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Comments/jokes about OCD...
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..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people say things with zero intent to offend with things like this.
It's just a colloquial turn of phrase now.
Even if they did it to be offensive. Who cares ?
Everything's offensive to someone |
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Yeah I don't think the person who said it had the intention of being offensive at all.
Just in a team situation, where the ethos is trying to build trust and empathy, I feel this was way off the mark and needs to be addressed. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny.."
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger  ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny..
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life. "
Some growths are benign or pre cancerous
Losing hair comes in a spectrum
"lol, I have a swelling and my hair is falling out. lol I'm so cancer  "
no? Why not? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It's quite possible to make a joke without being offensive.
I feel for anyone who suffers from OCD. It can be crippling.  "
This 
It's the same with any MH or ND issue. Some people make off hand comments without meaning any disrespect or to play down real issues and some are oblivious to real problems and make off the cuff remarks and jokes without thinking of the impact on others.
But there are also those who have various conditions who use humour to make light of their situation and circumstances and use jokes as a way of highlighting issues.
There's some seriously good comedians online with OCD, ADHD and other ND conditions who are brilliantly entertaining and informative at rhe same time.  |
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"It's quite possible to make a joke without being offensive.
I feel for anyone who suffers from OCD. It can be crippling.
This
It's the same with any MH or ND issue. Some people make off hand comments without meaning any disrespect or to play down real issues and some are oblivious to real problems and make off the cuff remarks and jokes without thinking of the impact on others.
But there are also those who have various conditions who use humour to make light of their situation and circumstances and use jokes as a way of highlighting issues.
There's some seriously good comedians online with OCD, ADHD and other ND conditions who are brilliantly entertaining and informative at rhe same time. "
I don't mind humour when it's not just diminishing a disorder.
Otherwise, it's about as funny as calling myself cancerous when my hair is falling out or I've developed a lump from bashing a limb on something. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny..
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life.
Some growths are benign or pre cancerous
Losing hair comes in a spectrum
"lol, I have a swelling and my hair is falling out. lol I'm so cancer "
no? Why not?"
Ok cancer was not the perfect example but many things are black and white - you have it or you don't and can be tested with high levels of accuracy using diagnostics. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny..
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life.
Some growths are benign or pre cancerous
Losing hair comes in a spectrum
"lol, I have a swelling and my hair is falling out. lol I'm so cancer "
no? Why not?
Ok cancer was not the perfect example but many things are black and white - you have it or you don't and can be tested with high levels of accuracy using diagnostics. "
Do you know what else is tested using diagnostics and has lines between benign and diagnosable?
Mental illness.
Lighten up everyone, cancer is just a spectrum. |
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"Competition agree. That, and saying they are “addicted” to something they really enjoy."
No, I disagree. The "addicted" reference is totally benign and something that has been linguistically incorporated into mainstream speak.
For example if someone says that they are addicted to cherry-flavoured ice cream I don't think they are trivialising those who have succumbed to substance abuse, or purposely ignoring the root etymology of that word. |
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It's just a brain tumour. Calm down, it's all in your head. What? You didn't say that properly. Oh, the thing in your head is affecting your ability to speak? Oh. (slur against disabled people)
What? Lighten up. |
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"Competition agree. That, and saying they are “addicted” to something they really enjoy.
No, I disagree. The "addicted" reference is totally benign and something that has been linguistically incorporated into mainstream speak.
For example if someone says that they are addicted to cherry-flavoured ice cream I don't think they are trivialising those who have succumbed to substance abuse, or purposely ignoring the root etymology of that word."
Truthfully, I think that anyone who says they're "addicted" to something outside a substance or behavioural problem, is a moron. |
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"Same about people that say they’re bi polar because they experience a mood change. Or people that say ‘we all suffer with anxiety really’. "
Yes. Or "I didn't get my favourite flavour of ice cream. I'm so depressed"  |
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone. "
Indeed.
Fastidious is a nice word. Tightly wound. Meticulous.
Say those with the right tone of voice and you've joked about your tendencies without shitting on others. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny.."
Exactly! I used to work with people that used to be like " I'm so ocd " when it wasn't true, annoyed the hell out of me |
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"Competition agree. That, and saying they are “addicted” to something they really enjoy.
