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Should you rush into a marriage?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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For many now marriage is becoming outdated. The rights that marriage got you such as pension rights if each other, life insurance to next of kin, married persons tax allowance and many more no longer exist or now recognise partners.
Add the cost of a marriage to basically feed your guests, I totally understand why people are doing it less and less.
In answer to your question when is the right time for anything, that said I’m totally for living with someone first as you probably don’t see the real them when it’s just dating, such as how they live in the house and tidiness or things that may just “grip” you |
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WHAT IS ONE’s PRIORITIES\CIRCUMSTANCES?
To reproduce?
Accidentally get knocked up?
To secure some kind of legacy?
Biological clock?
Everyone else is getting married?
Don’t feel “complete” without a partner?
Maybe you feel you’ve found The One?
Maybe you feel you’ll never find The One so...THIS ONE will do  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Marriage is a major commitment & costly if it doesn't work out, Re- Divorce Settlements & all that. I have a few male friends who admitted they got the ultimatum marry me or else....I was kinda shocked how many were put in this position....
No romantic unexpected proposals. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Are you religious? If not, then don’t get married in s church, it’s pointless. (*just my opinion. ) Just make a promise to each other that you are going to be partners, and keep that f’king promise. That’s the most important thing out of all this, and anytime is the right time when you know you’ve found someone you’re willing to give your heart to. I asked my ex wife after about 6 months. I then asked her dad for her hand after about a year and was told NO it will never last, we are young etc and we managed 23 yr before it broke down. When you know, you know.
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By *sWyldWoman 43 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I did. I felt trapped into it in many ways. I really didn't want to do it but at the time felt I had no other choice.
Not only was it a mistake but it deprived me of an experience that's supposed to be happy.
I'll never get to have that now |
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No, we've been together 7 years and we get married next month it's not something I'd rush into however my previous marriage I waited 8 years and it lasted 1 so waiting doesn't always mean it'll last.
Mrs |
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
And divorce is primarily for the benefit of the lady  "
Sadly, it's never been that.
Women should not get married. There's no benefit to it that you can't arrange via solicitors contract. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man."
Your saying that but not saying why so my opinion hasn’t altered |
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
Your saying that but not saying why so my opinion hasn’t altered "
Why do you think marriage had no benefit for men? |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
Your saying that but not saying why so my opinion hasn’t altered
Why do you think marriage had no benefit for men?"
I can’t see any benefit.
You said it mainly benefits the man. Tell us how |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I’d live with them first. You never know what someone is truly like until you’ve lived together."
This op. You need to live together first. See how uncompatabile and is it purely just sexual. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"We got engaged 9 months after meeting.
Here we are in our 19th year of marriage. Why wait if it feels right. We are living proof of marrying your soulmate works "
Congratulate you both on sustaining your love,your committment to each other |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"We got engaged 9 months after meeting.
Here we are in our 19th year of marriage. Why wait if it feels right. We are living proof of marrying your soulmate works "
Well done must say you both keep in shape you look absolutely stunning..That's part of it always looking good pride in one's appearance .As my late Mother said ( and yep she was attractive) No ugly women only LAZY ONES |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too "
When is your wedding op? |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"No, we've been together 7 years and we get married next month it's not something I'd rush into however my previous marriage I waited 8 years and it lasted 1 so waiting doesn't always mean it'll last.
Mrs "
Ooooh have a happy day you two. |
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We’ve been together so long now I get confused by the dates, but I think we were together about 10 years before we started living together and then another five before we got married. We’ve just had our 13th anniversary. We are slooooow at getting things done (apart from the sex, that happened almost straight away). |
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
Your saying that but not saying why so my opinion hasn’t altered
Why do you think marriage had no benefit for men?
I can’t see any benefit.
You said it mainly benefits the man. Tell us how "
Men primarily gain status and time in heterosexual marriages.
In most cases, the manual and mental labour is not equal in a heterosexual marriage. Women are still primarily seen as the domestic 'manager' of the house, even if the man does some of the labour.
This means that he will generally have more free time, both physical and mental time, because his wife will be taking on the burden of running and organising the home and their lives, even if she also works full time like him. He benefits from the status that a wife brings - it is seen as a positive still in many parts of society and single people are considered lesser.
If they choose to have a family, he will benefit from the status that a family brings in society - as previously said.
