Just enjoy it all |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"What is a type.
I have met you, and yes I would lol.
It's not just physical looks for me, it's personality as well that I find attractive, you could have the most stunning body in the world, but if you are as dull as dishwater, I'm never going to be attracted "
I completely get that. My attraction to someone changes when I know their personality. Hence the physical "type" I'm attracted to not being the be all and end all of attraction! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I’m not my type’s type. And tbh I’m grateful that anyone finds me attractive at that point. I’m not an idiot, I know I’m not typically attractive. If someone I find attractive finds me attractive I’m usually pretty doubtful of it but I’m starting to learn to believe people more"
When you say you're not your types type, that implies (to me) that you "settle" or are willing to "settle" for people you aren't attracted to? |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
It's all about the connection and personality for me it trumps whatever the other person looks like "
How do you divine that from a random profile on fab though? |
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Attraction is in the eye of the beholder.
All it takes is that little something. That little twinkle of uniqueness that makes another go weak at the knees.
If we knew what made us attracted to others, we'd have sold it and made millions years ago.
All anyone can do is be true to oneself, be unapologeticabout it, be the best of oneself. For that is far more important than whatever anybody says.
 |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Beauty is in the size of the cupholder.
No wait. That’s not right.
Size of the spirits measure.
Everyone’s beautiful after enough doubles"
I know you're kinda kidding... but that's a part of the problem... |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Had a few messages recently saying how turned on my pictures made them and about having a desirable cock,bum and how lovely my profile etc etc, I loved it more because these compliments were from people that I would never meet, because of distance gender or personal choice. And they knew that as well as I, so to me they were genuine compliments. So thanks lovelies keep it up. As someone who has recently emerged from a very low and dark place I am rejuvenated and the past can stay there. Cheer up a lovely today, make their day, pay them a compliment. "
That's always lovely! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I have a type, dark haired and curvy so in terms of physical attraction that would be it. I want a little more than that though, and its about the person 'the aura' morals, how someone carries themselves. I hope that I fit into my own brackets! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't see how people find me attractive.
I'm the case of most guys that message me, however, they're just after a warm hole for their penis, and they're buttering me up in the hope I'll make one available. "
Don't worry... that's why a lot of the ones who message me message me too.
You have lovely legs. And you're really fun |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'm still surprised the Mr fancies me to be honest, I always find it strange I'm nothing special, I'm not in shape, I'm boring as fuck generally so yeah I find it really odd.
Saying that I don't really have a type or taste I like people based on interactions mostly.
Mrs "
Well... speaking for me, I can see what the Mr sees.
I like people based on them and interactions, but there is sometimes that initial ooh... |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have always fancied older women with wrinkles and crinkles and faults. If they happen to be good looking, then bonus.
Or a really short sighted younger model at worst. "
I kinda have fault lines... does that count? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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It’s such a nice feeling when you both have that attraction and excitement with each other …. It’s always nice getting to know the person behind the profile  |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Fancy who you fancy
love who you love
And fuck who you want (with consent)
Just because media has drilled into us that "beautiful" people belong with other "beautiful" people.
We are all unique and have our own preferences "
I think that's it really. The media and society. Even people talking about "what's he/she doing with them? They must have a great personality" or "punching".
All feeds into the insecurity and brainwashing I guess |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then” "
Yes yes yes!!
Reading the "lower my standards" and "message bombing" comments doesn't help at all. Makes a person wonder if that's what's occurring every time. Are they just digging about at the bottom of their personal barrel? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"Hugs nsp your wonderful and beautiful and amazing ok fluffing done now on to your question
Yes I am always amazed when people find me attractive as I don’t nesserly find myself attractive
You're too cute
And from what I've seen of you... you're attractive "
Awww thank you so much  x |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I had exactly the same issue last week ...my brain seemed to be wired up to dismiss the compliments and messages of the superfit . I was looking for the catch. I find it hard to believe people like that would be attracted to me .xx "
I find it hard to believe they're attracted even when they've got their penis in me... and even afterwards when they want to do it again! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then”
Exactly that. I always take it with a pinch of salt when a hot young guy says he finds me sexy and attractive. I know they would never would want to be caught with me in public. And often when I ask for just a social first I get ghosted.
"
That's the thing. I've never managed to forget being told back in the day that I was "good for a shag but too fat to be seen with".
