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Children
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When I was younger, I said I'd love to start a family at 25ish. Hoped to have a secure relationship, home and job.
It happened 7 years earlier, so quickly had to settle down. Dont regret it one bit, i'm very lucky to have a beautiful son, as I cant have anymore x |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"When I was younger, I said I'd love to start a family at 25ish. Hoped to have a secure relationship, home and job.
It happened 7 years earlier, so quickly had to settle down. Dont regret it one bit, i'm very lucky to have a beautiful son, as I cant have anymore x"
I'm glad it worked out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never wanted to be a parent and honestly don't think I'd ever choose to be, although if I was 'caught' pregnant I would have the child and no doubt love it to pieces. The thought of being a parent though fills me with fear and I don't think I've ever had a maternal thought in my life. Love my niece to pieces, but am always glad to take her home after she's spent the night!
I know how that will sound to some, but that's just the way I feel x |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"After babysitting a family friend's son when he was 2 weeks old. I was 18, and the experience put me off having kids.  "
I can't imagine a two week old putting anyone off - they're quite easy at that stage. No regrets? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"my plans were 28ish secure and settled.. it didn't pan out like that but i have 5 amazing kids who i wouldn't change one bit, regrets my choice of men."
You had a plan and adapted but when did you make the decision that you wanted children, five of them, and knew that was part of your life plan? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've never wanted to be a parent and honestly don't think I'd ever choose to be, although if I was 'caught' pregnant I would have the child and no doubt love it to pieces. The thought of being a parent though fills me with fear and I don't think I've ever had a maternal thought in my life. Love my niece to pieces, but am always glad to take her home after she's spent the night!
I know how that will sound to some, but that's just the way I feel x"
That sounds honest. There are plenty of parents who shouldn't be simply because they never wanted to be and are not equipped to parent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have always been unsure of whether I want children. Now I know its going to be impossible naturally I'm erring towards wanting them. I just want to be able to make the decision for myself. Does that sound mental? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my plans were 28ish secure and settled.. it didn't pan out like that but i have 5 amazing kids who i wouldn't change one bit, regrets my choice of men.
You had a plan and adapted but when did you make the decision that you wanted children, five of them, and knew that was part of your life plan?"
I can't remember not wanting to be a mummy. I never thought ide have more after my three girls but after my marriage break up i met my soul mate, after 4 years we wanted a child together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Came off the pill just before we married at 23, moved away from London and bought a house at 24, pregnant at 25, gave birth at 26  "
Tell a lie, pregnant at 26, had little one at 27 |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I have always been unsure of whether I want children. Now I know its going to be impossible naturally I'm erring towards wanting them. I just want to be able to make the decision for myself. Does that sound mental?"
Not at all. One of the hardest choices I made was to have the hysterectomy as that meant I really would have to give up that choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always been unsure of whether I want children. Now I know its going to be impossible naturally I'm erring towards wanting them. I just want to be able to make the decision for myself. Does that sound mental?"
Not at all...you'd never decided either way, but the option was always there if you wanted it. Now the choice has been taken away it's made you realise that you'd never ruled it out and you're thinking more consciously about it. There are always other options though should you decide you do want a child...even if it's not biologically yours you can still love a child like it is and they can/will feel the same in return x |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Came off the pill just before we married at 23, moved away from London and bought a house at 24, pregnant at 25, gave birth at 26
Tell a lie, pregnant at 26, had little one at 27"
A plan executed successfully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never wanted to be a parent and honestly don't think I'd ever choose to be, although if I was 'caught' pregnant I would have the child and no doubt love it to pieces. The thought of being a parent though fills me with fear and I don't think I've ever had a maternal thought in my life. Love my niece to pieces, but am always glad to take her home after she's spent the night!
I know how that will sound to some, but that's just the way I feel x
That sounds honest. There are plenty of parents who shouldn't be simply because they never wanted to be and are not equipped to parent."
Keep getting told I'll meet 'the one' and suddenly change my mind, but I really can't see it myself |
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"When I was 9 years old I decided I didn't want to have children.
wow that's awfully young to decide, did you stand by it?"
It was an epiphany, I just knew I would never want them, and I was right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always been unsure of whether I want children. Now I know its going to be impossible naturally I'm erring towards wanting them. I just want to be able to make the decision for myself. Does that sound mental?
