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What would you do…
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… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is out of order. Absolutely and definitely crossing a boundary. I felt angry and freaked out when someone did this to me IRL. I'm sorry it's happened to you.
You are totally justified in feeling however you feel about it. |
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"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order. "
Way out of order you should be allowed public anonymity |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order. "
This site operates on IRLs so maybe its a techno guy somebody who works within a company that knows how to access that technology  |
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"We've had people we've said no to on here try to approach one of us elsewhere, it's just rude & a little stalkerish.
Mrs "
Exactly should be a safe space for consenting adults to have fun fuck etc without the fear of being stalked , or approached in public |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website "
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here. |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here. "
I agree people should be careful with face pics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website "
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
 |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
"
He didn't suggest it was okay |
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"It’s shitty but unfortunately par for the course when displaying full face pics in here. I used to show my face but then got harassed in Aldi by some random dude I’d never seen or spoken to. "
Definitely I worry enough about the partial face pic on my account |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
"
Nope.
It’s not victim blaming to point out we can all take steps to keep oursecues safe
Stop infantising grown adults. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
He didn't suggest it was okay "
Why read when you can be outraged? |
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It is unacceptable behaviour. If you have said “no” and they continue to pursue you then record all of the details and if necessary pass to the local authorities.
Being on this site is neither illegal or shameful, but using threat of exposure is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had it a few times, guy used to come in the shop i worked and drop the word "fab" then he messaged me on fb as I had booked him on here, I think he thought I'd meet him to keep him quiet... I said if you don't leave me alone il send screenshots of the messages to your girlfriend, he soon got the message. There's a few I know IRL on here some im friends with and others I've blocked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found someone on a ‘swipe’ app that’s on fab. I was unsure what to do with that. I already fancy the pants off her, but felt weird to start doing it there too. So that’s how I am from this side.
If that happened to me. I’d do what you e done, block and move on.  |
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"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order. "
defo a red flag and reason to be worried |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
"
Her face identifies her so some people would automatically think i know that person and without a thought say hi, i smiled and said hi she knew who i was she smiled we chatted and off she went but on the internet you don't know whos contacting you, so they remain anonymous whilst you are known, which is kinda creepy |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here. "
Like I said, I’m hardly hiding. I know - and accept - the risks of posting my face, etc.
I also know the risks of going out in public and being an… unusual looking woman. All kinds of people feel free to approach me if I’m alone.
When someone breaks what most people have the common sense to realise is an unwritten social rule - my feelings that the person behaved wrongly are absolutely valid.
And I’m not going to change a thing about the way I live my life - either on or offline.
 |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
Sitting on the table |
"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
"
I don't think that's victim blaming.
It's being aware that if people can recognise you from the pictures you have uploaded to the internet, then you increase the possibility of having IRL interactions with weirdos.
The only way to mitigate this danger is to be more considered about what pictures you upload. |
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"It is out of order. Absolutely and definitely crossing a boundary. I felt angry and freaked out when someone did this to me IRL. I'm sorry it's happened to you.
You are totally justified in feeling however you feel about it. "
Thank you for saying this. I’m sorry it’s happened to you as well. |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here.
I agree people should be careful with face pics "
Oh I’m very careful with face pix. I only put up my best ones |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here.
Like I said, I’m hardly hiding. I know - and accept - the risks of posting my face, etc.
I also know the risks of going out in public and being an… unusual looking woman. All kinds of people feel free to approach me if I’m alone.
When someone breaks what most people have the common sense to realise is an unwritten social rule - my feelings that the person behaved wrongly are absolutely valid.
And I’m not going to change a thing about the way I live my life - either on or offline.
"
I don't think anyone tried to invalidate your feelings.
If your need to continue as you are outweighs your need to mitigate any kind of upset, stress or hassle in your real life , then, as they say...you do you |
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"It's unacceptable behaviour. That's stalking. If they do it again, inform them that you'll be reporting it to the police (fwiw - yes, yes, I know). "
I’ve blocked him on the one platform - I don’t think writing to someone one time is actionable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel you OP, but I'm in agreement with the other people here who have stated that it's out of order and disrespectful and selfish of them. They're an adult and so SHOULD respect that you're not interested and leave it there. |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
"
We always know there’s a few people who will feel that way, though, don’t we. |
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"It’s shitty but unfortunately par for the course when displaying full face pics in here. I used to show my face but then got harassed in Aldi by some random dude I’d never seen or spoken to. "
That’s awful. I’m sorry that happened and I understand why you wouldn’t want your face pix up after that. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
We always know there’s a few people who will feel that way, though, don’t we."