Bucket of salt here... |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
|
"
Fancy who you fancy
love who you love
And fuck who you want (with consent)
Just because media has drilled into us that "beautiful" people belong with other "beautiful" people.
We are all unique and have our own preferences
I think that's it really. The media and society. Even people talking about "what's he/she doing with them? They must have a great personality" or "punching".
All feeds into the insecurity and brainwashing I guess"
This.
Depends if I'm having a good or not so good confidence day. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Hmm, I think most people, even the beautiful and attractive ones feel the same sometimes.
It is difficult to see yourself through others eyes.
MrsAbz"
I completely agree... and some of the people on this thread who are saying it are people I think are gorgeous and have sexy bods! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..
Online dating seems to be a tick box exercise. People want love island look alikes.
Real life is different. Some people aren't conventionally good looking but have a energy, or something in their body language that's very attractive.
Ofen you see average looking blokes with stunning partners and vice versa.
Opposites attract??
"
Maybe they do. But then I've heard it said that people look for someone similar to themselves in a partner.
I'm really glad that I gave up dating before it became so very online based. Despite then finding my connections on here |
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By *hoirCouple 38 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
Nope, not just you
P |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"My dilemma is how do younger guys find older women attractive ? I think because when I was young I didn't find men my " age now" attractive I really struggle to get past this ! I'm talking about 20 plus years age difference! "
I'm absolutely with you on that. I don't get it. But, saying that, I've always found that men in their 40s and 50s have been attractive to me... so I don't know.
Are we just cynical? |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I aways find it amusing who I find sexy and who I do not.
I know years ago all male friends used to go on about one girl in our group been sexy she did nothing for me.
Same as when much young was a girl in village bit of a top boy bit scruffy sometimes she just gave you hard on looking at her."
There are people who just exude sex appeal,aren't there? I know people like that... it's like an aura |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"You’re not the only one that thinks that, people have a tendency to think that like attracts like and dismiss anyone that steps outside of that.
People seem to believe this so much that they’ll sabotage or argue with someone if they don’t conform with this stereotype, no matter how much they’re told or proven otherwise"
Well, you know I do that! It must be difficult to be on the receiving end of it as well. I should make some apologies maybe |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I like lots of different types. So I kinda get it.
But I do understand where you’re coming from Posh.
When I think of a few people who I’ve had the privilege of being with, and I had imagined they would never be into me, or that feeling you are completely out of their league (you can shoot me for using that phrase)it does make me wonder what they see in me.
"
Pffft. I'm a fan of the phrase, because it's how I feel. I do also believe that if you think they're out of your league then they obviously see the league differently. But my brain goblins won't be bloody told. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Every time I go to Empire Cinema I look in the mirror before walking out and think that I look average to awful....but I always seem to get compliments, even been called gorgeous so I just don't worry about it any more...I just try to look the best that I can and then go out and enjoy myself."
I love that. Slapping the brain goblins and embracing the compliments! You rock! |
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By *eliWoman 38 weeks ago
. |
So, let's see...
No, I don't think of it in terms of this physical trait should be with others who share a physical trait. That makes zero sense to me because I'm genuinely attracted to a myriad of people in varying shapes and sizes.
I do sometimes find myself surprised when people I find attractive find me attractive. Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit meh about myself I'm shocked they do. Me? What? The chubby, frizzy haired posh voiced one who waffles or doesn't speak. But then... I find myself thinking fuck it, more and more.
I found myself worrying recently about it for zero reason. Realised when they kissed me (again). They're beautiful. And maybe I'm not *too* bad myself. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Attraction is in the eye of the beholder.
All it takes is that little something. That little twinkle of uniqueness that makes another go weak at the knees.
If we knew what made us attracted to others, we'd have sold it and made millions years ago.
All anyone can do is be true to oneself, be unapologeticabout it, be the best of oneself. For that is far more important than whatever anybody says.
"
Be the best you that you can be?
Wise words there |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have a type, dark haired and curvy so in terms of physical attraction that would be it. I want a little more than that though, and its about the person 'the aura' morals, how someone carries themselves. I hope that I fit into my own brackets! "
I think the rest is more important. But the initial ooh is what causes the first contact, be that online or in person. And that's what surprises me. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
|
"I’m not my type’s type. And tbh I’m grateful that anyone finds me attractive at that point. I’m not an idiot, I know I’m not typically attractive. If someone I find attractive finds me attractive I’m usually pretty doubtful of it but I’m starting to learn to believe people more
When you say you're not your types type, that implies (to me) that you "settle" or are willing to "settle" for people you aren't attracted to?"
