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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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Hello there good people of the forum, I need your help.
Now anyone who knows me will confirm I am usually quiet and likes to blend into the background.
Today I feel like a change and decided I need a little attention. Who doesn’t like inbox full of weird and icky messages?
Someone suggested my latest status and it garnered very favourable attention.
So here I am forumites asking for your help for a new status which will get me the attention I am craving at the moment before slinking back into my shell.
So it would be very much appreciated if you could come up with some ideas to sell myself in all the right ways of course 
Thanks in advance  |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 46 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
Okay, this will definitely work...
You're going to need high heels, a pair of stockings with a garter belt, a bra or corset, a halfway decent wig, some lipstick and a bit of eyeshadow, and a decent razor. You'll also need a timer setting on your phone camera, and a dildo to pose provocatively with.
I guarantee an inbox overload (and a sore bum, if you're inclined to follow up on the overloaded inbox).
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"Blow and go available… enquire within  "
So many great choices here I am having a hard time deciding.
Keep it going everyone, I will announce the winning suggestion in the morning and the new status will be up for 24 hours!!
I will keep you all informed of the results  |
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I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome |
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome "
A double decker for a 3 some? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some? "
We need to use these sweet improvised condom suggestions into a status.
Now get your thinking caps on as the winner will have my eternal gratitude….whatever that’s worth |
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some? "
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites. "
Have you read my profile?
It would be baggy on me |
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites. "
I didn’t say they were VWE BCB (big chocolate bars) |
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites.
Have you read my profile?
It would be baggy on me "
Discovered the best flavoured condoms. Empty toffee crisp wrapper take the chocolate home after. Any takers?
|
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By *ascaIMan 46 weeks ago
Cheshire Liverpool Manchester |
"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites.
Have you read my profile?
It would be baggy on me "
Have you got any leftover tubs of Celebrations or Miniature Heroes from Christmas. They’ll do the job surely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites.
Have you read my profile?
It would be baggy on me
Have you got any leftover tubs of Celebrations or Miniature Heroes from Christmas. They’ll do the job surely. "
Ahhh an excellent idea I might just be able to fill one of those |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"Roll up roll up.
Take one get 2 free.
Special offer just for today, take my cock and get aids and gonorrhoea absolutely free.
The mr "
Holy shit, you have one dark sense of humour Mr  |
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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I did quite well with the ....
As it's Christmas, I'm offering tea and cake in exchange for sex.
Maybe leave the Christmas bit out and exchange it for what day of the week it is?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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"Thought that said sell meli then
From what I have seen of Meli’s posts she probably would have ripped me a new one especially as I don’t really know her!!
She’s a pussy cat really  "
I will take your word for that…..but I always trust your words as gospel |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"If you really want a busy inbox then you could try something like....
"Looking to get my back doors smashed in. Cake and biscuits provided."
"
And the winner is Obi Haive!!
Just off to put up the status and you can collect my eternal gratitude whenever you want
In layman’s terms I owe you one……not give you one so don’t get excited.
I will explain my judgement process soon and thank you all for participating |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"“ my arse is all yours if you send me a dick pic!’
^post that. And your inbox will blow up. "
It would get a lot responses but would eliminate the womens chances of exposing me to their weird and wacky kinks ( no judgement people like what they like) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Supply and demand my friend, that's what sells.
So, you just need to bump off all the other eligible men. "
Interesting idea but threats to kill wouldn’t look good!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"I have puppy and cake and if you don't arrive soon I'll have no cake........ Bound to work "
Urrrrrh this one wasn’t under consideration for obvious reasons, I am not like Rolf Harris!!!
Waaay too dark this one!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"I saw a brilliant one on my local updates which should bring the girls to the yard.
"Who wants my 7 day load?"
Thank me later toots"
Another one under careful consideration but I don’t want cum across as too arrogant…yet!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Actually too dark for this place  "
I wasn’t sure if you read the thread and thought it was too dark for you or if it was a suggestion.
