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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
Ever notice just how little there is on this site in general, outside of a small number of groupies?
I'm not just talking about messaging but in the forums themselves, for example, any thread where posters are encouraged to say something about themselves, you'll notice that no discussion results from any of these posts, they're all just atomised, isolated 'pick me!' type responses which will have nothing to do with anything anyone said above and will almost certainly be ignored by all posts which follow, unless
A: The poster is a beautiful woman or
B: The poster is in one of the aforementioned groups
Is the inability to encourage an active community a failure with this site itself, or is it simply inherent to the swinging scene in general?
As it often strikes me that the only way to get people to care enough to actively talk to and engaging with one another, is to say something controversial and start a fight... |
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I think many people view fab as transactional and reply to people accordingly.
As to beautiful women and people who know each other getting more responses, I think that's a societal thing, not merely a fab thing.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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I think it depends on the topic. There are some very good examples of mental health threads, threads on advice asked by the trans community, I don't see informative threads get taken over by the cli***
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"I’m a beautiful man with a beautiful penis so feel free to respond to my post.
Bask in my glory.
Share my spotlight.
Dive into my slipstream."
I just did, it was was a little surprising and surprisingly moreish.
I'm going for a lay down now. |
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"I’m a beautiful man with a beautiful penis so feel free to respond to my post.
Bask in my glory.
Share my spotlight.
Dive into my slipstream.
I just did, it was was a little surprising and surprisingly moreish.
I'm going for a lay down now. "
Sweet dreams friend  |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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I haven't found that to be true. I avoid the transactional-type threads because I'm not beautiful or in a group and I find them boring AF. There are plenty of threads where people respond to what I've said and vice versa. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous "
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take. |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take."
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content? |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take."
Pg1 means page one, the first page of the forum
Many have commented that being noticed on the forum helps them meet, so just post where you think you can join in. Often - with any forum - there's a period where you don't get much in the way of reply, but if you persevere that tends to change |
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You’ll always get it on this site - have boobs, you’ll get more attention. If I posted pics of just me, then we’d have hardly any interactions - post C’s pics and we are inundated.
Even with my (soon to be confirmed) award winning arse…
I still post in the forums but I’m posting for me - that’s the best way to do things on here - play the game.
K
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"
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
Now this is an interesting interpretation  "
Genuinely couldn’t work it out any other way. I’m quite tired and hungry tho. |
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If the only way you know to get people to pay attention to you is to start fights and be controversial, perhaps it would be a good idea to examine why you blame that on looks and cliques rather than your own ability to interact positively with others  |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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I often test this theory by posting on threads such as the one that says post your in and reveal to one another who is hot, who you fancy, who you want to smog, and similar.
I have boobs and fall into the societal view of attractive woman yet I get zero messages.
There is no magic key. If anything, try to accept that everyone uses the website in different ways and what works for you or what you may use to gauge interest or show interest may differ from the next person, and that’s okay. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 40 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Whilst the forums are great for engaging with others and building a form of 'community', don't forget that less than 1% of the site uses them.
Sure. You'll get more interaction perhaps than by sending messages and sitting waiting for a reply that may never come, but even within the forum community many treat the forums as an isolated part of their Fab life. Many aren't interested in meeting other forum users. Those that are may be happy to do so at organised social events, but won't always be interested in anything more 1-2-1.
People post when and where they want. I didn't post this comment expecting ongoing interaction with anyone. I did it to express an opinion and are my 2p's worth. Some may agree, others won't. I makes no difference. I'd never expect a flurry of messages discussing my view and if anyone replies on here or not it doesn't matter to me.
Forums are different things to different people. If your (generic 'your', not you specifically OP) desire is to build traction and interaction with others via comments on threads then there's never a guarantee that will ever happen. If it ever does view it as a bonus and if not, then that's life.
Like private messages I've always viewed comments the same. It's not rude to not reply to anything written. Ever. By anyone. About anything. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?"
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here. |
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"
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
Now this is an interesting interpretation
Genuinely couldn’t work it out any other way. I’m quite tired and hungry tho."
Get some nuts. |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here."
