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A kissy person...
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
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By *bi HaiveMan 43 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
1. I'm both
2. Of course. Not everyone has just one style of approach and engagement. Diversity is good.
3. No. Anyone can back out of a meet at any time. The motivation as to why and the method and nature of communication as to why would determine if there's an element of shaming involved. |
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By *sWyldWoman 43 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I'm not really a club person but that's possibly more because I'm yet to experience one that feels sexy rather than tacky to me.
However I am a very kissy person and I crave, want, need and adore kissing someone who's lips play well with mine.
I've only really been the one on one type but never say never.
I certainly wouldn't judge others for their antics. You can't have too much of a good thing.
When I've been to socials it's been rare I've kissed anyone, never mind more than one, but if the right people were in the room then why would I deprive myself of the opportunity!  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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The world would be a very boring place if everyone liked the same things. I think it's possible to be compatible with someone with different interests provided that you are happy with whatever you are getting from the relationship.
As for the bonus question, it isn't anything. People are completely free to change their minds or do whatever they want on here.
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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I like kissing people. At socials. Or wherever. It’s not that deep to me. Sometimes the kisses mean something, sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter as long as we (the people kissing) are ok with it.
Can I be compatible with people that approach shit differently to me? Yeah for sure I can. Am I? Not usually. Because lots of people on fab are monogamous and care about what others do with others. If they don’t like me kissing others at socials or having sex with other people, then that’s their problem and it’s sad but my life will go on.
That last one is interesting. Is it slut shaming? Hmmm I don’t know. I know it wouldn’t bother me. I know that when it does bother me that someone sees someone before me, it’s my issue and it’s something I need to unlearn and challenge because it may well be based on slut shamey things I’ve taken in. I think I’d care if it was on the same day but not if it was the day before or after. I think that’s to do with how I value my time with that person though but it may not be. Interesting one for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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I haven’t yet ventured to a club…. But I adore kissing…. It’s the spark of all that follows…. Pulling her in tight and passionately kissing her before you begin your exploring ….
I am sure if I ever venture to a club and several want to kiss then I’d happily get involved …. All
Part of the fun right?
And as for the gangbang…. I guess everyone is different how they can separate themselves from each meet… just got to do what you feel comfortable with. Stick to you  |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
I think you can be compatible with people who approach fab differently but one or both will need to compromise.
No it's not slut shaming. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I like this thread and I’m in a mood to be really honest about some feelings on this topic"
Yay! Good - bring on the honesty. I was discussing something last night and the usage of 'kissy' really tickled me but also made me think about how I view/feel/approach things. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"1. I'm both
2. Of course. Not everyone has just one style of approach and engagement. Diversity is good.
3. No. Anyone can back out of a meet at any time. The motivation as to why and the method and nature of communication as to why would determine if there's an element of shaming involved. "
You can't be both in this hypothetical binary scenario, it fucks with the matrix.
Diversity is great but also... isn't having common ground? A shared view on certain things. We naturally gravitate towards people who do hold that more easily.
What motivation would make it slut shaming? |
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"is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Hypothetically, that wouldn't be slut shaming because if I did that, the problem would be with me.
Realistically, it's never happened. If my pals are engaging in a hot bucket of fucks tomorrow, there'd be high-fives and reminders to drink a lot of water today.
Also I'm a very kissy missy.
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"I'm not really a club person but that's possibly more because I'm yet to experience one that feels sexy rather than tacky to me.
However I am a very kissy person and I crave, want, need and adore kissing someone who's lips play well with mine.
I've only really been the one on one type but never say never.
I certainly wouldn't judge others for their antics. You can't have too much of a good thing.
When I've been to socials it's been rare I've kissed anyone, never mind more than one, but if the right people were in the room then why would I deprive myself of the opportunity! "
Exactly the same here. Love kissing, not really for clubs. I'm a bit too shy to initiate in a busy environment much prefer intimate. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 43 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"1. I'm both
2. Of course. Not everyone has just one style of approach and engagement. Diversity is good.
3. No. Anyone can back out of a meet at any time. The motivation as to why and the method and nature of communication as to why would determine if there's an element of shaming involved.
You can't be both in this hypothetical binary scenario, it fucks with the matrix.
Diversity is great but also... isn't having common ground? A shared view on certain things. We naturally gravitate towards people who do hold that more easily.
What motivation would make it slut shaming? "
Binary sucks. Flexibility rocks. I can be in a club mood one day and a 1-2-1 the next.
Common ground is also great but so is experiencing new and diverse things with new people and learning from new experiences.