Not at all...you'd never decided either way, but the option was always there if you wanted it. Now the choice has been taken away it's made you realise that you'd never ruled it out and you're thinking more consciously about it. There are always other options though should you decide you do want a child...even if it's not biologically yours you can still love a child like it is and they can/will feel the same in return x"
oh absolutely and any child I adopted would be the most loved child in the world. But its the fact that its been taken away before I was ready. I had a miscarriage at 18, that was my chance at a natural conception. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've never wanted to be a parent and honestly don't think I'd ever choose to be, although if I was 'caught' pregnant I would have the child and no doubt love it to pieces. The thought of being a parent though fills me with fear and I don't think I've ever had a maternal thought in my life. Love my niece to pieces, but am always glad to take her home after she's spent the night!
I know how that will sound to some, but that's just the way I feel x
That sounds honest. There are plenty of parents who shouldn't be simply because they never wanted to be and are not equipped to parent.
Keep getting told I'll meet 'the one' and suddenly change my mind, but I really can't see it myself "
A couple I know have just split as he wants children and she never has. He knew this when they got together but 8 years on she hasn't changed her mind. We have to be honest about these things - especially if it means bringing another life into the mix as they don't get the choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Came off the pill just before we married at 23, moved away from London and bought a house at 24, pregnant at 25, gave birth at 26
Tell a lie, pregnant at 26, had little one at 27
A plan executed successfully."
Yes but just before I fell pregnant we had begun having blood tests and S had given a sperm sample as we were concerned it was taking a while. We conceived during a rigid schedule of ovulation tests and basal temperatures, not really a laugh a minute |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never wanted to be a parent and honestly don't think I'd ever choose to be, although if I was 'caught' pregnant I would have the child and no doubt love it to pieces. The thought of being a parent though fills me with fear and I don't think I've ever had a maternal thought in my life. Love my niece to pieces, but am always glad to take her home after she's spent the night!
I know how that will sound to some, but that's just the way I feel x
That sounds honest. There are plenty of parents who shouldn't be simply because they never wanted to be and are not equipped to parent.
Keep getting told I'll meet 'the one' and suddenly change my mind, but I really can't see it myself
A couple I know have just split as he wants children and she never has. He knew this when they got together but 8 years on she hasn't changed her mind. We have to be honest about these things - especially if it means bringing another life into the mix as they don't get the choice."
 |
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"I have always wanted to be a parent so much... I hope I will be. x
Did you feel that as a child and found it has grown?"
Oh god yes... when I found out I was pregnant.. It was amazing then I lost it and I have become almost obsessed....I may sound weird in saying that.. I hope not |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Came off the pill just before we married at 23, moved away from London and bought a house at 24, pregnant at 25, gave birth at 26
Tell a lie, pregnant at 26, had little one at 27
A plan executed successfully.
Yes but just before I fell pregnant we had begun having blood tests and S had given a sperm sample as we were concerned it was taking a while. We conceived during a rigid schedule of ovulation tests and basal temperatures, not really a laugh a minute "
That's unusual to go through those steps when so young. A hard earned outcome. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I have always wanted to be a parent so much... I hope I will be. x
Did you feel that as a child and found it has grown?
Oh god yes... when I found out I was pregnant.. It was amazing then I lost it and I have become almost obsessed....I may sound weird in saying that.. I hope not"
Not at all. I understand that completely. I really don't think I would have put myself through 8 pregnancies if I hadn't been obsessed at some very fundamental level. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always wanted to be a parent so much... I hope I will be. x
Did you feel that as a child and found it has grown?
Oh god yes... when I found out I was pregnant.. It was amazing then I lost it and I have become almost obsessed....I may sound weird in saying that.. I hope not"
No you don't sound weird at all.
Really sorry to hear that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It took me 2 years to fall pregnant, I went to the doctors after about a year. Dr advised me about taking my temperature Daily. Like what you'd see on a sit com. A year later I finally fell. |
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By *etes-dragonCouple
over a year ago
Wales and the South West |
"When I was 9 years old I decided I didn't want to have children.
wow that's awfully young to decide, did you stand by it?
It was an epiphany, I just knew I would never want them, and I was right."
I was told when I was a small child I always said I never wanted kids. And I still dont have any. Any regrets.... no. None at all.
Dragon  |
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"It took me 2 years to fall pregnant, I went to the doctors after about a year. Dr advised me about taking my temperature Daily. Like what you'd see on a sit com. A year later I finally fell. "
I was told I'd never have children...met someone fell pregnant he fucked off.. I lost it..  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"When I was 9 years old I decided I didn't want to have children.
wow that's awfully young to decide, did you stand by it?
It was an epiphany, I just knew I would never want them, and I was right.
