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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it? |
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"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
Some people prefer an Irish exit. Saying goodbye to everyone can end up taking an hour. I usually say bye to a few people I like and skedaddle |
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"I say goodbye to everyone if its a small group. If its a large group I say goodbye to the people I've spent the most time with.
I don't think its great to leave without saying goodbye to anyone."
This is me too. I find it hard not to say goodbye to anyone.
When I was growing up, my Mum wouldn't let us leave a family party until we'd walked round and kissed everyone goodbye. It often took us a long time to leave! |
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You can save two days per year on average using the irish goodbye.
Who says it is unacceptable?
Why do you have to conform to their social norms at the expense of your own peace of mind?
I say fuck em.
I would probably say goodbye to a select few friends who can then relay the devastating news that I have left.
Preservation of my peace super_edes the expectations of others.
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"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
Unacceptable is a bit harsh, I tend to slope off first and don’t want it to be the indicator for others to leave, but I usually let at least one person know I’m going x |
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"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
If you were overwhelmed then of course it's ok to leave quietly. If you were feeling sick would you be expected to say goodbye to everyone before running off to vomit? 
How are you feeling now? Any better now you are home? Xx |
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By *urge72Man
over a year ago
oxfordshire & Hull |
"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
If you were overwhelmed I can understand why you would make a quiet exit. However, it is good to let one person know (a friend if one is out with you) that you are leaving so they know what time you left. I'm just looking at it from a safety perspective.
Hope you are okay. |
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By *ealMissShadyWoman
over a year ago
St Albans/ North Welsh Borders |
"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
Nope, it's self preservation, you have to do what is right for you in that moment and you have to prioritise your own needs over what they perceive to be social propierty, real friends should understand that if they understood you. You shouldn't have to feel you need to conform regardless of who you are with
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
Personally I would tell someone, just so they'd know I had gone and didn't go looking for me or worry. Thats if I was feeling anxious or whatever. Alternatively I've just up'd and left before with a hurried, see you later in the general direction.
Are you ok now OP? |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
If you arrived alone then I'd say no. It's always nice to let someone know but at the end of the day you have to look after yourself first. If they are friends they should understand you may get overwhelmed. If they are not close enough to know this then they really don't matter.
That may sound a little harsh but then so are they for making you feel bad for protecting your own energy!
I hope you are feeling ok |
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"If you've been invited as a guest and slip away it would be rude since you've been invited with not even a thank you "
Bollox.
Because that means the guest's presence is "conditional" on appeasing another's own sense of propriety. Or ego.
But the guest may not share those values nor wish to be beholden to them. they may not even be aware the offer was "conditional".
A perfect host should have no expectations.
They should be gracious in accepting thanks for those who wish to give it, but not resentful for those who do not. That is unkind at the very least.
A perfect host should not expect thanks. |
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I say bye on a small group. But if it's a night out or larger group, party etc I don't. I leave, give it afew mins and then send afew texts saying it was good to see people, I'm on my way home and will text again when I'm safely in.
I cba with goodbyes that take half an hour, people trying to keep you out for just one more drink etc. |
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I would only slip away without saying much if I felt that I had drank too much or had an emergency or summit. Usually, I would say to the people I've spent my time with that I was heading on. I wouldn't say that it's a must, but I would consider it good manners to say 'it's time for me to go, thank you for having me' or something to that effect. I wouldn't hold it against someone or consider it rude if they left without saying goodbye, as long as they answered a text later when I noticed they were gone so that I knew they were OK. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"When you leave a social setting do you say goodbye to people or quietly sift?
I got overwhelmed out earlier and quietly and invisibly disappeared and came home and have had some messages saying that’s unacceptable - is it?"
If you're with friends just say by to them so they know you've left  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good idea to say bye to a few just so people aren’t worrying why you’ve vanished and if you’re ok. But no need to make a big thing of it especially if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. |
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Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos! |
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Don’t know enough about your specific circumstance OP, personally I would say something to one person at least, even if it was just words to the effect, ‘ I’m going to shoot on, I’m finding it a bit of a struggle’. Then disappear quietly, at least someone would know you had left and were ok.
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
If at a party I usually just thank the host for having me and say “I’m off home now”.
If out with friends I tell one or just say to them as a group.
Back in my clubbing days me and a group of friends went out, and one just left as not feeling well. The rest of us spent at least an hour walking around the venue trying to find her because we wondered where she’d gone  |
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No it is not wrong. Don't forget that other people's constructs of social etiquette may not be yours. BUT
You could have sent a text once you'd managed to leave or even left word with one person ....
Before there were phones we could leave without goodbyes but would be courteous of the feelings of others and leave a written note.
It settles their minds and eases situations for everyone.
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!"
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me. |
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"Sorry just re-read and you felt overwhelmed? Well you may have had anxiety which is understandable."
This.
You need at least someone in your group who understands and you can just tap on the arm, wave to, and slip out - and everyone knows you’re ok, you’ve just had enough.
I’m assuming any criticism came from concerns for your welfare. But I also assume you don’t want a fuss when you’ve had enough.
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As an introvert, when I need to leave, I need to leave so will say goodbye to whoever I'm talking to and then just go. My sanity is more important than worrying about other people's idea of convention. |
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I (M) am introverted so familiar with getting stimulation burnout in busy social situations.
The process of leaving then seems like a daunting task as it's basically a series of awkward interactions.
She (F) can take what feels like days to leave a party. She's very bubbly and extroverted so each goodbye can turn into a whole new conversation and if she's had a few she easily forgets I'm standing there waiting to insincerely hug someone or whatever.