And as for the last? If you don't want to meet them that's a you decision, but let them be them. It would only become slut shaming if you chose to tell others and make it public that you cancelled a meet last minute because of their planned gangbang because you disapproved. That would just make you a dick. They're not obliged to adhere to your values, preferences and choices. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
I'm a kissy, lot's of casual or long term partner sex kinda guy. I'm not against 'giving it a go' going to a club for the first time, but I'm very sensitive to lot's of stimuli, so I prefer 1 on 1's and small or medium size group fun that's held somewhere quieter.
It's possible. I mean, I try and be as compatible as I can with the person or persons if we're interested in one another, but I'm not going to be someone I'm not just for the sake of the meet or any potential fun.
I feel no one should shame anyone or be upset if people have fun with others, as we're all here to find something, but communication here is the key. You got to be able to be honest with each other and share what you're both all about, otherwise someone or all people involved is going to get hurt one way or another.
Flower. x |
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As much as I love to 'wax lyrical' about my tactile tendencies I'm not one to go all feral when it comes to kissing all and sundry at Fab-organised socials (I don't do clubs by the way, so this is all within the context of socials). I can indeed be compatible with people who have a different approach, otherwise I would be limiting my experiences on here. Everyone has a different gambit and it's what makes Fab such a varied and interesting place.
I have no issues with someone having a gangbang. I would simply defer the meet for a much later date once they have stopped glowing 'post-gangbang' for a few days. I don't wish to be an 'aftermath' but someone for whom they are going to do a 'pleasure reboot' for me/with me.
[Mind you, the people I typically meet are not usually the gangbang variety, except for one close friend...] |
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I’d only kiss people that I felt an attraction to - my kisses are incredible so can’t be just throwing them out there for everyone 
Yes of course there’s many ways to swinging and how people do things - as long as it didn’t affect our connection or went against our swinging ethics then I’d say go for it.
Life’s adventures are there for everyone to enjoy - we are making the most of opportunities so we wouldn’t stop any others doing so.
K |
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I’m going to tackle Meli’s big theme here.
Yes, I think it’s possible to be compatible and have a lot of sex and fun and social times with people who do all this differently to ourselves.
For example, I’m always looking for a bit of romance and kissing and softness with my casual sex, but in my younger years I would happily dive into a dark room or a five-way session at a swingers club and enjoy the physical moment without all that tenderness.
Do I do that sort of thing now? Nope. It’s not for me any more. Now I only look for, well, the kind of hookup I’m actually looking for.
Do I regret getting down and dirty with people who were looking for different things in the past? Hell no. I wanted to be adventurous and so I was. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I'm not really a club person but that's possibly more because I'm yet to experience one that feels sexy rather than tacky to me. "
Yes, sake. I try and be open minded to it but I don't know if I'm a club person. Maybe one day I'll find a good fit.
"I've only really been the one on one type but never say never.
I certainly wouldn't judge others for their antics. You can't have too much of a good thing."
See, I would judge someone based on their antics. If they've been part of a bareback orgy, that's not for me. It doesn't mean I wouldn't want to be friends with them but the desire to have sex with them would reduce/disappear. We all judge but it's more about how it's actioned.
"When I've been to socials it's been rare I've kissed anyone, never mind more than one, but if the right people were in the room then why would I deprive myself of the opportunity! "
Ha, that's a good way of looking at it! Why not enjoy life? And people you find attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Definitely very into kissing, if I'm having sex with someone there needs to be quite a lot of that.
Often feel like I'm a bit unusual for kissing strangers so much but I'm glad I'm not the only one. |
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By *r TriomanMan 43 weeks ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Am I person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex?
I love kissing so yes to this but the lots of casual sex bit isn't important to me.
Can I be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
Yes, I'm very flexible.
Is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
No, for me, if I was to do this, it would be due to the sexual health implications and absolutely nothing to do with the person concerned. |
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I am not monogamous so I wouldn't be compatible with anyone looking for that. I have had approached from.couples that said I couldn't meet anyone else and that was a complete deal breaker for me.
2. my only concern would be from a health point of view especially if it was bareback. |
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I don't kiss everyone I meet but I do enjoy kissing.
I've never been to a club and I've never kissed at a group social.
All of my meets have been one to ones and I can count on one hand the number of those I've kissed on an initial social.
I wouldn't meet someone if they announced they had taken part in a gangbang because we would be on different journeys and therefore wouldn't be compatible.
I don't see that as shaming at all. Just on different pages.
I don't meet anyone without chatting for weeks or even months so we would have already determined if there were things the other wasn't interested in. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"The world would be a very boring place if everyone liked the same things. I think it's possible to be compatible with someone with different interests provided that you are happy with whatever you are getting from the relationship.
As for the bonus question, it isn't anything. People are completely free to change their minds or do whatever they want.
