FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Lecherous neighbours

Lecherous neighbours

By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

I've seen people post on here about being able to see in windows, getting glimpses of neighbours in the summer in bikinis or shorts etc and other everyday scenarios where they perve a neighbour or even school run parents.

I have a neighbour that I would describe as lecherous. He will make remarks on my figure when I walk past him on his drive as I go to my car. I can't really avoid that unless I park somewhere else in the opposite direction and further away. But it still wouldn't stop it. One day when I was still breast feeding my youngest I was talking to him and she pulled my top down. I grabbed it before she pulled it too far. He made the comment 'go on littlun pull it down further'. I was pretty horrified and really uncomfortable.

He never ever says anything when his woman is in earshot. And I can't stand him. I dread pulling up and seeing him on his drive. And if he is there I'll sit in the car on my phone till he goes in to avoid him. But I can't always avoid him.

How many people on here suffer the same sort of scenario or have done?

Are you someone that perves on a neighbour and perhaps doesn't think about how uncomfortable you make them?

How do you deal with a situation like that where's there is no proof and would end up just being his word against yours if you told his woman?

And of course I've told him I don't like it.

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By *orzagMan 45 weeks ago

Colchester

Sounds like a nasty little creep to me, and like most creeps he’ll be a coward as well. There’s always the option of a note to his wife...

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By *andy CanesWoman 45 weeks ago

south

Next time he makes a comment tell him in his dreams & say you’ll be having a word with his wife I’m sure she’d be mortified by his remarks

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By *ruceyyMan 45 weeks ago

London

If you've told him you don't like it and he persists, he's a real piece of shit.

I would never even if I did check out a neighbour make it obvious or suggest anything. He's clearly just got a crush on you and going about it in a really grim way.

Only other option is to threaten to tell his partner I guess!

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

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By *offiaCoolWoman 45 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears."

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime. "

I darent in case that makes things hostile.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS 45 weeks ago

chichester

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime. "

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works

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By *offiaCoolWoman 45 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps."

Or not actually turn the video on, just let him think you are filming.

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By *ea monkeyMan 45 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

I darent in case that makes things hostile."

He’s already made things hostile. He’s relying on you not doing anything to make it easy for him.

I guarantee that you won’t be the only person that he does this to

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works "

He's three times the size of me!

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple 45 weeks ago

Southampton

That sounds like a matter for the police! What a horrible excuse for a person he is... hope you can get things sorted x

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps.

Or not actually turn the video on, just let him think you are filming."

I know you meant that but I Also wondered if I could get proof.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Very wrong to do this, must be very uncomfortable hope you sort it some how

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works

He's three times the size of me! "

Then I’ll tell him to fuck off for you.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS 45 weeks ago

chichester

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works

He's three times the size of me! "

Size is irrelevant with explosive violence

Just flick your phone on record personally.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

I had a peeping Tom in my previous house....he used to constantly watch me sunbathing in my bikini in my back garden....he even told me so

After he told me he watches me (& he said all sorts of other perverted stuff that I just shut my ears to)....I wondered where is he watching me from....until one day I looked up at his house & could see his net curtain moving slightly....I could see him behind it & it appeared he was pulling his dick....

Tbh if he was a hot young fit fella I would've been flattered

but this guy was around 70....(well maybe I'd still find it creepy though regardless of age)....

Anyway back to you OP....Is there anyway you could record this creep when he approaches you & speaks to you in this creepy perverted way....Like gather some evidence if possible....This is sexual harrasment & a crime.... Sometimes though it only takes a caution from the police & their behaviour stops....

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By *ndycoinsMan 45 weeks ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps."

Yes you can.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Ask his wife to have a word

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman 45 weeks ago

Essex

I really want to come round and have a not so quiet word!!

What a fucking creep.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him "

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk

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By * nice oneMan 45 weeks ago

north east

Tell him he reminds you of your grandad

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works

He's three times the size of me!

Then I’ll tell him to fuck off for you. "

Go on then! He's not a small guy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk "

I think I'm going to try this.

It's been going on for years (7/8) and he's the only bad thing about where I live, everyone else is so lovely.

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By *illy IdolMan 45 weeks ago

Midlands

"Ask his wife to have a word "

I'd say this is your best option. Ask his wife to have a word and say his comments are making you feel uncomfortable. This may be enough to stop him.

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By *ora the explorerWoman 45 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

"Ask his wife to have a word "

I’d do this I think

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk

I think I'm going to try this.

It's been going on for years (7/8) and he's the only bad thing about where I live, everyone else is so lovely.

