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Fucking strangers.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?  |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead "
Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.
I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax. |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead
Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.
I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax."
If you have a bad feeling OP, trust your gut.  it’s a real fear. |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. |
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"Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "
This is spot on  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "
He's a wise soul is K... exactly that. |
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"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
"
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've got my partner and I was thinking it might be a good idea to text my partner the address and to check in every hour or so with my location on. I'll have a look at hotels too but they are so expensive here and I don't really have the money to spare for a fuck.
It's not just this guy I have a bad feeling about it's every man that I don't know well. I've always enjoyed a deeper connection before sex but I'm trying to just relax a little more as long as there's attraction and chemistry but not knowing someone well makes me question everything and then I start to think about awful things. I do want to bang him though so I think I just need to break out of this mindset.
O.o
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x"
Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x
Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys. "
Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "
Yes you're right. Overthinking I think. I just wish we didn't have to worry about these things.
Appreciate all the replies.  |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x"
Gotta pay those Christmas energy bills some how  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x
Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.
Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney."
I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
Totally reasonable to have reservations and let’s face it it actually does happen
We meet a unicorn a while back and fair play to her she had let her friends know what she was up to and she had a tracker app on updating her whereabouts, she made it known to us to
Very smart and we had no problems with the arrangement
|
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"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.
Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.
Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.
Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.
Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.
.
But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.
Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.
Mrs TMN x
Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.
Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney.
I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock. "
You can if you hop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well
If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either |
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I think if you're that way inclined then there isn't much you can do to remove the fear completely but you can risk assess and put measures in place to make yourself feel safer as others have said. But it's largely going to be down to you and your mindset which could be deep rooted and not something you can easily get over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
in this day and age nothing wrong with your thoughts meet at a quiet pub cafe as a man it's very different I'm sure you will be fine once you've met up. |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well
If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either "
Do you look both ways before crossing the road? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
It is a worry and without making this a gender based thing, it can be scary. I’d suggest a hotel or apartment as others have but appreciate the cost issue. Giving your partner the location you’ll be and a potential home address and checking in via text (a code word would make it quick and obvious it’s you). Caution is always good. I hope you can find a solution and enjoy yourself. |
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I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.
The much better option is obviously to meet at a club. |
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"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.
The much better option is obviously to meet at a club."
I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.
Em x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been to loads of guys places, brought them home too. Never been murdered. I wouldn't want to have sex with a man I didnt trust wasn't a murderer so i wouldn't be at his house... I'm more concerned about him being a shit shag or having minging bedsheets tbh.
More helpful advice follows
My rule of thumb is - if you are not 100% sure you want to bang, and not sure you can get yourself out safely, don't go back to his place. Go home to your favourite dildo and have fun. If you are 100% sure, tell him that, and then tell him what you need to feel safe enough to do that. Communicate. And give him a chance to show you his intentions and character. And let some friends know what you're up. |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
The risk at times is part of the thrill.
However when i am meeting new women at my home, who is very nervous, i tell them to
1. Tell someone else where they are going (yes my actual adress)
2. Have someone they will call on the night, say 30 mins into the meet.
3. Tell that same person what site we met on and my profile name.
It has been a while since i had to give this advice though. ususally women are cintent with my verifiecations and pics that ,althoigh they may have a kinky time, they will leave alive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well
If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either
Do you look both ways before crossing the road?"
Exactly like the hedgehogs said
I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life
Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember the first time I drove to meet a man in a public place, the entire drive I was thinking.. what the fuck am I doing, I could be taken, forced into thing by a group of guys and never be seen again. But for some bizarre reason I didn't turn my car round and go home. I'm clearly crazy.
And I did it again, and again and now I'm kinda practiced at it. But I still get nervous. And that's just a social!
After a social when I've got a feel for someone it's not as bad. And I tend to use a safety person. They'll call and check in with me and I give them details first so someone knows where to start looking I'd I go missing.
It's not a fail safe is it, but it's the best I can come up with.
Hotels are good but I always worry about hidden cameras, same at a guy's place.