"
Yes, as long as you're both happy with what you're getting from the relationship is important. I have a beautiful slut of a friend; they bring me a lot of joy and stress relief. On paper we're not quite compatible but the reality is very different. If you're both on the same page it can work very well.  |
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By *sWyldWoman 43 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"I'm not really a club person but that's possibly more because I'm yet to experience one that feels sexy rather than tacky to me.
Yes, sake. I try and be open minded to it but I don't know if I'm a club person. Maybe one day I'll find a good fit.
I've only really been the one on one type but never say never.
I certainly wouldn't judge others for their antics. You can't have too much of a good thing. See, I would judge someone based on their antics. If they've been part of a bareback orgy, that's not for me. It doesn't mean I wouldn't want to be friends with them but the desire to have sex with them would reduce/disappear. We all judge but it's more about how it's actioned.
When I've been to socials it's been rare I've kissed anyone, never mind more than one, but if the right people were in the room then why would I deprive myself of the opportunity!
Ha, that's a good way of looking at it! Why not enjoy life? And people you find attractive."
To be honest I missed the bit about the gangbang cos I got all carried away with the kissing!
So I'll answer that now.
In reality we don't always know what other people are doing or not doing. Yes some might be very open and honest and others could be doing all sorts in secret.
All we can do is go with what feels right for us in that moment. So taking measures to protect our own health and emotional wellbeing is important.
Its not slut shaming to make your own choices for your own reasons.
It is slut shaming if you then try to impose that on to others.
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Not a club person, prefer one to one.
Wouldn’t kiss people randomly.
Personally I wouldn’t be compatible with someone who does fab a different way, but I think people probably can be.
I wouldn’t meet someone who was involved in a gang bang. I don’t know if it’s slut shaming or not. I don’t really care. I wouldn’t meet them though. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I like this thread and I’m in a mood to be really honest about some feelings on this topic
Yay! Good - bring on the honesty. I was discussing something last night and the usage of 'kissy' really tickled me but also made me think about how I view/feel/approach things. "
Kissy is a great word. I use it to describe the sex I like. The kissy kissy romantic sex |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I’m a kissy person and to me a kiss holds a lot of value.
Hence I don’t kiss people that go round kissing everyone as I find it a bit icky and impersonal"
If you kiss someone and then I kiss them then me and you basically lipsed. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I like kissing people. At socials. Or wherever. It’s not that deep to me. Sometimes the kisses mean something, sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter as long as we (the people kissing) are ok with it. "
Fair. People don't have to be okay with it or they can be. And you only kiss people who are. :D
"Can I be compatible with people that approach shit differently to me? Yeah for sure I can. Am I? Not usually. Because lots of people on fab are monogamous and care about what others do with others. If they don’t like me kissing others at socials or having sex with other people, then that’s their problem and it’s sad but my life will go on. "
Ohhh! Okay, I'm going to go in on this. Do you think there's still a lingering monogamous approach to swinging or whatever the beep it is someone is doing on here? Can you be ENM but also not want to have casual sex or kiss lots of people?
"That last one is interesting. Is it slut shaming? Hmmm I don’t know. I know it wouldn’t bother me. I know that when it does bother me that someone sees someone before me, it’s my issue and it’s something I need to unlearn and challenge because it may well be based on slut shamey things I’ve taken in. I think I’d care if it was on the same day but not if it was the day before or after. I think that’s to do with how I value my time with that person though but it may not be. Interesting one for sure. "
Yes, I liked that one as well. So proud of myself for coming up with it.  Do you have to unlearn behaviour and how you view it? If I chose to pass on that scenario, I don't think it's because I have monogamous hangups. Or slut shaming. I don't think I'm any better or worse than them, I just know I don't want to be following that. Maybe there's some hidden shaming. More shadow work. |
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By *a LunaWoman 43 weeks ago
South Wales |
I’m not a (swinging) club goer.
I was a Dance club goer. When I was single I’d smooch whoever took my fancy and who puckered up to me.
Would I do that in Town? No.
Would I do that if I was loved up? No.
Would I be pissed off if a partner smooched someone else? Yes I would.
Do I think folk who snog a lot are slutty? No.
That’s my thoughts on a nutshell |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I like kissing people. At socials. Or wherever. It’s not that deep to me. Sometimes the kisses mean something, sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter as long as we (the people kissing) are ok with it.
Fair. People don't have to be okay with it or they can be. And you only kiss people who are. :D
Can I be compatible with people that approach shit differently to me? Yeah for sure I can. Am I? Not usually. Because lots of people on fab are monogamous and care about what others do with others. If they don’t like me kissing others at socials or having sex with other people, then that’s their problem and it’s sad but my life will go on.
