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Ethical non monogamy…
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If you are ENM (swinging, poly, open).
How old were you when you realised this about yourself?
I was in my teens. I knew I liked girls as well as boys, so that was part of my discovery.
In the 90s, neither fact was well received by my peers. Coming out was a BIG deal for me. |
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Um.
For many years I just thought I was a weird slut and I'd never be able to have a proper relationship.
Discovering it's actually a recognised way of life and connecting with people who really understand over the past few years has vastly improved my life  |
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By *eliWoman 43 weeks ago
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I've always been ethically non-monogamous although I've had periods in my life where I was only dating/having sex with one person.
Never cheated on anyone, not even remotely - that's a really big part of ENM for me.
The polyam thing? I had an inkling about seven years ago now. Started to discuss it with others and read up about it around five years ago. Started exploring it shortly after. For a long time I thought I was just a bad person for having feelings for others. Didn't identify with being poly because I thought you had to have The Big Love for every person you dated.
So, I was about 29, soon 30 when I finally said yep. I'm poly. I'm really happy I am now. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Mono-normativity really did a number on me! Ok, so this is quite embarrassing, but I was 33, around 9 years ago. I just didn't realise that there were other people who felt like me, that there were names for it. I still didn't really accept it for another 7 years though. During my marriage I worried that the crushes I had on people must mean that I didn't love my ex-husband enough. I never acted on it, but the guilt was big nonetheless. Now I understand myself better I can look back without guilt and see how much I loved him. |
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By *stellaWoman 43 weeks ago
London |
I’m a relationship anarchist. I have BIG feelings for both my romantic/sexual and platonic people. Everyone brings something to me and no one is more important than the next. I’ve always felt this. |
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"I've always been ethically non-monogamous although I've had periods in my life where I was only dating/having sex with one person.
Never cheated on anyone, not even remotely - that's a really big part of ENM for me.
The polyam thing? I had an inkling about seven years ago now. Started to discuss it with others and read up about it around five years ago. Started exploring it shortly after. For a long time I thought I was just a bad person for having feelings for others. Didn't identify with being poly because I thought you had to have The Big Love for every person you dated.
So, I was about 29, soon 30 when I finally said yep. I'm poly. I'm really happy I am now. "
I this. |
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"Um.
For many years I just thought I was a weird slut and I'd never be able to have a proper relationship.
Discovering it's actually a recognised way of life and connecting with people who really understand over the past few years has vastly improved my life "
I am familiar with that feeling. |
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"Discovered ENM when I was 21, my partner at time also was and it has carried through iterations of partners to present day.
28 years ago.
I'm much happier being who I really am.
(Mr)"
This is lovely. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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I still don’t know what ENM means.
What I do know is, Im alright with a lot of things, and I’m probably open to being open about some kind of a swinging/open/non monogamous relationship. Simply because when I was younger that’s how I grew up, and enjoyed being with girls. We didn’t ‘claim each other’. And that’s how I feel now. Somewhere in between i commited my soul to someone 1on1 and nobody else mattered. Who knows, I might have that feeling again one day. But, around the age of 40 ish, I knew I wanted to explore different ways of enjoying sex, and other with other people.
It’s hard to answer a lot of questions in here when you’re single. Because we don’t fit in when you mention ‘relationships’. |
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"Mono-normativity really did a number on me! Ok, so this is quite embarrassing, but I was 33, around 9 years ago. I just didn't realise that there were other people who felt like me, that there were names for it. I still didn't really accept it for another 7 years though. During my marriage I worried that the crushes I had on people must mean that I didn't love my ex-husband enough. I never acted on it, but the guilt was big nonetheless. Now I understand myself better I can look back without guilt and see how much I loved him. "
*hug* That turmoil is very real. I’m glad you got through it and are happier now.
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"I’m a relationship anarchist. I have BIG feelings for both my romantic/sexual and platonic people. Everyone brings something to me and no one is more important than the next. I’ve always felt this. "
I like that term! Relationship anarchist. |
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"I still don’t know what ENM means.
