FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is there really someone for everyone?
Is there really someone for everyone?
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"I'm resigned to the fact there most definitely is not "
Do you think it's a maturing realisation? As a 'young person', I honestly gave it little thought and assumed I'd be paired up by now. Yet at nearly 45, I'm not, and highly unlikely to find a 'life partner'... And I'm really good with that to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I'm resigned to the fact there most definitely is not
Do you think it's a maturing realisation? As a 'young person', I honestly gave it little thought and assumed I'd be paired up by now. Yet at nearly 45, I'm not, and highly unlikely to find a 'life partner'... And I'm really good with that to be honest. "
I agree xx
The older I’ve got the more I’ve believed that the assumption “there’s someone for everyone” isn’t really true x
I’ve become really comfortable with being single and don’t crave the idea that I may be in the minority and there’s someone there for me somewhere x
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"I'm resigned to the fact there most definitely is not
Do you think it's a maturing realisation? As a 'young person', I honestly gave it little thought and assumed I'd be paired up by now. Yet at nearly 45, I'm not, and highly unlikely to find a 'life partner'... And I'm really good with that to be honest. "
I'm not sure if this is worse or better, but I lived a life if over 20 years with what I thought would be a life partner only for that person to turn on me at the later stages of my life. It feels like betrayal and the best years are in my past. |
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"I know fine well there is not 
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
I usually like to travel in hope, it’s a big world with billions of people and all that.
The but, is that maybe I did.
I can’t see it happening again, but as sure as fate goes I’ll type this and someone might prove me wrong. |
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Don’t go looking or have expectations is my motto. Many years married. Thought that was me. But that ended and I felt liberated and happy to be a dilettante single.
Then met an amazing partner on here. Wasn’t expecting it but have loved every moment for the past two years. |
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"I would like to think there is. I hope that my children find someone special to share their lives with when they are older."
I completely get that! And totally my wish it for my own child, but she's been paired up with her partner from 16, they now have kids together. They're now respectively 25, and nearing 30, and if they're together in a few years from now I'll sadly, but frankly eat my hat. I think life, pregnancy, and expectations, pair bond young folk as they always have. But I definitely think we've shifted focus from the expectations of staying together due to that. Or just having to 'settle down' with someone because it's the done thing to do still? |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
Yes their is but you have to be open to it, if you want someone its definitely on the cards |
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I believe there is but its not so magical as when you find that person everything goes perfectly perfect.
The relationship can still go down the drain whether its because of cheating and fighting, because of lack of effort etc etc
I think the reality of the situation is that theres plenty of people that are out there for you, its just about making sure those relationships work.
Personally iv met 3 women in my life who i could see myself spending the rest of my life with. But those relationships didnt go well for whatever reason so they ended. Doesnt mean that person wasnt for me, it just didnt work out is all. |
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By *sWyldWoman 42 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I'm pretty sure Mr Right for me and happy ever after with him won't happen. I'm too fussy, and too hard to love sadly.
However Mr Right now is always possible. I've had some wonderful Mr Right now experiences and I'm good with the prospect of more. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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There is if your realistic about your expectations
Lots of people demanding a lot while not offering very much
There’s nothing wrong with knowing where you are and dating accordingly
Nothing wrong with realising you can’t get what you want and prefer to stay single either |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
In life we all the dream in reality never happens but the old adage that there is somebody out there for everyone still holds true
We all might have to kiss few frogs
But one day  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Everybody is someone’s type. I believe there is somebody for everybody, but it really is a case of do you have your eyes open ready for it when the opportunity comes along. Are you going to notice that person who looks at you as the one the one in your life?, When they’re looking at you, are you looking FOR someone or something else?
There’s so many of us with our walls up, the person who says he was the only one in the world, they want to spend their life with, they don’t stand a chance with you.
Everybody has got their eyes so far in front of them looking for perfect we cannot see what might be at our feet. 