Ohhh! Okay, I'm going to go in on this. Do you think there's still a lingering monogamous approach to swinging or whatever the beep it is someone is doing on here? Can you be ENM but also not want to have casual sex or kiss lots of people?
That last one is interesting. Is it slut shaming? Hmmm I don’t know. I know it wouldn’t bother me. I know that when it does bother me that someone sees someone before me, it’s my issue and it’s something I need to unlearn and challenge because it may well be based on slut shamey things I’ve taken in. I think I’d care if it was on the same day but not if it was the day before or after. I think that’s to do with how I value my time with that person though but it may not be. Interesting one for sure.
Yes, I liked that one as well. So proud of myself for coming up with it. Do you have to unlearn behaviour and how you view it? If I chose to pass on that scenario, I don't think it's because I have monogamous hangups. Or slut shaming. I don't think I'm any better or worse than them, I just know I don't want to be following that. Maybe there's some hidden shaming. More shadow work. "
That’s the thing. Maybe there’s some hidden shaming. And I’ll look deep to find out. If not then I’m good and not changing. 
Also yes, you can be ENM and not into people kissing others etc. but I think the crux of why a lot of people don’t like it is because they’re actually monogamous and don’t enjoy the thought of sharing with lots of others. I could not be having casual sex with lots of people but still having sex with lots of people (just lots of partners) and that bothers some people.
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I think you can be compatible with people who approach fab differently but one or both will need to compromise.
No it's not slut shaming. "
Compromise. I like it. Yes, I think there's a degree of that involved if you have stark differences in approach.
Actually, maybe it's not compromise. It might be more... you come together and find a new path that works for you both. Might have just tarted up compromise there. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
Hypothetically, that wouldn't be slut shaming because if I did that, the problem would be with me.
Realistically, it's never happened. If my pals are engaging in a hot bucket of fucks tomorrow, there'd be high-fives and reminders to drink a lot of water today.
Also I'm a very kissy missy.
"
Yeah you are, Dusk. I love that about you though.
So let's say the bucket of fucks is before they meet you. Let's pretend they're a bit tired, energy is still a bit flat from that. You still game? |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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That's a lot to unpack! I'm an avid social goer and don't mind going to clubs if I'm feeling confident enough even though I do prefer one to one meets for that added intimacy. I wouldn't go around trying to kiss anyone and everyone but don't think I would mean I can't connect to those I do as I can only go off my experience with them as opposed to holding them to a who they are with other people.
I have to admit that I would find it hard to meet someone the day after they had a gangbang as I'd worry if I could fulfill them sexually, although it could just be the case that they fancied a gangbang one day and wanted someone more intimate the next and if I can provide that, then great!  |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
1) I’m both. I sway toward 121’s, but I don’t like meeting strangers through Fab, I prefer to meet them at a party. I’m kissy all round though.
2) I think you can, as long as you both respect your differences
3) I think it’s only slut shaming if you tell them that they shouldn’t be having a gang bang because it makes them a slut, and sluts are bad.
If you just choose not to meet them and are respectful about it then I think that’s ok |
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"I’m a kissy person and to me a kiss holds a lot of value.
Hence I don’t kiss people that go round kissing everyone as I find it a bit icky and impersonal
If you kiss someone and then I kiss them then me and you basically lipsed. "
*Pause*  |
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One thing I have noticed at group socials are the number of social butterflies who like to kiss every man that takes their fancy.
I would be extremely uncomfortable if a random woman tried to snog me at an event and I'm sure I'm not unique in that.
It would never cross my mind to work the room because I'm fully aware that not every woman would either want or appreciate my attention but the assumption that all men should be grateful for a snog or shouldn't feel uneasy is difficult to accept.
Sometimes it's because I'm not physically attracted to that person and sometimes it's simply because they are taking liberties. |
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"One thing I have noticed at group socials are the number of social butterflies who like to kiss every man that takes their fancy.
I would be extremely uncomfortable if a random woman tried to snog me at an event and I'm sure I'm not unique in that.
It would never cross my mind to work the room because I'm fully aware that not every woman would either want or appreciate my attention but the assumption that all men should be grateful for a snog or shouldn't feel uneasy is difficult to accept.
Sometimes it's because I'm not physically attracted to that person and sometimes it's simply because they are taking liberties. "
I’ve never been to an organised social. Didn’t realise that happened. Sounds strange. |
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I think that as is so often the case, it’s the ‘why’ that’s the catcher.
I think that a lot of people do fab differently at different times and according to what itch they want scratching. I know that I meet all parts of the (somewhat) binary options that you mention, depending on how I’m feeling and what is happening with myself or my partner.
If someone had a gangbang the night before meeting me, would they be at their best? Would their desire be sated? Would they rather watch Netflix and snuggle than sexual gymnastics?