No. Just that I’m not usually my type’s type. Not always. My partners are all my type in lots of ways. And I’m just lucky that they liked me back. There been more rejection than not. But I’m not settling. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Have never experienced reciprocity…will report back if I ever do  "
Do! Please!
You probably have had reciprocity, but haven't known it. It can be tough to discover sometimes, especially if the other person is as unsure. |
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I do Posh. I often wonder how the hell the person underneath me is managing to get air in their lungs! I think it’s a fetish for some guys. But then also a lot don’t even care, they just like you and your aura.
But from what I can see you’re an absolute babe inside and out. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"It’s such a nice feeling when you both have that attraction and excitement with each other …. It’s always nice getting to know the person behind the profile "
Oh it is! It's a thrill |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Fancy who you fancy
love who you love
And fuck who you want (with consent)
Just because media has drilled into us that "beautiful" people belong with other "beautiful" people.
We are all unique and have our own preferences
I think that's it really. The media and society. Even people talking about "what's he/she doing with them? They must have a great personality" or "punching".
All feeds into the insecurity and brainwashing I guess
This.
Depends if I'm having a good or not so good confidence day. "
I'm hoping the good ones outweigh the not so good. Or at least even out. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
I'm still yet to work out what goes on your brain tbf
I told you before... that's a dark and twisted path. Best not to try.
You're safe , I gave up yonks ago  "
I wasn't worried for me... |
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"Hmm, I think most people, even the beautiful and attractive ones feel the same sometimes.
It is difficult to see yourself through others eyes.
MrsAbz
I completely agree... and some of the people on this thread who are saying it are people I think are gorgeous and have sexy bods!"
Like yourself thinking it - I think you have a lovely figure and have nothing to be unsure of.
It is much easier to focus on what we see as our flaws and assume everyone else does too.
MrsAbz |
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By *essTTWoman 38 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
I'm the same
I get loads of gym fit men and women messaging me
1, gym fit isn't my type, and 2, I can't fathom how I could be their type
But I guess people just like what they like
|
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Oh for sure! I usually feel so frumpy and blergh….occasionally have better days but I assume they can’t really be into me.
But like others have said I think being on here has made me realise I don’t really have a physical type. If I get along with someone/feel comfortable with them they are attractive to me |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"So, let's see...
No, I don't think of it in terms of this physical trait should be with others who share a physical trait. That makes zero sense to me because I'm genuinely attracted to a myriad of people in varying shapes and sizes.
I do sometimes find myself surprised when people I find attractive find me attractive. Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit meh about myself I'm shocked they do. Me? What? The chubby, frizzy haired posh voiced one who waffles or doesn't speak. But then... I find myself thinking fuck it, more and more.
I found myself worrying recently about it for zero reason. Realised when they kissed me (again). They're beautiful. And maybe I'm not *too* bad myself."
I like the "more and more fuck it".
I don't think that people should be with people who share their physical traits. Not personally. But I guess I sometimes think others believe it. And society believes it, so those led by that believe it.
I do get that realisation when they kiss me. The ones I find beautiful who must see something kissable. Shuts those goblins up for a bit |
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"
I'm still yet to work out what goes on your brain tbf
I told you before... that's a dark and twisted path. Best not to try.
You're safe , I gave up yonks ago
I wasn't worried for me..."
Fair point |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I’m not my type’s type. And tbh I’m grateful that anyone finds me attractive at that point. I’m not an idiot, I know I’m not typically attractive. If someone I find attractive finds me attractive I’m usually pretty doubtful of it but I’m starting to learn to believe people more
When you say you're not your types type, that implies (to me) that you "settle" or are willing to "settle" for people you aren't attracted to? No. Just that I’m not usually my type’s type. Not always. My partners are all my type in lots of ways. And I’m just lucky that they liked me back. There been more rejection than not. But I’m not settling. "
OK. That makes more sense to my brain.
We can't always be attractive to those we are attracted to after all |
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Yeah, I feel pretty similar Posh. I've been wondering for the past 20yrs what prompted such a jolly wonderful chap as Mr KC to be interested. But I think he has similar thoughts my way. All in all, we're perhaps not the most obvious couple, but it works. We work.