Ah. Women, make an effort. Gotcha. |
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"
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here."
Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that.
Personally I message quite a few guys, both from searching and also from forums. I’m sure I can’t be the only woman reaching out to men here.
I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here. I wouldn’t want people to do it to me, and I’d be fearful of anger if I met the man in real life.
Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”? |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here."
I don't disagree entirely.
I've always said that despite women and couples being told they don't have to make an effort with their profiles as they will get plenty of messages regardless, they can't really complain if the messages they receive are equally as lazy as their profiles.
There are never advice threads for women and couples despite the fact so many are just as guilty of all the fab crimes men are accused of in regard to pics, bios and one line messages.
I don't agree that women are not proactive though as I haven't sent a first contact message in more than 4 years so every conversation since has been started by women getting in touch.
My best friend did exactly that and we now have a couples profile here. |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here."
Ah. This old tale.
Only thing you can change is what you do, OP. |
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I interact with almost anyone on here. Had a message from a chap earlier, which I replied to as I do with 99% of messages I receive. It became apparent he was seeking details of a meet I'd had.
When I said that one would never kiss and tell, he stopped messaging.
 |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?"
I think it's just another case of "women need to make the first move"  yawn... |
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"
No, I'm talking about making more of an effort in women reaching out on here, don't just sit back and wait for guys to clutter your inbox then complain that you're not getting what you're after.
Reply to mens posts on here and not simply when you're offended - reach out, approach us as though you might just like us, read our profiles once in a while and write a message explaining what you like or even don't like about them.
It takes two to tango, and it might just do something to address how cluttered, blocked and hostile things so often feel here."
You know women do actually do that... |
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By *lder.Woman 40 weeks ago
Not Local |
It can depend how long the thread is, for example now I have just quickly scrolled, not really read others comments and have plonked this little offering down here. If it was shorter I would more likely read and reply to people. I tend to reply to the comment rather than the person, so not sure it will help me get a fuck. But I do slightly agree that there is less 'discussion' on some threads, and it does feel like lots of other's comments are placed there in isolation. But if thats they way the use the forum that's also fine as its pretty much the way I do it most of the time. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that."
You've not noticed the frequency of man bashing that goes on then? I don't always blame them for this, the enormous oversaturation of guys on here no doubt means the overall level of communications from them is going to be pretty bad, but if these women were actively taking the time to contact the sort of man they DO want to hear from, then the chaff in their inboxes wouldn't matter enough to gripe about.
"I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here."
I would assume in such an event that you probably liked the man in question's profile, or were at least somewhat intrigued by it, and any criticisms you might have would be of the constructive variety clearly intended to help him, or simply probe deeper with your curiosity.
"Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”?"
This would be due to the oversaturation I mentioned further up, when you get such a huge number of guys trying to appeal to a very limited number of women and couples by comparison, you're going to get friction. Whilst the way I express my frustrations with this state of affairs may anger some, I express them with a lot more tact than most, as evidenced from an again large number of threads of seen from women and couples complaining about receiving abusive messages, something I've never personally done. |
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"Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that.
You've not noticed the frequency of man bashing that goes on then? I don't always blame them for this, the enormous oversaturation of guys on here no doubt means the overall level of communications from them is going to be pretty bad, but if these women were actively taking the time to contact the sort of man they DO want to hear from, then the chaff in their inboxes wouldn't matter enough to gripe about.
I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here.
I would assume in such an event that you probably liked the man in question's profile, or were at least somewhat intrigued by it, and any criticisms you might have would be of the constructive variety clearly intended to help him, or simply probe deeper with your curiosity.
Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”?
This would be due to the oversaturation I mentioned further up, when you get such a huge number of guys trying to appeal to a very limited number of women and couples by comparison, you're going to get friction. Whilst the way I express my frustrations with this state of affairs may anger some, I express them with a lot more tact than most, as evidenced from an again large number of threads of seen from women and couples complaining about receiving abusive messages, something I've never personally done."
1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly. |
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"Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that.