I think that’s very brave of you

A word with his wife is great, but get some audio first as proof

Guys like this are master manipulators. A word with his wife without proof will just turn into “I was just playing! She’s so sensitive, trying to cause drama” and his wife will eat it up

Hope things turn out for the best. Might even be worth just reporting it to the police. Helps build a profile of harassment/abuse so they can see it’s an ongoing problem

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By *inaTitzTV/TS 45 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

This behaviour isn't acceptable on any level. There's some good advice here and what to do.

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By *ndycoinsMan 45 weeks ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

"Ask his wife to have a word

I'd say this is your best option. Ask his wife to have a word and say his comments are making you feel uncomfortable. This may be enough to stop him."

If she believes you,she might think her husband is a real gentleman and would never do such a thing.Now youve got two enemies.Film him first so you have something to show the wife if she doesn't believe it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk

I think I'm going to try this.

It's been going on for years (7/8) and he's the only bad thing about where I live, everyone else is so lovely.

I think that’s very brave of you

A word with his wife is great, but get some audio first as proof

Guys like this are master manipulators. A word with his wife without proof will just turn into “I was just playing! She’s so sensitive, trying to cause drama” and his wife will eat it up

Hope things turn out for the best. Might even be worth just reporting it to the police. Helps build a profile of harassment/abuse so they can see it’s an ongoing problem "

You seem to completely understand why I was ant the proof.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Next time you see him with his wife, ask him if he thinks it’s appropriate and quote some of the things he’s said to you. If nothing else, you can be sure he won’t be getting any nookie that night.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

My neighbours swerve me

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple 45 weeks ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

It's legal to record and film, the illegal part comes if you share it, so as long as its for gathering evidence only to report then crack on if you feel comfortable in doing so.

Tinder x

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By *ayHaychMan 45 weeks ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

Very sorry that you’re having to go through that OP. I’ve always been astonished that people talk about non-consensual perving of others (through windows, in gardens, etc) so brazenly. Surprised it’s been allowed in the forums tbh.

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By *ee VianteWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps."

In a public place, (which outside your house is), you can.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

This or just threaten to bash his head in his car door repeatedly usually works

He's three times the size of me!

Then I’ll tell him to fuck off for you.

Go on then! He's not a small guy."

So I’ll recognise him.

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By *amie HantsWoman 45 weeks ago

Atlantis

I’m sorry to hear this OP.

I’ve had a similar experience. My neighbour always stares and smiles at me, I used to smile back thinking maybe he was just trying to be friendly and didn’t mean to come across creepy by staring.

He then told my landlord I’m flirty and give him ‘suggestive smiles’ it made my skin completely crawl.

I also had a plumber send me a very inappropriate message after he fixed my sink suggesting that if left a bra out hanging over the sink asking machine on purpose. I didn’t, I didn’t even remember I put it there. I’m just unorganised.

I blocked the plumber and left a shitty review on checkatrade. They called me to investigate and he was removed from their platform. I haven’t done anything about the neighbour as I live alone and do not want repercussions so I try to be friendly still. I just wait in my car until he goes inside before I get out. It’s grim that some people are so comfortable making others uncomfortable.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple 45 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The thing to do is to get in touch with your local neighbourhood police officer, saying that you've asked him to stop, he hasn't, and he's making you feel increasingly uncomfortable. The police officer should have a word with him (hopefully when his wife is around), telling him to stop and can issue him with a harassment warning notice, letting him know that if he persists, he will be liable for arrest and charge for harassment. If you'd rather it was just a quiet but stern word, the police officer could also take that approach.

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By *lueLotusWoman 45 weeks ago

the wilderness

Ffs sake how shitty for you to have had to put up with this.

If I were you I'd get out of the car with my phone in my hand recording but looking at it as you walk past so it's not pointing at him. Then when he says something I'd say "if you ever speak to me like that again I'm going to have a word with you wife about you. And by the way ive recorded all this" and point the phone at his face.

Deep breath and walk away.

You got this!

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By *a LunaWoman 45 weeks ago

South Wales

These days I think I’d look them in the eye and just tell them to stop being letchy, give them a withering look and walk off.

When younger I probably would have felt more embarrassed and self conscious but when you’ve worked as a carer and had some inappropriately sexual comments made you learn to bat them away like a cricketer. You have to imagine yourself as a stern matron from a Carry on Film. Works a treat.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears.

I need to Google this to see if I can legally video him and get proof perhaps."

You can record whatever you want as long as it can be seen from a publicly accessible area. I would suggest getting in contact with the police as this is sexual harassment.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple 45 weeks ago

North West

"That sounds like a matter for the police! What a horrible excuse for a person he is... hope you can get things sorted x"

I'd report to the Police. Perhaps a cosy chat with Mr Neighbour and an officer will put him off? But if he's like that with you so publicly, you can be certain he's as bad, if not worse, with others and in private.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk "

Can confirm.