*just my oppinion. |
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As you get older you become more realistic, if you are looking for a life partner this is the wrong place although some on dating sites are on here as well, you ask need yo make sure you not putting your siblings in danger. I would say you are aware of these things that makes you stand back. |
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I think human beings are fundamentally not programmed for long term relationships/life partners. If you take it back to bare science, very few creatures are. The biological imperative is to find a strong/virile mate to produce offspring and then move to the next mate. Religion and societal pressures have moved that 'objective' for humans to something that conflicts with the overwhelming biological need.
So with that in mind, I'm pretty comfortable with both my own company and with more transient relationships that suit my and the other party's needs and desires. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"….
So with that in mind, I'm pretty comfortable with both my own company and with more transient relationships that suit my and the other party's needs and desires. "
We’re all different. And I think what you say about finding people who match your needs, is right. But I do think those needs can last a lifetime if you’re lucky in love. |
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There is 7 billion people on the planet that is 7000 million people. 100 versions of the 70 million people in the UK around the world. 700 times the estimated 10 million people in London.
So yes there a person out their for everyone.
Problem is. As individuals we do not explore enough and get out off our own bubbles to find that someone. People are inheritantly lazy and stay in a place they know and are comfortable in.
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We are both total odd balls. Yet we've found in each other the perfect match. Despite how statistically impossible on paper that is. Which is a kin to winning the lottery, so makes us very lucky indeed. We yet another relationship success story where Fab played Cupid. |
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Maybe there is but maybe you never come across them? I dont think i could live with a man again. I like my own space too much and I love sleeping alone. But i never say never and if i do stumble across Mr Right who knows? But maybe he coukd live next door? |
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By *arkus1812Man 42 weeks ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
The population of the UK at the last Census was 33.1 million males and 33.9 females.
So yes there should be someone for everyone, on paper, in reality who knows? |
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By *essaMayWoman 42 weeks ago
Fairytale Wood |
"I think I am better on my own now. It would have been nice to have met Mr Right but it never happened."
I think we determine who's mr right depending on our needs at the time. Our needs change over time. I see so much of the each party blaming others for thier own failings, it is easy to blame others and i a way makes us feel better.
Don't get me wrong, people have real reasons justly to blame others i know i was one of them. That aside and is history, but many cases we are architects of our own missfortune.
I was in a long term relationship with an lovely guy. He was in many ways the archetypal mr right, one we dream of, spend the rest of your life. I ended it, truth is on reflection, i dont know why i did, sure i could invent reasons, find some in my head to shift responsibility onto him, but is that fair.
I think the problem is mr right may exist, but our definition of mr right keeps changing over time, moving goal post, the dream/nightmare when your running but can never catch up.
We then reslove ourselves and tell ourselves its ok im happy with the way things are, or we just accept them and try to make the most of the situation.
That maybe gives us solice
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I thought I did but she walked away after 12 years of marriage for another guy 
Since divorce I tried to find the one but failed. Still live with a hope but seems my right one was swallowed or stained on bedsheets 30-40 years ago. |
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It does amaze me how many people still buy into childhood tales and think that magically each of us is paired up to one special person.
The sooner everyone realises that THEY are the special person they should be investing in and taking care of - the sooner they will realise that other human beings are a gift to give to as they move in and out of your life and your in and out of theirs.
I do sometimes feel for those that are stuck in very stale relationships and even more so for those that feel something is wrong because 'the one' never came along to trap them into a socially constructed monogamous for life contract......
fucks sake and on a swingers site too .. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"..
I do sometimes feel for those that are stuck in very stale relationships and even more so for those that feel something is wrong because 'the one' never came along to trap them into a socially constructed monogamous for life contract......
…"
Trap? Please don’t be so cynical.
What you said about being a gift to someone is exactly the same. I would choose (not be trapped) to want to spend the rest of my living life with everyone and share this wonderful adventure with a special someone want to.