And if they have a family, he will benefit from his wife putting her life literally on the line and from her potentially having health complications that can last the rest of her life in order to birth and raise his children. This benefit/risk is magnified if his wife is black, because it is around five times riskier for a black woman to become pregnant and give birth in our country.
And then of course, the children must be raised. It is still a vanishingly rare statistic that a man gives up his career to raise his children. But still a woman will have been impacted in her career by her maternity leave even if he does. So she will likely spend twenty years sacrificing parts of her career. Working part time instead of full time, if she works at all. And while you might think 'but she recieves money from him to make up for it' that doesn't make up for the golden career years she will have lost, the promotions she will be passed over for because employers assume she will tend to her family first, or the pension that is not paid into (and the pension match provided by the government).
So a man will benefit from staus in society, from the risks she takes to her body, and from her mental and physical labour throughout a marriage. And this whole time it will become harder and harder for her to leave him in most cases because she will begin to depend on him financially. So he now has a trapped wife, who will continue to give him all of these benefits.
And all that adds up to the fact that a man's life expectancy will statistically lengthen by around five years compared to him staying single, while a woman's will shorten. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
Your saying that but not saying why so my opinion hasn’t altered
Why do you think marriage had no benefit for men?
I can’t see any benefit.
You said it mainly benefits the man. Tell us how
Men primarily gain status and time in heterosexual marriages.
In most cases, the manual and mental labour is not equal in a heterosexual marriage. Women are still primarily seen as the domestic 'manager' of the house, even if the man does some of the labour.
This means that he will generally have more free time, both physical and mental time, because his wife will be taking on the burden of running and organising the home and their lives, even if she also works full time like him. He benefits from the status that a wife brings - it is seen as a positive still in many parts of society and single people are considered lesser.
If they choose to have a family, he will benefit from the status that a family brings in society - as previously said.
And if they have a family, he will benefit from his wife putting her life literally on the line and from her potentially having health complications that can last the rest of her life in order to birth and raise his children. This benefit/risk is magnified if his wife is black, because it is around five times riskier for a black woman to become pregnant and give birth in our country.
And then of course, the children must be raised. It is still a vanishingly rare statistic that a man gives up his career to raise his children. But still a woman will have been impacted in her career by her maternity leave even if he does. So she will likely spend twenty years sacrificing parts of her career. Working part time instead of full time, if she works at all. And while you might think 'but she recieves money from him to make up for it' that doesn't make up for the golden career years she will have lost, the promotions she will be passed over for because employers assume she will tend to her family first, or the pension that is not paid into (and the pension match provided by the government).
So a man will benefit from staus in society, from the risks she takes to her body, and from her mental and physical labour throughout a marriage. And this whole time it will become harder and harder for her to leave him in most cases because she will begin to depend on him financially. So he now has a trapped wife, who will continue to give him all of these benefits.
And all that adds up to the fact that a man's life expectancy will statistically lengthen by around five years compared to him staying single, while a woman's will shorten."
all of that can be achieved without marriage
What does marriage do? |
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As someone who's been married a looong time obviously I'm an advocate of said institution. However I wouldn't advise rushing in to any commitment with or to another person.
If you decide to live with someone and the relationship breaks down the emotional fall out is as bad as if you were married and if you purchase property together there's that to sort out, if you have children together you need to negotiate that. The only thing you don't need to do is divorce. If one of you dies though it's way more difficult since you won't legally be their next of kin.
None of that is a reason to marry though in haste or after a lengthy engagement.
Human relationships are tricky and the divorce statistics not encouraging |
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My parents married 7 months after meeting and have been married nearly 45 years. It works for some people.
We got married after being together 18 months, but he did move in with me after 4 months. It just felt right. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"only rush into it if you are on a tv show and getting paid for it.
very true. Why do these people out themselves through it. Apart from the money and exposure of course  "
Married at first sight starts tonight.. Australian version. Not many last |
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too "
Ask me 7 months ago and I'd have said why bother...
Although been friends for a while, we have only been a couple for a few months... we both would have happily have got married 2months ago.
We are only waiting as we want it to be just right for us..but if we didn't have kids that would have killed us
We would probably have gone somewhere quaint and done it already... to be fair our friends would probably kill us too if we denied them the wedding
But in answer to the question.. I've now realised that sometimes an amazing person comes into your life and you just know they are your happily ever after xxx |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Marriage is a major commitment & costly if it doesn't work out, Re- Divorce Settlements & all that. I have a few male friends who admitted they got the ultimatum marry me or else....I was kinda shocked how many were put in this position....