On here though, I am very self conscious and am more likely to think someone is just complimenting or trying to get somewhere because I'm a convenient female human, rather than being actually attracted to me. I have various levels of acceptance that this might not be everyone's motivation. |
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"Oh for sure! I usually feel so frumpy and blergh….occasionally have better days but I assume they can’t really be into me.
But like others have said I think being on here has made me realise I don’t really have a physical type. If I get along with someone/feel comfortable with them they are attractive to me "
Couldn't have put it better myself Booty |
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By *eliWoman 38 weeks ago
. |
"So, let's see...
No, I don't think of it in terms of this physical trait should be with others who share a physical trait. That makes zero sense to me because I'm genuinely attracted to a myriad of people in varying shapes and sizes.
I do sometimes find myself surprised when people I find attractive find me attractive. Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit meh about myself I'm shocked they do. Me? What? The chubby, frizzy haired posh voiced one who waffles or doesn't speak. But then... I find myself thinking fuck it, more and more.
I found myself worrying recently about it for zero reason. Realised when they kissed me (again). They're beautiful. And maybe I'm not *too* bad myself.
I like the "more and more fuck it".
I don't think that people should be with people who share their physical traits. Not personally. But I guess I sometimes think others believe it. And society believes it, so those led by that believe it.
"
I think a part of you believes that, hence the OP. It's not how attraction works though is it? It's in part down to lack of self confidence/belief.
I don't mine if people doubt themselves etc. It happens. The only time I don't like it is when it's weaponised. When a person's doubt makes them veto others etc. |
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"Always thrown when I receive any praise to be honest and sort of squirm at compliments.
I make same assumptions as posh that only gym fit people like gym fit people and that sort of thing, can’t help it I guess.
We've been conditioned! You know it's not true though, right... the brain goblins are liars!
Don't squirm too much but I love your profile pic."
Thank you. x
As said before if I wasn’t as far away..
But as for how it all works? No idea. Perhaps the conditioning comes from school and knowing your place. |
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I get this but other hand, I think I’ve always preferred curvy women, I love look gym fit women but I look at a curvy women and just turns me on.
But I feel like no one would fancy me as I’m not gym fit, so even if I was with a bigger women say I say curvy I think I should be the fittest I can for her if that makes sense.
I just don’t think there’s any rhyme or reason what we find attractive and who finds us attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
|
"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then”
Yes yes yes!!
Reading the "lower my standards" and "message bombing" comments doesn't help at all. Makes a person wonder if that's what's occurring every time. Are they just digging about at the bottom of their personal barrel?"
Yep. Now that’s all I think about when it happens. |
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By *a LunaWoman 38 weeks ago
South Wales |
I’m not used to people finding me attractive unless they’re d*unk.
Messages on here I take with a pinch of salt so never really think they find ME attractive, I’m just either local or a woman who will do.
I’ve never been pursued because someone thinks I’m the bees knees when sober.
|
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I do Posh. I often wonder how the hell the person underneath me is managing to get air in their lungs! I think it’s a fetish for some guys. But then also a lot don’t even care, they just like you and your aura.
But from what I can see you’re an absolute babe inside and out. "
Absolutely! I refused to sit on anyone for a long, long time. I've recently decided to live by "if he dies, he dies"... as he seems fine with it
From what I can see, you're the babe |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Hmm, I think most people, even the beautiful and attractive ones feel the same sometimes.
It is difficult to see yourself through others eyes.
MrsAbz
I completely agree... and some of the people on this thread who are saying it are people I think are gorgeous and have sexy bods!
Like yourself thinking it - I think you have a lovely figure and have nothing to be unsure of.
It is much easier to focus on what we see as our flaws and assume everyone else does too.
MrsAbz "
So, so much easier. I've often said... if there was someone else with my exact body I'd never think or say the things I say about myself about her! |
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"I have always fancied older women with wrinkles and crinkles and faults. If they happen to be good looking, then bonus.
Or a really short sighted younger model at worst.
I kinda have fault lines... does that count?"
As long as they are complimented by laughter lines then of course. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Yeah people fancying me baffles me, I’m fucking minging, and they’re clearly insane.
The mr "
You can't be that minging. Mrs will at least have made sure she showered you before the wedding. So you're still relatively clean I'm guessing
I've never thought you're minging, but that's exactly what I think about me.
Maybe I'm insane.