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By *riel13Woman 45 weeks ago

Northampton

That's not perving, that's creeping... Just shout "shut up" really loudly every time he says anything or flip it on him and say something creepy and inappropriate back, he'll shit himself... Just don't get upset or show embarrassment... It encourage creeps like that because it means you aren't likely to blab

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By *ddie1966Man 45 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

Perfectly legal if you feel threatened.

Maybe even use a ring door bell system.

Also consider a r*pe alarm and a legal style pepper spray.

Nothing worse for him than his partner coming out and him having to explain it away.

Good luck and, above all, stay safe.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Wollop of a hurl would sort him out

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him "

This is probably the best suggestion...and visual, but that's a big ask

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By *ruceyyMan 45 weeks ago

London

Alternatively come live with me PW. We could set up cameras and earn money from all the fab viewers wanting to see carnage!

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

Oh, I definitely see this happening.

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By *horizotacoCouple 45 weeks ago

here

Had a really odd couple with teenage child move in next door at old house. The guys would hit on mrs when I would work away, similar thing lewd suggestive comments. He was a real creep. She would change subject everytime, no encouragement given.

One time he tried to give her his private email address saying they could talk privately. She told me and when we are all next out on driveway talking between us all, I pulled him on the email suggestion. Never heard anything from either of them again after that lol

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By *GermanInLondonMan 45 weeks ago

London

Agree with audio recording. Ideally on more than one occasion. And keep a backup somewhere safe. It is legal. I did the same in the past during a separation with safety concerns for me/kids. Then you could confront but maybe have some close friend/family member close by or with you.

Agree as well with police. Again done before. My approach was to report but not for the police to follow up in the first instance. Just that they gave something on file. They should give you a card with the reference number from you reporting this.

If behaviour of your neighbor seems to be escalating then I would escalate with police and avoid direct confrontation alone.

Hope you get this sorted eventually OP, sorry that you are going through this.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Don't bother antagonising.

As non-feminist as this sounds - get a male friend to pop along "casually" ( but very deliberately ) bumping into him as you've always done. Start sniggering to each other as if it's an in joke and let him drop the bomb shell about this guy's idiocy in a kind-of "I spoke about how clueless you are at a party with friends" kinda way.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears."

The piece of shit!

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Use audio record on your phone when he’s around. Catch him doing it. Nothing worse than a guy that fakes nice around others then acts like dirt when alone with someone

Catch him and expose him

Before others ask, completely legal. I’ve done it and provided it as evidence to the police. Audio is legal in the uk

I think I'm going to try this.

It's been going on for years (7/8) and he's the only bad thing about where I live, everyone else is so lovely.

Yes I would do this, get evidence then the police

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By *enSiskoMan 45 weeks ago

Cestus 3

I would ask him to stop making these comments in front of his wife.

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By *ife NinjaMan 45 weeks ago

Dunfermline

I'd kick him in the bollocks. Wizened old turd

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime. "

Agreed. Once, loudly, should do it.

Left unchallenged, he probably thinks OP is alright with the attention and will become bolder

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"I've seen people post on here about being able to see in windows, getting glimpses of neighbours in the summer in bikinis or shorts etc and other everyday scenarios where they perve a neighbour or even school run parents.

How many people on here suffer the same sort of scenario or have done?

Are you someone that perves on a neighbour and perhaps doesn't think about how uncomfortable you make them?

How do you deal with a situation like that where's there is no proof and would end up just being his word against yours if you told his woman?

And of course I've told him I don't like it."

Have you mentioned this to any of the other neighbours?

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By *estYorkshireGentMan 45 weeks ago

Leeds

A really good friend of mine has a similar issue with her neighbour. Some of the things he says are really creepy and completely random.

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By *ister_EMan 45 weeks ago

Hayling Island

I'm guessing that he probably has a history of this this kind of behaviour. Check with other neighbours get sworn statements from them if possible. And take out a restraining order against him. You don't need much evidence to have one taken out against him. And just the act of being interviewed by the police should make him a bit more circumspect in the future.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

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By *illan-KillashMan 45 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking."

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Violence should always be the very last resort and often ends with a criminal conviction for the person perpetrating the violence. And then increases the unwanted attention on the real victim. It taints any case moving forward and adds to the creeps sense of power.

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

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By *xhibitionisticvoyeurMan 45 weeks ago

wrexham

Tell his wife he keeps making comments and you don't like it.

Say you've tried raising the issue with him but it didn't help so perhaps she will have more luck persuading him to stop. Tell her if it doesn't you may have to get the police involved as its harassment.

She will know what he's like, he doesn't say stuff in front of her so its clear he knows it's wrong and she wouldn't approve. Hopefully she will be embarrassed into admonishing him and he will stop.

It might not work, but it's worth a shot before calling in the police or something...