It depends on the context of why I was meeting the person, what we’d planned and how their choices then impacted their time with me. If the gangbang prevented them from engaging in sex, when that’s what we’d planned then I’d likely be a touch miffed and question their desire for me, rather than shame them.
Much the same as if a partner had a heavy night out with another partner the night before and cancelled a date night because they were too tired or they were too tired to enjoy our time together. It makes me draw into question where their priorities and desires lie |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
I
"
I’d never slut shame or any shame someone
I love kissing so yes I would kiss more than one if I could .
Yes good communication respect each other’s preferred way and conpromise yes you can be compatible |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I could not be having casual sex with lots of people but still having sex with lots of people (just lots of partners) and that bothers some people.
"
If course it does. Some of us can't even get one! |
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"One thing I have noticed at group socials are the number of social butterflies who like to kiss every man that takes their fancy.
I would be extremely uncomfortable if a random woman tried to snog me at an event and I'm sure I'm not unique in that.
It would never cross my mind to work the room because I'm fully aware that not every woman would either want or appreciate my attention but the assumption that all men should be grateful for a snog or shouldn't feel uneasy is difficult to accept.
Sometimes it's because I'm not physically attracted to that person and sometimes it's simply because they are taking liberties.
I’ve never been to an organised social. Didn’t realise that happened. Sounds strange. "
I’ve been to many and some people do smooch a lot but in my experience it’s always consensual and after a level of interaction. I’ve never known anyone to just go around kissing people |
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"is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
Hypothetically, that wouldn't be slut shaming because if I did that, the problem would be with me.
Realistically, it's never happened. If my pals are engaging in a hot bucket of fucks tomorrow, there'd be high-fives and reminders to drink a lot of water today.
Also I'm a very kissy missy.
Yeah you are, Dusk. I love that about you though.
So let's say the bucket of fucks is before they meet you. Let's pretend they're a bit tired, energy is still a bit flat from that. You still game?"
Heckyea I'm still game. I basically invented and patented the blanket fort snack day, which is what I would appreciate after getting dicked out eight times over.
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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1. We are a bit of both to be honest, we like the club scene every now and again but also like 1-1 meets as a 3 or 4, depends what takes our fancy, clubs tend to be more of a spontaneous night for us. We get the fun, unknown of what's going to happen feeling from a club night which is great, but also an exciting build up 1-1 meet, so two different feelings, nice to mix it up.
2. I think it all depends on the people and how they approach us to be honest, as long as we're all on board and seem compatible I don't see why not.
3. Personally this does put us off a bit, as others I have seen have mentioned.. It makes us feel as though we might not be able to fulfill their needs after something like that, each to their own though, we get everyone's on here for their own reasons and I wouldn't consider it slut shaming as everyone has their own preference and can cancel a meet at anytime if you are not feeling right about something.
Miss S x |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"…..
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Sounds very specific ….. 
You can be compatible with anyone for a one off in fab or anywhere else if you both are in the same mood at that exact time. In the long run I don’t think it can last if you’re not in the same page.
I’m a serial snogger. I like a smooch.  |
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I like going to clubs, and I do kiss people, but they usually tend to be women. I see it more of like having fun rather than something intimate. However, if I am having casual sex with someone, I don't really kiss them much because it feels a little too intimate for me.
I do think I can be compatible with someone who has a different approach on here.
I would never slutshame anyone, their sex life is their business, and it certainly wouldn't put me off of them. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
. |
"As much as I love to 'wax lyrical' about my tactile tendencies I'm not one to go all feral when it comes to kissing all and sundry at Fab-organised socials (I don't do clubs by the way, so this is all within the context of socials). I can indeed be compatible with people who have a different approach, otherwise I would be limiting my experiences on here. Everyone has a different gambit and it's what makes Fab such a varied and interesting place.
I have no issues with someone having a gangbang. I would simply defer the meet for a much later date once they have stopped glowing 'post-gangbang' for a few days. I don't wish to be an 'aftermath' but someone for whom they are going to do a 'pleasure reboot' for me/with me.
[Mind you, the people I typically meet are not usually the gangbang variety, except for one close friend...]"
Oh you can be tactile and be kissy without being a kissy person. I think kissing carries differing levels of importance/intimacy and meaning - there's no right or wrong way to go about things. I'll never be one to kiss lots of people at a social. A few that I genuinely like? Sure. Perhaps I place too much on kissing.
Being an aftermath? I understand that. I'm not going to be any man's refractory period, it towel dries my quim like nothing else. I can be happy, love spending time with them during that but sex? No thank you. Again, maybe that's placing too much value on what sex is. |
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"I think that as is so often the case, it’s the ‘why’ that’s the catcher.
