I would respect the honesty. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, despite how much you (both) might want it to.
You just have to be grown up and respectful about it and decide if there’s any chance that it’s salvageable, or whether to cut ties, hug and wish each other the best  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"working.
Let's say you received that from a fellow Fabber. How would you respond/feel?
How would you tell someone it's not working? "
If I didn’t care I would be alright with it, and probably think it’s not working anyway.
Bit if I care, it would hurt me deeply if I thought we were working out.
But that’s it when two people are involved one half might think one thing and the other might think another.  |
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By *iasubTV/TS 42 weeks ago
Ilkeston |
Honestly i would have a lot of respect for them as its harder to say that than keep going and not enjoy it. We are all here to have an enjoyable experience so its better to stop than continue. |
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I'd probably already have an idea something was up.
I'd say thank you for telling me, and not ghosting like everyone else does.
I've never had to tell anyone it wasn't working, as they usually bail before it gets to that point.
If I was going to do the bailing I'd say something like I've had a great time but I'm not feeling it any more, or words to that effect.
Fab relationships aren't usually very deep, so "splitting up" isn't difficult. |
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By *eli OP Woman 42 weeks ago
. |
"I would respect the honesty. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, despite how much you (both) might want it to.
You just have to be grown up and respectful about it and decide if there’s any chance that it’s salvageable, or whether to cut ties, hug and wish each other the best "
Hug and wish each other the best sounds quite final doesn't it? I think I'm quite soft and don't like giving up on or hurting people but perhaps being honest and direct is showing more respect? Maybe. |
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"working.
Let's say you received that from a fellow Fabber. How would you respond/feel?
How would you tell someone it's not working?
If I didn’t care I would be alright with it, and probably think it’s not working anyway.
Bit if I care, it would hurt me deeply if I thought we were working out.
But that’s it when two people are involved one half might think one thing and the other might think another. "
I'm going to call myself lucky here, as, I can care about someone and not feel pain when they go.
I might miss the sex, but that can be found quite easily. |
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I’d appreciate the honesty and be fine with it. I’ve always seemed to have the mindset that if someone doesn’t want me I immediately don’t want them. Needs to be mutual for me. Yeah I can think aw that’s a shame I liked them but I wouldn’t pine. |
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"working.
Let's say you received that from a fellow Fabber. How would you respond/feel?
How would you tell someone it's not working? "
Honestly I think the most cunty thing to do is overreact and treat them like shit.
No one is for everyone. They're not being rude, they don't want to have sex with you.
You can't expect people to want to have sex with you all the time! |
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By *eli OP Woman 42 weeks ago
. |
"working.
Let's say you received that from a fellow Fabber. How would you respond/feel?
How would you tell someone it's not working?
If I didn’t care I would be alright with it, and probably think it’s not working anyway.
Bit if I care, it would hurt me deeply if I thought we were working out.
But that’s it when two people are involved one half might think one thing and the other might think another. "
Yes that's true. I think normally there are hints, feelings on both sides but sometimes both can see it differently.
I think how much you care will definitely affect how you feel receiving/sending it. If you don't really it's a quick done and dusted message. I feel like people deserve more if there is a level of care there. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I'd much rather a message like that than be ghosted/slow faded.
I really value directness and honesty. If someone isn't feeling it, but respects me enough to be forthright about it I can wish them well and move on with my dignity intact. I might feel sad for a bit, but that's just part of life and will pass soon enough. The confusion and anxiety caused by a slow fade or ghosting is far more unpleasant. |
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"working.
Let's say you received that from a fellow Fabber. How would you respond/feel?
How would you tell someone it's not working? "
Things usually come to a natural conclusion, they are not usually a surprise "good bye" text. Getting a text like that is usually the result of weeks or months of previous doubt, laboured conversations and build up of something being a bit off. Whist it's better to say in person, "it's not working" is not usually sent off the cuff - if it were I'd be a bit gutted and want explanation.
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I had to do exactly this last week. A message along the lines of “I’m not feeling this anymore”.