No, I disagree. The "addicted" reference is totally benign and something that has been linguistically incorporated into mainstream speak.
For example if someone says that they are addicted to cherry-flavoured ice cream I don't think they are trivialising those who have succumbed to substance abuse, or purposely ignoring the root etymology of that word.
Truthfully, I think that anyone who says they're "addicted" to something outside a substance or behavioural problem, is a moron."
Me too. Seems to be a rush to overstate things |
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone. "
Or maybe it's that they don't understand enough about it, that's why when you have 'mild' ocd it's easier to make jokes about it, because if you had a serious condition that made daily life impossible, you probably wouldn't be finding it hilarious. |
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone.
Or maybe it's that they don't understand enough about it, that's why when you have 'mild' ocd it's easier to make jokes about it, because if you had a serious condition that made daily life impossible, you probably wouldn't be finding it hilarious."
My favourite retort to this kind of shit is to ask how they cope with (insert some of the more serious symptoms here), in a genuine tone of concern.
As a blogger I used to follow says, return awkward to sender. |
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Seems to be a modern thing, to vastly overstate things, falsely claiming that it is due to ocd, addiction etc.
A friend of mine recently complained that he had had a bit of a cold for the previous month, not too bad but just wouldn’t go away. He then said “it’s like having cancer”. No it fucking isn’t |
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Seems to be a modern thing, to vastly overstate things, falsely claiming that it is due to ocd, addiction etc.
A friend of mine recently complained that he had had a bit of a cold for the previous month, not too bad but just wouldn’t go away. He then said “it’s like having cancer”. No it fucking isn’t "
Yeah. I call it millennial melodrama - although it isn't just my generation doing it. |
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"Competition agree. That, and saying they are “addicted” to something they really enjoy.
No, I disagree. The "addicted" reference is totally benign and something that has been linguistically incorporated into mainstream speak.
For example if someone says that they are addicted to cherry-flavoured ice cream I don't think they are trivialising those who have succumbed to substance abuse, or purposely ignoring the root etymology of that word."
As-tu perdu ton clavier avec les accents ? |
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone.
Indeed.
Fastidious is a nice word. Tightly wound. Meticulous.
Say those with the right tone of voice and you've joked about your tendencies without shitting on others."
I do believe some people genuinely don’t know how to express themselves this way. Considering the audience is important.
In private, with close friends, I might make flagrantly inappropriate jokes at their expense and they will return the favour. Nothing is off the table. Including our various health issues. I’ve got a dear friend who unfortunately has had cancer twice - and he knows it will return eventually. The treatments messed up his quality of life forever.
He makes jokes about cancer. And his medical procedures. And his quality of life.
In a public forum… I’d consider the vastness of the audience. |
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone.
Indeed.
Fastidious is a nice word. Tightly wound. Meticulous.
Say those with the right tone of voice and you've joked about your tendencies without shitting on others.
I do believe some people genuinely don’t know how to express themselves this way. Considering the audience is important.
In private, with close friends, I might make flagrantly inappropriate jokes at their expense and they will return the favour. Nothing is off the table. Including our various health issues. I’ve got a dear friend who unfortunately has had cancer twice - and he knows it will return eventually. The treatments messed up his quality of life forever.
He makes jokes about cancer. And his medical procedures. And his quality of life.
In a public forum… I’d consider the vastness of the audience. "
Yes. I do think there's something to be said for knowing your audience and intent.
But if you don't know your audience... watch yourself. I think that's where many people fall down.
I've become a bit relaxed around people I'm friendly but not friends with, who are quite a bit older than me, and done the "what the fuu-ar-udge" thing a few times. They usually laugh and reply "you're right, what the fuck", but I'd rather be seen as stuffy than rude. Exponentially more so when it comes to shitting on people's vulnerabilities etc. |
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"It's just a brain tumour. Calm down, it's all in your head. What? You didn't say that properly. Oh, the thing in your head is affecting your ability to speak? Oh. (slur against disabled people)
What? Lighten up."
Telling people to lighten up is so racist.
Racism is fucking disgusting.
 |
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"It's just a brain tumour. Calm down, it's all in your head. What? You didn't say that properly. Oh, the thing in your head is affecting your ability to speak? Oh. (slur against disabled people)
What? Lighten up.
Telling people to lighten up is so racist.
Racism is fucking disgusting.