What I do know is, Im alright with a lot of things, and I’m probably open to being open about some kind of a swinging/open/non monogamous relationship. Simply because when I was younger that’s how I grew up, and enjoyed being with girls. We didn’t ‘claim each other’. And that’s how I feel now. Somewhere in between i commited my soul to someone 1on1 and nobody else mattered. Who knows, I might have that feeling again one day. But, around the age of 40 ish, I knew I wanted to explore different ways of enjoying sex, and other with other people.
It’s hard to answer a lot of questions in here when you’re single. Because we don’t fit in when you mention ‘relationships’. "
I have one of the old-school Bibles on it. “The Ethical Slut.” There’s many ways to be ENM.
I’ve also heard some people refer to themselves as “solo poly.”
Anyway if you’ve ever practiced ethical non monogamy then you fit into this discussion. |
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I love. That's my thing. I love hard and I'm not afraid to tell my people that I love them.
As pp has said, each person brings something new to me, and my relationships and I love that. They each get a better version of me that they have helped create. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I still don’t know what ENM means.
What I do know is, Im alright with a lot of things, and I’m probably open to being open about some kind of a swinging/open/non monogamous relationship. Simply because when I was younger that’s how I grew up, and enjoyed being with girls. We didn’t ‘claim each other’. And that’s how I feel now. Somewhere in between i commited my soul to someone 1on1 and nobody else mattered. Who knows, I might have that feeling again one day. But, around the age of 40 ish, I knew I wanted to explore different ways of enjoying sex, and other with other people.
It’s hard to answer a lot of questions in here when you’re single. Because we don’t fit in when you mention ‘relationships’.
I have one of the old-school Bibles on it. “The Ethical Slut.” There’s many ways to be ENM.
I’ve also heard some people refer to themselves as “solo poly.”
Anyway if you’ve ever practiced ethical non monogamy then you fit into this discussion. "
In that case, with the words of Savage Garden - I believe that the truth is more important than monogamy.  |
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Aged 18, my first serious boyfriend and we went straight into an open relationship, played around in our core group of friends. Once we both realised we were secure, we started adding other romantic relationships to our dynamic 
I started my solo poly journey 9 years ago and it fits me that well, I don't want another serious relationship, I'm very happy as I am, with a few longterm special friends instead |
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By *r_PinkMan 43 weeks ago
london stratford |
"Aged 18, my first serious boyfriend and we went straight into an open relationship, played around in our core group of friends. Once we both realised we were secure, we started adding other romantic relationships to our dynamic
I started my solo poly journey 9 years ago and it fits me that well, I don't want another serious relationship, I'm very happy as I am, with a few longterm special friends instead "
I was in my late 20s when I knew I craved group sex, I found swinging at 29, then fetish scene about 4 years later. by 30s I "experimented" with bi MMFs but only self accepted I was bicurious, het exible in my mid 30s and the more experience I had the more experimental I became, NOW I am a eco friendly proud pervert with nuffink to hide |
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For me when I met my partner of 23 yrs now and our very first conversation was that she was bi and would have other lovers. I was so pleased to find an open frame to build my love for her and others. Years later festivals like Quintasensual and Queer Spirit helped me to know who I am better. Now I love an array of beings and she has her deep loving connections from the past and the present. We keep communicating and learning names and labels for what we have as an open couple in love. |
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"For me when I met my partner of 23 yrs now and our very first conversation was that she was bi and would have other lovers. I was so pleased to find an open frame to build my love for her and others. Years later festivals like Quintasensual and Queer Spirit helped me to know who I am better. Now I love an array of beings and she has her deep loving connections from the past and the present. We keep communicating and learning names and labels for what we have as an open couple in love. "
That's beautiful. |
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I only really knew what any of it meant a few years ago. I was monogamous for 12 years before that. In my teens I just thought I was a "typical, wild teenager" who couldn't keep it in her pants. It was a very freeing feeling when I realised, it put a lot in perspective. |
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"If you are ENM (swinging, poly, open).
How old were you when you realised this about yourself?
I was in my teens. I knew I liked girls as well as boys, so that was part of my discovery.
In the 90s, neither fact was well received by my peers. Coming out was a BIG deal for me."
I was 18/19 x
Cali |
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