I was told when I was a small child I always said I never wanted kids. And I still dont have any. Any regrets.... no. None at all.
Dragon "
It sounds so positive to know yourself so well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was told I'd never have children...met someone fell pregnant he fucked off.. I lost it.. "
I don't want to sound patronising or ignorant in anyway so please don't think I am.
My heart truly does go out to you.
But surely then it is possible?
Doctors aren't always right.
I'm not really religious although was raised as a Catholic, if there truly is a god ytf is he so cruel?! I do believe in fate, and everything happens for a reason. but don't lose hope, your time will come.
I had 2 miscarriages so can genuinely understand and empathise
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Right from when i was a small child i was always the one that looked after everyon elses kids. I would always have a child or baby with me.
I was going to have about six lol.
After a very bad miscarriage at 19 i was told i couldnt have children.
When i met my ex husband i had to tell him this. I was on the pill to regulate my periods but decided to come of it. Hey ho within 6 months of being with my ex i was pregnant, didnt find out until i was 15 weeks as i wasnt expecting it.
I still cant believe it now.
I then had another miscarriage when my son was 18 months old and later split with my ex husband. When i was 32 i decided that i didnt want any more children, one because there would be a largeish age gap and two because iwasnt looking for a relatinship. So i had the coil fitted.
Part of me would of liked the perfect 2 children 1 boy and 1 girl, but now hes all grown up im not unhappy that i only had one.
My ex husband went on to have another three after we split up (one of them he adopted) so he ended up with four |
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Never really thought about until I got married at 20. I knew I wasn't going to be an old mum and wanted three kids before I was 30 and be sterilised.
First child at 22, miscarried at 25, told to wait three months before trying again, second child born a year to the day of the miscarriage. Third child at 29 wanted to be sterilised, doctors said no as baby 10 weeks premature. They didn't think he'd live, he didn't, died 10 days before he was due to he born. Had my third child and sterilisation three weeks after my 31st birthday.
Three caesareans in four years: they didn't try too hard to talk me out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me the choice of my first child was taken away from me as I had hepatitis, was on the pill at the time, couldn't keep anything down. By the time I was better, I was too far gone for the sex to be known. A year or so later after having a little girl, we decided to have another and along came a son |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always knew I wanted kids and by 24 I had 4
No regrets at all, and now they're all grown up and have little family's of their own.
I am truly blessed xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always liked other people's children and like most teenagers being brought up in the military lifestyle i used to babysit a lot for my mum's friends.
When i started to get more sexually active i thought id take precautions and get the Implant meaning id be safe for 3 years. I was just having fun but wasn't in a secure relationship.
Fell pregnant on the implant. was 33 weeks when i found out. Big shock but i believe my daughter was meant to be. She saved me and i love her more with each day that passes.
oh i was 21 when i had her (almost 22). I didnt plan my life to be this way, but love the way it turned out
One day id possibly like number 2 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wasn't really fused about kids and didn't want to get married and now I have 4 kids and married to the best woman in the world and woulnt change it for the world! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was 18 had first looking back i was a kid myself . now wish i could do it all again i love babies and children and even teens when not in a strop , lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ha i never decided! Ive got 3 kids none planned. And yes, i was using contraception on 2 of them- be afraid lol! I was already married so i just got on with it and no regrets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Up until I was 40, I never wanted children. Now, I would seriously welcome fatherhood, but alas I realise that ship has sailed long ago.
"
joys of being a man,, i guess you dont like have a body clock like us females and so can still have children. |
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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
I was never very maternal didnt like children that much was with my hubby from 14 we had lots fun no room for kids we got married at 22 and I suddenly woke up one morning a year later and yep I suddenly wanted a baby I had 2 in 2 yrs my daughter and then my son never ever regret them have 2 lovely grand kids they have made my life worthwhile and seem to be a kid magnet these days but had a friend she had 5 was a natural mum I had to work very hard at it though seemed so easy to her ... some people are natural parents others like me have to work very hard at it ... |
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I love other people's children. Was always the one to turn down a night out in order to baby sit. Yet have never wanted children of my own. I used to tell my family that I was too selfish for a baby. That was from about 11 years old onwards!!
When I was 16 I became pregnant, condom split. My boyfriend walked away, told me to get rid of it. I didn't. When I was 7 months pregnant, he found out and beat me up so badly I lost the baby, and I died twice, once in the ambulance on the way to hospital, once on the operating theatre. Put paid to me ever having a child naturally again. I can carry, I have a healthy womb, but it is practically impossible for me to conceive.