"
Yup, you're right, it could be construed that way, apologies.
I'll do better.
(Now everybody try!) |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny..
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life.
Some growths are benign or pre cancerous
Losing hair comes in a spectrum
"lol, I have a swelling and my hair is falling out. lol I'm so cancer "
no? Why not?
Ok cancer was not the perfect example but many things are black and white - you have it or you don't and can be tested with high levels of accuracy using diagnostics.
Do you know what else is tested using diagnostics and has lines between benign and diagnosable?
Mental illness.
Lighten up everyone, cancer is just a spectrum."
Yes some mental illness. Jeez you are being pedantic for the sake of it. Some things are on a spectrum and some things black and white. Are you saying OCD is black and white and there is a diagnostic test for it? It not then I think my original point was valid.
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
"Yes some mental illness. Jeez you are being pedantic for the sake of it. Some things are on a spectrum and some things black and white. Are you saying OCD is black and white and there is a diagnostic test for it? It not then I think my original point was valid.
"
Yep. It's called Tetris with cans of baked beans etc. Put one in the wrong place and you may need to exit the kitchen ASAP followed by the errant can. |
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"..just looking for general thoughts on this. Like when people say 'oooh I'm so ocd' and laugh.
When really they're just rigorous about being clean and tidy.
Actual OCD is a debilitating disorder and I feel like if they had it, they wouldn't find it funny..
Yes but things are on a spectrum and some people have elements of OCD. It's not nothing vs debilitating OCD. It's a sliding scale. It's not like having cancer where it is black and white and can be tested 100%. It is probably overused (bit like people saying I'm a swinger ) I agree but lots genuinely have such tendencies without it seriously impacting their life.
Some growths are benign or pre cancerous
Losing hair comes in a spectrum
"lol, I have a swelling and my hair is falling out. lol I'm so cancer "
no? Why not?
Ok cancer was not the perfect example but many things are black and white - you have it or you don't and can be tested with high levels of accuracy using diagnostics.
Do you know what else is tested using diagnostics and has lines between benign and diagnosable?
Mental illness.
Lighten up everyone, cancer is just a spectrum.
Yes some mental illness. Jeez you are being pedantic for the sake of it. Some things are on a spectrum and some things black and white. Are you saying OCD is black and white and there is a diagnostic test for it? It not then I think my original point was valid.
"
No I'm not.
There's diagnostic criteria for OCD, yes, and mechanisms via which it's diagnosed.
There are a spectrum of characteristics which, if they reach over a certain threshold, constitute a diagnosis. Same as cancer I believe - stage 0 cancer is a thing.
And those saying that they have OCD when they're just tidy are a lot like people who have a blind pimple saying a lump is a symptom of cancer, lol I'm so cancer.
If it's hurtful to trivialise cancer, maybe consider that it's hurtful to trivialise other conditions that also debilitate and even threaten lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think most people don't think carefully before they say things. About OCD, mental illness, autism etc etc. It would be nice if we did but the reality is that we don't. We say words and phrases that are thoughtless, ignorant or insensitive.
I don't think that will change and I've had people say things to me or in front of me that are hurtful especially when they know me and my family. I used to get angry or upset. I don't now because it serves no purpose than to drain my energy. Most people, if they know a little more, will try and make amends, learn, be thoughtful and kind. |
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Loads of people throw around sayings and words they know nothing about, not everyone can be educated in everything so it's not meant to be offensive. I've had OCD and I don't care if people make jokes about it |
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"I don't think most people don't think carefully before they say things. About OCD, mental illness, autism etc etc. It would be nice if we did but the reality is that we don't. We say words and phrases that are thoughtless, ignorant or insensitive.
I don't think that will change and I've had people say things to me or in front of me that are hurtful especially when they know me and my family. I used to get angry or upset. I don't now because it serves no purpose than to drain my energy. Most people, if they know a little more, will try and make amends, learn, be thoughtful and kind. "
I find dealing with people who don't want to acknowledge that they can hurt others to be like dealing with cancer. At first you monitor to see if it gets worse.
But with a lot of them you need to do what you can to get it away from you, lest it eat away at your sense of worth and hurt other people.