It was considered but not specific enough to warrant the almost sure to be welcomed messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"*oh yeah - status - "come get me boys..." or "who wants a piece" or something wanton... "
Once again a good status but eliminated the women and TV/TS I am all about equality |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Blow and go available… enquire within "
This was good but as we are friends I didn’t want appear bias…..next status update thread that can’t be used against me now x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"I saw a clip online yesturday of an old Jeremy Kyle where a guys Mrs cheated on him with his mate. Only he didn’t have condoms so he used a toffee crisp packet. So I think you should look for volunteers to recreate this beautiful moment.
*other chocolate bars are available
You’re welcome
A double decker for a 3 some?
Have you seen the size of them these days???? 4 bites woody!!! 4 god damn bites.
Have you read my profile?
It would be baggy on me
Discovered the best flavoured condoms. Empty toffee crisp wrapper take the chocolate home after. Any takers?
"
Now this was really good Saff and it was a tough decision.
It was like flipping a coin to decide.
Well done good effort and i hope your input will be provided next time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Roll up roll up.
Take one get 2 free.
Special offer just for today, take my cock and get aids and gonorrhoea absolutely free.
The mr "
Mmmm some might have taken this seriously, unfortunately that’s what kept it out of the running!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"I did quite well with the ....
As it's Christmas, I'm offering tea and cake in exchange for sex.
Maybe leave the Christmas bit out and exchange it for what day of the week it is?
"
If I was a sweet woman like yourself I am sure this would be a winner but as I am a Shrek lookalike single guy…I doubt it would of worked. |
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"Roll up roll up.
Take one get 2 free.
Special offer just for today, take my cock and get aids and gonorrhoea absolutely free.
The mr
Holy shit, you have one dark sense of humour Mr "
Thank you.
The mr |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Roll up roll up.
Take one get 2 free.
Special offer just for today, take my cock and get aids and gonorrhoea absolutely free.
The mr
Holy shit, you have one dark sense of humour Mr
You’re welcome
Thank you.
The mr "
|
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"Hello there good people of the forum, I need your help.
Now anyone who knows me will confirm I am usually quiet and likes to blend into the background.
Today I feel like a change and decided I need a little attention. Who doesn’t like inbox full of weird and icky messages?
Someone suggested my latest status and it garnered very favourable attention.
So here I am forumites asking for your help for a new status which will get me the attention I am craving at the moment before slinking back into my shell.
So it would be very much appreciated if you could come up with some ideas to sell myself in all the right ways of course
Thanks in advance "
I will auction you off, for £2.50 and a packet of Polos!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
|
"Hello there good people of the forum, I need your help.
Now anyone who knows me will confirm I am usually quiet and likes to blend into the background.
Today I feel like a change and decided I need a little attention. Who doesn’t like inbox full of weird and icky messages?
Someone suggested my latest status and it garnered very favourable attention.
So here I am forumites asking for your help for a new status which will get me the attention I am craving at the moment before slinking back into my shell.
So it would be very much appreciated if you could come up with some ideas to sell myself in all the right ways of course
Thanks in advance
I will auction you off, for £2.50 and a packet of Polos! "
Knock the £2.59 off and it would make it a fair deal, I wouldn’t want to overcharge |
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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago
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"What is the cake? Did you make it yourself??
If f I am offering cake it would have to be homemade by someone else….I can’t bake  "
Pass. Wanna see you dusted with flour, bare ass, apron tied around and a chef's hat before I will partake of your juices. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"What is the cake? Did you make it yourself??
If f I am offering cake it would have to be homemade by someone else….I can’t bake
Pass. Wanna see you dusted with flour, bare ass, apron tied around and a chef's hat before I will partake of your juices. "
I guess you haven’t seen my naked butler webpage….it’s all of the above minus the flour and the hat!! |
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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago
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"What is the cake? Did you make it yourself??
If f I am offering cake it would have to be homemade by someone else….I can’t bake
Pass. Wanna see you dusted with flour, bare ass, apron tied around and a chef's hat before I will partake of your juices.
