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Funny quotes from history …..
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"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln"  | |||
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""Full speed ahead, and fuck the icebergs!" Captain of the Titanic" Some deluded conspiracy theorist gonna blame the Jews for that one. | |||
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"'Let there be light' (you all know where that comes from). "A little boy in Japan? | |||
""Full speed ahead, and fuck the icebergs!" Captain of the Titanic Some deluded conspiracy theorist gonna blame the Jews for that one." They already do loo there's one out there that it was sunk by bankers | |||
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"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln" I like this one!! | |||
""Full speed ahead, and fuck the icebergs!" Captain of the Titanic Some deluded conspiracy theorist gonna blame the Jews for that one. They already do loo there's one out there that it was sunk by bankers " These names keep popping up: Bernbeg Greenberg Goldberg Rosenberg Silverberg Steinberg Then there's Berg Bergen Bergstein and so on. We all know it was Iceberg. | |||
"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln" Smashed it with this one | |||
"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln" Best one … so far - keep em coming 
R xx | |||
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"“Ohh I wonder if they have any smoked herring?” - monks on Lindesfarne as the first Viking ships land." When the boot come in? | |||
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"Michael Fish seems to spring to mind today for some strange reason....." Whistle down the wind: the Michael Fish remix by Stormzy | |||
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"Michael Fish seems to spring to mind today for some strange reason..... Whistle down the wind: the Michael Fish remix by Stormzy" | |||
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""That's not a real fucking gun" - John Lennon ""Imagine there's no luggage" seen above the missing property area of the former Speke airport. | |||
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"250 patients , and they doctors aren’t over worked …. Harold Shipman " "Actually, I turned BUPA down: couldn't make much of a killing with them" | |||
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"250 patients , and they doctors aren’t over worked …. Harold Shipman " | |||
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"I’m just going for a shit, I’ll be back in a minute - Elvis . . . *sorry Elvis. "Took the daily echo to read on the bog? | |||
"I’m just going for a shit, I’ll be back in a minute - Elvis . . . *sorry Elvis.
Took the daily echo to read on the bog? "To wipe his ass with. | |||
"I’m just going for a shit, I’ll be back in a minute - Elvis . . . *sorry Elvis.
Took the daily echo to read on the bog?
To wipe his ass with. "To be fair I wouldn't even bother using the echo to wipe my arse with | |||
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"I was thinking about having another wife but heads will roll if this one doesn't work out.... Henry X111 "Haha. Very good.  | |||
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"Zola Bud “Los Angeles, that’s a long way to trip a Mary”." in the changing rooms afterwards..."I'm gonna Decker!" | |||
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"I want your clothes..your boots and your unicycle. Terminator 2" Give me your clothes, your boots and your car. Hold on, do i have to pay ULEZ? It's ok, i'll walk instead Terminator 2 | |||
"I want your clothes..your boots and your unicycle. Terminator 2 Give me your clothes, your boots and your car. Hold on, do i have to pay ULEZ? It's ok, i'll walk instead Terminator 2" He stood at the gun counter and asked for an "UZI point 355" | |||
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"Gumtree: 22nd August, 1485 WANTED/SWAPSHOP Location: Bosworth Field, East Midlands "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!" Name: Richard " Haha. A+ | |||
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"George Bush - "Now watch this drive" https://youtu.be/TCm9788Tb5g?si=o4_8NB7sZ09Pe6Sp" Haha. I don’t even need to google that. I know which one you mean | |||
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"Man , this dinner tastes good ... Jeffrey Dahmer "Was he having meat balls???  | |||
"Man , this dinner tastes good ... Jeffrey Dahmer
Was he having meat balls??? "Haha Touché | |||
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"Man , this dinner tastes good ... Jeffrey Dahmer
Was he having meat balls???
Haha Touché " | |||
"George Bush - "Now watch this drive" https://youtu.be/TCm9788Tb5g?si=o4_8NB7sZ09Pe6Sp Haha. I don’t even need to google that. I know which one you mean " Brilliant clip | |||
"Which one o' you monkeys greased that vine. Tarzan " Tarzan swings, Tarzan falls Cheetah grabs him by the balls | |||
"Gumtree: 22nd August, 1485 WANTED/SWAPSHOP Location: Bosworth Field, East Midlands "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!" Name: Richard Haha. A+" Guinness Book of Records: World's best hide and seek player | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 24/01/24 12:44:17]" "Mamma Mia! What do you mean, you forgot your plumb line and Spirit level?" Council inspector from Piza, to a cowboy civil engineer. | |||
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"What does this button do? Challenger Space Shuttle pilot." Or was it: "Roger Houston... the female astronaut has taken the controls" I'll get my (bullet proof) coat | |||
""Full speed ahead, and fuck the icebergs!" Captain of the Titanic" Heard in the bar of the RMS Titanic : I know that I said that I wanted ice with my drink, but this is ridiculous! | |||
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"Oooh look, a shooting star - some dinosaur." | |||
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"'Who's gonna watch me absolutely smash the world hide and seek record?!' Maddy mcann " Just sprayed coffee everywhere. I doth my cap | |||
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Bush was a joke | |||
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"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln" Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, did you enjoy the play? | |||
"God, the wife's dragging me to the theatre tonight. Someone shoot me - Abraham Lincoln" (later on that evening whilst thinking about writing the review, for the Whitehouse newsletter) "Tom Taylor’s Our American Cousin was a farcical comedy about a redneck American who travels to England to claim his inheritance from aristocratic relatives. Despite only having a few lines, the bumbling, eccentric Lord Dundreary stole the show. This was thanks to actor EA Sothern, who made sure Lord Dundreary was unforgettable." "This was actually funnier than expected, in fact, I could of almost died laughing at one point." | |||
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"Not sure if this is urban myth or not but apparently a lady to Winston Churchill when he was PM Lady - ‘PM, you’re d*unk’ WC - ‘Yes I am, and in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly’" From Bridegroom to the Bride, more like. | |||
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"Not sure if this is urban myth or not but apparently a lady to Winston Churchill when he was PM Lady - ‘PM, you’re d*unk’ WC - ‘Yes I am, and in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly’ From Bridegroom to the Bride, more like." Definitely a Churchill quote. He said this or something like this, but perhaps more subtle. | |||
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"Not sure if this is urban myth or not but apparently a lady to Winston Churchill when he was PM Lady - ‘PM, you’re d*unk’ WC - ‘Yes I am, and in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly’" In the House of Commons, Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill, “If you were my husband I would poison your drink”, to which he replied “If you were my wife I’d drink it” or similar. | |||
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"Not sure if this is urban myth or not but apparently a lady to Winston Churchill when he was PM Lady - ‘PM, you’re d*unk’ WC - ‘Yes I am, and in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly’" That is true, it was Bessie Bradock MP for Liverpool Scotland that he said it to | |||
"Not sure if this is urban myth or not but apparently a lady to Winston Churchill when he was PM Lady - ‘PM, you’re d*unk’ WC - ‘Yes I am, and in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly’ That is true, it was Bessie Bradock MP for Liverpool Scotland that he said it to" Scottie Rd/Vauxhalll? | |||
