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Love and swinging.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How does it happen? How does it change from just wanting to kiss and have sex with someone to wanting to be with them and imagining a future together….. I like hanging out with you, and now I want to be with you forever? … that type of thing.
And how the hell do you love someone deeply and think your heart is given to one person, but then you find yourself falling for someone else who you didn’t intend to? Or does them at keep you safe, ie, you know you don’t want anyone again. I hope others that have gone through a marriage break up can understand that question?
How can you easily just have sex with people (and many) who are gorgeous and really lovely, and you don’t get those feelings, and you don’t want them but somehow one person breaks down that wall you had up?
Love. Is it dangerous when swinging? 
I needed a hug last night, I’m still feeling it after a weird dream. 
I hope all that makes sense.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love isn’t dangerous, Woody. It’s beautiful. Embrace it. Sometimes we love people that don’t love us back and it hurts. But at least we loved.
Love and swinging isn’t dangerous unless you’re monogamous. And if you’re monogamous I think it’s the swinging that’s danger. Not the love. |
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"Love isn’t dangerous, Woody. It’s beautiful. Embrace it. Sometimes we love people that don’t love us back and it hurts. But at least we loved.
Love and swinging isn’t dangerous unless you’re monogamous. And if you’re monogamous I think it’s the swinging that’s danger. Not the love. "
This is 100% true  |
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"Love isn’t dangerous, Woody. It’s beautiful. Embrace it. Sometimes we love people that don’t love us back and it hurts. But at least we loved.
Love and swinging isn’t dangerous unless you’re monogamous. And if you’re monogamous I think it’s the swinging that’s danger. Not the love. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I currently am in love with 3 different women. I love them all a lot. Differently. Love is a truly beautiful thing. I can have sex with people and not fall in love with them pretty easily. But some people I’m open to falling completely in love with and I enjoy more than just sex with them. I enjoy dating them and getting to know them and all the other stuff.
Falling fast and hard isn’t always a bad thing. But always protect your heart. Know yourself and know what you’re getting into |
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"I currently am in love with 3 different women. I love them all a lot. Differently. Love is a truly beautiful thing. I can have sex with people and not fall in love with them pretty easily. But some people I’m open to falling completely in love with and I enjoy more than just sex with them. I enjoy dating them and getting to know them and all the other stuff.
Falling fast and hard isn’t always a bad thing. But always protect your heart. Know yourself and know what you’re getting into"
I consider myself... poly minus? I can relate to this but probably less intensely. I have strong friendships and I suppose I love them in my own way. I have barriers up for my own protection (and I know a lot of people will say that's sad, it's not, it just is), but that doesn't mean I don't feel things strongly.
It's sort of like... tight knit friends and orgasms. And then they go home. |
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"Love isn’t dangerous, Woody. It’s beautiful. Embrace it. Sometimes we love people that don’t love us back and it hurts. But at least we loved.
Love and swinging isn’t dangerous unless you’re monogamous. And if you’re monogamous I think it’s the swinging that’s danger. Not the love.
This is 100% true "
This, totally.
I'm polyamorous, and i love. It's what I do. I'm not shy about telling the people that I love that I love them. It's a beautiful, humbling, heartwarming thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i don't know how it happens, but sometimes it does.
i met a guy for a one-night deal, as per my usual... and yet five years later he's the love of my life.
obviously, as you eluded in your post, you can meet many people for many things and it's stays just like that. nothing further.
no idea why it was different.
i wonder if anyone else has any definitive answer.
Px  |
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Its a tricky one.
I can have sex with anyone I find attractive and not form any kind of feelings towards them.
I think the issue starts when you have sex with a person you find attractive more than once. Obviously having more than one liason with the person you start to find out more about them, not just sexually but on a normal level and for me I believe that is when feelings start to come into it.
After splitting with my ex some years ago I became close to a married friend of hers who was there for me. We would chat a lot and go out for coffee, never anything sexual, but I pulled alway after developing feelings, not quite love for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person 
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children."
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time. |
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children.
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time. "
Yeah. I've cut myself off from romantic love, because I have, but I don't get why it's that difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children.
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time.
Yeah. I've cut myself off from romantic love, because I have, but I don't get why it's that difficult."