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I’m sure it will be absolutely fine and you will have a great time, but I would always do the following:
1: I would be hesitant to go to someone’s house for a first meet. Hotels always feels like a safer option, after a social drink somewhere public. Keep a close eye on your drink/s.
2: I would send their details and a face pic to a close friend/partner and let them know where and when you’re planning to meet.
3: Arrange a cut off time to check in with your friend/ partner to let them know you’re ok. Even if it’s just a text. WhatsApp also has a tracking/ location feature that you can share for a fixed amount of time with a chosen contact.
4: Trust your gut. If you meet them and are getting any kind of weird / creepy / unsafe vibes, leave asap. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well
If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either
Do you look both ways before crossing the road?
Exactly like the hedgehogs said
I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life
Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner "
I've been sexually harassed, stalked, followed, abused and hurt by so many different men from a very young age. And most women I know have experienced similar things. I would say a lot of women could probably talk about personal experiences of dangerous men more so than car accidents.
I'm overthinking I know. I know I will more than likely be ok. But it isn't clicks on a website or bait making me feel a bit nervous about trying something new with a man I don't know. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.
The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.
I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.
Em x"
Savages!  |
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"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.
The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.
I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.
Em x"
Ah I see |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for all the advice everyone. You're so lovely. And yes, hidden cams make me nervous too. It's awful thinking about all these things. I guess all I can do is put precautions in place and trust my gut when we have the social. I'm hoping I'll be brave enough to ask him out when I next see him because I don't want this fear to ruin what could be a good time. It's the only thing that is stopping me so far. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.
The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.
I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.
Em x"
I am yes! I wouldn't even know about clubs here anyway as that kind of environment doesn't particularly interest me but I can imagine it's a great setting for safe sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
Personally, because I know I'm not a murderer I male the assumption nobody else is so ignorance really 
But I think I'm a pretty good judge of character.
Just be careful and don't take too many risks, let a friend know where you are. |
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Just say that you dad works in the special forces or something.
Make up loads of shit, stories of things hes done (similar to Liam Neesons character in Taken) in your day to day chat.
Then youll know nobody will fuck with you
Good luck xx |
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"Thank you for all the advice everyone. You're so lovely. And yes, hidden cams make me nervous too. It's awful thinking about all these things. I guess all I can do is put precautions in place and trust my gut when we have the social. I'm hoping I'll be brave enough to ask him out when I next see him because I don't want this fear to ruin what could be a good time. It's the only thing that is stopping me so far."
If you got a hotel room and you arrange it, be there first etc then the likelihood of hidden cameras is very low. Ask him to keep his phone in his pocket/bag (explained by your "no pics" rule?) and put your coat/clothes over his, just in case there's anything in the pockets, or have all personal items in a closed wardrobe or something? Hanging up a coat in a wardrobe is just your preference for tidyness, right?
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"Christ I didn’t even think of hidden cameras. People are sick "
There's that. And there's stealthing. And a whole bunch of stuff to have genuine worry about. I don't think Lemon's concerns are trivial or silly, there's a reasonable basis for them. She is being very sensible in talking them through and trying to make things as safe as possible. |
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By *KentMan
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
I find that the odds of two murderer’s meeting each other randomly are quite slim.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Christ I didn’t even think of hidden cameras. People are sick
There's that. And there's stealthing. And a whole bunch of stuff to have genuine worry about. I don't think Lemon's concerns are trivial or silly, there's a reasonable basis for them. She is being very sensible in talking them through and trying to make things as safe as possible. "
Dealt with stealthing a few times myself but luckily it’s one of those you can kinda keep an eye on
Hidden cameras though, wtf. Could be anyone and it’s almost impossible to catch  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Nervy, excited, anticipatory butterfly's are one of the best parts of meeting. If you are really very unsure then meet socially and tell someone where you will be going - give their details to a close friend. For the most, people want the same thing as you, a damn good time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also as a woman I’ll never know your reality but my partner shares location with me and checks in on me through the evening. Location sharing is useful with someone you trust |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
I work on the theory it's unlikely I'll meet another serial killer. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again. "
My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family."