I don't even have OCD, and people who joke about OCD like that are people who I (figuratively) poison, irradiate, and surgically excise away from my body. And yeah it might make me tired, but it's worth it. Because fuck cancer. |
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"Yeah I don't think the person who said it had the intention of being offensive at all.
Just in a team situation, where the ethos is trying to build trust and empathy, I feel this was way off the mark and needs to be addressed.
You say the person had no intention of being offensive. That’s the entire point here no offense was meant…..yet people start jumping up and down saying this “needs to be addressed”…..No it doesn’t. People just need to stop being offended by literally anything.
No one is saying OCD is not serious issue for people but when someone means no offense and uses a “turn of phrase” then take it for what it is instead of trying to make a big deal out of something that’s not meant in that way whatsoever. "
I find people who think that their words only matter to the extent that they mean them to be as helpful and healthy for humanity as cancer.
I of course don't mean to offend anyone. I just think it's a powerful analogy. Imagine how much better we could be as a society if we could take the abnormal growths of self-centredness, cut them out, and dispose of them, before they mestatise and make our society even worse.
Fuck cancer. |
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"Should this thread be in the politics forum... maybe if the OP blames Mayor Khan for this issue 
"
No but th latest is that London Cab drivers will not have to speak English in a Khan backed move..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone. "
Some people just are. Nothing else.
They are not required to understand or care , or even think about it.
I'll say the words I wish to say knowing based on my own knowledge of how it will or won't affect someone. If it upsets someome theyre more than welcome to let me know . I may or may not change based on this, it will be always be my decision and not through guilt.
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone.
Some people just are. Nothing else.
They are not required to understand or care , or even think about it.
I'll say the words I wish to say knowing based on my own knowledge of how it will or won't affect someone. If it upsets someome theyre more than welcome to let me know . I may or may not change based on this, it will be always be my decision and not through guilt.
"
And that's fair enough.
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
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"I get that some people use humour to deal with life's difficulties, bit equally, they should be able to appreciate and understand that their words could deeply hurt someone.
Some people just are. Nothing else.
They are not required to understand or care , or even think about it.
I'll say the words I wish to say knowing based on my own knowledge of how it will or won't affect someone. If it upsets someome theyre more than welcome to let me know . I may or may not change based on this, it will be always be my decision and not through guilt.
And that's fair enough.
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount. Or certainly as important as our own.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
"
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
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In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
"
I disagree. There's no subjectivity around individual feelings.
If I say I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc, that is what I am feeling. Empathy means believing that persons feelings.
It's not subjective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
I disagree. There's no subjectivity around individual feelings.
If I say I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc, that is what I am feeling. Empathy means believing that persons feelings.
It's not subjective. "
There absolutely is subjective.
I wish people would stop saying 'that's offensive' but rather 'I found that offensive'
Being offended is a choice. To say anything these days, is to risk being offensive to someone. Does that mean we shouldn't speak or have an opinion ever? To have empathy, is to accept that it's effected someone personally, and act on it by apologising that someone found it offensive, but we need to stop living in this bubble that we can go through life, without ever being offended by someone's else's choice of words.
How did we go from fighting in wars, surviving plagues and famines, to be broken.....by words. |
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How did we go from fighting in wars, surviving plagues and famines, to be broken.....by words. "
Maybe if we realised earlier that words, feelings, and kindness were so important, we would have had fewer wars. |
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"
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
I disagree. There's no subjectivity around individual feelings.
If I say I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc, that is what I am feeling. Empathy means believing that persons feelings.
It's not subjective.
There absolutely is subjective.
I wish people would stop saying 'that's offensive' but rather 'I found that offensive'
Being offended is a choice. To say anything these days, is to risk being offensive to someone. Does that mean we shouldn't speak or have an opinion ever? To have empathy, is to accept that it's effected someone personally, and act on it by apologising that someone found it offensive, but we need to stop living in this bubble that we can go through life, without ever being offended by someone's else's choice of words.
How did we go from fighting in wars, surviving plagues and famines, to be broken.....by words. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think most people don't think carefully before they say things. About OCD, mental illness, autism etc etc. It would be nice if we did but the reality is that we don't. We say words and phrases that are thoughtless, ignorant or insensitive.
I don't think that will change and I've had people say things to me or in front of me that are hurtful especially when they know me and my family. I used to get angry or upset. I don't now because it serves no purpose than to drain my energy. Most people, if they know a little more, will try and make amends, learn, be thoughtful and kind.
