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When 'Socials' go wrong....
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I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims  |
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I’d hardly say that’s something “going wrong”.
A social is meant for exactly that, social interaction, and it sounds like that’s what happened.
If you’re thinking a social should actually end up in a sexual situation then you need to seriously redefine your expectations.
Social meets are not meeting up for sex |
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Arranged to pick someone up from her place to go for a few drinks. Knocked on her door, and when she opened it the smell from her house hit me like a truck. You know that dirty, skanky, unwashed smell? That one...... |
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If its a guy we just do a kik chat. We find crazy can't hide for long and they soon give themselves away. When we meet a guy after the chat its in a hotel and straight into the fucking. Couples we have a social first but always play on the same day  |
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As for there being a "pre-defined plan" for a social......disagree entirely.
You have to just go with the flow and let connections build naturally. A social is to simply get to know the person you're meeting - you can't pre-define a plan for getting to know someone. Talk about whatever you want to, let them do the same. If the conversation doesn't flow in a way that attracts you then that doesn't mean it's "gone wrong", just means that person isn't for you.
As for the Carry On films, if that's their interest then great. If it's not your interest then so be it. But it doesn't mean they were wrong to have that interest |
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"Arranged to pick someone up from her place to go for a few drinks. Knocked on her door, and when she opened it the smell from her house hit me like a truck. You know that dirty, skanky, unwashed smell? That one......"
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"Arranged to pick someone up from her place to go for a few drinks. Knocked on her door, and when she opened it the smell from her house hit me like a truck. You know that dirty, skanky, unwashed smell? That one......
"
Weirdly enough, that emoji looks exactly like my face did T the time  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
That’s sounds alright … it’s a social to chat.
It just goes to another level of awesomeness if you get along enough to take each other somewhere private.  |
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"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
What had you both said the social was going to be?.
I wouldn't meet someone who won't do a social first, a cuppa or drink somewhere public is fine.
It's to see that they are who they say, that they are relatively normal and we would be compatible.
If not we can go our separate ways no harm done.
It sounds like you and the person you met weren't, so the social did its job. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Not only woman like socials. So do I.
That for me is what swinging is about. It’s what makes swinging different to just sex. Because until you meet someone you never really know if there’s an actual attraction physical or mental.
When you say a plan to it. For me, no.
Why have a plan other than meet and let’s see how we get on and if we want to meet again for more.
If you go with a plan how will you react if it doesn’t go the way you planned it? |
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"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
Discussing Carry On films doesn't sound like it's gone wrong to me.
A social is exactly that.
It does not mean anything more than being sociable in public. |
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By *aizyWoman 42 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
Sorry, but discussing Carry On films sounds like the perfect social to me! |
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We always try to have a social before a play meet.
We are lucky enough to have a decent pub 5 mins drive from our place. It gives us a chance to check out the person joining us.
If things go well we can always take them home to play |
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"What's your favourite carry on film op?
Think mine has to be carry on up the khyber
Mrs
The one where Babs' bra flies off
Carry on Camping! "
I'm actually going camping next weekend too. Anybody wanna recreate the scene with me?   |
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"What's your favourite carry on film op?
Think mine has to be carry on up the khyber
Mrs
The one where Babs' bra flies off
Carry on Camping!
I'm actually going camping next weekend too. Anybody wanna recreate the scene with me? "
Would do but I've not got Bab's knockers |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I remember a woman invited me round her house once for a social,I went upstairs to the kitchen well it looked like a bomb had hit hit,the stainless steel kitchen sink was orange in color,cat hairs all over I was put off n made an excuse n left,I can understand people with little money I'm one of them but no excuse to be dirty,soap cost pennies |
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By *oxy jWoman 42 weeks ago
somerset |
i wrote on here before about a friend who went for a social only to be beaten up so badly she had to stay in hospital for a while she was so lucky that the police were so close that they saw him doing it ... scary bit is hes still on here with more than one profile |
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"We always try to have a social before a play meet.
We are lucky enough to have a decent pub 5 mins drive from our place. It gives us a chance to check out the person joining us.
If things go well we can always take them home to play "
Funnily enough this is why I don't like them, a few notables are walking into a packed footy/rugby weekend and the barman saying over the counter 'they're in the corner behind the column'. A second couple.. their first question was 'how long have you been swinging/meeting online'. The third was flashing me her pussy. A single couldn't stop talking about her clit piercing. Fucking hate them. |
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In my early twenties, I met a guy in a pub for a drink to see if we were compatible.