Or maybe get a big group of hench gay guys to come over and make similar comments to and about him...that could be fun.

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By *otsossieMan 45 weeks ago

Chesterfield

Ongoing row with my neighbour about cctv cameras.

Why don’t you accommodate? Nosy bastard candid camera.

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By *icecouple561Couple 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think almost every woman has had to deal with this kind of situation in their life. When confronted a guy will act all hurt and say they were being complimentary, it's only banter, women have no sense of humour, you can't say anything nowadays, bloody feminists etc etc. It's a really difficult position to be in and the men who do this bloody know it.

All I can suggest is that you keep a record, written and recorded and back it up somewhere. Tell him you've done so and that if he doesn't stop you'll involve the police. You'll get all the blow and bluster mentioned above but if he thinks things through he'll realise surely that it's in his best interests to shut the fuck up.

Basically though whatever you do there will be an awkwardness and I understand why you feel in a quandary but he and men like him rely on that.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking."

I know. But what do you you want me to do about that?

And I’m not joking, if I see any bully i immediately know I’m going to go toe to toe with them if they start to try and push their weight around. Especially if it’s someone that feels threatened and feels like they can’t do much in their own. Even more so if I know the person involved.

This guys bullying the op. And I like the op, I hope she’s able to take everyone’s advice and is able to resolve what’s going on and she knows everyone here probably supports her.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"I think almost every woman has had to deal with this kind of situation in their life. When confronted a guy will act all hurt and say they were being complimentary, it's only banter, women have no sense of humour, you can't say anything nowadays, bloody feminists etc etc. It's a really difficult position to be in and the men who do this bloody know it.

Basically though whatever you do there will be an awkwardness and I understand why you feel in a quandary but he and men like him rely on that. "

Yep agree fully with this, get him recorded first, and also your reply to him, stating his actions are not welcome..

Gather what evidence you can from other neighbours and get the police involved. I wouldnt have any more conversations with him about threatening him with the police, or approach his wife , just gather what you can then call the police.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking."

Ah yes, that completely safe world all men walk around in. Immune to violence. Yikes

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes. "

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

Basically though whatever you do there will be an awkwardness and I understand why you feel in a quandary but he and men like him rely on that.

Yep agree fully with this, get him recorded first, and also your reply to him, stating his actions are not welcome..

I also agree with this. He knows what he’s doing is wrong. And you don’t want to be seen by the police as engaging with it. That makes their job harder.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written. "

And my advice too skybird!

Not that I'm seeking praise !

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Serious note: sad times when women are having to put up with shit like this on a regular basis

they shouldn't have to.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

Ah yes, that completely safe world all men walk around in. Immune to violence. Yikes "

Yep. Xanadu - or is it Atlantis?

If you wanna play War of the Sexes, Ain’t it Awful, or anything else similar - I will meet you on a different thread. And I’ll play as hard and as long as you play

But I really think, and with all due respect, this ain’t the one.

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By *illan-KillashMan 45 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written. "

Thank you. I "may" have had these conversations before. Sadly.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written.

And my advice too skybird!

Not that I'm seeking praise !

Say. My. Name.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

I know. But what do you you want me to do about that?

This guys bullying the op. And I like the op, I hope she’s able to take everyone’s advice and is able to resolve what’s going on and she knows everyone here probably supports her.

I’ve had your cape dry cleaned for you. Let me know when you want to pick it up

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"Serious note: sad times when women are having to put up with shit like this on a regular basis

they shouldn't have to.

Normal times. It has never not been like this.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

Ah yes, that completely safe world all men walk around in. Immune to violence. Yikes

Yep. Xanadu - or is it Atlantis?

If you wanna play War of the Sexes, Ain’t it Awful, or anything else similar - I will meet you on a different thread. And I’ll play as hard and as long as you play

But I really think, and with all due respect, this ain’t the one. "

Think you turned it into a war of the sexes by pretending men never face violence or walk this world entirely safe

No one’s immune to violence and no one should be turning it into a competition. Gross behaviour to try to.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written.

And my advice too skybird!

Not that I'm seeking praise !

Say. My. Name.

Faith Skynbyrd

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

This is such a difficult situation, it must be awful having that "am I going to bump in to Pervy Neighbour today" feeling every time you leave your home. We should all be able to feel safe on our own doorstep.

My (maybe contraversial) thoughts if they can help are this -

The partner doesn't know, he's hiding his behaviour from her so he knows he's saying things she won't like, but maybe he thinks he's flirting... possibly. Hard to see through the male gaze, but do they deliberately try to be creepy? I don't know. I like to think that mostly not - and apply Okhams Razor instead.

Have you told him, directly, but politely how you feel about his comments? Have you ever asked him not to stare/make lewd "jokes" or remarks?