That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Cannot say I blame you "
Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family.
That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body. "
Ah fuck. I'll ask him randomly how often he's moisturising and what with. That's a dead cert way of we*ding out white grandads. |
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Cannot say I blame you Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it "
Poor you, I might be the most psycho of them all  |
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"Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "
Absolutely this. |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
I only ever meet with Ted Bundy lookalikes. That way I know what I’m getting into… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Cannot say I blame you Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it
Poor you, I might be the most psycho of them all "
I have watched Get Out with times. I could survive this horror movie |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family.
That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body.
Ah fuck. I'll ask him randomly how often he's moisturising and what with. That's a dead cert way of we*ding out white grandads."
you’re honestly hilarious |
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"Just an over thinker like me.
It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.
Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.
Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "
the trans /ts people go through this as well.
putting your safety first should be what everyone thinks about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead
Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.
I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax."
Does he know you have a partner?
Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".
If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead
Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.
I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax.
Does he know you have a partner?
Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".
If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok."
This is excellent advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?
Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead
Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.
I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax.
Does he know you have a partner?
Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".
If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok.
This is excellent advice. "
Advice from someone on here years ago. I think it was Diamondsmiles. |
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Hi OP,
Any decent single man is going to be well aware that single women faced real risks is meeting strangers 1 to 1.
They will be happy to work with you to ensure that you have a good and relaxed time.
My suggestion is to ask you potential meet what they suggest for your safety. If they are dismissive or flippant that is an indicator in itself.
I personally think a first social only meet in a public place is best for everyone.
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational "
Totally agree….we might have missed something but unsure if the news is awash with incidents of swingers being murdered?!?! |
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
***
Skip doggy position and find a place to hide your pepper spray all the time.
Obviously when you are naked, then you need to make a decision.
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?"
As it’s an outrageously rare, and almost unheard of that a woman meeting a man/couple for sex is murdered, what’s the percentage? 0.000005%??? |
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?"
Because the majority of women who meet men for casual sex don't get murdered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?"
Depends what you class as irrational
Your more likely to be murdered by a friend or a partner
You’d probably more likely to die from a vending machine falling on you |
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Ignoring the murder thing, which is unlikely (but still a possibility) there are still safety aspects to consider when meeting with someone and this thread has loads of sensible advice to mitigate potential risks.
Some people just don't recognise a bit of dramatic effect.
J |
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"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well
If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either
Do you look both ways before crossing the road?
Exactly like the hedgehogs said
I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life
Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner
I've been sexually harassed, stalked, followed, abused and hurt by so many different men from a very young age. And most women I know have experienced similar things. I would say a lot of women could probably talk about personal experiences of dangerous men more so than car accidents.
I'm overthinking I know. I know I will more than likely be ok. But it isn't clicks on a website or bait making me feel a bit nervous about trying something new with a man I don't know. "
Exactly this... It's a wonder some if us still meet men at all. And don't get me wrong... I love men!
LBC I am with you, with the fear... It's a genuine worry for the majority of single women.
I always tell my 2 best mates, in the group chat where I'm going and who with.
I know now you can also let people follow you with the pin drop thing on WhatsApp, so I'll definitely be utilising that feature in the new year. I would love to be more spontaneous, but there's always that niggle in the back of my mind. |
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?
As it’s an outrageously rare, and almost unheard of that a woman meeting a man/couple for sex is murdered, what’s the percentage? 0.000005%??? "
Maybe not murdered... But assaulted, mugged, r@ped. It happens! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?
Because the majority of women who meet men for casual sex don't get murdered "
I don’t think It’s irrational though given that it does happen? So asking for safety advice seems fair? I certainly don’t think seeing this advice means someone isn’t in a position to meet for casual sex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ignoring the murder thing, which is unlikely (but still a possibility) there are still safety aspects to consider when meeting with someone and this thread has loads of sensible advice to mitigate potential risks.