You've not noticed the frequency of man bashing that goes on then? I don't always blame them for this, the enormous oversaturation of guys on here no doubt means the overall level of communications from them is going to be pretty bad, but if these women were actively taking the time to contact the sort of man they DO want to hear from, then the chaff in their inboxes wouldn't matter enough to gripe about.
I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here.
I would assume in such an event that you probably liked the man in question's profile, or were at least somewhat intrigued by it, and any criticisms you might have would be of the constructive variety clearly intended to help him, or simply probe deeper with your curiosity.
Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”?
This would be due to the oversaturation I mentioned further up, when you get such a huge number of guys trying to appeal to a very limited number of women and couples by comparison, you're going to get friction. Whilst the way I express my frustrations with this state of affairs may anger some, I express them with a lot more tact than most, as evidenced from an again large number of threads of seen from women and couples complaining about receiving abusive messages, something I've never personally done.
1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly."
Agreed.
Also, "I've never sent an abusive message" is a very low bar. It's like wanting to be congratulated for wiping yourself after you go to the toilet. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 40 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that.
You've not noticed the frequency of man bashing that goes on then? I don't always blame them for this, the enormous oversaturation of guys on here no doubt means the overall level of communications from them is going to be pretty bad, but if these women were actively taking the time to contact the sort of man they DO want to hear from, then the chaff in their inboxes wouldn't matter enough to gripe about.
I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here.
I would assume in such an event that you probably liked the man in question's profile, or were at least somewhat intrigued by it, and any criticisms you might have would be of the constructive variety clearly intended to help him, or simply probe deeper with your curiosity.
Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”?
This would be due to the oversaturation I mentioned further up, when you get such a huge number of guys trying to appeal to a very limited number of women and couples by comparison, you're going to get friction. Whilst the way I express my frustrations with this state of affairs may anger some, I express them with a lot more tact than most, as evidenced from an again large number of threads of seen from women and couples complaining about receiving abusive messages, something I've never personally done.
1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly."
Man bashing definitely occurs at times. There was a thread earlier describing men as pigs, including 'the gentlemen'.
But it's not by all.
I'd agree with all your other points though. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here."
Then you're not looking very hard, though that doesn't surprise me.
"2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles."
My explanation made quite clear that the profile in question was likely one you already found appealing
"3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice."
I have, but again, your ignorance toward this doesn't surprise me.
"For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly."
Also for what it's worth, I've made an attempt to engage you in a reasonably respectful manner despite the fact you were clearly spoiling for a fight from the get go. You yourself come across as though you're not familiar with men speaking honestly, and that seems rather coddled and spoiled to me?
Which once again, isn't surprising. |
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"1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
Then you're not looking very hard, though that doesn't surprise me.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
My explanation made quite clear that the profile in question was likely one you already found appealing
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
I have, but again, your ignorance toward this doesn't surprise me.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly.
Also for what it's worth, I've made an attempt to engage you in a reasonably respectful manner despite the fact you were clearly spoiling for a fight from the get go. You yourself come across as though you're not familiar with men speaking honestly, and that seems rather coddled and spoiled to me?
Which once again, isn't surprising."
If a man’s profile appeals to me then I don’t need to offer him critique on it because it already appeals and doesn’t need changing.
If a man’s profile doesn’t appeal to me I don’t see why I should message and tell him he’s ugly or something. It’s not like he can change that without cosmetic surgery.
I am extraordinarily used to men speaking honestly. The vast majority of men in life speak their mind freely and honestly - that is the privilege men have.
However as you will note from your own post, when women speak freely and honestly they are accused of being spoilt and coddled.
Perhaps I should have coddled you instead and told you that your ideas were wonderful? Was that what you wanted to hear? Perhaps I should critique your profile as well and then give you a blowie afterwards? |
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"You need you pick and choose your threads OP
Plenty around, but may slip off pg 1 as they are not as accessible /frivolous
Not sure what pg1 means but I'm not looking for frivolous. I don't doubt that there are intelligent, interesting, charming and sexy women hiding away on here somewhere who I'd love to hear from, but there does seem to be a sort of 'haze' hanging over this site, a hostility which stops them from making the necessary steps needed to help find them?