If not, there are possibly ways to communicate a boundary without aggravating the situation. Depending on how volatile/defensive you think he may be. But using I statements, assuming no harmful intent, and casting no blame or shame, and approaching with curiosity can resolve a lot very amicably.

Going straight to the police without even trying to have a grown up conversation about it first seems like a very confrontational approach, and one likely to spur a defensive reaction. How open to change would you be if the first you hear you're upsetting a neighbour over any issue is via a police officer?

Although yes, definitely collect the data and make a record of what is happening should that be needed.

I recommend the book Speaking Peace by Marshall Rosenberg for some tools to help you think about how to speak with him and his partner (it's a very quick read and highly enlightening in many ways) if that's an approach you would want to consider.

Regardless, I recommend this book to everyone as an important life skills tool.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

I know. But what do you you want me to do about that?

This guys bullying the op. And I like the op, I hope she’s able to take everyone’s advice and is able to resolve what’s going on and she knows everyone here probably supports her.

I’ve had your cape dry cleaned for you. Let me know when you want to pick it up

Cute.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

Ah yes, that completely safe world all men walk around in. Immune to violence. Yikes

Yep. Xanadu - or is it Atlantis?

If you wanna play War of the Sexes, Ain’t it Awful, or anything else similar - I will meet you on a different thread. And I’ll play as hard and as long as you play

But I really think, and with all due respect, this ain’t the one.

Think you turned it into a war of the sexes by pretending men never face violence or walk this world entirely safe

No one’s immune to violence and no one should be turning it into a competition. Gross behaviour to try to. "

So… seeing as that’s not even close to what I said… we will agree to disagree and leave each other alone now.

Peace and blessings

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 45 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"It’s interesting how most of the men’s answers differ from the women’s.

To the men who are advising violence or aggressive behaviour: must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world. Even if you’re joking.

As a man, perfectly capable of extreme violence........

Evidence gathering, a diary of interactions, where, when, what was said.

Video evidence from a mobile phone.

The more evidence the better.

Then take it to the police. They have the power to stop it and apply sanctions and are the correct authority to resolve this. Not urban vigilantes.

This is good advice, well reasoned and well written.

And my advice too skybird!

Not that I'm seeking praise !

Say. My. Name.

Faith Skynbyrd

https://youtu.be/dy_DASt7hDs?si=z0EghDE4lpwFp1le

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

must be nice to walk around completely assured of the knowledge that you are safe in this world

Who knows, maybe there’s a way to misunderstand that.

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By *lex46TV/TS 45 weeks ago

Near Wells

I wonder if you could just have a polite quiet word with him. Just say that it makes you very uncomfortable and it’s not nice or pleasant.

He might apologise he may not even be aware of how he’s making you feel.

Hopefully he might stop, if not go to the local neighbourhood police.

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By *ornucopiaMan 45 weeks ago

Bexley

"Tell him to fuck off. Everytime.

I darent in case that makes things hostile."

Things will certainly get hostile if most of the probably well meant advice dished out on her gets taken by the OP.

Far too many of the suggestions are confrontational and it is easy to see how wars with neighbours can start.

I would want to know far more about both sides to this story before dishing out helpful advice. Are there other issues such as him being self styled king of the street with his wife egging him on, for instance. They do exist!

Barring other complications, the situation needs dealing with quietly and firmly by the OP directly to the man concerned.

The earlier suggestion from

BlueLotus

" If I were you I'd get out of the car with my phone in my hand recording but looking at it as you walk past so it's not pointing at him. Then when he says something I'd say "if you ever speak to me like that again I'm going to have a word with you wife about you. And by the way ive recorded all this" and point the phone at his face.

Deep breath and walk away.

You got this! "

is, in my opinion, the best way to resolve this.

Unless there is far more to this story than we have been told, which could be the case if it has been running for so many years without let up.

So far, the BlueLotus suggestion looks like the nearest to being a practical one.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

OP..

Will you tell us the outcome of this and keep us updated

Good luck op I hope it's a swift resolution whatever you choose to do

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman 45 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I would tell him honestly, directly and in control that it isn't acceptable and that you have filmed him and will go to his partner if it doesn't stop

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By *alandNitaCouple 45 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

Honestly, I would have made it very clear from the very first incident that his behaviour was unacceptable and if it happened again their would be consequences. His behaviour isn't creepy, actual sexual assault has happened at least once.

Whilst I understand that not all women have the confidence to stand up to men in this way, it's really important that you do something. It will be more difficult as it has been ongoing. Could you get a male friend or family member to speak to him on your behalf?

Nita

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By *londebiguyMan 45 weeks ago

Southport

How many people on here suffer the same sort of scenario or have done?

