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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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Last week I realised I’ve been living in a permanent state of grief after a traumatic event in my childhood.
This is really silly, as surely I should be over it now? And yet I feel more grief than I’ve ever felt. I was a child, just 6 or 7; and now it’s only just hitting me what really happened.
And it’s hit me at a bad time; with the difficulties of my manager slandering me at work, I feel really low and down. I was doing really great on not letting work bother me and now all my progress has just been undone.
I’m grieving the person I lost as a child, and now I feel like I’m going through a different grief with my manager.
I came to ask, how do you forgive yourself for not letting yourself properly grieve? I was a child, I didn’t know any better, but my entire life has been shaped by this event.
And in regards to my manager, I quote Ephesians 4: 31-32
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
And yet I’m still so angry. I’m sensitive. I don’t know what to feel right now. |
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Took almost 40 year's for the dam to burst in my head, I bottled everything up for so long when it finally came out I've never been the same.
Don't bottle it up and don't think you can forget about it.
Use it to be a better person being strong enough to ask for help is something I wish I had done rather than pretending to be an impenetrable barrier to emotions.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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"Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be."
I love this quote 3 |
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Hey OP, I had a traumatic childhood. I don't think I started to process it properly until my mid to late 20's in all honesty. The grief of the realisation of what occurred hits you like steam train and it kinda catches you unaware. I guess my advice is to allow yourself to grieve your loss of childhood, acknowledge and understand the feelings you couldn't as a child. And know it'll take a while to figure it all out (get help if you need it) sometimes you'll feel you're getting there and then you'll feel you're going backwards. It's all normal |
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Grief visits without invite and doesn’t recognise regular social time constraints. Allow it to stay a while, but remind it that there is always time to come back another time so show it the door in a timely manner.
Bereavement is very difficult to process after the event but your future head and heart will thank this version of you for the effort you put in now. Perhaps contact one of the grief counselling services for support? It may help with how you approach changing jobs etc
Very best of luck to you x |
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"
I came to ask, how do you forgive yourself for not letting yourself properly grieve? I was a child, I didn’t know any better, but my entire life has been shaped by this event.
"
Do you need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself?, you were a child that experienced trauma, and had a creative adjustment to that, a response to trauma. You were a child still learning how to deal with emotions and feelings. And grief is one of the hardest set of emotions to deal with, as it involves so many emotions, and it's not a linear process, or nor does it have a time.limit to it....
Be kind to yourself...
Mr |
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"Last week I realised I’ve been living in a permanent state of grief after a traumatic event in my childhood.
This is really silly, as surely I should be over it now? And yet I feel more grief than I’ve ever felt. I was a child, just 6 or 7; and now it’s only just hitting me what really happened.
And it’s hit me at a bad time; with the difficulties of my manager slandering me at work, I feel really low and down. I was doing really great on not letting work bother me and now all my progress has just been undone.
I’m grieving the person I lost as a child, and now I feel like I’m going through a different grief with my manager.
I came to ask, how do you forgive yourself for not letting yourself properly grieve? I was a child, I didn’t know any better, but my entire life has been shaped by this event.
And in regards to my manager, I quote Ephesians 4: 31-32
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
And yet I’m still so angry. I’m sensitive. I don’t know what to feel right now."
Take your anger to God; you can get angry but don't let that lead you to sin. You don't have to learn how to forgive yourself as you'll never be able to do that. Trust and believe that God has forgiven you and let that assurance bleed into other areas of your life and interaction with others. |
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OP I am sorry for your loss. If I am being honest I don’t know what to say to offer advice as I have not suffered what you are going through but I would strongly urge you to speak to someone who is qualified (medically or psychologically) as they will be best placed to help. I can see you are religious - I assume Christian - but whatever your religion then maybe speaking to a member or leader of your church might also be of comfort and help you on your journey. |
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