Just like anything to do with intimacy between the sexes a man can't nor shouldn't be expected to do everything, it needs to be 50/50, give AND take.
Pg1 means page one, the first page of the forum
Many have commented that being noticed on the forum helps them meet, so just post where you think you can join in. Often - with any forum - there's a period where you don't get much in the way of reply, but if you persevere that tends to change "
I can say this is true .... |
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"1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
Then you're not looking very hard, though that doesn't surprise me.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
My explanation made quite clear that the profile in question was likely one you already found appealing
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
I have, but again, your ignorance toward this doesn't surprise me.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly.
Also for what it's worth, I've made an attempt to engage you in a reasonably respectful manner despite the fact you were clearly spoiling for a fight from the get go. You yourself come across as though you're not familiar with men speaking honestly, and that seems rather coddled and spoiled to me?
Which once again, isn't surprising.
If a man’s profile appeals to me then I don’t need to offer him critique on it because it already appeals and doesn’t need changing.
If a man’s profile doesn’t appeal to me I don’t see why I should message and tell him he’s ugly or something. It’s not like he can change that without cosmetic surgery.
I am extraordinarily used to men speaking honestly. The vast majority of men in life speak their mind freely and honestly - that is the privilege men have.
However as you will note from your own post, when women speak freely and honestly they are accused of being spoilt and coddled.
Perhaps I should have coddled you instead and told you that your ideas were wonderful? Was that what you wanted to hear? Perhaps I should critique your profile as well and then give you a blowie afterwards?"
Can I be coddled and have a blowie? It's been a hell of a week.
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"Perhaps I should have coddled you instead and told you that your ideas were wonderful? Was that what you wanted to hear? Perhaps I should critique your profile as well and then give you a blowie afterwards?"
Now you see sadly, this is the kind of interaction I'd have enjoyed having on here were the intention not hostile, a bit of bantering, teasing, a chance for a few jokes and flirting.
Going back to my original post, I suspect that this is what most guys are after when they post, only to be met with apathy and ignorance, which is what prompted my original post.
Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue.
I think I've figured this site out by now. |
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Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue.."
Oh babe, this wasn’t a fight or a pile on; it was a discussion. |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"Perhaps I should have coddled you instead and told you that your ideas were wonderful? Was that what you wanted to hear? Perhaps I should critique your profile as well and then give you a blowie afterwards?
Now you see sadly, this is the kind of interaction I'd have enjoyed having on here were the intention not hostile, a bit of bantering, teasing, a chance for a few jokes and flirting.
Going back to my original post, I suspect that this is what most guys are after when they post, only to be met with apathy and ignorance, which is what prompted my original post.
Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue.
I think I've figured this site out by now."
Your Op was about this:
"Is the inability to encourage an active community a failure with this site itself, or is it simply inherent to the swinging scene in general?"
Apparently you think this is all the fault of women. I suggest that lots of men in the forums get banter from women. It can be witnessed in threads you don't start.  |
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"Perhaps I should have coddled you instead and told you that your ideas were wonderful? Was that what you wanted to hear? Perhaps I should critique your profile as well and then give you a blowie afterwards?
Now you see sadly, this is the kind of interaction I'd have enjoyed having on here were the intention not hostile, a bit of bantering, teasing, a chance for a few jokes and flirting.
Going back to my original post, I suspect that this is what most guys are after when they post, only to be met with apathy and ignorance, which is what prompted my original post.
Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue.
I think I've figured this site out by now."
OP. Lots of people responded to your opening post with no hostility, genuinely interacting with your question. You didn't respond to most of them, which is obviously fine, your thread your rules. Your first response to a poster was about how men shouldn't be expected to do everything on here and it should be 50/50 in terms of effort (I'm summarising). That rather set the tone for the rest of the thread, I think.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"
Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue..
Oh babe, this wasn’t a fight or a pile on; it was a discussion."
As we're being disingenuous now I'll just voice my appreciation for being told my ideas are wonderful, the offer of a blowjob and being referred to as 'babe' |
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Just as I anticipated a fight though, I doubt clarifying anything will make the slightest bit of difference and this pile on will continue..
