A friend of mine worked in a circus as a trapeze artist. Until he was let go.
I got fired from my job at the steel mill. My manager said I smelt bad.
I went to my local the other day and asked for a Jack Daniels and Coke. The barman asked me "is Pepsi ok?" I said yes, he replied "Ok one Pepsi and Coke coming up!"
For our first date, I took my wife to an ice rink that was offering half price admission. She said I was a cheap skate.
Sting has been reported missing. The Police have no lead. |
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A man was walking across a Marsh when he could hear pleas of help, so he rushed to see what was happening, and there stuck up to his neck was a man in quick sand.
Found some rope and tried to pull him out to no avail, went off and came back with 3 others to help, pulled again but he didn't budge. They stood around puzzled as to why they couldn't get out, the stuck man saw this and shouted out" would it help if I took my feet out of the stirrups"
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"A man was walking across a Marsh when he could hear pleas of help, so he rushed to see what was happening, and there stuck up to his neck was a man in quick sand.
Found some rope and tried to pull him out to no avail, went off and came back with 3 others to help, pulled again but he didn't budge. They stood around puzzled as to why they couldn't get out, the stuck man saw this and shouted out" would it help if I took my feet out of the stirrups"
"
Reminds me of the old one about the girl sinking in quicksands.
She calls a passing man for assistance.
Sensing a sexual opportunity, as men do, he asks her "What's in it for
me?"
She shouts "SAND!" |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie Doll?
Ken comes in a different box.
What's another saying for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Don't hate me, just a sharer  |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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"I went up to an attractive woman at my local bar.
Got my cock out and asked her if she liked my new piercing. After about 30 seconds, she said what piercing?
I said … it’s in my ear …. "
Best one here so far for me. |
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A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks?
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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I was in a cafe the other day and I saw an item on the menu called a "Duck Sandwich".
That made me feel sad in a way, because finally the duck was surrounded by bread, but was in no position to enjoy it. |
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How many Irish men does it take to screw in a light bulb....
A thousand and 1
1 to hold the light bulb and a thousand to turn the house round...
How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb.
1, it only takes 1 American to screw any thing up |
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at that 