Are you someone that perves on a neighbour and perhaps doesn't think about how uncomfortable you make them?

How do you deal with a situation like that where's there is no proof and would end up just being his word against yours if you told his woman?

And of course I've told him I don't like it."

Sounds like he needs properly putting in his place.

Put your phone on record when he's around for your own protection.

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By *londebiguyMan 45 weeks ago

Southport

If you are on your property or public land then I'm sure tgat recording fir your own protection will be fine.

I'd also check if any neighbours that you trust have ring doorbells that pick any of the road up too.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS 45 weeks ago

Horsham

You want to call him out, when his wife is in esrshot.

You might get some shit for it, but he might think twice afterwards.

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By *londebiguyMan 45 weeks ago

Southport

"You want to call him out, when his wife is in esrshot.

You might get some shit for it, but he might think twice afterwards."

Another very good idea.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS 45 weeks ago

Horsham

"When you leave your house or get out of your car, have your phone set on video and point the camera at him when he appears."

What about recording him voice only, not as intrusive but effective.

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

All I'd suggest is, get your phone voice memo note recording when you see him next, collate as much innopropiate behaviour as you can, get you saying "hi Pervy paul" in the recording and anything he says, possibly make conversation about stuff that only applies to him (he's wife, wife's name etc) whatever proof you can that it's him you are talking to,. When you have enough evidence that has him bang to rights send it all to yourself via an email.

When he approaches you with that energy again, explain to him that you've told him he makes you uncomfortable, he keeps doing it and now you've started recording him doing it, does he want he's wife to know? Does he want the police to know?

The vms might not be addressable in court as he was recorded without he's permission, but the threat itself might put him in line.

You also have voice recorders on smart watches which is more discreet (if you own a smart watch)

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By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

Just bumping this..

Hi OP, Any news on the situation?

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"You want to call him out, when his wife is in esrshot.

You might get some shit for it, but he might think twice afterwards."

Why drag his wife into it or use her as a pawn?

Have a word with him, warn him, and if he doesn’t apologise and change then consider other options. But using his wife as a pawn in the first instance is unfair on her.

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"All I'd suggest is, get your phone voice memo note recording when you see him next, collate as much innopropiate behaviour as you can, get you saying "hi Pervy paul" in the recording and anything he says, possibly make conversation about stuff that only applies to him (he's wife, wife's name etc) whatever proof you can that it's him you are talking to,. When you have enough evidence that has him bang to rights send it all to yourself via an email.

The vms might not be addressable in court as he was recorded without he's permission, but the threat itself might put him in line.

You also have voice recorders on smart watches which is more discreet (if you own a smart watch)"

How about starting by having a word with him rather than starting with surveillance?

If he isn’t confronted he’s unlikely to change behaviour though, and may well escalate, thinking well she was ok with what I said last week …

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By *ornycouple70Couple 45 weeks ago

Hanpshire

[Removed by poster at 20/01/24 07:46:53]

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By *ornycouple70Couple 45 weeks ago

Hanpshire

"Next time he makes a comment tell him in his dreams & say you’ll be having a word with his wife I’m sure she’d be mortified by his remarks "

This right here, as someone else said he’s probably a coward and you’ll probably find if you are assertive and stand up to him and even the threat of outing his behaviour you’ll probably find he scurries away and he either stops or isn’t so pervy and weird. Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

Could people please read the last sentence of my OP?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man 45 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

How about starting by having a word with him rather than starting with surveillance?

If he isn’t confronted he’s unlikely to change behaviour though, and may well escalate, thinking well she was ok with what I said last week … "

Read the last sentence of the OP.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man 45 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

"Could people please read the last sentence of my OP?

My post wasn’t sarcastic, you just typed quicker than me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Could people please read the last sentence of my OP?

My post wasn’t sarcastic, you just typed quicker than me.

No worries. I wasn't going to post at specific posters as there's more than one.

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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

Random question, but do you know if he's in privately owned, council or social housing?

If the former then your best bet is the neighbourhood ASBO team at the police as they'll take that behaviour seriously. If either of the former, then there will be clauses in any tenancy agreement regarding anti-social behaviour and the potential consequences, which will ultimately involve eviction.

Any reports to any of them will be kept anonymous and the relevant agencies will also potentially make enquiries with other close neighbours to see if he's behaving the same way with anyone else.

I've had problem neighbours in the past and it ended up with a full team involving the police, council, social services and the housing association getting together to address the behaviour. It soon stopped.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Random question, but do you know if he's in privately owned, council or social housing?

Any reports to any of them will be kept anonymous and the relevant agencies will also potentially make enquiries with other close neighbours to see if he's behaving the same way with anyone else.

Good luck.

Oh he's council.....thank you Obi!!!! I hadn't realised you could do that.