But then... are we doing the people who get all hot and bothered over us a disservice by saying they're wrong and insane? |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
I'm the same
I get loads of gym fit men and women messaging me
1, gym fit isn't my type, and 2, I can't fathom how I could be their type
But I guess people just like what they like
"
People do. People be peopling and they don't always make sense to the rest of us I guess... |
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"I'm still surprised the Mr fancies me to be honest, I always find it strange I'm nothing special, I'm not in shape, I'm boring as fuck generally so yeah I find it really odd.
Saying that I don't really have a type or taste I like people based on interactions mostly.
Mrs
Well... speaking for me, I can see what the Mr sees.
I like people based on them and interactions, but there is sometimes that initial ooh..."
I never get that initial oooh.... I think I'm broken.
Mrs |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Oh for sure! I usually feel so frumpy and blergh….occasionally have better days but I assume they can’t really be into me.
But like others have said I think being on here has made me realise I don’t really have a physical type. If I get along with someone/feel comfortable with them they are attractive to me "
I think there is a difference between having a physical type that makes you go "ooh" and sticking to that physical type without any variance.
And you're a cute and sexy bundle of joy |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"always. Px  "
You, my love, have the cutest yet most devilish face. And you're amazing.
Tell your demons to stfu and go on holiday with my goblins. Then you and I can go on holiday without them |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Yeah, I feel pretty similar Posh. I've been wondering for the past 20yrs what prompted such a jolly wonderful chap as Mr KC to be interested. But I think he has similar thoughts my way. All in all, we're perhaps not the most obvious couple, but it works. We work.
On here though, I am very self conscious and am more likely to think someone is just complimenting or trying to get somewhere because I'm a convenient female human, rather than being actually attracted to me. I have various levels of acceptance that this might not be everyone's motivation. "
I love you two. Individually you're awesome and as a couple you're so lovely
Regarding on here... I think that's what I mean mostly. As apart from between forum people, you really can only go on pictures and the snapshot words in the profile. Which haven't even necessarily been written by that person! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"No as people like all different things "
They really do. I think I just struggle with the idea that the socially accepted and media norm isn't necessarily the actual case. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"So, let's see...
No, I don't think of it in terms of this physical trait should be with others who share a physical trait. That makes zero sense to me because I'm genuinely attracted to a myriad of people in varying shapes and sizes.
I do sometimes find myself surprised when people I find attractive find me attractive. Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit meh about myself I'm shocked they do. Me? What? The chubby, frizzy haired posh voiced one who waffles or doesn't speak. But then... I find myself thinking fuck it, more and more.
I found myself worrying recently about it for zero reason. Realised when they kissed me (again). They're beautiful. And maybe I'm not *too* bad myself.
I like the "more and more fuck it".
I don't think that people should be with people who share their physical traits. Not personally. But I guess I sometimes think others believe it. And society believes it, so those led by that believe it.
I think a part of you believes that, hence the OP. It's not how attraction works though is it? It's in part down to lack of self confidence/belief.
I don't mine if people doubt themselves etc. It happens. The only time I don't like it is when it's weaponised. When a person's doubt makes them veto others etc. "
The part of me that believes that is very narcissistic though... and only believes it when it comes to me. Because that part of me is selfish and believes the world should revolve around me. And it feeds into my self doubt and eats my confidence.
But for anyone else, absolutely not. Because people like/want/love who they like (etc) and there isn't necessarily any rhyme or reason to those outside of it.
Weaponising the doubt into irrational vetoes is the next step of the self doubt I suppose. And it's whether or not you can put that back in its box before you start maybe? |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Nope, not just you
P
Can you put it to one side easily?
Not even remotely, I tend to admire those I'm attracted to from afar and never say anything.
P
"
I understand that. And do it too a lot of the time.
It saves rejection but does also cut out potential  |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Always thrown when I receive any praise to be honest and sort of squirm at compliments.
I make same assumptions as posh that only gym fit people like gym fit people and that sort of thing, can’t help it I guess.
We've been conditioned! You know it's not true though, right... the brain goblins are liars!
Don't squirm too much but I love your profile pic.
Thank you. x
As said before if I wasn’t as far away..
But as for how it all works? No idea. Perhaps the conditioning comes from school and knowing your place."
