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short simple film reviews.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

127 hours - guy falls down hole... Gets stuck.... Cuts arm off and lives.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Shining- its shite, don't waste hours of your life watching it.

This also applies to all James Cameron films, with the exception of Terminator

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Terminator - human robot appears from future shoots loads of people and rides a motor bike... Get sqquashed in a machine. He dies in the end.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Star Wars - empire bad, rebels good, heroes save girl, family dispute

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Independence Day - US saves world again.

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By *am123Man over a year ago

essex chelmsford

debbie does dallas thats it

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

Jaws..big fuckoff hungry fish

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

Lethal Weapons, maverick cop teams up with older jaded cop on verge of retirement for one last case...until part two!

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By *Ryan-Man over a year ago

In Your Bush

Groundhog Day

Man gets up, goes to bed then gets up again.

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By *emon tart Double creamCouple over a year ago

Leeds

Titanic... boat sinks and of course bloody woman survives...

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

All Alien films - Ripley kills em.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"127 hours - guy falls down hole... Gets stuck.... Cuts arm off and lives."

laugh my arm off

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

most bond films

chauvinistic spy who wreck expensive cars, uses all his gadgets, survives near death, saves the world and always gets laid.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

Exorcist..hormonal teenager throws a strop..

religous zealot intervenes..

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By *ander_XMan over a year ago

Greater Manchester

One for the film buffs...

Fitzcaraldo - A man buys a ship, some Indians drag the ship over a mountain then he sells the ship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Saving private ryan - ryan gets captured by germans... 8 soldiers go rescue him. Ryan lives... 6 of the soldiers die

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Human centipede - mad doctor kidnaps 3 people... sticks them together and makes them fetch the morning paper. Doctor dies so does centipede

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

ET - abandoned alien child goes home - eventually.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One for the film buffs...

Fitzcaraldo - A man buys a ship, some Indians drag the ship over a mountain then he sells the ship. "

Didn't the director do it himself too before the film was made?

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and dies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and dies."

Haha and so does his dog boooohoooooo

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Mrs doubtfire - transexual baby sitter trys to win back wife... sets her tits on fire. Unfortunatly she doesnt die

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Blazing Saddles - black sheriff, bean scene, happy ending, limousine ride into sunset.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cube - People wake up in a cube, try to get out of cube, die.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cube 2 hypercube - see cube.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cube zero - see cube and cube 2 hypercube.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The Abyss - underwater aliens save a bunch of people.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Poseidon Adventure - ship turns over, some survivors.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jaws-its a shark. Don't go swimming!

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

lords of the rings trilogy ..short arses save the world ! woohoo!! lol

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Raiders of the Lost Ark - archaeologist rescues girl, Nazis die.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The titanic - huge unsinkable ship, guy tries to get in girls knickers, ship sinks, guy dies, as well as few other 3rd class passengers

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

fatal attraction... bunny boiler ...literally

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The good, the bad and the ugly-a good guy, a bad guy and an ugly guy try to kill each other.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

snakes on a plane .... ermmmm yep thats it !! lol

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Reservoir Dogs - heist goes wrong, ear lopped off, everyone dies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Rita, sue and bob too - randy married guy who likes to "jump" 2 slappers in the back of his rover. Film ends with randy guy getting his way.... they all live

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Reservoir Dogs - heist goes wrong, ear lopped off, everyone dies."

Fantastic re_iew... ear bit is the best

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

TAKEN,, daughter is taken, star says, "i will find you and i will kill you" and he does!!

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Fargo - pregnant yokel cop solves murder/kidnap gone wrong, in the snow.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

the matrix ..life is a computer programe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Master,,,oops no,, thats complex.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Shaun of the Dead - blokes and girls go to pub to escape zombies.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

the hunt for red october ..submarine hide n seek

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

the blair witch project ...... a group scare themselves shiteless filming in the woods

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Dogma - Last Scion stops two fallen angels destroying all existence.

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By *issBehavingxxWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

Die Hard.. Bad guys arrive. Guy in white vest shoots them. Bad guys die.