Well unlearning anything is hard isn’t it? You team yourself that loving more than one is wrong. You see quotes saying you can’t. So if you do, there’s something wrong with you. Or you reject it. You get jealous because of all the societal bullshit about ownership. Unlearning a lifetime of that stuff isn’t easy to be fair |
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children.
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time.
Yeah. I've cut myself off from romantic love, because I have, but I don't get why it's that difficult.
Well unlearning anything is hard isn’t it? You team yourself that loving more than one is wrong. You see quotes saying you can’t. So if you do, there’s something wrong with you. Or you reject it. You get jealous because of all the societal bullshit about ownership. Unlearning a lifetime of that stuff isn’t easy to be fair"
Fair.
But I feel like in a swinging forum... you've already got the most important thing going. "oh, these societal constructs that you can only bang someone you love/ one person at a time is bullshit!"
I wonder why most people only go that far and not further.
Got some news guys... there's a lot more bullshit going on  |
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children.
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time.
Yeah. I've cut myself off from romantic love, because I have, but I don't get why it's that difficult.
Well unlearning anything is hard isn’t it? You team yourself that loving more than one is wrong. You see quotes saying you can’t. So if you do, there’s something wrong with you. Or you reject it. You get jealous because of all the societal bullshit about ownership. Unlearning a lifetime of that stuff isn’t easy to be fair
Fair.
But I feel like in a swinging forum... you've already got the most important thing going. "oh, these societal constructs that you can only bang someone you love/ one person at a time is bullshit!"
I wonder why most people only go that far and not further.
Got some news guys... there's a lot more bullshit going on "
I know a few who have gone further. Some very successfully |
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We didn’t intend on falling in love with each other - we certainly weren’t looking for it having come out of relationships that made us not want to entertain the idea again!
But the more we spoke to each other and shared our life’s the more we developed feelings - add into it that we connected so perfectly sexually then it was pretty stupid fighting it (but it did get to that stage where we both ignored the feelings).
We are both very lucky that we were and are on the same path of discovery sexually and so swinging has been a perfect fit.
The way we see it with others is that we are sharing a hobby together - we all enjoy that hobby and then when it’s finished we go away.
We are good friends with the people we play with and we have affection for them but not in the same way we have for each other - the feelings are put to one side but we can still enjoy them in every way.
When you think of it with a vanilla head on, it sounds strange - think of it with a swinging head on and it sounds and feels perfectly normal.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a societal construct that you can only love one person
I've heard poly people say, to try to describe poly love - it's a bit like loving more than one of your children.
Or your friends. It’s the idea that only romantic love seems to be something you’re only supposed to do one at a time.
Yeah. I've cut myself off from romantic love, because I have, but I don't get why it's that difficult.
Well unlearning anything is hard isn’t it? You team yourself that loving more than one is wrong. You see quotes saying you can’t. So if you do, there’s something wrong with you. Or you reject it. You get jealous because of all the societal bullshit about ownership. Unlearning a lifetime of that stuff isn’t easy to be fair
Fair.
But I feel like in a swinging forum... you've already got the most important thing going. "oh, these societal constructs that you can only bang someone you love/ one person at a time is bullshit!"
I wonder why most people only go that far and not further.
Got some news guys... there's a lot more bullshit going on "
You’re brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't consider myself a swinger
But people meeting and falling in love on here cant be any more unusual than anywhere else.
Chemistry happens ...I'm not saying your a passive participant but you don't exactly decide who it's with.
I didn't look for it here ...but still it happened.
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Boundaries.... Self control... Respect... Open honest communication.
All needed!
If you're not capable of setting and sticking to boundaries/vows if you're married, maybe you shouldn't swing. Because it will end in heartache for all those involved.
Therapy is always a good place to work through these kinds of questions.
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"How does it happen? How does it change from just wanting to kiss and have sex with someone to wanting to be with them and imagining a future together….. I like hanging out with you, and now I want to be with you forever? … that type of thing.
And how the hell do you love someone deeply and think your heart is given to one person, but then you find yourself falling for someone else who you didn’t intend to? Or does them at keep you safe, ie, you know you don’t want anyone again. I hope others that have gone through a marriage break up can understand that question?
How can you easily just have sex with people (and many) who are gorgeous and really lovely, and you don’t get those feelings, and you don’t want them but somehow one person breaks down that wall you had up?