However, I do not want children now. I honestly do not think I can go through that again, and I am way more selfish now then I was at 11. I enjoy my life, and I live it the way I choose to. I still adore other people's children, and am Godmother to 2. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For many years I didn't overly care one way or another. In my early 30's I'd found myself in a longterm relationship, she got pregnant and I was made up. Sadly it wasn't to be and at the time it destroyed me but ultimately it was the best thing to ever happen to me and chnged me massively for the better as a person.
Now I am very much against the idea of fatherhood. My reasons are purely selfish. I don't want to risk putting myself through that pain again, I'm too old, and the realisation over time of how useless my own parents were and the fear I'd be as bad at it as they were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Up until I was 40, I never wanted children. Now, I would seriously welcome fatherhood, but alas I realise that ship has sailed long ago.
joys of being a man,, i guess you dont like have a body clock like us females and so can still have children. "
No, not in the sense of the female 'body clock'.
But I have is the understanding that it becomes too late to be a father. I want to know that I have the chance to see my children grow up into adults and have lives of their own. To be a father to them for as long as possible. |
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"For many years I didn't overly care one way or another. In my early 30's I'd found myself in a longterm relationship, she got pregnant and I was made up. Sadly it wasn't to be and at the time it destroyed me but ultimately it was the best thing to ever happen to me and chnged me massively for the better as a person.
Now I am very much against the idea of fatherhood. My reasons are purely selfish. I don't want to risk putting myself through that pain again, I'm too old, and the realisation over time of how useless my own parents were and the fear I'd be as bad at it as they were."
{x{x{x  x}x}x} |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
As a youngster I thought the ancient age of 25 or so would be ideal IF I ever wanted a sprog, as I hit my teens I reckoned 30 if I hadn't been called to the Carousel a la Logan's Run...when I met my former husband and settled down with him we both said we didn't want ankle-biters and my mind hasn't changed since. If I have the teensiest regret it's that I may well die alone and be eaten by the cats as I'll have no-one to look in on me in my dotage, but that's a very selfish reason - maybe should adopt an older kid when I hit 55ish so that I've got someone to come check on me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Up until I was 40, I never wanted children. Now, I would seriously welcome fatherhood, but alas I realise that ship has sailed long ago.
joys of being a man,, i guess you dont like have a body clock like us females and so can still have children.
No, not in the sense of the female 'body clock'.
But I have is the understanding that it becomes too late to be a father. I want to know that I have the chance to see my children grow up into adults and have lives of their own. To be a father to them for as long as possible."
This.
I'm a year younger than you and I feel I'm too old. If I have a kid now they'll be in their teens when I'm hitting 60 and I do think that at this age fatherhood would be pretty selfish. |
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Ihad a miscarriage 31 years ago and with things that have occured recently, whilst I regret losing the child and always will, hings have happened for which I am now, for the first time in those 31 years glad the little one didn't survive.
Made the decision not to have children back in 1988, just in case, and am so glad I did.
But today am off to see my newest great niece and like her sister she will be spoilt rotten.
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I was brought up one of five children besides a uncle living with us. Could not imagine life without children about. They can be loud, untidy and sometimes rude but I still love having them around |
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"Up until I was 40, I never wanted children. Now, I would seriously welcome fatherhood, but alas I realise that ship has sailed long ago.
joys of being a man,, i guess you dont like have a body clock like us females and so can still have children.
No, not in the sense of the female 'body clock'.
But I have is the understanding that it becomes too late to be a father. I want to know that I have the chance to see my children grow up into adults and have lives of their own. To be a father to them for as long as possible."
I think if a man wants to be a father then he should regardless of his age... |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
For as long as I can remember I didn't want children, didn't have a maternal bone in my body. Then I met my husband.
Within two weeks he'd told my dad that one day we would get married. A couple of weeks later I stopped taking the pill. Three months later I was pregnant, five weeks after that I miscarried. I was 30 years old.
Since then we've had six more miscarriages and three years of unexplained infertility.
I've now learnt to accept that we will never know the joy of being parents. On the whole I'm at peace with that but do find it very difficult at certain times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have never ever wanted kids. Glad I never did. Don't have a paternal bone in my body.
I think this comes from being the oldest of 5 and helping bring up the others, I was sick of kids when I was a kid! |
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"I have always been unsure of whether I want children. Now I know its going to be impossible naturally I'm erring towards wanting them. I just want to be able to make the decision for myself. Does that sound mental?"