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By *aucy3Couple over a year ago

glasgow

the good the bad and the ugly.

fight,good guy wins.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The big lebowski. A guy called the dude drinks white Russians. Some bowling. Best film without a plot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Walking tall... the rock beats people up with a stick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Die Hard.. Bad guys arrive. Guy in white vest shoots them. Bad guys die. "

Yippe ki ay motha fucka

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

The Usual Suspects, some guns get fired then a man with a false limp leaves a police station

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

the inbetweeners movie ~ four teenage boys leave school , go on holiday and get laid.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

mamma mia ~ a girl whos mum put it about a bit is getting married but she doesnt know who her dad is. some crap singing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

all herbie films ~ an old volkswagen beetle is alive . car saves the day.

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By *ngel n tedCouple over a year ago

maidstone

"all herbie films ~ an old volkswagen beetle is alive . car saves the day."

Christine - an old cadillac is alive. car spoils the day.

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By *ngel n tedCouple over a year ago

maidstone

White men can't jump - a white man can't jump

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By *ngel n tedCouple over a year ago

maidstone

Cabin fever - some youngsters go to a cabin....catch a fever...bit of blood....all die

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By *ngel n tedCouple over a year ago

maidstone

Highlander - a belgian discovers he's actually scottish...and immortal...he lives forever

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Airplane, surely you can't be serious, don't call me Shirley

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By *ngel n tedCouple over a year ago

maidstone

Jaws the revenge....really, don't bother

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Welcome To Hell, Clint rides into town, gets some suckers to paint it red, then fucks off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thats high plains drifter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This thread reminded me of the 30 second film re_iews by the youtube bunnies

There is loads of them but here is just 1 that made me chuckle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36Z-mY3kUlk&sns=em

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The Fifth Element - futuristic Bruce Willis saves supreme being and world. Doesn't say 'Yippee Kai Ay, motherfucker' once.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

[Removed by poster at 17/03/13 08:20:36]

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"thats high plains drifter"

Excuse me young lady, but I think you'll find you're right

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Bladerunner - future detective hunts replica humans and gets the girl.

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By *emon tart Double creamCouple over a year ago

Leeds

Inception - everyone falls asleep, everyone dreams within a dream within a dream within a dream and then they wake up... no fucker knows what happened...

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

The Mask

Jim marry gurns at the camera with a yellow face

ME MYSELF IRENE

Jim Carey gurns at the camera a lot

Liar liar

Jim Carey gurns at the camera a lot more

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The Truman Show - ultimate reality show, star escapes to real world. No firming involved.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"The Truman Show - ultimate reality show, star escapes to real world. No firming involved."

* gurning

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2012- we're all fucked...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Planet of the apes.

Monkeys rule, humans fucked.

Kinda almost true substitute the monkeys for politicians

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

Finding nemo- nemo gets lost. Them he gets found x

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

The lost boys- has nothing to do with any boys being lost. Should be reported to trade descriptions!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Titanic- shit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Titanic- shit"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Spinal Tap - what most metalheads would like to do

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By *Ryan-Man over a year ago

In Your Bush

Skippy

A kangaroo calls the emergency services and saves lives

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By *ander_XMan over a year ago

Greater Manchester

"One for the film buffs...

Fitzcaraldo - A man buys a ship, some Indians drag the ship over a mountain then he sells the ship.

Didn't the director do it himself too before the film was made? "

He did actually drag a ship over a mountain (well, more like a big hill) for the film.

Forget all that CGI bollocks nowadays... Werner Herzog wanted to make a film about a madman getting a tribe of Indians to drag a ship over a mountain in the Peruvian rainforest. So, he got an actual madman (Klaus Kinski) an actual tribe of Peruvian Indians and actually got them to drag a ship over a mountain in the Peruvian rainforest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and dies."

I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and lives: extended edition

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pretty Woman- shit I refuse to watch

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and dies.

I Am Legend - Will Smith kills zombies and lives: extended edition"

I prefer it not extended! LOL

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I Robot - the robot did it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Deliverance. Banjo playing bunch of inbreds! Don't go into the woods today!