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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Random question, but do you know if he's in privately owned, council or social housing?

Any reports to any of them will be kept anonymous and the relevant agencies will also potentially make enquiries with other close neighbours to see if he's behaving the same way with anyone else.

Good luck.

Oh he's council.....thank you Obi!!!! I hadn't realised you could do that. "

Yep. Definitely the way to go. There's a clause in every tenancy agreement re anti-social behaviour and a dedicated team in each housing department. They'll call you, may do a home visit and will ask you to keep a log to record any incidents. They'll then make contact with him (and obvs his wife if it's a joint tenancy) which may be enough to shake him up a bit and cause it to stop.

If he persists or approaches you after that, then shit gets serious and the council will involve the police, as its effectively harassment.

Hopefully enough to put a stop to it.

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman 45 weeks ago

Wales

I left a job recently, after only 5 and a half months working there.

One guy in particular would make a bee line for me, sit opposite me at lunchtime and stare at my boobs.

He made comments about another woman's during a company meeting, he was standing next to the MD at the time who said nothing, didn't reprimanded him.

So disappointing that this still happens and people still get away with it.

I took to wearing my coat when sat in the staff kitchen.

To your situation OP, get some advice from police, even report it if you want, bear in mind it could bring more stress if they want to pursue it through the courts.

Get audio of him and tell him you'll tell his wife if he continues. Although, he might be a twat to his wife too...

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"Random question, but do you know if he's in privately owned, council or social housing?

Any reports to any of them will be kept anonymous and the relevant agencies will also potentially make enquiries with other close neighbours to see if he's behaving the same way with anyone else.

Good luck.

Oh he's council.....thank you Obi!!!! I hadn't realised you could do that.

If he persists or approaches you after that, then shit gets serious and the council will involve the police, as its effectively harassment.

Hopefully enough to put a stop to it.

Honestly yours has been the most helpful comment,thank you.

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By *bi HaiveMan 45 weeks ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Random question, but do you know if he's in privately owned, council or social housing?

Any reports to any of them will be kept anonymous and the relevant agencies will also potentially make enquiries with other close neighbours to see if he's behaving the same way with anyone else.

Good luck.

Oh he's council.....thank you Obi!!!! I hadn't realised you could do that.

If he persists or approaches you after that, then shit gets serious and the council will involve the police, as its effectively harassment.

Hopefully enough to put a stop to it.

Honestly yours has been the most helpful comment,thank you.

No worries.

It's not nice when you don't feel safe and happy in/around your own home.

Hope you get it sorted.

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By *ools and the brainCouple 45 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

OP I read half the comments not all.

But I understand your point of view about not being confrontational potentially causing more issues and yes we are both the type of people who wouldn't tell him to fuck off it's just not in some people's nature.

If it was us I'd be putting up CCTV and angling it for your property but if it catches him at it so be it.

Maybe wear headphones as you go in so you can pretend to not hear him and maybe just a polite nod.

Get some big blokes round to glare at him or better still a big gay guy to flirt with him and make inappropriate comments at him see how he feels.

If you don't say anything to the wife and she finds out the longer it goes on chance's are she'll think you have been encouraging him, sooner the better.

Get a really obnoxious loud girlfriend to give him some abuse.

Can you plant some bushes in-between your properties?

Buy a really big dog.

Get a boyfriend.

Speak to your other neighbours see if anyone else gets the same vibe and ask them to keep an eye out for you.

Speak to your local community police officer.

Or just straight up tell him politely to stop as it scares you and makes you uncomfortable if he carries on you'll report him to everyone!

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By *onameyet2Man 45 weeks ago

chorley

"I had a peeping Tom in my previous house....he used to constantly watch me sunbathing in my bikini in my back garden....he even told me so

Tbh if he was a hot young fit fella I would've been flattered

but this guy was around 70....(well maybe I'd still find it creepy though regardless of age)....

So young fit Pervs are alright are they? Not sure a judge would accept that as an argument

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

I'm going to share this too. It was either the day I posted this or the day after but I went to visit an elderly couple, they are relatives. The woman is in the last stages of a serious illness that can't be cured. And the last few months have been upsetting as she's dropped weight at speed. Usually I give her a hug goodbye and she stays sat on the sofa as moving is difficult. He will see me to the door. And I usually hug him, only this time he put his hands on my arse, one each cheek and squeezed in quick succession 2/3 times. They are both in their 70's. I was mortified and speechless. Yet said nothing as she is far too weak to deal with anything like that. It's completely inappropriate and I'll have to work out how I'm going to deal with that one yet.

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By *ools and the brainCouple 45 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

"I had a peeping Tom in my previous house....he used to constantly watch me sunbathing in my bikini in my back garden....he even told me so

Tbh if he was a hot young fit fella I would've been flattered

but this guy was around 70....(well maybe I'd still find it creepy though regardless of age)....