Oh babe, this wasn’t a fight or a pile on; it was a discussion.
As we're being disingenuous now I'll just voice my appreciation for being told my ideas are wonderful, the offer of a blowjob and being referred to as 'babe' "
But seriously - this wasn’t a fight or a pile on.
You set forth some ideas, and some people disagreed with your ideas. That’s how forums work.
Didn’t you want more engagement from women that weren’t beautiful or in the clique? You certainly got it! |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"Lots of people responded to your opening post with no hostility, genuinely interacting with your question. You didn't respond to most of them, which is obviously fine, your thread your rules."
Whilst I brought up how often comments, particularly those from males go ignored, it's not solely on me as the OP to reply to them, that nobody else did either, well...
"it should be 50/50 in terms of effort (I'm summarising). That rather set the tone for the rest of the thread, I think."
Was that point wrong, and was the overall reaction to it appropriate? |
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"Are women routinely complaining that they’re not getting what they want on this site? I’d not really noticed that.
You've not noticed the frequency of man bashing that goes on then? I don't always blame them for this, the enormous oversaturation of guys on here no doubt means the overall level of communications from them is going to be pretty bad, but if these women were actively taking the time to contact the sort of man they DO want to hear from, then the chaff in their inboxes wouldn't matter enough to gripe about.
I would never message a man just to tell him what I don’t like about his profile. That’s not really acceptable behavior here.
I would assume in such an event that you probably liked the man in question's profile, or were at least somewhat intrigued by it, and any criticisms you might have would be of the constructive variety clearly intended to help him, or simply probe deeper with your curiosity.
Why do you think this site feels “cluttered, blocked, and hostile”?
This would be due to the oversaturation I mentioned further up, when you get such a huge number of guys trying to appeal to a very limited number of women and couples by comparison, you're going to get friction. Whilst the way I express my frustrations with this state of affairs may anger some, I express them with a lot more tact than most, as evidenced from an again large number of threads of seen from women and couples complaining about receiving abusive messages, something I've never personally done.
1. I’ve never seen any “man bashing” here.
2. I’m not here to give up my time and energy to help men have sex by improving their profiles.
3. I’ve never seen women complaining about an over saturation of men here. The more men the better because there’s more choice.
For what it’s worth - you’ve not expressed yourself with any tact at all. You've actually come across as just a bitter bloke who thinks women aren’t conducting themselves properly."
1. Pfft loads of men bashing goes on here.
2. Fair enough
3. Women complain all the time about too many men... "I got 109876 messages today" - well block men and message the ones you like ... "why should I? This is my personal space" *cry*
Mrs  |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"But seriously - this wasn’t a fight or a pile on.
You set forth some ideas, and some people disagreed with your ideas. That’s how forums work."
I can't help but notice that those disagreeing are the same ones I notice on other threads, and have for some time, have a tendency to see eye to eye on just about, well, anything? I tend to read more than I post you see 
I also notice that your responses are either sarcasm or simply going 'no it isn't' too so I'll just say bye x |
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"Lots of people responded to your opening post with no hostility, genuinely interacting with your question. You didn't respond to most of them, which is obviously fine, your thread your rules.
Whilst I brought up how often comments, particularly those from males go ignored, it's not solely on me as the OP to reply to them, that nobody else did either, well...
it should be 50/50 in terms of effort (I'm summarising). That rather set the tone for the rest of the thread, I think.
Was that point wrong, and was the overall reaction to it appropriate?"
I didn't say it was wrong. I'm saying you brought men v women into the discussion and then, when people responded to that in ways you didn't like, said you had anticipated a fight and there had been a pile on.
If you want to do a men v women discussion, crack on. I don't see the point of disguising it as something else then blaming other people when you introduce it, though. But hey, you do you. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"I didn't say it was wrong. I'm saying you brought men v women into the discussion"
It's a swinging site, when it comes to the sexual marketplace there'll always be an element of competition between men and women and the negotiations involved, it's unavoidable, though often left unacknowledged.