Love. Is it dangerous when swinging?
I needed a hug last night, I’m still feeling it after a weird dream.
I hope all that makes sense. "
I only have space in my little black heart for one person and she's counted for. I can't imagine falling for someone I meet swinging. I'm too 'stray cat' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never had feelings towards any sexual encounters from fab. It is, great to get on. Connection is getting on.
Letting my guard down, no way for me. Prefer to fuck and have my single freedom.
Mixed feelings going into a relationship is not healthy.
Only you can decide op. Best wishes for whatever path you want |
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This is a tricky one, obviously I love the Mr, I've never had feelings for anyone we've met in anything other than a sexual/friendship way.
I guess I'm emotionally monogamous, if I felt I was getting feelings for someone of put a stop to it.
I can have sex with people I form a connection with, but it's that it's sex & friendship nothing more nothing less I've never developed feelings nor would I want to.
My love belongs to one person only.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How does it happen? How does it change from just wanting to kiss and have sex with someone to wanting to be with them and imagining a future together….. I like hanging out with you, and now I want to be with you forever? … that type of thing.
And how the hell do you love someone deeply and think your heart is given to one person, but then you find yourself falling for someone else who you didn’t intend to? Or does them at keep you safe, ie, you know you don’t want anyone again. I hope others that have gone through a marriage break up can understand that question?
How can you easily just have sex with people (and many) who are gorgeous and really lovely, and you don’t get those feelings, and you don’t want them but somehow one person breaks down that wall you had up?
Love. Is it dangerous when swinging?
I needed a hug last night, I’m still feeling it after a weird dream.
I hope all that makes sense. "
Hearts get broken.
Loving one person but falling for another if married that's called cheating.
Some guys want cake and eat it married or in relationships. It is wrong.
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"How does it happen? How does it change from just wanting to kiss and have sex with someone to wanting to be with them and imagining a future together….. I like hanging out with you, and now I want to be with you forever? … that type of thing.
And how the hell do you love someone deeply and think your heart is given to one person, but then you find yourself falling for someone else who you didn’t intend to? Or does them at keep you safe, ie, you know you don’t want anyone again. I hope others that have gone through a marriage break up can understand that question?
How can you easily just have sex with people (and many) who are gorgeous and really lovely, and you don’t get those feelings, and you don’t want them but somehow one person breaks down that wall you had up?
Love. Is it dangerous when swinging?
I needed a hug last night, I’m still feeling it after a weird dream.
I hope all that makes sense.
Hearts get broken.
Loving one person but falling for another if married that's called cheating.
Some guys want cake and eat it married or in relationships. It is wrong.
"
And women |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Oh Woody. I'll send a virtual hug in lieu of a real one (for now).
I'm not sure how. You're open to it; to the possibility of it, to receiving it, to being vulnerable with another. I think that's what love is isn't it? Trusting another. Deeply. Caring for them and showing them all of you and accepting them for all they are.
Pickle is right. Love isn't dangerous. Not real love, no.
I love quite easily. Fall in love with, no, I've fallen in love with two people from Fab (one the fiancé, the other an ex from several years ago now). I've had a fair few people tell me they've fallen in love with me. Love me. Whatever. I only really accepted I was poly a few years ago. Before that I truly believed there was something awfully wrong with me, that not being emotionally monogamous was terrible.
I've been hurt, lied to, cheated on etc. All of the things that should make those walls come up. Should have me running from the very notion that I could have feelings for another again.
And yet? I'm not going to shut myself off from happiness. I don't want to allow my past experiences to dictate the future. I think sometimes you just meet a person and things change.
They speak to your soul in some deeper way and you realise that life is better with them in it.
You take that chance because even if things end (and all things come to an end), it'll be better for having them in it. To have loved them, even if for a season.
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I (Disco Balls) have made the mistake in the past of having sex (in the dating world), which has been good and going back for more and then ending up in a relationship as things develop and then wondering how it happened and realised that it was the wrong relationship. Lesson now learnt and didn't make the mistake this time round.