It’s not a trap because of society saying I should. My soul just wants to be with theirs. They make me feel whole, without them I miss something.
A trap?  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"No it’s a bullshit concept designed to keep the undesirable hopeful.
The mr
That's such an inspiring attitude from a man about to be married  "
He talks out of his arse sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I think there is. Unless you’re looking for someone to be your everything. In which case maybe there’s nobody for you. "
I absolutely agree that your someone doesn't have to be your everything. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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There likely is, but in a world of 8b people and 195 countries your odds are not good!!
Also they have to be alive at the same time as you.. And overlap by say 20 years
So on reflection you'll likely never meet 'the one'... so you should settle and join a swinging site... otherwise you might die alone be eaten by alsatians
 |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I think there is. Unless you’re looking for someone to be your everything. In which case maybe there’s nobody for you.
I absolutely agree that your someone doesn't have to be your everything. "
That’s why I always mention how I wonder how those that are looking for ‘perfect’ are going to feel when they can’t find it.
Sometimes someone who is less than what you thought is perfect can become everything you actually need. And they are perfect for you.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I think there is. Unless you’re looking for someone to be your everything. In which case maybe there’s nobody for you.
I absolutely agree that your someone doesn't have to be your everything.
That’s why I always mention how I wonder how those that are looking for ‘perfect’ are going to feel when they can’t find it.
Sometimes someone who is less than what you thought is perfect can become everything you actually need. And they are perfect for you.
"
... Pulse  |
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By *a LunaWoman 42 weeks ago
South Wales |
Yes there is. You just have to find each other. Which is the hardest part. But not impossible.
In the meantime, have fun and enjoy life. That way you’ll have lots of cool stories to share when you’re snuggled up together in bed, when you do eventually find each other.
And if you never find each other? That’s ok too. |
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By *r TriomanMan 42 weeks ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
I think that there is someone out there fore you OP but with approximately 2.166 billion (based on a heterosexual searching for a partner and assuming that half the world's population is female and 2/3s of that sub population is above the age of 18), it could take you sometime to honestly declare that there isn't someone out there for you. Good news as you're bi OP, you can double that number to 4.33 potential partners
So, get you passport out and get searching... Or go on global dating sites. |
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"No it’s a bullshit concept designed to keep the undesirable hopeful.
The mr
That's such an inspiring attitude from a man about to be married
He talks out of his arse sometimes. "
Woody! Shhhhh I showed you that in confidence, I have no desire to be famous.
The mr |
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By *a LunaWoman 42 weeks ago
South Wales |
"No it’s a bullshit concept designed to keep the undesirable hopeful.
The mr
That's such an inspiring attitude from a man about to be married
He talks out of his arse sometimes.
Woody! Shhhhh I showed you that in confidence, I have no desire to be famous.
The mr "
I don’t even know you but even I can tell you’re a big softie really! |
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No, there are lots of people. The fallacy is in thinking that’s there’s just one. No one can be the perfect lover/ confidant/ match mentally and physically for a person. People are flawed but beautiful.
If instead of looking for one perfect person you look for several great people then you can be so much happier.
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"There likely is, but in a world of 8b people and 195 countries your odds are not good!!
Also they have to be alive at the same time as you.. And overlap by say 20 years
So on reflection you'll likely never meet 'the one'... so you should settle and join a swinging site... otherwise you might die alone be eaten by alsatians
"
Is that even if you don’t own Alsatians? |
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Perhaps AI will provide more of a comfort and relationship experience in the near future.
For all of us without 'pretty privilege', we just hope for some fleeting warmth and pleasure before we all go our separate ways to then air our regrets online. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I haven't got the impression that people thinking they can find their someone (like me) necessarily equate that with monogamy or that person being "perfect". I certainly don't.
But in my life I've found just one imperfect person who I felt at home with. Was in love with. Felt I could be my fullest self with. Whom I adored. If I can find another like that, I'd be delighted. It seems beyond possible that at 54, I would find more than one someone. |
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"No it’s a bullshit concept designed to keep the undesirable hopeful.
