FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > cheating - but not really cheating
cheating - but not really cheating
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
reading an earlier post made me wonder.
If someone has a profile on here, and their wife/husband/partner is not aware of it (cheating if you want to call it that) , does the fact that its a swinging site rather than 'dating' site take away some of the guilt?.
Just wondering if any 'unaware' other half would say.....'oh you're swinging, thats different then, yes carry on' ???
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope,if it involves dishonesty,and deception,no matter how you butter it up,it's cheating."
my _iew also.. even if the profile stated 'not meeting' flirting/having banter and not being honest with my partner would still be cheating in my eyes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope,if it involves dishonesty,and deception,no matter how you butter it up,it's cheating."
I'm of the same opinion, but I know others will have their own limits on cheating. I know some will see an emotional affair as a bigger betrayal than a physical one, but I could never forgive and forget either...once my trust has gone that's game over for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a married man playing without permission (when the chance arises), I wouldn't even try to excuse it by saying that it is not a dating site. Given the reason that most people are on here is for sex I don't see any difference. Cheating is cheating.  |
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By * n zCouple
over a year ago
leamington spa |
Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!! "
I wouldn't disagree with your point but some might also think the same about those that swing.  |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
The post earlier re cheating was interesting, as so many women said they were not put off by a guy who was on here behind is partners back. So I guesss thats what attracts the attached guys here.
It seems many people are not bothered by cheating, until it happens to them !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I understand the initial point in so far as this is a sex / swing site where there is no emotional attachment at all. Yes, people need to be physically attracted to a meet but if it is just a physical act with no emotional ties then that may make a difference. I had an affair before and my ex said, if it was just for better sex, she would pay for me to see a prostitute rather than make an emotional attachment to someone else... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care what a partner does with others. As long as they are honest with me about it.
So I think that it makes little difference. However I see having sex less bad than anything emotional. |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
As most of the profiles on here have likes and dislikes that include physical features, personality, etc etc then surely everyone is looking for someone they actually are attracted to, rather than picking keys out of an ashtray.
So I assume that 99% of people are looking to have sex with people they are attracted to and have something in common with.
Recipe for disaster I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The post earlier re cheating was interesting, as so many women said they were not put off by a guy who was on here behind is partners back. So I guesss thats what attracts the attached guys here.
It seems many people are not bothered by cheating, until it happens to them !!"
It has happened to me. That's life. I just look at the reasons. Learn from it if needed and move on. Yes it hurts. But well that's life? |
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"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!! "
Is that why couples swing and try to meet other people separately even though they swing together?!! |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"The post earlier re cheating was interesting, as so many women said they were not put off by a guy who was on here behind is partners back. So I guesss thats what attracts the attached guys here.
It seems many people are not bothered by cheating, until it happens to them !!
It has happened to me. That's life. I just look at the reasons. Learn from it if needed and move on. Yes it hurts. But well that's life? "
Yep, but I do hope that 'looking at the reason' doesnt include blaming yourself.......thats a big no no. x |
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By *ander_XMan
over a year ago
Greater Manchester |
My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes. |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes."
lol, you obviously never been on POF  |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"many will play with cheaters and not give a dam.... till it happens to them, then they will squeal like kittens in a sack being dangled over a bridge.
 You have such a way with words!  "
If the kittens are in a sack and therefore totally unaware of their circumstances (being dangled over a brige) .....why are they screaming |
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"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes."
I wonder how many married people would honestly answer the following question though: have you fallen for someone on Fab when all you were looking was uncomplicated NSA sex? |
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to me a lie, is a lie doesn't matter what its being told about so if a partner of mine were on here without my knowledge or a dating site it would still mean that they had deliberately hidden the truth from me and I would find it hard to get past. |
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"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!
I wouldn't disagree with your point but some might also think the same about those that swing. "
Yes they might think that but often all that is missing is one or two other people for sex |
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By *ander_XMan
over a year ago
Greater Manchester |
"I wonder how many married people would honestly answer the following question though: have you fallen for someone on Fab when all you were looking was uncomplicated NSA sex? "
I'm sure it happens, but I think it's much less likely on here where everyone joins in the knowledge that it's just about no strings sex. |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes."
I guess that being on a swing site does make a difference then, although your girlfriend obviously knows what the site is about etc, which helps. Im sure many 'other halfs' wouldnt be as understanding. I dont think they would see past the sex withsomeone else part. |
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By *ander_XMan
over a year ago
Greater Manchester |
"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes.