I think it comes from the world in general, lovely. |
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For a while, a couple of years ago, I dated a superfit lass with a six-pack, buns-of-steel, fake boobs etc. (not my usual type at all). Her Instagram was just hot pics of her in the gym doing the splits, planks and whatnot (as you can tell, I'm not familiar with what you're actually meant to be doing in the gym outside of the hot tub!). She was constantly bombarded with thirsty, ripped-to-shit guys who were trying it on. They couldn't reconcile the fact that she was really into hairy, dad-bod type guys who only used the gym as an excuse to collect points on their life insurance by scanning in and eating in the cafe. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I get this but other hand, I think I’ve always preferred curvy women, I love look gym fit women but I look at a curvy women and just turns me on.
But I feel like no one would fancy me as I’m not gym fit, so even if I was with a bigger women say I say curvy I think I should be the fittest I can for her if that makes sense.
I just don’t think there’s any rhyme or reason what we find attractive and who finds us attractive. "
When you say "curvy", do you mean "curvy" or fat? Because gym fit women can be curvy, same as fat women can be.
|
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Sometimes. Especially if it’s people I know wouldn’t give me a second glance out on the street. I’ve had more than 1 man on here tell me how they “lower their standards” to get meets, so that’s always at the back of my mind when someone like that reaches out. I guess it’s made me overly cautious on whether they are genuinely attracted to me or not.
In saying that. I know how different the people I’m attracted to are so I kind of understand. I’m still going to think “yeahhhh ok then”
Yes yes yes!!
Reading the "lower my standards" and "message bombing" comments doesn't help at all. Makes a person wonder if that's what's occurring every time. Are they just digging about at the bottom of their personal barrel?
Yep. Now that’s all I think about when it happens. "
Same here, lovely. Literally every time.
I wish people wouldn't say things like that. A lot of the time I don't think they even really mean it, and I don't know why they say it. |
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"Always thrown when I receive any praise to be honest and sort of squirm at compliments.
I make same assumptions as posh that only gym fit people like gym fit people and that sort of thing, can’t help it I guess.
We've been conditioned! You know it's not true though, right... the brain goblins are liars!
Don't squirm too much but I love your profile pic.
Thank you. x
As said before if I wasn’t as far away..
But as for how it all works? No idea. Perhaps the conditioning comes from school and knowing your place.
I think it comes from the world in general, lovely."
It does but somehow it ingrains itself with some of us and there’s that perception applied to reality that probably actually doesn’t exist.
I’m not quite at stage where I can ignore it, but sometimes think whoah and then at other times think that I need to not place people on pedestals.
Self doubt is a strange thing. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I’m not used to people finding me attractive unless they’re d*unk.
Messages on here I take with a pinch of salt so never really think they find ME attractive, I’m just either local or a woman who will do.
I’ve never been pursued because someone thinks I’m the bees knees when sober.
"
I always thought that. It turns out I have actually been pursued when someone was sober, it just took a hell of a lot for me to accept it.
|
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have always fancied older women with wrinkles and crinkles and faults. If they happen to be good looking, then bonus.
Or a really short sighted younger model at worst.
I kinda have fault lines... does that count?
As long as they are complimented by laughter lines then of course."
I'm hilarious. Of course I have laughter lines! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'm still surprised the Mr fancies me to be honest, I always find it strange I'm nothing special, I'm not in shape, I'm boring as fuck generally so yeah I find it really odd.
Saying that I don't really have a type or taste I like people based on interactions mostly.
Mrs
Well... speaking for me, I can see what the Mr sees.
I like people based on them and interactions, but there is sometimes that initial ooh...
I never get that initial oooh.... I think I'm broken.
Mrs "
I don't think you're broken. I think you are different to some people. Attraction is very personal after all.
Rather than the "oooh", do you get a feeling of "oh. This is attractive about this person"? A kind of factual thing? |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Good you'd tie yourself in knots trying to work shit like this out. People fancy who they fancy. It's nearly always more than just a set of attributes. *shrugs*"
That's the thing. I do tie myself in knots. It's something that my brain often swirls around. Not constantly, but it is a consistent thing. |
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"Good you'd tie yourself in knots trying to work shit like this out. People fancy who they fancy. It's nearly always more than just a set of attributes. *shrugs*
That's the thing. I do tie myself in knots. It's something that my brain often swirls around. Not constantly, but it is a consistent thing."