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Shirley Valentine - disgruntled housewife runs off to Greece, shags bar owner.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

Spartacus - hundreds of Roman slaves revolt and escape - Romans recapture them - they ALL turn out to be Spartacus! - Romans kill them all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Bourne Identity, man has amnesia, kills some bad guys, finds out his identity & retires with the girl.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Taken - too intense to sit down and watch.

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By *ander_XMan over a year ago

Greater Manchester

Some more Herzog:

Grizzly Man – A man really, really likes bears so decides to live with them. A bear eats the man.

Aguirre, the Wrath of God – Some conquistadores get lost in the rainforest, the end.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

avatar - blue people get hurt. blue people hurt back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Leon - kick ass hitman has inappropriate relationship with 12yr old girl, trains girl to be an assassin, blows up bent cop & himself. What a classic!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Teeth.... dire shite

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Se7en - serial killer, cuts off girlfriends head, cop shoots him. Shocking!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Skyfall. 007 Daniel Craig nice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Kick Ass- nerd fights back!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

the godfather.

man buys oranges and gets shot. his son drives past an ad for oranges and gets shot. man puts orange peel in his mouth and pretends to be a monster and has heart attack and dies.man sits in front of a large bowl of oranges and later wakes up with a horses head in his bed....years later in part 3 Michael drops an orange as he dies.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The Shawshank Redemption - innocent man raped in prison crawls through sewage to escape.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

"the godfather.

Tag line...stay away from oranges!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"the godfather.

Tag line...stay away from oranges!!"

forgot. sonny gets shot at the toll booth after driving past the orange juice ad. this is in revenge fir him beating the shit out of Carlo...who was wearing an orange suit!

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Lawrence of Arabia - motorcycling queen leads Arab revolt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Zero Dark Thirty - Evil bearded bastard is hunted & killed. Justice served! (but too quick & cleanly in my opinion)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Lawrence of Arabia - motorcycling queen leads Arab revolt."

The great escape - motorcycling McQueen almost escapes.

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By *ander_XMan over a year ago

Greater Manchester

The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Daniel Day Lewis boffs lots of women, marries Juliette Binoche, boffs a few more women, then crashes his car.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Brief Encounter - married woman has cups of tea with man other than her husband at a railways station. He leaves on a train.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Life of Pi

Ship sinks. Lifeboat has tiger on it. Boy makes friends with tiger.

Mint film though!

Look at YouTube for "honest trailers"

REALLY funny!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

scent of a woman. pacino overacts drives a car says hoo haa a lot

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Friday the 13th and all slasher films

he is in the fucking house, slash your own throat, spare us all.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Beaches... 2 kids, years later & it ends in tears

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By *ander_XMan over a year ago

Greater Manchester

The Third Man – Orson Wells doesn't get run over by a lorry.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Inception a dream inside a dream

brokeback mountain a dude inside a dude

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Inception a dream inside a dream

brokeback mountain a dude inside a dude"

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Thelma and Louise - girlie road movie, attempted rape, murder, chase, death in a canyon.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Time Bandits... little people pissing about with a map.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Charlie and the chocolate factory - poor boy inherits chocolate factory from eccentric oddball.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

the dark knight rises. hole in the football pitch nearly as big as the holes in the plot

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers - a big song and dance about men who kidnap women and the women agreeing to marry them.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Mrs Doubtfire No, just no....

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Men in Black - secret agents kick alien bugs ass and save world.

Men in Black 2 - secret agents kick alien worm woman's ass and save world.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Twilight saga

Handsome vampire vs handsome werewolf with pasty faced munter in the middle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The sixth sense- Bruce dies early in the film, but no one realises till the end, then its obvious

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fight club

Move along...nothing to see here

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By *ounggun432Man over a year ago

east mids

Godfather 1&2 - good man turns bad...kills his brother...has a good think on a bench

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By *Ryan-Man over a year ago

In Your Bush

Wizard of Oz

Lion shits himself and blubbers in front of a scarecrow.

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By *Ryan-Man over a year ago

In Your Bush

The Borrowers

Thieving little fuckers

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Wizard of Oz my team leak precum at the sight of the ruby slippers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hostel

3 guys should have stayed in Amsterdam getting stoned!