Also, I didn't agree with 'protect your heart'. For a relationship to work you need to make yourself vulnerable by giving all, otherwise it won't work. Relationships are like investments - high risk ( i.e make yourself vulnerable), high reward, low risk, low reward. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"How does it happen? How does it change from just wanting to kiss and have sex with someone to wanting to be with them and imagining a future together….. I like hanging out with you, and now I want to be with you forever? … that type of thing.
And how the hell do you love someone deeply and think your heart is given to one person, but then you find yourself falling for someone else who you didn’t intend to? Or does them at keep you safe, ie, you know you don’t want anyone again. I hope others that have gone through a marriage break up can understand that question?
How can you easily just have sex with people (and many) who are gorgeous and really lovely, and you don’t get those feelings, and you don’t want them but somehow one person breaks down that wall you had up?
Love. Is it dangerous when swinging?
I needed a hug last night, I’m still feeling it after a weird dream.
I hope all that makes sense. "
some would say in the words of the song ' whats love got to do with it' but i myself welcome feelings |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"….
Also, I didn't agree with 'protect your heart'. For a relationship to work you need to make yourself vulnerable by giving all, otherwise it won't work. Relationships are like investments - high risk ( i.e make yourself vulnerable), high reward, low risk, low reward."
Also, if I’m not me (the vulnerable , and also handsome, man that I am), who would they be getting to know? They’d get a cynical, guarded unopen, short and shallow human to talk to. So there’s that too. It’s just hard to take your own advice which I give to other people. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"….
Also, I didn't agree with 'protect your heart'. For a relationship to work you need to make yourself vulnerable by giving all, otherwise it won't work. Relationships are like investments - high risk ( i.e make yourself vulnerable), high reward, low risk, low reward.
Also, if I’m not me (the vulnerable , and also handsome, man that I am), who would they be getting to know? They’d get a cynical, guarded unopen, short and shallow human to talk to. So there’s that too. It’s just hard to take your own advice which I give to other people. "
Now now Woody, you’re not short.
Less of that kinda talk. |
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Um.
It's scary. I hate having that vulnerability. Truly giving a shit about someone is uh, not something I ever intended to do again to the degree that I do already.
I'll never quite understand how it happens. Why that particular chemistry hits so very fucking hard. Why its not an issue with 99.99% of genuinely awesome people I come into contact with, but then someone just, is.
It's beautiful. But it's also terrifying. Trying to just enjoy what it is instead of worrying about all the ways it can go horribly fucking wrong is difficult |
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By *lder.Woman
over a year ago
Not Local |
I think there is more than one person we can love in the world. Bound to be with the amount out of us out there. If the first love falls through then that leaves us able to go and be found by all the other loves that are waiting for us. We have infinite capacity for love, like the example of loving more than one child if we have them. |
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"I think there is more than one person we can love in the world. Bound to be with the amount out of us out there. If the first love falls through then that leaves us able to go and be found by all the other loves that are waiting for us. We have infinite capacity for love, like the example of loving more than one child if we have them. "
When it comes to romantic love, it's the logistics, time and resources required that make me realise it's not something I could do |
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"I don't consider myself a swinger
But people meeting and falling in love on here cant be any more unusual than anywhere else.
Chemistry happens ...I'm not saying your a passive participant but you don't exactly decide who it's with.
I didn't look for it here ...but still it happened.
"
This makes me smile so much 
J |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
For me it doesn’t change from wanting to kiss / have sex to love, Its very rare but I know almost immediately.
I’ve never understood people who’s marriages or relationships breakup because they fall for another. it’s possible to finish it respectfully before getting into someone else, self discipline & respect isn’t that hard if you care about the person, so it’s just greed / selfishness. |
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Oh. I wandered off and didn't answer the question.
Love is dangerous anytime.
Swinging is good fun.
The way I love one person doesn't negate or detract from the way I love another.
And sex is just fun. Having happy sexy times with people I enjoy doesn't mean I don't love the person I love |
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By *lder.Woman
over a year ago
Not Local |
"I think there is more than one person we can love in the world. Bound to be with the amount out of us out there. If the first love falls through then that leaves us able to go and be found by all the other loves that are waiting for us. We have infinite capacity for love, like the example of loving more than one child if we have them.
When it comes to romantic love, it's the logistics, time and resources required that make me realise it's not something I could do"
Ive come to that conclusion also, but with a caveat of 'for now'. It's not quite the right time yet |
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