I find dealing with people who don't want to acknowledge that they can hurt others to be like dealing with cancer. At first you monitor to see if it gets worse.
But with a lot of them you need to do what you can to get it away from you, lest it eat away at your sense of worth and hurt other people.
I don't even have OCD, and people who joke about OCD like that are people who I (figuratively) poison, irradiate, and surgically excise away from my body. And yeah it might make me tired, but it's worth it. Because fuck cancer."
If you look for that in people, I'm sure you will find it. I don't think most people, when given the chance, will still aim to be hurtful to others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there are many factors at play and it can be a misjudged attempt at relating a lot of the time. A misunderstanding of something they don't know about because they dont really live the difficult experience. And all mental health issues are indeed a spectrum. One person's OCD can be worse than anothers, and there is a cut off point in diagnosis where it simply becomes what is called "normal behaviour".
I have ADHD and people love to tell me how hyperactive they are or how everyone is a little bit ADHD these days. Or how it's normal to walk into a room and forget why you're there and end up in a side quest, they do it all the time too. When I ask if all the time means 40 times a day for them, they usually say no. And there is the difference.
As I am highly rejection sensitive with my ADHD it has taken a lot of introspection to realise - they are not saying these things on purpose, to minimise my experience, or otherwise invalidate me. And as many symptoms of trauma, anxiety, OCD, depression and other MH issues overlap with some ADHD ones I'll actually try and listen to them about it with some compassion. Maybe I can help.
These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive. |
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"
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
I disagree. There's no subjectivity around individual feelings.
If I say I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc, that is what I am feeling. Empathy means believing that persons feelings.
It's not subjective.
There absolutely is subjective.
I wish people would stop saying 'that's offensive' but rather 'I found that offensive'
Being offended is a choice. To say anything these days, is to risk being offensive to someone. Does that mean we shouldn't speak or have an opinion ever? To have empathy, is to accept that it's effected someone personally, and act on it by apologising that someone found it offensive, but we need to stop living in this bubble that we can go through life, without ever being offended by someone's else's choice of words.
How did we go from fighting in wars, surviving plagues and famines, to be broken.....by words. "
You're misunderstanding.
If I say I'm angry, I'm angry.
That is not subjective.
You can't have subjectivity on what another person's feelings are.
People can say whatever they want.
But to say there's speculation on what someone else's feelings are is not being empathetic. |
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"
In my situation we're building a community based around empathy and the feelings of others are paramount.
I wish you well on any endeavour to be kinder and more empathetic. Imo you will hit issue quickly as these are all subjective.
I disagree. There's no subjectivity around individual feelings.
If I say I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc, that is what I am feeling. Empathy means believing that persons feelings.
It's not subjective.
There absolutely is subjective.
I wish people would stop saying 'that's offensive' but rather 'I found that offensive'
Being offended is a choice. To say anything these days, is to risk being offensive to someone. Does that mean we shouldn't speak or have an opinion ever? To have empathy, is to accept that it's effected someone personally, and act on it by apologising that someone found it offensive, but we need to stop living in this bubble that we can go through life, without ever being offended by someone's else's choice of words.
How did we go from fighting in wars, surviving plagues and famines, to be broken.....by words.
You're misunderstanding.
If I say I'm angry, I'm angry.
That is not subjective.
You can't have subjectivity on what another person's feelings are.
People can say whatever they want.
But to say there's speculation on what someone else's feelings are is not being empathetic."
Also, where in did I say that I thought I could go through life without ever being offended?
I didn't.
Please don't turn this into something it isn't. |
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"It's quite possible to make a joke without being offensive.
I feel for anyone who suffers from OCD. It can be crippling. "
This!!! You can make jokes without being a dick.
Wouldn’t wish OCD on anyone. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If I say I'm angry, I'm angry.
That is not subjective.
You can't have subjectivity on what another person's feelings are.
People can say whatever they want.
But to say there's speculation on what someone else's feelings are is not being empathetic."
I agree with you feelings are not subjective (as much as can read your own feelings, we barely understand why we think never mind what emotions we have)
Whether or not empathy is the correct response to feeling those feelings is subjective.