I think that a lot of people do fab differently at different times and according to what itch they want scratching. I know that I meet all parts of the (somewhat) binary options that you mention, depending on how I’m feeling and what is happening with myself or my partner.
If someone had a gangbang the night before meeting me, would they be at their best? Would their desire be sated? Would they rather watch Netflix and snuggle than sexual gymnastics?
It depends on the context of why I was meeting the person, what we’d planned and how their choices then impacted their time with me. If the gangbang prevented them from engaging in sex, when that’s what we’d planned then I’d likely be a touch miffed and question their desire for me, rather than shame them.
Much the same as if a partner had a heavy night out with another partner the night before and cancelled a date night because they were too tired or they were too tired to enjoy our time together. It makes me draw into question where their priorities and desires lie"
I’ve been in this situation before. I had a regular FWB who, as the years went on, would often come to see me after a heavy night of fucking the night before and then spend his time with me half asleep. It used to piss me off. We were friends, so his company was nice and not always necessarily about sex. But still annoying and a bit selfish really, I thought. |
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"…..
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
Sounds very specific …..
You can be compatible with anyone for a one off in fab or anywhere else if you both are in the same mood at that exact time. In the long run I don’t think it can last if you’re not in the same page.
I’m a serial snogger. I like a smooch. "
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I’d only kiss people that I felt an attraction to - my kisses are incredible so can’t be just throwing them out there for everyone
Yes of course there’s many ways to swinging and how people do things - as long as it didn’t affect our connection or went against our swinging ethics then I’d say go for it.
Life’s adventures are there for everyone to enjoy - we are making the most of opportunities so we wouldn’t stop any others doing so.
K"
I like the belief you have in yourself K. Being delulu? Here for it. Do it myself.
Ah I'm surprised your middle paragraph hadn't been mentioned before now. Yes. If it starts affecting your connection, it's time to reevaluate it. That's not to say you view them negatively etc but there's no point putting energy in to something when it's not going to work. |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
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"I’m going to tackle Meli’s big theme here.
Yes, I think it’s possible to be compatible and have a lot of sex and fun and social times with people who do all this differently to ourselves.
For example, I’m always looking for a bit of romance and kissing and softness with my casual sex, but in my younger years I would happily dive into a dark room or a five-way session at a swingers club and enjoy the physical moment without all that tenderness.
Do I do that sort of thing now? Nope. It’s not for me any more. Now I only look for, well, the kind of hookup I’m actually looking for.
Do I regret getting down and dirty with people who were looking for different things in the past? Hell no. I wanted to be adventurous and so I was. "
What's the big theme? I'm curious as to how you see it.
As long as someone doesn't regret their past sexual activities, it's all good. In your younger years do you think women would have felt you were compatible to them if they were more... romantic in their leanings? I think we can sometimes think 'Will I fit in to this person's life? Will they have time and energy for me?' That's when compatibility can be brought in to question. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I’m a kissy person and to me a kiss holds a lot of value.
Hence I don’t kiss people that go round kissing everyone as I find it a bit icky and impersonal
If you kiss someone and then I kiss them then me and you basically lipsed.
*Pause* "
Oh my bad yall |
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"What's the big theme? I'm curious as to how you see it."
I think you wanted to discuss whether we can still get something good out of hooking up with people who want, or like, different things from what we want, or like.
And I think we absolutely can, but some of us sometimes choose not to. |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people."
I like kissing lots of people but that's just kissing. I like clubs but would rather just stick with B than do an orgy with randoms. Club group sex with people I know a bit better is good though. I also like one to ones. I am complicated.
"Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?"
Probably.
"And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before? "
If it was done in a shamey way. But I'd probably need more context. But any person can decide not to meet someone for whatever reason they want.
J |
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Oh I love kissing....but there has to be a level of attraction...going to clubs and kissing everyone... absolutely not. Whilst I enjoy clubs my preference is still one on one with someone I care for.
Compatibility can be a strange one ... Context is important but difference a of approaches etc don't negate compatibility. The compatibility with a one off thing in a club compared to compatibility with a partner a very different. But sure some fundamental boxes still need ticked.
As for slut shaming...no...but again context comes into play. As I've seen others mention...if it impacted on our time together...they were too tired now...or had lost some desire as they'd already had that urge sated ...then yeah I'd be annoyed. But slut shaming them ...no |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Kissing I love, but doing it in front of others isn't my thing so I doubt I'd be the type to kiss lots of people at a big social.
In a club environment I'm the type of woman to not have sex in front of others usually. So group sex is out of my comfort zone in the orgy rooms for example.
So based on my shyness, no I'm not always compatible with how others do things, if it means stepping out of my comfort zone it means my boundaries get pushed. And I'm not keen on having my boundaries and limits pushed.