He was creepy, so I tried to make my excuses to leave. He asked why I wasn't interested, so I told him I found him a bit creepy (why did I say that?).
He said, and I do not jest, 'don't worry, if it helps you feel safer you can just tie me up when we get back to yours.'  |
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No pre-plan needed for me. A social is just that. No expectations at all. I cannot stand awkwardness and expectations. I will only ever plan to go for a drink/coffee/walk with someone. It’s so rare that I ever want to take it further anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"…
He said, and I do not jest, 'don't worry, if it helps you feel safer you can just tie me up when we get back to yours.' "
I mean. … no, but also yes. it should work. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Like our profile says:
If we have not met before, we prefer a social first, and if all goes well, we're happy for things to progress. On the flip side, it's not a given that we'll end up playing just because we have met for a social.
Unfortunately, we think some people think that agreeing to a social means your agreeing to sex.
We have had a few socials, where we have known within minutes that things weren't going to progress any further and wouldn't like to think we'd arranged to meet them at a hotel or some other place, knowing that's what they thought was happening |
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"i wrote on here before about a friend who went for a social only to be beaten up so badly she had to stay in hospital for a while she was so lucky that the police were so close that they saw him doing it ... scary bit is hes still on here with more than one profile"
Wow that's horrific
Men like him shouldn't be on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I must be the luckiest person in the world.
I've never had a weird or awkward date/social.
Everyone has been friendly.
Clean.
Polite.
Dressed for the occasion.
Sex wise I've only had sex once with a girl that had a funky aroma going on round her lady bits and that was a one off, so maybe she had something going on that day.
I've met people online that have come across a little unhinged, but I don't meet them.
All my meets have been good  |
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"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
Easily solved, OP. Just send her a list of pre approved topics to discuss. You could also have a definite no-no list and put Carry On films on it, if you feel that strongly about them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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So question for the fellas as they are more inclined to just try to go straight to a shag.
What if you arnt attracted to the woman or don't click?
Surely you need a social to make sure you're interested in her? |
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"So question for the fellas as they are more inclined to just try to go straight to a shag.
What if you arnt attracted to the woman or don't click?
Surely you need a social to make sure you're interested in her?"
I've met lots of women I knew I wasn't physically attracted to before we even agreed to meet socially because we had been chatting for quite a while and enjoyed the banter.
I don't meet people just because I expect to have sex with them.
I've probably had 30-40 one to one socials over the years and only 6 of those led to anything more.
That was all by choice not circumstance. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"So question for the fellas as they are more inclined to just try to go straight to a shag.
What if you arnt attracted to the woman or don't click?
Surely you need a social to make sure you're interested in her?"
Yes need a social to finalise things and make sure she adds up.Also so she can make sure I add up(This will definitely torpedo my luck with everyone that reads this)
Friend met a woman without a social and ended up getting chased by her husband with a bat.They arranged to do that between them apparently.Very strange couple
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By *ustBoWoman 42 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I wouldn't consider that to be a social gone wrong, that's just a social where it didn't go any farther and it sounds like you expected it to be more. Always chat and make sure you are both on the same page about them. Because otherwise it leads to trouble.
A social for me is just that a chat etc to see if we get on. I've had more socials that didn't go any farther than I have had ones where I wanted to meet someone again. I also have to make it very clear before a social that it is just that as well as quite a few people tend to think it's something that guarantees them sex if we meet for a social.
I have had two socials that went wrong,one I was fairly new here and had chatted to a guy for a while and stupidly went to a his house as he said his car was in being fixed (turns out he didn't have one ) for a coffee. When I was in the kitchen and about to leave as I wasn't interested in taking things farther he stood in my way and whipped out his dick and told me as I was there I was as well give him a BJ at least.I had to literally push him out of my way and run out. Never again would I go to someone's house if I have never met them before.
The second a guy walked me back to my car after we had grabbed a coffee and chatted ,he then proceeded to grab me and pin me down while tearing at my clothes while trying to kiss me.I had to fight him off and scream, he stopped and when I asked wtf was wrong with him I was told sorry but you're on fab I thought you'd be up for it. He had left fab by the time I got home so I never got to report him but I almost left fab over that.
They are the two examples of socials gone wrong. Not just having a chat and thinking it should be more. That was more the mentality of the two guys I met those occasions.
But they were lessons I learned and will never make those mistakes again . |
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I think the term social is more important in terms of curving the expectations of other. Some people can be rather presumptuous and pushy.