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By *riendly foeWoman over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Valhalla Rising..............Fuk knows!!!

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

Prometheus - the title is quality. Don't bother with the watching it bit.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The Postman Always Rings Twice - not about delivering the mail.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 17/03/13 16:37:33]

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Saw - not a fucking DIY tip in sight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Any American film.

Bang bang , my gun is bigger than your gun !! Nah nah na nah nah

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By *xodussxMan over a year ago

sheffield

Shall we dance: good family man bored at home after work. Start taking salsa lesson. Wife thought he was having an affair

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The Borrowers

Thieving little fuckers"

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

The hand that rocked the cradle - story of a 'not so good meet' on Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Matrix pvc clad woman aviator sunglasses ,lots of phone calls. Fucked up shit!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

French film.

Moody setting , lots of sex , bicycles and people shouting "Allo " on the phone .

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Les Miserables - Correct.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Amour - read the euthanasia thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Any film based on a book, a shortened version containing the best bits from the book.

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By *xodussxMan over a year ago

sheffield

"French film.

Moody setting , lots of sex , bicycles and people shouting "Allo " on the phone ."
.....Wrong...it is worst than that: The artist...black and white no sound

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By *riendly foeWoman over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

"Saw - not a fucking DIY tip in sight"

Oh dunno...gave me some good ideas

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Sound of Music

Singing nun escapes the Nazis by singing at goats on mountain tops , takes long suffering kids with her .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Coen brothers movies..a device for killing Steve Buscemi

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Titanic

Glug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Perfect Storm

Glug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hunger weight waters have competition

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Saw - not a fucking DIY tip in sight

Oh dunno...gave me some good ideas

actually once I posted I did think that

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Mr and Mrs Smith - a couple go to extreme measures to spice up their marriage.

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By *Ryan-Man over a year ago

In Your Bush

The Hobbit

Hairy toed fellow. With I'm a Rabbit Esque adventures.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"The Hobbit

Hairy toed fellow. With I'm a Rabbit Esque adventures. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Dam Busters

Ze Glug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Battle of Midway

Bang

Glug

Banzai

Glug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In Which we Serve

Now then chaps

Glug

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The War of the Roses - typical divorce.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A Matter of Life and Death

A dead Canadian doctor does wonders for Anglo American relationships by representing a dead British pilot so he can have a second chance with his new found American girl .

Love Powell and Pressburger films

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

Sixth Sence - bruce willis is a ghost

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Alien - Jaws in space.

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

Ghost - Patrick Swayze is a ghost

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

Paranormal Activity - there is a ghost

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Les Miserables - Correct. "

ROFPMSL!!!! Classic, Granny

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

Phone Booth - man in a phonebooth

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

Cellular - man on a phone

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The lion king - lions rule a jungle.... Black lion tries to take over, elton john sings a song... Lion gets it on with female lion and is mates with a pig and meerkat. Black lion and brother dies..

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By *ickTurnipMan over a year ago

leicester

Quadrophenia:

Scooter riding, parka wearing pill head wins girl, loses girl, rides scooter off cliff

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

White men can't jump.

White man jumps and beats black man who jumps also .... End!!!

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

Anchorman:

A heart warming story of a guy who builds his anchor making business from nothing to one of the largest anchor manufacturers in the world.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

Spider-Man

A heart warming story of a guy who builds his spider museum from nothing to one of the largest spider shows in the world.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

Batman:

A heart warming story of a guy who builds his cricket bat business from nothing to one of the largest sports accessory manufacturers in the world.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

Catwoman:

It's fucking shit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Catwoman:

It's fucking shit."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Django Unchained:

An overblown mess of exposition and Tarantino fanwankery.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

London has fallen.

muslim extremists hijack prime ministers funeral, kills many top world wide politicians. Blows up many of londons historical sites. American president lives with the help of super human secret service op, lots of UK citizens die. All in all pretty shoddy middle eastern vs west propaganda,. The End

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Superman. He's super and he's a man. He saves shit... The end!

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