The bonus one, is it slut shaming?
This reminded me of a thread not so long ago. I commented to the effect of, the person who had decided against sleeping with the other because they had sex the day before, was actually the one with the insecurities and it wasn't about the sexual act itself. More about them feeling lesser. I think I'd go with that answer again here.
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people. "
I've only been involved in one group scenario, which was very alcohol fuelled, so I don't count that. I also haven't played at clubs. One on ones is the way I prefer do things, but I have been quite kissy at socials. Only ever with people I'm attracted to, or to test the chemistry with someone I think I might be attracted to (I know, I'm weird. I don't always know if I fancy someone immediately).
" Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you? "
Yes, I think so. If we're into each other for the duration of our time together then what we do when apart doesn't really bother me. Obviously there has to be some sexual compatibility and mutual attraction, and I also value a friendship based arrangement, but I'm aware that I'm not going to necessarily fulfill all of a partner's sexual desires. If they're also into sex with strangers, but can still put energy into maintaining a friendship with me it's all good.
" And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before? "
No, I don't think so. It's important to me that our energies are in sync when we meet. If they're tired from a meet the day before, yet I'm buzzing with anticipation, it's going to feel disappointing. |
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By *hilloutMan 43 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Depends on how wide the divide is between approaches. If too different, probably not.
As to the second question, not at all. I wouldn't meet someone under those circumstances. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
1) I have yet to venture to a club but the curiosity is there. With regard to kissing, it is the build up I enjoy, the lingering eye contact and I imagine being in a club and finding that one person that catches your attention across the room could certainly set your pulse racing!
I wouldn’t be one for kissing lots of random no, 1 - 1 is hard to beat really with someone special.
2) Yes, I am very open minded and if our personalities are compatible then all is well.
3) I would meet them socially as I would want to know all the details but that’s all |
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By *JohnMan 43 weeks ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
"
Yes. I don't expect it to be true of everyone, but it is true of me.
I like kissing. It makes sex better. But some people aren't comfortable kissing casual partners, and sex is still great without it. So I'll happily not kiss, and won't feel that I'm missing out. Everyone involved has to be enjoying it for sex to be good.
Also, at a club I enjoy group play in an open room. Feeling the presence of others playing nearby, hearing them, looking up and suddenly seeing what they're doing - that adds a lot to the experience for me. But again, it's not for everyone. If I meet someone who wants intimacy in a private room, I am more than happy to go along. We'll both enjoy it more if we're both comfortable.
And the bonus question: it's only slut shaming if you shame them. If your response is "eww, that's disgusting, how can you do that?", that is not OK. But we all have our different levels of comfort and standards of sexual safety. If learning that someone takes part in gangbangs changes your mind about playing with them, don't play with them. Just don't be rude about it. |
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I like kissing, but I'm not one for kissing lots of random people, especially at a social. I have always reserved kissing for people that I've either been intimate with, or would like to be more intimate with. For me socials are for talking, perhaps a bit of flirting.
Regarding approaches to Fab, I don't think anyone does things exactly as anyone else, but some can be pretty close. Regarding compatibility with someone who does things differently, it really would depend on what differed...but it would ultimately come down to different outlooks/attitudes/morals rather than anything specifically relating to Fab. |
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Yes, how people approach fab is not a high priority for me - when considering compatibility. It's below 'Ability to recognise star wars references' but above 'can play the harmonica'
I'd say it is not intrinsically slut-shaming, but it could potentially be; therefore, I would it consider it quite reasonable for the other person to question their reasoning. |
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Kissers.
We kiss any Hotties of this property
We're damn good too
But you can't be any geek off the street
You gotta be handy with the looks, if you know what I mean
Earn your kiss
Kissers, mount up! |
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"Kissers.
We kiss any Hotties of this property
We're damn good too
But you can't be any geek off the street
You gotta be handy with the looks, if you know what I mean
Earn your kiss
Kissers, mount up!"
Excellent |
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I've kept coming back to this thread all day, trying to arrange my brain. Because this feels quite close to home!
I'm a kissy person, a one to one person, a club person, a one-off person, a longer term connection person, a gangbang person, a kink person... On different days, in different situations, with different people. It's one of the reasons our profile hasn't been updated for ages, it's quite hard to encapsulate that in a couple of paragraphs
I think the tick box nature of fab means it's easy to reduce people to just that. I think it also breeds insecurity - "oh, they're into this thing, I don't know if I am, they won't be interested". Same mindset as looking at people's veris and discounting yourself based on the fact that someone they met is quite different to you. I think we are all vastly more complex as human beings than you can possibly learn from a fab profile.