Sorry I can't let this go.

Talk about double standards,I'm sorry but this is not on.

This is the sort of thing that guys misinterpret as ok to do if they think they are hot it confuses the hard of thinking.

It's a no regardless not when it suits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP 45 weeks ago

"OP I read half the comments not all.

If it was us I'd be putting up CCTV and angling it for your property but if it catches him at it so be it.

Maybe wear headphones as you go in so you can pretend to not hear him and maybe just a polite nod.

Get some big blokes round to glare at him or better still a big gay guy to flirt with him and make inappropriate comments at him see how he feels.

If you don't say anything to the wife and she finds out the longer it goes on chance's are she'll think you have been encouraging him, sooner the better.

Get a really obnoxious loud girlfriend to give him some abuse.

Can you plant some bushes in-between your properties?

Buy a really big dog.

Get a boyfriend.

Speak to your other neighbours see if anyone else gets the same vibe and ask them to keep an eye out for you.

Speak to your local community police officer.

Or just straight up tell him politely to stop as it scares you and makes you uncomfortable if he carries on you'll report him to everyone!

Yes I not the type to be confrontational and tell him to fuck off. He's also connected to my first ever boyfriend and a circle of people that used to be a bit batshit and not the types to piss off. But this guy has heart problems, no doubt from the lifestyle that circle had.

I had a boyfriend for two years (had a couples profile on here with him) and thats made not much difference. And now I'm single again he's been worse.

I have told one neighbour. Because one day I was chatting to him and this lecherous one came out and said 'stop chatting the neighbours up, we all know you need a new boyfriend'. That sparked enough of a conversation the next time I saw him alone to be able to tell him what there lecherous one had been doing.

Earphones don't won't work even when I'm clearly on the phone.

There's one neighbour between us. Lecherous never walks down my direction but I have to walk past his to get to my car

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"I had a peeping Tom in my previous house....he used to constantly watch me sunbathing in my bikini in my back garden....he even told me so

Tbh if he was a hot young fit fella I would've been flattered

but this guy was around 70....(well maybe I'd still find it creepy though regardless of age)....

Sorry I can't let this go.

Talk about double standards,I'm sorry but this is not on.

This is the sort of thing that guys misinterpret as ok to do if they think they are hot it confuses the hard of thinking.

It's a no regardless not when it suits.

Spot on!

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By *avexxMan 45 weeks ago

cheshire

what a fkn weirdo..

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By *ornucopiaMan 45 weeks ago

Bexley

Meanwhile, down the pub, all the normal blokes are standing around, pints in hands, guffawing about what they'd like to do with that fit bird who gets out of her car a couple of doors away.

Or, arranging vigilante action to deal with weirdo misfits they've heard about on the neighbourhood social media.

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By *immyinreadingMan 45 weeks ago

henley on thames

"OP I read half the comments not all.

If it was us I'd be putting up CCTV and angling it for your property but if it catches him at it so be it.

Maybe wear headphones as you go in so you can pretend to not hear him and maybe just a polite nod.

Get some big blokes round to glare at him or better still a big gay guy to flirt with him and make inappropriate comments at him see how he feels.

If you don't say anything to the wife and she finds out the longer it goes on chance's are she'll think you have been encouraging him, sooner the better.

Get a really obnoxious loud girlfriend to give him some abuse.

Can you plant some bushes in-between your properties?

Buy a really big dog.

Get a boyfriend.

Speak to your other neighbours see if anyone else gets the same vibe and ask them to keep an eye out for you.

Speak to your local community police officer.

Or just straight up tell him politely to stop as it scares you and makes you uncomfortable if he carries on you'll report him to everyone!

I had a boyfriend for two years (had a couples profile on here with him) and thats made not much difference. And now I'm single again he's been worse.

Earphones don't won't work even when I'm clearly on the phone.

There's one neighbour between us. Lecherous never walks down my direction but I have to walk past his to get to my car

Tricky one but if he's making you uncomfortable then I think a word with someone in authority such as the police,you shouldn't feel threatened in your own home.

I feel for you we have a similar ISH situation with the lad next door who talks to everyone who passes the house we can't go outside without being pestered by him,he just doesn't go away.

If we try to wash the car he will come out with a brush and try to help if I'm doing gardening he picks up shears and trys to help, sounds harmless but we literally can't step foot outside he follows us up the street and trys to come into the back garden if the gate is open.

His mum just laughs at him, meantime I don't want a kid I don't know coming into our garden unattended.

So I understand how much you feel trapped in your own home.

It's sad times that a bloke feels the need to sexually harass a lone women outside her own house and he has no fear of doing so.

A good swift kick to the ball's

You seriously suggest assault?

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