The mr
That's such an inspiring attitude from a man about to be married
He talks out of his arse sometimes.
Woody! Shhhhh I showed you that in confidence, I have no desire to be famous.
The mr
I don’t even know you but even I can tell you’re a big softie really! "
Alright!  Keep it down, I’ve street cred to uphold
The mr |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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There might be some lady out there where I think "she's perfect for me"
But she might look at me and think "fuuuuuuuck oooooofff maaaaate, not a chance"
I think there's somebody out there for everyone in the respect that they could have a happy and fulfilling life together, albeit 1 might sacrifice more to keep the other happy.
But I don't think everyone has a soul mate, somebody who they can live an absolutely blissful life with, and they both feel that way. |
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With billions of people in the world, it's likely that there are enough people to be compatible with, for there to be someone for all. Where they are and what compromises, are different things.
In Fab, you could probably get someone for something but it's a small pot of people who are wanted by many. |
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"As long as there is Cåke that complements the perfect Teå which complements the perfect Scone which pairs with the most luscious of Jams then there will always be someone for everyone."
Stop looking for perfection and you'll be far happier, Nero |
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The trouble with here from a womans perspective you have the choice of many different guys some way out of your ball park on looks and personality and so you go for those and get frustrated because they aren't right for you, sometimes its the least likely of folk that end up being the great catch and last for years, choice isn't good, good for your sex life maybe but not for life and ever lasting love |
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"As long as there is Cåke that complements the perfect Teå which complements the perfect Scone which pairs with the most luscious of Jams then there will always be someone for everyone.
·
Stop looking for perfection and you'll be far happier, Nero"
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I’m happy as I am and honestly, I can’t see myself in another relationship, ever. Not because I believe there isn’t anyone for me but there isn’t much spoons left I have to give and I don’t think it’s fair to the other person/people. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"The trouble with here from a womans perspective you have the choice of many different guys some way out of your ball park on looks and personality and so you go for those and get frustrated because they aren't right for you, sometimes its the least likely of folk that end up being the great catch and last for years, choice isn't good, good for your sex life maybe but not for life and ever lasting love "
Is that the trouble is it? Good to have you working it out for women, Fred. |
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By *rispyDuckMan 42 weeks ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
I’ve found sometimes your person will come to you when you least expect it .
Problem is sometimes they are literally in front of you but you don’t realise it until it’s too late.
Sometimes we friends one that person, ignore them cause they not our usual type & sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side lol  .
My advice for those looking, open your eyes, keep an open mind & take action. Sometimes good things come to those who wait & you see your person take a shot at it |
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"The trouble with here from a womans perspective you have the choice of many different guys some way out of your ball park on looks and personality and so you go for those and get frustrated because they aren't right for you, sometimes its the least likely of folk that end up being the great catch and last for years, choice isn't good, good for your sex life maybe but not for life and ever lasting love
Is that the trouble is it? Good to have you working it out for women, Fred. "
Yes i guess it is, you need me to simplify it for you...... You're welcome |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
I agree OP.
This sentiment is usually spouted by paired up folk with well meaning, but slightly condescending, attitudes.
I'm 56, never been married, and the folk I've had inclinations to be romantic with have not been free.