If I was upset that your opinion differs to mine here would it be fair to say its objectively your fault I'm offended/upset/agitated. Surely some fault lays with me for allowing your words to effect me?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Maybe if we realised earlier that words, feelings, and kindness were so important, we would have had fewer wars."
Do you genuinely believe this ? I know you said maybe, but do you think if we were all kinder there would be less wars????
We cant even agree on what is kind
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"
If I was upset that your opinion differs to mine here would it be fair to say its objectively your fault I'm offended/upset/agitated. Surely some fault lays with me for allowing your words to effect me?
"
That is basically no different to victim blaming.
Do we blame the kid who got shot for being in the wrong place?
Do we blame the wife who was SA'ed because she didn't get her husbands dinner on the table in time?
Do we blame the person who had their identity nicked because they didn't understand the person on the other end of the phone was a scammer?
If we don't blame people for those things, why do we blame them when someone upsets them? |
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"
Maybe if we realised earlier that words, feelings, and kindness were so important, we would have had fewer wars.
Do you genuinely believe this ? I know you said maybe, but do you think if we were all kinder there would be less wars????
We cant even agree on what is kind
"
Yeah, I do think that if humans were kinder we would have less war. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Maybe if we realised earlier that words, feelings, and kindness were so important, we would have had fewer wars.
Do you genuinely believe this ? I know you said maybe, but do you think if we were all kinder there would be less wars????
We cant even agree on what is kind
Yeah, I do think that if humans were kinder we would have less war."
I think that nothing in human history supports this message at all.
My version of kind is differsnt to yours. What if I tried to compell my version onto your friends and family... you'd quite rightly have an issue with that. Follow that through and it leads to war (I mean in the sense of nationwide, I presume we don't have armies personally)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s far too common these days for all things mental health
Everyone’s a TikTok psychologist
They have OCD, ADHD, autism, all self diagnosed. And all their exes are narcissists. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If we don't blame people for those things, why do we blame them when someone upsets them?"
A couple of things, being offended is not the same as the things above. I would that say that's quite an offensive thing to say. Is that your fault or I have taken that as an offensive thing ?
Secondly you can choose to not be offended. You dont choose to be SA or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People often find humour to mask what they dont really understand
People often use humour because it's funny and makes them laugh "
Enough Tom!
I get annoyed with lots of your posts, I don't want to agree with you anymore. Enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If I was upset that your opinion differs to mine here would it be fair to say its objectively your fault I'm offended/upset/agitated. Surely some fault lays with me for allowing your words to effect me?
That is basically no different to victim blaming.
Do we blame the kid who got shot for being in the wrong place?
Do we blame the wife who was SA'ed because she didn't get her husbands dinner on the table in time?
Do we blame the person who had their identity nicked because they didn't understand the person on the other end of the phone was a scammer?
If we don't blame people for those things, why do we blame them when someone upsets them?"
They said "some" and we're talking about words and communication and expressing healthy boundaries, not gun violence and SA... it is not the same thing at all. It is mot even "blame".
It is a practice of mindfulness to first look at why we are offended before reacting, and acknowledge that our feelings are not caused by another persons words, but our perception of them and their intent, and the judgement we feel has been cast on us. Self reflection helps us communicate our feelings and needs better. |
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"People often find humour to mask what they dont really understand
People often use humour because it's funny and makes them laugh
Enough Tom!
I get annoyed with lots of your posts, I don't want to agree with you anymore. Enough. "
Sorry.. Tom is not a qualified doctor however many of his doctor friends actually come to Tom for a pickup. Laughter is the best medicine.
|
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"People often find humour to mask what they dont really understand
People often use humour because it's funny and makes them laugh
Enough Tom!
I get annoyed with lots of your posts, I don't want to agree with you anymore. Enough.
Sorry.. Tom is not a qualified doctor however many of his doctor friends actually come to Tom for a pickup. Laughter is the best medicine.
"
Trying telling people with cancer that... that grapefruit sized tumour in your brain? Just laugh it away |
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I find it utterly bizarre that someone would basically say “have you considered not making a joke out of this particular health issue? It would really help out those who suffer with it.”
And peoples response is basically “fuck those sick people, how dare you tell me how I should behave, I’ll do whatever I want even though I now know it makes sufferers feel worse.” |
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"
If I say I'm angry, I'm angry.
That is not subjective.
You can't have subjectivity on what another person's feelings are.
