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Asker or askee...
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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A friend recently used those terms to describe two different types of people.
So... when it comes to making a move - whether suggesting a social/date, going in for a kiss or wanting to fuck someone.
Are you an asker or an askee? What group do you like (if you have a preference!)? |
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Hmm.
I'm probably more often an askee.
I'm fairly laid back and like to know the other people are interested in doing a thing before outright asking, and usually in bringing up an event or activity they do the suggesting of actually doing it and getting organised before I get that far.
But I do initiate the conversations to get to that point fairly often. And if they don't suggest it first but seem interested enough to join me then I'll ask them and deal with the admin  |
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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"In this context, I’ll say I’m switch. I go both ways.
This was not a very helpful response, I know."
Oh, no, it was Rosie, don't worry. I'm switchy as well - depends on the dynamic I have with another. |
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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"I'm similar to RoseTG with regards to this question. Hope this helps.
As for chatting, I'm more of an asker. I prefer to listen than be the one doing the talking. We'd be perfect Meli"
Willy, stop flirting with me like this - testing my kegels and disturbing my peace? *swoon*
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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I prefer to be the askee
If I’m feeling brave though, I don’t mind being the asker or making the first move when I’ve established that they are interested. |
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"I'm similar to RoseTG with regards to this question. Hope this helps.
As for chatting, I'm more of an asker. I prefer to listen than be the one doing the talking. We'd be perfect Meli
Willy, stop flirting with me like this - testing my kegels and disturbing my peace? *swoon*
"
I can't help it, your avatar is drawing me in like a moth to a lamp |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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I will ask, but only if I really really want to. The way I see it is, time is precious, I was wanting to be asked the person I like, and I like me waiting for me to ask them, it would never happen.
I think that’s why I put so much energy into someone when I like them, I want to catch up on wasted time. 
And then there’s that friendship, when you don’t ask, because you it could spoil what you have, but you know if they asked you, you would jump all over them.
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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"Hmm.
I'm probably more often an askee.
I'm fairly laid back and like to know the other people are interested in doing a thing before outright asking, and usually in bringing up an event or activity they do the suggesting of actually doing it and getting organised before I get that far.
But I do initiate the conversations to get to that point fairly often. And if they don't suggest it first but seem interested enough to join me then I'll ask them and deal with the admin "
Ah I didn't know you were an adminy sort of person, I thought you were more... passenger princess?  Initiating conversations to get to that point can be a *very* good idea, else you just dance around it and never actually do anything about it. Kind of a waste really. |
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By *sWyldWoman 39 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often.
I seem to remember you being *very* forward on our first date. "
You gave excellent encouragement   |
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"Ah I didn't know you were an adminy sort of person, I thought you were more... passenger princess? Initiating conversations to get to that point can be a *very* good idea, else you just dance around it and never actually do anything about it. Kind of a waste really."
Passenger princess is probably painfully on point to be fair.
I can and do deal with admin if I'm the one driving the plan. But I'm much more likely to hint to someone who likes doing the organising thing that we should do a thing but let it be their suggestion so they feel comfortable taking that role. I always find the organised types get stressed when my kind of chaos is in charge, but then if you start organising someone else's thing it can feel overbearing and rude.
If I'm dancing around the idea and they're not engaging because they're not interested, I won't bother encouraging them to do a thing with me they're not excited about. But if I think they're just not getting the hint or that they just don't want the hassle of the admin bits, I'm happy enough taking that role now and again |
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By *otSoPoshWoman 39 weeks ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
It's complicated (shocker... I know... waffle incoming). I tend to be an asker. But that's because I expect rejection, and I dont like uncertainty. So if I do the asking, it kind of means I'm not going to be wasting my time. Or I'm pleasantly surprised. But it takes quite a lot for me to pull up my big girl pants and do the asking, so I often don't actually manage to do the asking. I'm kind of a pro-active wannabe askee really, who doesn't expect to be asked so kind of blurts. I'm a blurter.
I'm also really bad when people drop hints rather than come out and ask things, and I hate it when I seem as if I'm doing that. Because I'm not... I just sometimes babble in a train of thought that is actually me psyching myself up to asking and really ought to be in my head and not out loud (including via text).
I'd like to be an askee. But it seems I'm either not wanted enough for asking or I come across as too scary to ask. Or maybe because I do the blurting I'm attractive to askees and they're waiting to be asked.
Oh Meli. It's so complicated in the nest of snakes and goblins that is my brain. |
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I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move. |
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"I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move."
Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack. |
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"Probably more the askee, unless I see something, or rather someone that's of *real* interest. Then I somehow gain the courage to speak up but not all the time
There’s things I’d ask you "
Ask away |
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"I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move.
Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack."
Like a hairless Labrador |
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often. "
I don't know. Part of me thinks you should go for it. Try saying yes more and embracing things. Finding that confidence. Another part of me thinks that's what you're comfortable with and it's the natural balance in life. |
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"I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move.
Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack.
Like a hairless Labrador "
Or a rabid lurcher (lost him today for a full 15 minutes) |
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I so nearly did this thread!  But you've phrased it better than I would have.
On here, I can be an asker relatively easily. In person, I am an askee who is very occasionally an asker. I find it very hard to believe that the people I fancy, fancy me back. If there are signs of interest I *sometimes* ask. Go me!
And everything is so much more complicated as a couple as there's 3 or 4 way attraction to deal with. That's why I prefer organised socials with a message afterwards if I think there might be a connection.
J |
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By *eli OP Woman 39 weeks ago
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"I'm an askee. I don't even send a first message on here unless it's to someone I'm friends with already... "
don't!
Why not? You don't feel confident enough to or you don't have any desire to be the one who... asks? |
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Askee through and through. I will discuss general ideas but actual plans nope no way. It's not from a fear or rejection or anything like that, I just go through so many options in my head that I won't make an actual choice. So I find it easier for someone saying shall we do xyz? And me agreeing or not. |
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"I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move."
I look forward to witnessing that particular manoeuvre.
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"Definitely an askee. I don't want to read the signals wrong and end up making an absolute fool out of myself  "
I was told, don't ask, don't get. Trust me Joe, a straightforward question from you will rarely see you disappointed.
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I'm more an askee, I've never really got anywhere instigating! I've found that men don't like women being forward!!!!
At least if the guy makes the first move it shows he's interested. Then i know I'm not flogging a dead horse so to speak! Lol |
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