"and then, when people responded to that in ways you didn't like, said you had anticipated a fight and there had been a pile on."
Dislike of open aggression and hostility, especially from groups is a fairly standard human thing?
"If you want to do a men v women discussion, crack on. I don't see the point of disguising it as something else then blaming other people when you introduce it, though. But hey, you do you. "
I don't believe I've blamed anyone for anything, simply highlighted the sudden and unnecessary swing toward aggression?  |
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"Lots of people responded to your opening post with no hostility, genuinely interacting with your question. You didn't respond to most of them, which is obviously fine, your thread your rules.
Whilst I brought up how often comments, particularly those from males go ignored, it's not solely on me as the OP to reply to them, that nobody else did either, well...
it should be 50/50 in terms of effort (I'm summarising). That rather set the tone for the rest of the thread, I think.
Was that point wrong, and was the overall reaction to it appropriate?"
In terms of the forum 50/50 effort isn't at all viable.
There are many, many more men on the forum than women.
Even if you say it is as low as 2:1 ratio (although it seems higher).
Then add in the couples and lets say 50% of the women post on behalf of the couples.
However, now lets take out the couples looking only for women or other couples to join them.
Lets take out the couples who simply like to pootle around the forum posting as they fancy randomly.
Lets take out the women only looking for women or couples.
Lets take out the women who just want to potter on the forum and not interested in much else...
Can you see how suddenly there is a huge amount of men who want interactions with a small numner of woman?
So what is really being asked for is a small number of women to interact with a huge number of men because the men want that enormous effort from the small number of women.
It simply will not work and is not a 50/50 situation.
The men who get replied to most, it appears to me, are the ones who do enjoy gentle flirting but don't expect anything from it. Just an observation really.
MrsAbz
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"Someone disagreeing with you or challenging your statements is not aggression."
No, but replying
"Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?"
very much smacks of someone looking to pick a fight? |
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"Someone disagreeing with you or challenging your statements is not aggression.
No, but replying
Are you saying that men are the ones being interesting on the fab forums, and that women need to step up and be 50% of the interesting content?
very much smacks of someone looking to pick a fight?"
No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet. I do like a good discussion though. |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"O
You had to ruin it
That's women for ya 
Tell me about it, Daphne
You can call me Daff, babes
You can call me anytime 
OMG Willy, are we bantering?
Just seen you don't do NSA  "
No, sorry  |
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"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly."
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
They should not disagree, because if they disagree they will be accused of being spoiled, coddled, and aggressive. |
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly.
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
"
That sounds fantastic, and could I press you for a sammage and cup of tea too, perhaps a toe rub? |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly.
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
They should not disagree, because if they disagree they will be accused of being spoiled, coddled, and aggressive."
I think we don't have to even disagree to be accused. Just exist on Fab. |
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"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly.
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
They should not disagree, because if they disagree they will be accused of being spoiled, coddled, and aggressive.
I think we don't have to even disagree to be accused. Just exist on Fab. "
I genuinely struggle to understand why there are fewer single women compared to single men on here. It’s a complete mystery. |
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"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly.
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
They should not disagree, because if they disagree they will be accused of being spoiled, coddled, and aggressive.
I think we don't have to even disagree to be accused. Just exist on Fab.
I genuinely struggle to understand why there are fewer single women compared to single men on here. It’s a complete mystery."
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By *r_reus OP Man 40 weeks ago
Coventry |
"I agree with the OP
this thread is a prime example of bashing, hostility is not being masked as 'just an honest answer' once I read the whole thread
"
Thanks Supershy, it's nice to see someone go against the grain |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"No, I don’t enjoy fighting on the internet.
Clearly.
I think I’ve got the hang of it now.
Women should make the effort to engage men on their forum threads.
But they should only do so politely and in a ladylike way.
They should not disagree, because if they disagree they will be accused of being spoiled, coddled, and aggressive.
I think we don't have to even disagree to be accused. Just exist on Fab.
I genuinely struggle to understand why there are fewer single women compared to single men on here. It’s a complete mystery."
They get such a warm welcome from the wanking masses an all. Ungrateful cows. |
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