I guess that being on a swing site does make a difference then, although your girlfriend obviously knows what the site is about etc, which helps. Im sure many 'other halfs' wouldnt be as understanding. I dont think they would see past the sex withsomeone else part. "
I'm well aware I'm a very lucky boy to be able to have my cake and eat it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why cant people just be honest with their partners, my wife knows eveything. We wouldnt want our relationship to be anything else but honest. If you lie to your partner they are really not for you. |
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By * n zCouple
over a year ago
leamington spa |
"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!
I wouldn't disagree with your point but some might also think the same about those that swing. "
Yes they may, but the difference being that no lies are involved. |
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By * n zCouple
over a year ago
leamington spa |
"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!
Is that why couples swing and try to meet other people separately even though they swing together?!! "
Yes ........ If they are trying to meet people seperately without their partners knowledge, then they are lying, there's a problem.
If they have an understanding between them that they meet separately then, great, as long as everyoned happy go for it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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most people cant _iew sex as not having emotional connections.
they also see it as betrayal and as the cheater not having enough feeling towards them.
i dont think overall when a cheater is exposed whether it was just nsa or a relationship will make any difference to the person cheated on.
any lies and disete in a relationship is a very bad thing. Anything done which will cause upset to the other is bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!
I wouldn't disagree with your point but some might also think the same about those that swing.
Yes they may, but the difference being that no lies are involved. "
Yes, I agree, but for those who don't swing may suggest that there is something wrong with your relationship if you do. Simply trying to point out that nothing in life is black and white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes.
lol, you obviously never been on POF "
ive asked before about POF, on there u can put urself as seeking long term, dating, intimate encounter, hang out or friends.. either as looking for a relationship or somethign casual or not commitment.
does that make it exlusively a dating site? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lies in any form are hurtful, and I for one would rip said partners balls off if I found something like that out........
However, I believe this only happens when theres something wrong/missing from the relationship, cos let's face it it, if everything was hunky dory people wouldn't feel the need to do things behind their partners back !!!!
I wouldn't disagree with your point but some might also think the same about those that swing.
Yes they may, but the difference being that no lies are involved.
Yes, I agree, but for those who don't swing may suggest that there is something wrong with your relationship if you do. Simply trying to point out that nothing in life is black and white. "
swinging is a shared interested that both consent to.. coudl you say there are problems in a relationship if 2 married people took up another shared hobby like golf? |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes.
lol, you obviously never been on POF
ive asked before about POF, on there u can put urself as seeking long term, dating, intimate encounter, hang out or friends.. either as looking for a relationship or somethign casual or not commitment.
does that make it exlusively a dating site?"
Not sure what it is, but I do know of many people who use it as 'shaganything.com' |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
So........... do you think that men/women on here without their partners knowledge feel that they are not 'cheating' because its a swinging site????
Any single ( but not really single) people like to put forward an opinion?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My girlfriend was unaware until very recently.
After much discussion, she's okay with me being on here on the basis that it's just for nsa sex and doesn't threaten or disrupt our relationship.
I'm sure she would see me being on a dating site completely differently and certainly wouldn't be okay with that.
The general intention of people on here is obviously to find no strings sex, on a dating site it's to find love. So being on a dating site whilst in a relationship is a completely different thing in my eyes.
lol, you obviously never been on POF
ive asked before about POF, on there u can put urself as seeking long term, dating, intimate encounter, hang out or friends.. either as looking for a relationship or somethign casual or not commitment.
does that make it exlusively a dating site?
Not sure what it is, but I do know of many people who use it as 'shaganything.com' "
that will be the intimate encounter option  |
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If someone is honest and admits that they are married and that their wife is unaware of their deceit, if they are successful in attracting a meet, then surely it's between the perp and his fellow swingers. We all know the risks involved i.e you may end up with an angry wife/husband banging on your door. If you choose not to meet married men/women, smokers, bad spellers - whatever - just don't. But honesty is the key to informed choices. |
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By *andKxxxCouple
over a year ago
Liverpool |
It's still going behind there back regardless! Cheating! I'd be heartbroken if my other half done that to me! Strange how I love to watch another women with him! If he done it without my consent I would kill him |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"no matter how you try to butter it up, cheating is cheating whether on here or on a dating site, and there is no place for cheating in swinging."