No romantic unexpected proposals."
Yes, you are right there too, marriage is a major commitment and yes, it is very expensive as well |
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I've never wanted to get married and I live with my partner.
I do think it's worth taking time in a relationship, time to get to know them properly. Time to live together, then see how you feel.
I've seen people rush things and then regret it. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"We got engaged 9 months after meeting.
Here we are in our 19th year of marriage. Why wait if it feels right. We are living proof of marrying your soulmate works "
That is good and congratulations on 19 years of marriage too |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too
Ask me 7 months ago and I'd have said why bother...
Although been friends for a while, we have only been a couple for a few months... we both would have happily have got married 2months ago.
We are only waiting as we want it to be just right for us..but if we didn't have kids that would have killed us
We would probably have gone somewhere quaint and done it already... to be fair our friends would probably kill us too if we denied them the wedding
But in answer to the question.. I've now realised that sometimes an amazing person comes into your life and you just know they are your happily ever after xxx "
Oooh congratulations |
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too "
Under Modern secular laws Marriage is a tragedy sentence for the man and the kids involved. Marriage these days is like embarking on a plane without agreeing on who is the main pilot, then fight over the wheal mid flight. The crash is inevitable. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 43 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
Generally, I'd say it shouldn't be rushed into. But, as with everything, it depends on the couple.
A friend's sister was with her jeans for years. They lived together for ages. Got married. Divorced within two years.
Other friends met, decided to get married within two weeks, and are still together, perfectly happily, 25 years later.
My wife and I went out for 4 years, lived together for another 7, got married and were happily married for 20 years until her sudden passing 18 months ago.
So... no guarantees, no foolproof advice. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Been on my own and feels great. No control freak demanding me, telling me, prefer to stay single and free.
I believe in freedom too much to even live with someone who may freak me out. |
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We have been together for over 35 years and started living together from the very beginning.
We have 4 kids, 6 grandkids and decided to get married, and had a big wedding a year last November, after 33 years.
Don't know if that says anything about waiting to marry, to be honest I think we always felt 'married", Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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To us it's only a bit of paper.
However I'd love to get rid of my last name as its my dads and I've had nothing to do with him for over 10 years.
Me and Mr J have been together for 13 years this year, no rush to get married though, don't mean we love eachother any less (we're engaged mind, have been for 11yrs this year )
But answering your question OP I don't think people should rush into it... you never know!
Each to their own and all that though 
Miss S x |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Marriage and subsequent divorce has just cost a good friend of mine a hair over £500.000.
Over half a million quid she gets and for what? She didn't raise a single finger towards making any of it yet she gets to take half his worth. It's disgusting. She did far less of the childcare than him after they were babies too.
He did the schools runs both ways, made the kids meals each day, sorted the washing etc etc etc as well as running his businesses and yet somehow the legal system still awards her all that money. It's sickening.
Women have it hard though. |
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^^ yet I know of a woman whose partner has left her, deliberately took a low paid job so he doesn't have to pay much towards his own damn children, refers to the odd time he deigns to see them without letting them down last minute as 'babysitting' and is just generally an arse while she works her butt off to support her family while juggling childcare.
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"^^ yet I know of a woman whose partner has left her, deliberately took a low paid job so he doesn't have to pay much towards his own damn children, refers to the odd time he deigns to see them without letting them down last minute as 'babysitting' and is just generally an arse while she works her butt off to support her family while juggling childcare.
"
I know a chap who's on benefits in order not to have to pay for his kids so yes, men can absolutely be c**ts too but in my experience, the guy normally comes off much worse if it all goes wrong. |
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"^^ yet I know of a woman whose partner has left her, deliberately took a low paid job so he doesn't have to pay much towards his own damn children, refers to the odd time he deigns to see them without letting them down last minute as 'babysitting' and is just generally an arse while she works her butt off to support her family while juggling childcare.
I know a chap who's on benefits in order not to have to pay for his kids so yes, men can absolutely be c**ts too but in my experience, the guy normally comes off much worse if it all goes wrong. "
I think we can all cite examples from both sides.