I'd say around 50% of the socials I've been on in the past have not stayed strictly social by the end. But then I always went with the attitude of go with no expectations and just flow with things as they come. Other the other 50% most that haven't ended up physical in some capacity by the end it's because there wasn't the chemistry. And obviously its a good thing in the cases that didn't go so well that there wasn't pressure or expectations. So its important theres not an expectation on a first meet. Although there has been some that stay social that day and moved on to future successful meet/s.
So it seems to me that a lot of people are happy to let a social turn into something more physical if the chemistry is there and it goes well on the day. I think for many they say social to lessen expectations and pressure rather than to indicate they won't first time. |
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My worst social was years ago when I met a single lady in the bar and asked her what she wanted to drink. By the time I came back from the bar she’d gone. I had two drinks in hand and someone else had then taken the table. I paused, turned, returned to the bar, and swiftly necked both drinks.
Kind of admired her for making such a swift decision. |
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"I never get the 'social' (though I do 'date'). Now I understand that some women need the safety reassurance, but there needs to be a pre-defined plan.
Worst ever was where we ended up in her car (in a hotel car park) discussing CARRY ON fims "
So you do actually understand then? That we need to feel safe.
A social, is just that. Unless you both consent to more. |
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"We've met loads of people socially and always make it clear that is all it will be. Only one person thought that was code for try to snog my face off in a pub. "
Never understand men who are invited for a social and think because you’re getting on they can lunge for your face without asking - just horrific for women out there trying to safely navigate meeting men who have no respect for boundaries or just some social awareness - it’s like they’ve been raised in caves |
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"i wrote on here before about a friend who went for a social only to be beaten up so badly she had to stay in hospital for a while she was so lucky that the police were so close that they saw him doing it ... scary bit is hes still on here with more than one profile"
You have to report this if only to get him blocked so he can’t be in a position to hurt anyone else - Jesus, it’s terrifying |
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"We've met loads of people socially and always make it clear that is all it will be. Only one person thought that was code for try to snog my face off in a pub.
Never understand men who are invited for a social and think because you’re getting on they can lunge for your face without asking - just horrific for women out there trying to safely navigate meeting men who have no respect for boundaries or just some social awareness - it’s like they’ve been raised in caves "
It's not just your face they lunge for  |
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"We've met loads of people socially and always make it clear that is all it will be. Only one person thought that was code for try to snog my face off in a pub.
Never understand men who are invited for a social and think because you’re getting on they can lunge for your face without asking - just horrific for women out there trying to safely navigate meeting men who have no respect for boundaries or just some social awareness - it’s like they’ve been raised in caves
It's not just your face they lunge for "
True |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"So question for the fellas as they are more inclined to just try to go straight to a shag.
What if you arnt attracted to the woman or don't click?
Surely you need a social to make sure you're interested in her?
I've met lots of women I knew I wasn't physically attracted to before we even agreed to meet socially because we had been chatting for quite a while and enjoyed the banter.
I don't meet people just because I expect to have sex with them.
I've probably had 30-40 one to one socials over the years and only 6 of those led to anything more.
That was all by choice not circumstance. "
This is aimed at the fellas that are just after sex, the ones that try to convince women to meet straight for sex rather than a social.
I'm asking shouldn't they social first because they don't know if the attraction will be there, or is this not important to them. |
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By *lder.Woman 42 weeks ago
Not Local |
"…
He said, and I do not jest, 'don't worry, if it helps you feel safer you can just tie me up when we get back to yours.'
I mean. … no, but also yes. it should work. "
Tie him up in the pub just to be sure |
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"So question for the fellas as they are more inclined to just try to go straight to a shag.
What if you arnt attracted to the woman or don't click?
Surely you need a social to make sure you're interested in her?
I've met lots of women I knew I wasn't physically attracted to before we even agreed to meet socially because we had been chatting for quite a while and enjoyed the banter.
I don't meet people just because I expect to have sex with them.
I've probably had 30-40 one to one socials over the years and only 6 of those led to anything more.
That was all by choice not circumstance.
This is aimed at the fellas that are just after sex, the ones that try to convince women to meet straight for sex rather than a social.
I'm asking shouldn't they social first because they don't know if the attraction will be there, or is this not important to them."
This shouldn't really need explaining as it's fairly basic meet rules.. First there's no convincing - they are either comfortable meeting or not. Second, the attractions there or you wouldn't waste time out of your day - this applies to all parties. The only thing that changes is if either you or they change their mind. So third, there's no sex guarantee simply as you are at a house or hotel.
You sound like sex is a guarantee if the attraction is there for you at a social, it isn't. |
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