Agree, yet in the other thread about cheating there was a large proportion who said that it didnt bother them if someone was cheating, they would still have sex with them.
So I wondered if some people accepted it because it was on a swinging site. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"no matter how you try to butter it up, cheating is cheating whether on here or on a dating site, and there is no place for cheating in swinging.
Agree, yet in the other thread about cheating there was a large proportion who said that it didnt bother them if someone was cheating, they would still have sex with them.
So I wondered if some people accepted it because it was on a swinging site. "
I made a longish statement on the other thread essentially saying other people's values are none of my business and I dont judge people because we never know the whole story.
That said, and I have said this before - I personally would not knowingly meet and play with a guy who is in a relationship. Simply because I would not wish to be cited in proceedings or have an upset girlfriend ring me to ask what my number is doing on her partner's mobile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a guy message me earlier asking if I wanted some fun and could I come over to his. I mentioned I don't have transport and I only do social meet to start, so he suggested he come to mine. I agreed to meet near my place, so I could see if we would click and also verify him. His response was, and I quote.. "great, i need to get a babysitter as his wife was out for the night?" WTF???
Wow, what a total knob head, inviting women to his home while his wife was at work and his children in bed!
Now that's just wrong on all levels !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know as I am single however, I met at a social, a couple I have known for a long time but not friends, more acquaintances. Since then I have found that not only is he cheating on his wife via the couple's profile but he also has a 'single male's' profile. Had we been close friends, this would have put me in an awful position as I would have felt compelled to say something. He wants to meet me but I just cannot.
And no I don't think it takes away the guilt and I still wouldn't knowingly meet a cheater. If I was a couple, I would be absolutely gutted if I found out that they were cheating on me. To me being a couple whether married or living together as a couple involves trust and communication, that all goes out the window when one half cheats on the other |
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"I had a guy message me earlier asking if I wanted some fun and could I come over to his. I mentioned I don't have transport and I only do social meet to start, so he suggested he come to mine. I agreed to meet near my place, so I could see if we would click and also verify him. His response was, and I quote.. "great, i need to get a babysitter as his wife was out for the night?" WTF???
Wow, what a total knob head, inviting women to his home while his wife was at work and his children in bed!
Now that's just wrong on all levels !!! "
That is mental - how can someone be so brazen and disrespectful to all involved? |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
"Would be interesting to see from the other side... If a woman were on here without her partners knowledge would a man be as understanding as a woman? "
I'm on here without my husband's knowledge. He has said he's ok if I want to find a physical relationship elsewhere but told me he didn't want to know I was doing it.
So, is this cheating? At first it felt like it was and I cancelled my first few meets because it felt wrong. Eventually I decided to go ahead and now I feel happy with my decision |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Would be interesting to see from the other side... If a woman were on here without her partners knowledge would a man be as understanding as a woman?
I'm on here without my husband's knowledge. He has said he's ok if I want to find a physical relationship elsewhere but told me he didn't want to know I was doing it.
So, is this cheating? At first it felt like it was and I cancelled my first few meets because it felt wrong. Eventually I decided to go ahead and now I feel happy with my decision"
And Iisnt that the most important thing in life? That you are happy with the decisions you have made.  |
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"Would be interesting to see from the other side... If a woman were on here without her partners knowledge would a man be as understanding as a woman?
I'm on here without my husband's knowledge. He has said he's ok if I want to find a physical relationship elsewhere but told me he didn't want to know I was doing it.
So, is this cheating? At first it felt like it was and I cancelled my first few meets because it felt wrong. Eventually I decided to go ahead and now I feel happy with my decision"
You're the only one who can decide that. There are a number of people on here in your situation, men and women....I just think its sad for all concerned really. |
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By *ady4lady OP Woman
over a year ago
liverpool |
"Would be interesting to see from the other side... If a woman were on here without her partners knowledge would a man be as understanding as a woman?
I'm on here without my husband's knowledge. He has said he's ok if I want to find a physical relationship elsewhere but told me he didn't want to know I was doing it.
So, is this cheating? At first it felt like it was and I cancelled my first few meets because it felt wrong. Eventually I decided to go ahead and now I feel happy with my decision"
Different in the fact that you are only on the site without his knowledge, you are not having a physical relationship without his knowledge. He is happy for you to get satisfaction elsewhere, and if he found out you had spent time with someone he would not be angry as you have agreed beforehand.
I dont see that as cheating, although I do see how it was difficult for you at first x |
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