I’d say that I’d always think the thing even if I was trying not to think the thing and always end up at ‘but why?’ |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman 38 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"For a while, a couple of years ago, I dated a superfit lass with a six-pack, buns-of-steel, fake boobs etc. (not my usual type at all). Her Instagram was just hot pics of her in the gym doing the splits, planks and whatnot (as you can tell, I'm not familiar with what you're actually meant to be doing in the gym outside of the hot tub!). She was constantly bombarded with thirsty, ripped-to-shit guys who were trying it on. They couldn't reconcile the fact that she was really into hairy, dad-bod type guys who only used the gym as an excuse to collect points on their life insurance by scanning in and eating in the cafe."
See... that's disrespectful on their part. Regardless of whether they saw it or not, they should have respected her choice. |
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"The people who find you attractive?
I'm not exactly "gym fit". I mean... lose the "gym" in that and it's still accurate. I'm certainly not slim.
And my brain tells me that gym fit people fancy gym fit people... and slim people fancy slim people... and chunky people fancy chunky people etc. Despite my "type" tending towards the fit, slim and skinny fellows. So my brain and my loins disagree. I should note... "my type" isn't always "my type". Depends on the person.
And yet I'm still baffled when people I find attractive find me attractive.
Anyone else, or is it just me who has some kinda weird disconnect in their brain?"
Totally get this !! I'm too used to people I find attractive not reciprocating that when someone I fancy says they find me attractive I tend to be hesitant to believe them |
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Yes, I do. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's a weird thought process.
I don't think I'm unattractive (though I think that too sometimes), but as a consequence my appearance, I'm also normally very different looking to their previous partners (or on here, very different to the other people they've met), so I question why they are interested if I'm clearly not their "type". Once we get past looks there's a whole other load of "what could they possibly see in my shizzle", but I'll save that for my therapist (if I had one).
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"Hmm, I think most people, even the beautiful and attractive ones feel the same sometimes.
It is difficult to see yourself through others eyes.
MrsAbz
I completely agree... and some of the people on this thread who are saying it are people I think are gorgeous and have sexy bods!
Like yourself thinking it - I think you have a lovely figure and have nothing to be unsure of.
It is much easier to focus on what we see as our flaws and assume everyone else does too.
MrsAbz
So, so much easier. I've often said... if there was someone else with my exact body I'd never think or say the things I say about myself about her!"
Whilst you have no idea of my own personal demons I fight... this is precisely the route my thoughts are being forced down to instill inner peace in my thinking.
Thank you for being oddly comforting to me today. I kinda needed to hear that (even though that probably sounds bonkers to you).
Big squishy hugs, you have helped my thinkings with your ponderings
MrsAbz |
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"Every single time.
Can you put it to one side?"
I can but will struggle with it. Someone I met the other week described me after the event in glowing terms including calling me sexy.
Can't see it myself.
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Sometimes I’ll strut around and think I’m a sexy motherfucker who anyone would be lucky to have…. Maybe. Some days I’m fairly confident that I’m not a double bagger at least.
On the other occasions I just try & strip them quickly before they change their mind |
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"Sometimes I’ll strut around and think I’m a sexy motherfucker who anyone would be lucky to have…. Maybe. Some days I’m fairly confident that I’m not a double bagger at least.
On the other occasions I just try & strip them quickly before they change their mind "
Your sexiness is assured |
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By *edGrayCouple 38 weeks ago
Swindon |
As the years have passed by I have kept myself relatively fit for my age. Obviously I am no longer as attractive as I was my youth, but ever now and then I get an age appropriate compliment from someone around my age group, which is quite flattering. I have found that Iam no longer attracted to people based on their physical attributes but their personality and youthful attitude to life. |
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Every time I get a response from a message.
I am genuinely surprised, but that doesn’t mean I’m not confident in myself. I do try to keep myself fit and not take life too seriously.
End of day, life is too short |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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It's something I've struggled with, especially when it comes to approaching people I find attractive. I hear a lot about people having a type, and I've wracked my brain wondering whose type I am and whether it would be worth going up to them and saying Hi. Especially if I don't know if they would feel the same way. |
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By *r_reusMan 38 weeks ago
Coventry |
On the subject of what constitutes good looks, Jordan Peterson once said that for a man to understand what it's like being a beautiful woman, imagine walking around carrying a glass briefcase with £1000000 in it.
Of course people will approach you, but is it because they like you, or want what you have?
I thought it was an interesting analogy. |
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