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Under starter's orders...BANG and they're off!...
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Ummmmm... the slug since it's not carrying it's home on it's back... 
Orrrrr... the tortoise because it's bigger so can cover the same distance quicker Oh wait or is it a Giant African Snail?
Ahhhhh! I can't choose!   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Ummmmm... the slug since it's not carrying it's home on it's back...
Orrrrr... the tortoise because it's bigger so can cover the same distance quicker Oh wait or is it a Giant African Snail?
Ahhhhh! I can't choose! "
I like the logical thought process.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I'm backing the tortoise, especially if its an indian star.. 5 paces and it would cover a metre "
This man knows his slow creature racing... But is he correct? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing "
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"The one wearing spikes
Mr
No. Spikes free race here.
My money is a photo finish then
Mr "
A bit unfair for the tortoise as its eyes don't pop out. A body photo finish instead is fair. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I'm feeling bizarrely invested in this mega sporting event now!"
I won't keep you in suspense too much longer. The race is into the final furlong. I'll report the winner.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.
Prove it!!  "
I'm not live streaming the race. |
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By *stellaWoman 42 weeks ago
London |
"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm. "
Come on slug! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Dead heat as they slug and snail will hitch a ride on the poor ol' tortoise."
No free rides. If the Snail or Slug do that, they'll be disqualified. They're all honest and steroid free racers. They all agreed to a fair race to the lettuce line. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.
Come on slug!"
Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place! |
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"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.
Come on slug!
Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place! "
So who's now leading? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Is it on the flat?
Yes, flat track
* A tiny slight hill.
Snail then. They are great at climbing
Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.
Come on slug!
Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place!
So who's now leading?"
Hang on, the Tortoise and the Snail have both paused for a photo opportunity.... The slugs eaten, revived and taken the lead again! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Wait, is that a sloth coming up from behind? A late entry to the race - making good progress! "
Where's the sloth come from.... It was sleeping at the start so a non runner!
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle 
Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!
Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight! "
I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event. |
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Slugs go up the side of my building, there's no food up there, dead snails on the ceiling of my bin store, the tortoise will find the food although they are fussy eaters sometimes so maybe none will find the lettuce |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle
Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!
Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!
I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event. "
It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the  will be TRIUMPHANT! |
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"Slugs go up the side of my building, there's no food up there, dead snails on the ceiling of my bin store, the tortoise will find the food although they are fussy eaters sometimes so maybe none will find the lettuce "
It will wilt and die when it could have been nice and crisp in a coronation chicken sandwich |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"The snail takes a slug of Monster and speeds through the raindrops, over the brow of the hill and is just skiing down the hill now!"
Taking enhanements! I might need to disqualify the Snail... |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"The snail takes a slug of Monster and speeds through the raindrops, over the brow of the hill and is just skiing down the hill now!
Taking enhanements! I might need to disqualify the Snail... "
YASSSSS! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle
Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!
Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!
I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.
It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the will be TRIUMPHANT! "
Will it indeed? |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle
Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!
Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!
I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.
It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the will be TRIUMPHANT!
Will it indeed? "
 You know it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?"
I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?
I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow. "
Two hours to cover a metre. Yeesh!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference "
The Tortise. Taylor likes a slow mover but with a bit of muscle under the shell. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?
I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow.
Two hours to cover a metre. Yeesh! "
They're all slow shifters. Be patient this is an exciting race. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference
The Tortise. Taylor likes a slow mover but with a bit of muscle under the shell. "
preens |
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"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race? "
Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?
Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!"
No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?
Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!
No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming. "
What's the name of the sport, sport? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy "
No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy
No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby. "
Barmby Moor? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?
Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!
No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming.
What's the name of the sport, sport? "
I think the name of the sport is: (Staged set plays while the cameras capture them for huge internet sensation and clicks. |
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"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy
No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.
Barmby Moor? "
Or less |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy
No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.
Barmby Moor? "
You could do, but they don't hold a race event as exciting as this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......
The Snail.
I won! What do I win?  "
... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning. |
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"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......
The Snail.
I won! What do I win?
... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning. "
What no medal!
What does the snail get? The lettuce? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......
The Snail.
I won! What do I win?
... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning.
What no medal!
What does the snail get? The lettuce?"
Erm, well... yeah. That was the prize |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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Thank you to all that indulged my daftness on this thread tonight. Be assured any losing bets have been donated to charity. (The lost orphan kittens trust) They're all content, happy, snuggly warm and getting dreamies now, thanks to you.
Goodnight fab |
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By *orny PTMan 42 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......
The Snail.
I won! What do I win? "
I demand a stewards' inquiry, as it's been brought to my attention, that the slug identifies as a homeless snail and the snail is not, in fact a snail but a slug: that's squatting in that very same shell. |
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