I guess you haven’t seen my naked butler webpage….it’s all of the above minus the flour and the hat!! "
Send it me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"What is the cake? Did you make it yourself??
If f I am offering cake it would have to be homemade by someone else….I can’t bake
Pass. Wanna see you dusted with flour, bare ass, apron tied around and a chef's hat before I will partake of your juices.
I guess you haven’t seen my naked butler webpage….it’s all of the above minus the flour and the hat!!
Send it me "
I will but I have a busy calendar so it’s take a number and wait.
My services are popular for some reason .
I am always asked to stand on a ladder cleaning the cobwebs out of the corners while they stand behind me saying, “ yes that’s really good and you missed a bit”!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly |
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"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly "
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses |
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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses "
Back in the day Polo's Saturday night Status Shuffle threads were a thing of legend and beauty.
*and quite evil too.... |
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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly "
FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
Dude you went with my suggestion. I'm honoured. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses "
Maybe we should get them going again, it was more fun when others joined the play |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
Dude you went with my suggestion. I'm honoured. "
And you have my gratitude, I am a man of word I owe you one.
See previous disclaimer…I can jump to your defence in the forum even though you’re in the wrong or give you a great reference to any potential meet for example |
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By *aizyWoman 45 weeks ago
west midlands |
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses "
They were so funny, I miss F&B. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
|
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses
They were so funny, I miss F&B."
Maybe we should start a thread on a Friday evening and post Saturday.
More traffic on the weekends and report to whoever sent the suggestion by PM…. Don’t want to breaking forum rules!!
I already have come close…again.
Who is this F&B? It sounds like they were popular. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses
They were so funny, I miss F&B.
Maybe we should start a thread on a Friday evening and post Saturday.
More traffic on the weekends and report to whoever sent the suggestion by PM…. Don’t want to breaking forum rules!!
I already have come close…again.
Who is this F&B? It sounds like they were popular."
A guy who was both Fabulous and Bearded |
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"If you really want a busy inbox then you could try something like....
"Looking to get my back doors smashed in. Cake and biscuits provided."
"
Oooh that's a good one. I'm not Sydney University nor did you put a copyright statement on your post. I could use that on the runup to Saturdays... Replacing Cakes and Biscuits with Gin and Lube... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
|
"Well it’s been 24 hours and i said I would report on the success of my status!!
I think most people looked at it checked my profile and screamed, “it’s a trap”!!
A few serious offers , even one from a couple but never specified if it was Mr or Mrs
A few lighthearted individuals like myself said it was funny.
So not a bad first attempt and maybe a game for the future….if I remember there was a kinda lottery thing where you chose a status for other forum members.
I have to say that’s what inspired me…..not my idea exactly
I used to love those threads, F&B was great at giving people statuses
They were so funny, I miss F&B.
Maybe we should start a thread on a Friday evening and post Saturday.
More traffic on the weekends and report to whoever sent the suggestion by PM…. Don’t want to breaking forum rules!!
I already have come close…again.
Who is this F&B? It sounds like they were popular.
A guy who was both Fabulous and Bearded "
Well I have a beard but not sure how fabulous I am |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
|
"If you really want a busy inbox then you could try something like....
"Looking to get my back doors smashed in. Cake and biscuits provided."
Oooh that's a good one. I'm not Sydney University nor did you put a copyright statement on your post. I could use that on the runup to Saturdays... Replacing Cakes and Biscuits with Gin and Lube... "
He does have a way with words, good luck and I hope it get’s you everything your heart desires |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago
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""Sexy man free and available - tight bum crack also doubles as a bike rack, plate holder, vice....""
God I tick so many of those boxes….maybe I am F&B reincarnated |
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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Oh! That was sudden. Where'd he go?  "
Hopefully he's OK and it wasn't down to his back doors literally being smashed in so badly he jumped ship...
I'd feel horrendously guilty were that the case.  |
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