I say self-care is the most important. If you're at a gathering where it's possible to slip away unnoticed, do it. If it's a private party I'd thank the hosts, but frankly bollocks to anyone who gets offended you didn't prioritise their social preferences over your psychological wellbeing. |
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I am guessing what you do depends on whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. An extrovert will spend an hour going round saying good bye to everyone. An introvert _might_ say good bye to one or two but then they will be gone.
Both approaches are fine. |
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me. "
Pretty much, also has to be a loose handshake, never use a firm one |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
It depends on the context, where it is, how easy it is to find folk, or disruptive to everyone else's night and how you're feeling.
Ideally, you want the DJ to make an official announcement, including that you won't be signing autographs and there just remains 5 minutes for people to get selfies with you  |
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me.
Pretty much, also has to be a loose handshake, never use a firm one "
Like I say ...... ceremony. |
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me.
Pretty much, also has to be a loose handshake, never use a firm one
Like I say ...... ceremony. "
Like I agreed ?? |
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I think if someone has reached their limits with something, it's fine to move on, as best they need to do. If a guest of someone, it would typically involve a goodbye and thanks but, again, people need to do what's best for them |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I do special goodbyes to special people especially if I won’t see them for a while, I do quick goodbyes / kiss / hug / handshake as appropriate to others and those I don’t know too well I do group wave goodbyes.
I’m fine with long goodbyes, just start 15 mins before you wanna leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it is not wrong. Don't forget that other people's constructs of social etiquette may not be yours. BUT
You could have sent a text once you'd managed to leave or even left word with one person ....
Before there were phones we could leave without goodbyes but would be courteous of the feelings of others and leave a written note.
It settles their minds and eases situations for everyone.
"
I can't type it better but my thoughts are similar.
I've done it myself before and I know the need to escape there and now, being too focused on one's own spiralling energy to consider others. However, the aftermath isn't exactly proving the strategy right for me. It's not easy on other people and can mess up their night, worry them. As much as i need to protect myself and my feelings, I also have learnt that i can and should make the same effort to protect others feelings, especially if they matter.
I wouldn't say it was unacceptable because I don't know all the circumstances, but in the future I'd devise a different exit plan for myself. One safety person who can then relay it to others ? Or a text to a group chat you are part of? Don't worry, all is fine but I had to leave urgently. Talk tomorrow.
Those who matter will understand. But probably won't stop worrying, cause they care
T |
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If it’s with people I don’t know all that well then I’ll say goodbye to one person but go ‘oh can you say goodbye to X and X for me? I can’t find them and my taxi is here’ even if I’ve driven myself. That way someone tells people I’ve left for me and I get to avoid the hour of saying goodbye to people who try start up more conversations.
If it’s all close friends or family then I’ll try sneak out undetected, get spotted then spend 4 hours saying goodbye to everyone individually even though I see most of my friends at least 2//3 times a week. |
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me.
Pretty much, also has to be a loose handshake, never use a firm one
Like I say ...... ceremony.
Like I agreed ?? "
That wasn't clear. I took it that you were agreeing to my question not the statement.
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"Matter of opinion really? I worked the pro-wrestling circuit for years and were respect is important. Shake everyone's hand and introduce yourself when you arrive before the show.
A handshake and goodbye is always expected on the way out. Doesn't matter if its the promoter, the wrestlers, the ref or the back stage hands. Everyone gets treated the same.
This followed me into social events as well. But it's not the same thing so if I'm not feeling it I will say a few byes to let people know I've left.
If its a work do, I have one drink then say I'm popping to the toilet and don't come back. I hate work dos!
Is shaking hands respect ? Seems like ceremony to me.
Pretty much, also has to be a loose handshake, never use a firm one
Like I say ...... ceremony.
Like I agreed ??
That wasn't clear. I took it that you were agreeing to my question not the statement.
"
Yeah fair enough but yes it is a big deal and frowned upon if you don't. Leaving after your match and not when the show is finished is also frowned upon.
Ok that's enough I still try and keep some kayfabe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In France, leaving without saying goodbye is known as, 'leaving the English way.'
We must have a reputation for it."
Funny. My friends call it a "French exit" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the setting and my mood.
If I'm overwhelmed I'll tell either the host or my closest friends there that my social battery died/I'm tired and I'm heading home. I'd only get "where are you? Are you OK?" texts and calls if not so it's counterintuitive to have to deal with that if I'm all out of social energy.
Otherwise I'll happily do the rounds and get goodbye hugs and kisses from everyone. If it takes an hour and some side quests, so be it.
I have no problem with any friend taking a "French exit" and leaving without saying goodbye however. |
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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago
dublin |
I do both. Depends on my mood and the group dynamic. But if I do leave without saying goodbye I generally ping someone a text saying I left.
Sometimes trying to say goodbye just invites people to guilt trip you into staying… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I (M) am introverted so familiar with getting stimulation burnout in busy social situations.
The process of leaving then seems like a daunting task as it's basically a series of awkward interactions.
She (F) can take what feels like days to leave a party. She's very bubbly and extroverted so each goodbye can turn into a whole new conversation and if she's had a few she easily forgets I'm standing there waiting to insincerely hug someone or whatever.
I say self-care is the most important. If you're at a gathering where it's possible to slip away unnoticed, do it. If it's a private party I'd thank the hosts, but frankly bollocks to anyone who gets offended you didn't prioritise their social preferences over your psychological wellbeing."
Can relate to this absolutely from when married.  |
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I can understand why you sneaked away without telling anyone....Cos sometimes when we do say we're leaving it creates way too much attention & people insisting we stay etc....
We I do this....I normally just tell 1 or 2 people so they can tell the group where I am when they start to wonder where I've gone to