I think there is something inherently judgemental in not meeting someone because they have engaged in a particular act. Yes, it's a preference, and of course we all have them. None of us like to think we are judgemental, it has such a negative connotation. So we call it preference.
For me, unless someone is engaging in sex which might put my sexual health at risk, or without the knowledge of a partner, I couldn't give two hoots about what they get up to sexually when they're not with me. Anyone meeting me knows I'm married, so I guess they're already good with that before we get involved.
I can't deny I'd be miffed if someone told me they didn't want to meet me because I've had a gangbang. Because that doesn't change who I am. Or who I'd be when I was with them in a different situation. I also don't think it's inherently more risky than having sex with multiple people individually. Eight sexual partners are still eight sexual partners, whether you've had them in one night or spread over years
Pretty sure I could keep rambling on for ages about this. Also acutely aware my views are coloured by my own sexual proclivities. Preference, innit.
Mrs TMN x |
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"I'm a kissy person, a one to one person, a club person, a one-off person, a longer term connection person, a gangbang person, a kink person... On different days, in different situations, with different people."
Hey, look at that. I think you just figured out how to encapsulate that in a couple of paragraphs |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
I love kissing! It really gets my juices flowing. But I can't kiss someone I don't fancy. And I don't fancy people just on looks - there needs to have been some conversation and a connection first (even at clubs and parties), so I guess that means I don't kiss random people?
Anyone can back out of a meet at any time, for whatever reason. And there's no obligation to tell the other party why you've changed your mind. So no, there's no slut shaming - it's simply a change of heart. |
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"I'm a kissy person, a one to one person, a club person, a one-off person, a longer term connection person, a gangbang person, a kink person... On different days, in different situations, with different people.
Hey, look at that. I think you just figured out how to encapsulate that in a couple of paragraphs "
*tips hat* I realised that as I wrote it! You got me, the other reason our profile hasn't been updated is laziness |
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By *ilBWoman 43 weeks ago
West Midlands |
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Is the gangbang on a Wednesday OP?
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
I am a kissy/make out at socials kinda guy. Some of my best meets have been with women who want to keep a low profile and not make a show of themselves on the dance floor like I do.
I think compatibility has two different versions for this discussion. Compatibility for a meet is one thing. Compatibility for longer term is another.
My wife is the polar opposite of me and in real life we are a match made in heaven. Swing wise, there was always a tension. It was a healthy one because we understood that swinging was less important than the relationship. But I can see how it might be that frustration might seep in to both sides. But I do feel compromise on both sides would ease that
As for the gang bang bonus, I don't think it's slut shaming. I think it's something that can make people uncomfortable. If my internal prejudice (and we all do have them) make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe then I couldn't proceed with a meet. But I would have to be clear here that the issue is with me not with the gangbanger.
Safety is super important to most people. And gang bangs are a sticky, messy, impossible to control events. When explaining to my vanilla friends about what a gangbang or orgy is like they were all horrified at the thought of another cock touching them or god forbid ... bodily fluids.
There is a woman who wants me to "breed" her. (Its a kink she wants to explore). Just cum inside her. I really like her. She's hot. But I'm a safety first kinda guy. I'm not slut shaming her. It's hot as fuck. But safety is important. |
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"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
Only if its a Wednesday |
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By *rispyDuckMan 43 weeks ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
"
I wouldn’t call it slut shaming just a preference
I wouldn’t meet someone if they had a gangbang day before. We would have to reschedule till they have a recent STI test |
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By *eli OP Woman 43 weeks ago
. |
"So, you're a person who loves going to clubs or kissing random people at socials or lots of casual sex. Or you're not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
Can you be compatible with people who approach Fab in a way that's different to you?
And a bonus one - is it slut shaming if you decide to no longer meet someone when you find out they're having a gangbang the day before?
Is the gangbang on a Wednesday OP?
"
Ooo, I like it when you call me OP.
I forgot the question now. It wasn't important, was it? |
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I'm not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
I would feel like I didn't have anything in common with someone who like gang bangs, but I don't see that as slut shaming.
I like intimacy, passion and erotic sex.
Someone who likes gang bangs may enjoy that themselves but I'd think their mindset was far from mine and wouldn't be attracted to them. |
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"I'm not a club person, prefer one on ones and don't tend to kiss lots of random people.
I would feel like I didn't have anything in common with someone who like gang bangs, but I don't see that as slut shaming.
I like intimacy, passion and erotic sex.
Someone who likes gang bangs may enjoy that themselves but I'd think their mindset was far from mine and wouldn't be attracted to them."
Especially if they were the kind of person who sees a gang bang advertised and wanted to go purely because they wanted a blow job and someone to nut over, and it was an easy lay situation. |
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