People can say whatever they want.
But to say there's speculation on what someone else's feelings are is not being empathetic.
I agree with you feelings are not subjective (as much as can read your own feelings, we barely understand why we think never mind what emotions we have)
Whether or not empathy is the correct response to feeling those feelings is subjective.
If I was upset that your opinion differs to mine here would it be fair to say its objectively your fault I'm offended/upset/agitated. Surely some fault lays with me for allowing your words to effect me?
"
I'd agree given the situation empathy might not be a suitable response.
In the situation I'm talking about it is, it's one of the values tye underpins the ethos of the community.
I'm not sure I like assigning blame to feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it utterly bizarre that someone would basically say “have you considered not making a joke out of this particular health issue? It would really help out those who suffer with it.”
And peoples response is basically “fuck those sick people, how dare you tell me how I should behave, I’ll do whatever I want even though I now know it makes sufferers feel worse.”"
What if someone with said health issues disagrees? Who gets to say whats right? Who's more offended ? Whoever is more sick?
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There are people who seem to wallow in misery, see insult where none is given, see injustice where there is equality, retaliate before they are even attacked.
They are those with only one eye who want to be kings in the valley of the blind..
Now an analysis of this comment will yield three things..
A belief that the thread is about you.. it really isn't directed at any individual..
Outrage on behalf of the partial sighted...
Outraged that the word king is not inclusive..
Anti monarchists ...
Now as Toms Uncle Ron used to say..
If the cap fits .. Wear it.. |
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"There are people who seem to wallow in misery, see insult where none is given, see injustice where there is equality, retaliate before they are even attacked.
They are those with only one eye who want to be kings in the valley of the blind..
Now an analysis of this comment will yield three things..
A belief that the thread is about you.. it really isn't directed at any individual..
Outrage on behalf of the partial sighted...
Outraged that the word king is not inclusive..
Anti monarchists ...
Now as Toms Uncle Ron used to say..
If the cap fits .. Wear it.."
It's hardly outrage is it?
It's a calm discussion about whether someone is allowed to say 'you hurt my feelings.
Or are we not allowed to say that?
Is it actually the outrage at someone who dares to challenge? |
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"I find it utterly bizarre that someone would basically say “have you considered not making a joke out of this particular health issue? It would really help out those who suffer with it.”
And peoples response is basically “fuck those sick people, how dare you tell me how I should behave, I’ll do whatever I want even though I now know it makes sufferers feel worse.”
What if someone with said health issues disagrees? Who gets to say whats right? Who's more offended ? Whoever is more sick?
"
The person can disagree all they want.
Unkind jokes about the mental illness will unlikely feel a sufferer actively feel better. They would not miss them if they were not made.
Therefore it is kinder to err on the side of caution. There are plenty of other jokes that can be made that punch up rather than punch down against people who are sick. |
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"There are people who seem to wallow in misery, see insult where none is given, see injustice where there is equality, retaliate before they are even attacked.
They are those with only one eye who want to be kings in the valley of the blind..
Now an analysis of this comment will yield three things..
A belief that the thread is about you.. it really isn't directed at any individual..
Outrage on behalf of the partial sighted...
Outraged that the word king is not inclusive..
Anti monarchists ...
Now as Toms Uncle Ron used to say..
If the cap fits .. Wear it..
It's hardly outrage is it?
It's a calm discussion about whether someone is allowed to say 'you hurt my feelings.
Or are we not allowed to say that?
Is it actually the outrage at someone who dares to challenge? "
Of course people should be able to say their feelings are hurt
But to stop all jokes because one person is offended is not the way to go |
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"
If we don't blame people for those things, why do we blame them when someone upsets them?
A couple of things, being offended is not the same as the things above. I would that say that's quite an offensive thing to say. Is that your fault or I have taken that as an offensive thing ?
Secondly you can choose to not be offended. You dont choose to be SA or not.
"
Some people happily argue that women choose to be sexually assaulted by choosing to wear certain clothes, behave in certain ways, or hang out on certain websites.
Just like some people happily argue that people with severe mental illness choose to be offended by people who mock their illness. |
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"There are people who seem to wallow in misery, see insult where none is given, see injustice where there is equality, retaliate before they are even attacked.
They are those with only one eye who want to be kings in the valley of the blind..