Not at all! After I had my second at 21 I had decided I didn't want anymore and surprisingly my consultant agreed to sterilise me. But not long before I was very ill and was told my tubes were so badly damaged I'd never have more children.....I was absolutely distraught. It was the fact I couldn't have any more, it was because the choice had been taken out of my hands.
So my number three came along six years later we were a little shocked and surprised!! She's our little miracle
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No regrets what so ever. In fact I congratulate myself all the time for making that decision.
Pets are so much easier to live with than kids. "
your right pets are much easier than kids and just as much fun.
i think a lot of people have kids when they are not sure if they realy want them, they have them because they think its the thing to do, that they are meant to have them. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I knew I wanted to work with kids from an early age. It was a clear talent for me. So the knowledge of my desire to have my own kids was a clear one. I met my ex at 19 we married at 25 and first child at 29. My eldest is now high school and youngest still at primsry.
I am so pleased I had kids. Terrible shame their father doesnt have them often. It does make it difficult for me to have a life. I deseeve a man who accepts and loves me for who I am. I just now have my fun to fit in with my limited free time.
Fruit xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just before we moved to where we are now (6) years ago, we spoke about trying for a baby, however nature took course sooner than anticipated. Don't regret it at all, we have a beautiful son. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Thank you all for your stories, particularly from the men that have contributed. It was the fact of a male friend ending a relationship because his need to try and become a father has grown so large that prompted this thread. |
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"Thank you all for your stories, particularly from the men that have contributed. It was the fact of a male friend ending a relationship because his need to try and become a father has grown so large that prompted this thread."
Thats quite touching.... |
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By *e nicerWoman
over a year ago
Costa del Medway |
Always best to plan ahead. It took me an operation to remove the coil that got stuck in me and 3 years to eventually concieve once we had agreed we were ready to settle down and enjoy a family.
They were worrying years. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I decided not to have children while going through education and having my first few jobs. Having had a good career for a few years, having travelled a lot through work etc I did not so much decide that it was time to have them - it was more a matter of not worrying about becoming pregnant. Perhaps that relaxed attitude was conducive in getting pregnant really quickly, not sure.
Either way, it was a decision not to worry about having children rather than a conscious "lets try for them now" for me. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I decided not to have children while going through education and having my first few jobs. Having had a good career for a few years, having travelled a lot through work etc I did not so much decide that it was time to have them - it was more a matter of not worrying about becoming pregnant. Perhaps that relaxed attitude was conducive in getting pregnant really quickly, not sure.
Either way, it was a decision not to worry about having children rather than a conscious "lets try for them now" for me."
But you knew you wanted to be a parent?
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Hated kids (although they seemed to love me) and was adamant that I never wanted any up until the age of 19.
Hormones then began kicking me up the arse and suddenly I was the broodiest person on Earth. The urge to be a mother was so strong it was painful but I decided no kids until 25 so that I had a chance to live, get a stable income and hopefully have a place of my own.
I'm now coming up to 24 and am nowhere near the position I wanted to be in, but if I fell pregnant now I wouldn't terminate.
I have come to understand that unless you're rich, there will never be a "right" time to have kids. I have a very large tight-knit family and whenever cousins ect have fallen pregnant, we've always bought bits and bobs (nappies, formula, clothes, ect) through the excitement, so even if things didn't work out with Vince and I was left on my own, that child would never go without..
Still on the pill though, lol. Wouldn't voluntarily invite it jusy yet.
- Amy. x |
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I don't know when I decided but it was very young. I said I never wanted to get married or have children. I have been married since but my thoughts on being a parent never changed. I have always told boyfriends on the first date that I didn't want children as I feel it is best for them to know at the beginning and no one should ever think a person will change their mind. Funny though, my ex now has 2 kids.
People always tell me I have missed out on something wonderful but I don't feel my life is lacking in any way.
I do feel for those who cannot be parents for whatever reason, that must be so hard to really want something and especially when there are so many unloved kids out there.
Scarlett |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I decided not to have children while going through education and having my first few jobs. Having had a good career for a few years, having travelled a lot through work etc I did not so much decide that it was time to have them - it was more a matter of not worrying about becoming pregnant. Perhaps that relaxed attitude was conducive in getting pregnant really quickly, not sure.
Either way, it was a decision not to worry about having children rather than a conscious "lets try for them now" for me.
But you knew you wanted to be a parent?
"
To be honest, I did not really know. It was not that I desperately wanted or not wanted children - I enjoyed my life, my career and when I fell pregnant it was kind of by accident (I was using some contraception at the time) but when I found out I was very happy about it. |
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