It was not received well 
Zero regrets to no longer meeting him but I do feel bad that he was hurt. Didn’t think he would be remotely bothered so I was surprised at his reaction. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I'd much rather a message like that than be ghosted/slow faded.
I really value directness and honesty. If someone isn't feeling it, but respects me enough to be forthright about it I can wish them well and move on with my dignity intact. I might feel sad for a bit, but that's just part of life and will pass soon enough. The confusion and anxiety caused by a slow fade or ghosting is far more unpleasant."
Exactly. |
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By *mf123Man 42 weeks ago
with one foot out the door |
Oh you mean the end
Erm i didnt react well at all as most people who know me probly saw as i selfishly went a tad nuts and threw a 3 year denial fuelled tantrum that shook the foundations of the earth and a little bit of a mental break
But in my defence that was no simple fab fling to me so all in all im not right good at all this mushy touchy feely nonesense |
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"I would hope I had some clue, and not be blind-sided.
That said, it totally depends on the dynamic.
Hopefully there is mutual respect, so we can just let it be with no hard feelings."
This is a gorgeous reply. It says so much in so few words.
Life is too short to waste on the wrong people. Move on, have a biscuit, do something new that challenges you.
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Response "no worries. Happy fabbing!"
How would I tell someone.
"It's nothing personal but I don't feel like this is something I can continue pursuing. I think your an amazing human being and I hope you find whatever it is your looking for, happy fabbing." |
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"Response "no worries. Happy fabbing!"
How would I tell someone.
"It's nothing personal but I don't feel like this is something I can continue pursuing. I think your an amazing human being and I hope you find whatever it is your looking for, happy fabbing.""
Ohhhh he's back  |
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"Response "no worries. Happy fabbing!"
How would I tell someone.
"It's nothing personal but I don't feel like this is something I can continue pursuing. I think your an amazing human being and I hope you find whatever it is your looking for, happy fabbing."
Ohhhh he's back "
Well hello Em. I hope your well  |
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By *eli OP Woman 42 weeks ago
. |
"I ended up listening to Pictures of You by The Cure a lot and then making a bit of an arse of myself  "
Oh this is a bit sad. At first I thought you were joking and then I reread it and realised you might not have been. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I ended up listening to Pictures of You by The Cure a lot and then making a bit of an arse of myself
Oh this is a bit sad. At first I thought you were joking and then I reread it and realised you might not have been."
We live and learn. Thankfully not had that experience again |
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From a fellow fabber? What couldn’t be working? I suppose I’m struggling to understand the “this”, but as a general rule of thumb, if someone wants “out”, then that’s cool, no need to be hurt by it, they have their reasons, no need to over analyse, we are all ships that pass in the night, the further away from each other we get, the dimmer the light of presence becomes. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I had it from a guy I met for a few dates recently. "I don't want to see you for now". No explanation. A bit blunt for my liking but hey ho. If he'd been nicer about it I'd have been fine. (And I told him that)
I'd say "You seem really nice, but I'm just not feeling it. I don't think we are a good match. I wish you all the best finding what you're looking for". |
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By *VineMan 42 weeks ago
The right place |
I’d want to check the reason given for it not working.
I’d want to check there wasn’t a misunderstanding of something said. But assuming there wasn’t, then I would just accept it. I have no desire to be with someone that doesn’t want to spend time with me. |
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By *eli OP Woman 42 weeks ago
. |
"I'd much rather a message like that than be ghosted/slow faded.
I really value directness and honesty. If someone isn't feeling it, but respects me enough to be forthright about it I can wish them well and move on with my dignity intact. I might feel sad for a bit, but that's just part of life and will pass soon enough. The confusion and anxiety caused by a slow fade or ghosting is far more unpleasant."
Ach but the slow fade after trying is my thing. The last time I was very direct and said something wasn't working it was taken... very poorly. I'm tempted to stick with the slow fade method but I also know directness is what I like. What a quandary. |
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