Now an analysis of this comment will yield three things..
A belief that the thread is about you.. it really isn't directed at any individual..
Outrage on behalf of the partial sighted...
Outraged that the word king is not inclusive..
Anti monarchists ...
Now as Toms Uncle Ron used to say..
If the cap fits .. Wear it..
It's hardly outrage is it?
It's a calm discussion about whether someone is allowed to say 'you hurt my feelings.
Or are we not allowed to say that?
Is it actually the outrage at someone who dares to challenge?
Of course people should be able to say their feelings are hurt
But to stop all jokes because one person is offended is not the way to go"
I didn't say anything about stopping all jokes.
People can be free to make jokes.
And people can be free to express deep hurt from that joke.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Now this is a sensible reply. Most things are on a sliding scale, so if someone says they have OCD and you have it to the point it is seriously affecting your life, they're not allowed to comment on what they feel is OCD as you have it worse?
As someone said you can make an offensive joke about anything, as it is someone ELSE's perception of what YOU said. |
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"I think people say things with zero intent to offend with things like this.
It's just a colloquial turn of phrase now.
Even if they did it to be offensive. Who cares ?
Everything's offensive to someone"
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"There are people who seem to wallow in misery, see insult where none is given, see injustice where there is equality, retaliate before they are even attacked.
They are those with only one eye who want to be kings in the valley of the blind..
Now an analysis of this comment will yield three things..
A belief that the thread is about you.. it really isn't directed at any individual..
Outrage on behalf of the partial sighted...
Outraged that the word king is not inclusive..
Anti monarchists ...
Now as Toms Uncle Ron used to say..
If the cap fits .. Wear it..
It's hardly outrage is it?
It's a calm discussion about whether someone is allowed to say 'you hurt my feelings.
Or are we not allowed to say that?
Is it actually the outrage at someone who dares to challenge?
Of course people should be able to say their feelings are hurt
But to stop all jokes because one person is offended is not the way to go
I didn't say anything about stopping all jokes.
People can be free to make jokes.
And people can be free to express deep hurt from that joke.
"
Agreed ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it utterly bizarre that someone would basically say “have you considered not making a joke out of this particular health issue? It would really help out those who suffer with it.”
And peoples response is basically “fuck those sick people, how dare you tell me how I should behave, I’ll do whatever I want even though I now know it makes sufferers feel worse.”
What if someone with said health issues disagrees? Who gets to say whats right? Who's more offended ? Whoever is more sick?
The person can disagree all they want.
Unkind jokes about the mental illness will unlikely feel a sufferer actively feel better. They would not miss them if they were not made.
Therefore it is kinder to err on the side of caution. There are plenty of other jokes that can be made that punch up rather than punch down against people who are sick."
Unlikely is an important word here. Also kind IS subjective.
Punch down? Or punch up? I dont see people with OCD as down. I see them as people. All people are fair game. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive."
This is such a lovely post. This, to me, is kindness. |
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"These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive.
This is such a lovely post. This, to me, is kindness. "
Be kind to everyone. Tell jokes and embrace differences and individuality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive.
This is such a lovely post. This, to me, is kindness.
Be kind to everyone. Tell jokes and embrace differences and individuality "
Unless it’s Sadiq khan or immigrants, eh Tom |
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"It’s far too common these days for all things mental health
Everyone’s a TikTok psychologist
They have OCD, ADHD, autism, all self diagnosed. And all their exes are narcissists. "
Can anyone please tell me what condition I have got which causes me to groan inwardly and roll my eyes every time someone mentions TikTok?
Joking apart, you are not far wrong! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive.
This is such a lovely post. This, to me, is kindness.
Be kind to everyone. Tell jokes and embrace differences and individuality "
Oh yes that's your mantra isn't it Tom? |
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"These are teachable moments and can be handled with love and respect.
I try to gently educate, it does no good to get angry that people don't understand and to assume belligerence in them. Most people are not trying to be assholes. And as someone with ADHD that makes me direct, blunt and honest and has been misunderstood in my intentions my whole life by neurotypical folks, I try to offer the grace I would like to receive.
This is such a lovely post. This, to me, is kindness.
Be kind to everyone. Tell jokes and embrace differences and individuality
Oh yes that's your mantra isn't it Tom? "
Totally .
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