People are just rubbish |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"^^ yet I know of a woman whose partner has left her, deliberately took a low paid job so he doesn't have to pay much towards his own damn children, refers to the odd time he deigns to see them without letting them down last minute as 'babysitting' and is just generally an arse while she works her butt off to support her family while juggling childcare.
I know a chap who's on benefits in order not to have to pay for his kids so yes, men can absolutely be c**ts too but in my experience, the guy normally comes off much worse if it all goes wrong.
I think we can all cite examples from both sides.
People are just rubbish "
Many are unfortunately
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too
When is your wedding op? "
Hi becs. I am not having a wedding, are you? There arent a ms shag yet |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"i wonder why many get married only have to look on here as to how many dont know their partners enuff to talk about sex "
I really don't know, but I'm not complaining  |
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By *weet6Woman 43 weeks ago
East Riding |
"What is a marriage for anyways?
Certainly isn’t for any benefit of the guy I can see
Marriage is primarily for the benefit of the man.
And divorce is primarily for the benefit of the lady "
Not true, I got royally shafted by him in mine...
 |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too
When is your wedding op? Hi becs. I am not having a wedding, are you? There arent a ms shag yet "
Oh I thought you got down on one knee and married Haribo
Well, these things can make you broody . Erm no no no, marriage I just got divorced.
I stick with watching Married at first sight Australia |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too
When is your wedding op? Hi becs. I am not having a wedding, are you? There arent a ms shag yet
Oh I thought you got down on one knee and married Haribo
Well, these things can make you broody . Erm no no no, marriage I just got divorced.
I stick with watching Married at first sight Australia "
Yes, but no, havent gone down on one knee to marry haribo. I see, so you just got divorced there. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I was engaged after three months and married within the year. When we split up it had no relevance to how soon we had got married. However, after that I became a very slow burner"
Hi diamondsmiles, that is good that it went so quick, to get married and have a baby as well within 14 months and yes, as you say there, then it gets a bit slower too |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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No it shouldn’t be allowed until both parties turn thirty
The divorce rate would be shattered
In your twenties you mature and change and often grow apart.
Divorce can be traumatic if one partner wants it and not the other |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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On the radio just now!!!
“ we went on a blind date, 3 months later he asked me to marry him. And we’ve now been married 7yrs”
There are no rules when it comes to love. But marriage and love are two different things, some ask for marriage before they know they love each other. I think that’s when it goes wrong, and that can be after a couple of years, and they do it because they feel it’s time. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 43 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"As someone who's been married a looong time obviously I'm an advocate of said institution. However I wouldn't advise rushing in to any commitment with or to another person.
If you decide to live with someone and the relationship breaks down the emotional fall out is as bad as if you were married and if you purchase property together there's that to sort out, if you have children together you need to negotiate that. The only thing you don't need to do is divorce. If one of you dies though it's way more difficult since you won't legally be their next of kin.
None of that is a reason to marry though in haste or after a lengthy engagement.
Human relationships are tricky and the divorce statistics not encouraging "
You are right there and yes, human relationships are tricky ones too |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"I was watching monster in law with jennifer lopez and there was a scene when they talked to the mother in law, she and her boyfriend.
The mother in law she said how quick they were into taking the desicion to get married, but jennifer and he explained how much they loved eschother and couldnt see why they had to wait.
What is your view about it and have you done it? I agree with jennifer that if you love eachother, why wait to get married, although I could understand the mother in laws concerns too "
If marriage is something both people want out of the relationship then when they both feel the moment is right, then go for it. I see no necessity for marriage within a loving relationship with one another, but if that is something both people feel is important to them within their relationship, I'd suggest waiting for a while before they both do it, as if it doesn't work out, divorce isn't cheap or easy by any sense of the two words. |
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By *host63Man 43 weeks ago
Bedfont Feltham |
I have spent a lot of very hard times financially and emotionally and through determination and hard work finally paid off my home to a few hundred pounds and in a good place. The women ho have come in and out of my life have never helped or made my life better.
So I would never get married now and risk losing everything in a divorce settlement.
I have finally found my peace. I am not jeopardising that. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 42 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"If it feels right then why not.When me and my husband met we were both very young and if it had been legal to marry him I probably would have married him after a few weeks.
"
Yes, you are right there, if it feels right, then one should do it too, that is good that you would of done it as well |
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Bloody phone!