Having said that, I never say never, but at the same time, never lower my standards or expectations |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts? "
Feminism made sure there isn't. They achieved there goal of liberating women from being under the wing of 1 man to being a capitalist commodity for the many. Welcome to the feminist paradise |
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By *lder.Woman 42 weeks ago
Not Local |
"I'm resigned to the fact there most definitely is not
Do you think it's a maturing realisation? As a 'young person', I honestly gave it little thought and assumed I'd be paired up by now. Yet at nearly 45, I'm not, and highly unlikely to find a 'life partner'... And I'm really good with that to be honest. "
I think a little bit that is the fairytale we are sold in youth, long love and family and nice house etc but I think we can see through that a bit as we age and realise it doesn't take all that to be happy. Its nice if you do have it, but there is so much more. X |
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think the concept of marriage was designed when there was less sexual freedom for females and males just had affairs or mistress's anyway.
there is a freedom to choose and its being exercised. I would think that society would have rejected my moving on from some of my relationship previously and my desire not to loose myself in the demands of another. Its more acceptable to be a single female past 30 and not be seen as 'left on the shelf'. God who would want me dumping a plate of burnt offerings on the table every night.
i am loving my sexual freedom and choices - maybe its a concept of staying in a monogamous relationship is outdated and we can be more fluid in those choices as we are with everything else.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"There likely is, but in a world of 8b people and 195 countries your odds are not good!!
Also they have to be alive at the same time as you.. And overlap by say 20 years
So on reflection you'll likely never meet 'the one'... so you should settle and join a swinging site... otherwise you might die alone be eaten by alsatians
Is that even if you don’t own Alsatians? "
They can sniff you out |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Perhaps AI will provide more of a comfort and relationship experience in the near future.
For all of us without 'pretty privilege', we just hope for some fleeting warmth and pleasure before we all go our separate ways to then air our regrets online. "
Yeah i think this will be true in the future! |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts?
Feminism made sure there isn't. They achieved there goal of liberating women from being under the wing of 1 man to being a capitalist commodity for the many. Welcome to the feminist paradise "
Feminism's goal is to achieve equality for women. Still getting there. |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts?
Feminism made sure there isn't. They achieved there goal of liberating women from being under the wing of 1 man to being a capitalist commodity for the many. Welcome to the feminist paradise
Feminism's goal is to achieve equality for women. Still getting there. "
Enjoy |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I think there is. Unless you’re looking for someone to be your everything. In which case maybe there’s nobody for you.
I absolutely agree that your someone doesn't have to be your everything.
That’s why I always mention how I wonder how those that are looking for ‘perfect’ are going to feel when they can’t find it.
Sometimes someone who is less than what you thought is perfect can become everything you actually need. And they are perfect for you.
... Pulse "
Or if they’ve got a pulse …, I’ll settle. |
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts?
Feminism made sure there isn't. They achieved there goal of liberating women from being under the wing of 1 man to being a capitalist commodity for the many. Welcome to the feminist paradise
Feminism's goal is to achieve equality for women. Still getting there. "
You can't liberate a sclave who's brainwashed to believe their freedom is to stay with their sclave master. |
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As a romanticist Ive always thought, yes, there is someone for everyone. But then life and experience come along, and you get a reality check, not everything is Disney.
Mix in race, tradition, culture, religion, life experience and things get complicated (talking from my own experience here). They don't need to be, but these learnings are deeply ingrained and hard to untangle.
Or maybe I don't want just someone, I want more, I want to love more, have more, be more, fuck more, experience more......
I've never understood it when people say they've found the love of their life, their soul mate, "I knew he / she was the one when I first saw him / her"....
Some people are lucky, I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I know fine well there is not
But I feel the older I get. Potentially the fussier I get in may respects... Others thoughts?
Feminism made sure there isn't. They achieved there goal of liberating women from being under the wing of 1 man to being a capitalist commodity for the many. Welcome to the feminist paradise
Feminism's goal is to achieve equality for women. Still getting there.
You can't liberate a sclave who's brainwashed to believe their freedom is to stay with their sclave master. "
Ok babes |
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"I'm resigned to the fact there most definitely is not
Do you think it's a maturing realisation? As a 'young person', I honestly gave it little thought and assumed I'd be paired up by now. Yet at nearly 45, I'm not, and highly unlikely to find a 'life partner'... And I'm really good with that to be honest. "
The last bit of: "and I am happily single" is called coping |
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lol