We doooo  |
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"I've had it a few times, guy used to come in the shop i worked and drop the word "fab" then he messaged me on fb as I had booked him on here, I think he thought I'd meet him to keep him quiet... I said if you don't leave me alone il send screenshots of the messages to your girlfriend, he soon got the message. There's a few I know IRL on here some im friends with and others I've blocked"
It’s fascinating what some people think is okay, isn’t it? |
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"I found someone on a ‘swipe’ app that’s on fab. I was unsure what to do with that. I already fancy the pants off her, but felt weird to start doing it there too. So that’s how I am from this side.
If that happened to me. I’d do what you e done, block and move on. "
I’d be the same if I found someone from here somewhere else. |
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"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order. "
That is totally out of order and you did the right thing. I don’t think you can report here if they’ve not hassled you here though. Leave them to it gorgeous. Not your circus. Or your clowns |
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"If anyone makes contact in fab with threats to out you report them and admin will deal with it.
If they make contact on another platform there's nothing admin can do "
Yes, I’m aware. They did not tell me their screen name here. That’s probably because they knew full well what they were doing.
Any case, they’re blocked - and if they pop up elsewhere they’ll be blocked again. |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
Isn't this victim blaming?
Surely adults know how to behave. So it's kinda ok is it because she didn't hide well enough? So he gets away with crossing a boundary a little more than if she'd hidden?
I don't think that's victim blaming.
It's being aware that if people can recognise you from the pictures you have uploaded to the internet, then you increase the possibility of having IRL interactions with weirdos.
The only way to mitigate this danger is to be more considered about what pictures you upload."
See above. I’m not changing a thing.
I’m not a keyboard warrior. If I meet someone IRL and their behaviour is questionable, I will be as vocal in person as I am here in these forums.
My block list is massive on every site I’m on
It’s pointless for me to be hiding. I’m unforgettable in every way. That’s not a brag - just a nod to the fact that my personality is as strong as my look is different.
No one can “out” me if I’m already out. |
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"It’s a shitty thing to do but it’s a risk you take when you put easily identifiable pictures on a public website
I'm with this. There are steps we can all take to mitigate the risk of somebody causing upset in life away from here.
Like I said, I’m hardly hiding. I know - and accept - the risks of posting my face, etc.
I also know the risks of going out in public and being an… unusual looking woman. All kinds of people feel free to approach me if I’m alone.
When someone breaks what most people have the common sense to realise is an unwritten social rule - my feelings that the person behaved wrongly are absolutely valid.
And I’m not going to change a thing about the way I live my life - either on or offline.
I don't think anyone tried to invalidate your feelings.
If your need to continue as you are outweighs your need to mitigate any kind of upset, stress or hassle in your real life , then, as they say...you do you "
|
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"I feel you OP, but I'm in agreement with the other people here who have stated that it's out of order and disrespectful and selfish of them. They're an adult and so SHOULD respect that you're not interested and leave it there."
Thank you. This is what I think too. |
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"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order.
That is totally out of order and you did the right thing. I don’t think you can report here if they’ve not hassled you here though. Leave them to it gorgeous. Not your circus. Or your clowns "
Yes! That’s one clown I won’t be inviting to my next clown orgy.
Or prison gangbang. |
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"… if someone saw you on fab and then found you IRL - either in person or some other space that was decidedly not for hooking up?
I’m in a weird position, not sure I can take this to mods. Because I don’t even know who the person is on fab. My inbox is closed to 99.9 percent of people here - so this person thought they’d be clever and message me somewhere else to bypass my fab filters.
Obviously I did not reply and I blocked them on that other site.
I’m hardly hiding. But this felt out of order.
That is totally out of order and you did the right thing. I don’t think you can report here if they’ve not hassled you here though. Leave them to it gorgeous. Not your circus. Or your clowns
Yes! That’s one clown I won’t be inviting to my next clown orgy.
Or prison gangbang."
Us clowns have to stick together darling…
Honk honk |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I'd be fine with someone messaging me on another social app, if they respected my response of no thank you-if it's a no thank you.
I have men blocked here because I don't want any messages for sex at the moment, but I'm chatting to people elsewhere. |
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Miss S x