Some people just don't recognise a bit of dramatic effect.
J"
Unfamiliar with Lemon’s game clearly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?
Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.
How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy? "
I came right out and asked if he was an axe murderer or just general murderer. He assured me he wasn't, it turned out he wasn't. But I was a bitttttt nervous going to his house in the north east....where I knew no one and was miles from home.
Stupid, yes. But did I have a fantastic time, hell yes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meet people in clubs.
I think if your really unsure after a social then for whatever reason your trying to tell yourself something.
Maybe your just uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. I don't know ha I wasn't much help really. |
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The first time I met a guy by myself, I booked the hotel, arrived first. Met outside the reception area. I had the same fears you have, but like others have said, most people aren’t murderers telling yourself that and actually believing it are two different things I had friends that knew where I was going, as well as my husband knowing obviously. Also had find my iPhone enabled on my phone.
I met him again a couple of weeks ago, but felt comfortable enough to go to his place. I think as long as someone knows where you are, and you keep in touch, you’ll feel a lot better knowing that.
It helps that this guy completely gets and respects our set up and boundaries. We both talk with him regularly.
Have fun! x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Out then  "
Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi OP,
Any decent single man is going to be well aware that single women faced real risks is meeting strangers 1 to 1.
They will be happy to work with you to ensure that you have a good and relaxed time.
My suggestion is to ask you potential meet what they suggest for your safety. If they are dismissive or flippant that is an indicator in itself.
I personally think a first social only meet in a public place is best for everyone.
"
Any kind of attempt to change plans or dismiss my wish for a social only first (suggesting sex if we 'get on') and I won't meet them.
|
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney.
I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock. "
They're ready replaceable though |
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I used to meet with no qualms until a meet scared me. That gave my head a wobble and I'll only meet strangers at clubs with other people.
Predicting other people's actions to something I do, is almost impossible nowadays, so avoiding the red flags is my number one task when scouring for potential new friends
Trust your Instincts Lemon |
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By *ockboy77Man
over a year ago
Angus, Glasgow |
Genuinely get disgusted with some male behavior if I’m honest. I had a partner who was assaulted, it scarred her big time literally actually  . I was brought up to respect women, what’s gone wrong? If I was meeting someone I’d be talking on the phone first with genuine a phone number (not hidden) and making sure that lady was sure she was going to be safe wherever we met. For a couple I would only go their place of meeting, I’m big enough (I think)
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"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Out then
Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives. "
Would you believe me if I said I wasn't white? |
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"That's why we don't meet solo unless we've both met the person before. It must be difficult as a solo, you need a wingman/girl to help guage new people"
Thousands of women manage to meet men without such back up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.
Out then
Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives.
Would you believe me if I said I wasn't white?"
I believe you. I’m just glad it’s safe to meet you after all |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
alot of people treat this as a joke but its very serious subject about 5 years ago i had a lady fried who told me she was of to bristol to meet a guy for a pure social she told him and they agreed there will be no sex just a meal and a nightclub so nothing private all public .... ha;fway thru the night he syarted to pester her to go home she said no lets stivkl to the agreement so of they walked to a club on the way he dragged her inton a side street and beat her black and blue lucky for her the police where nearby he was arrested and she spent a couple of days in hospital had the police not been there then god knows what would have happened ...
and i had a meet a few years back where i met a guy at his house as soon as i got in the house he locked the door and started verbal abuse lucky for me hubs was in the car and i text him our safe word and he came to get me ..
so tho rare these things can happen and do happen i wont meet guys at there own house unless me and hubs know them well it can be a scary world we live in ..and not just the swinging world ... dating too as well as normal life |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some of these replies are absolutely hilarious you honestly make me fucking laugh! but on a more serious note, I've received soooo much great advice and the safe word is an amazing tip because I never even thought about doing that, but knowing I can send something random to keep my partner in the know is fab.
And yes, I even said earlier that I know the chances of something like murder happening is very unlikely but this fear is real guys and I don't think it requires me to not engage in sex just because I'm a bit nervous starting out. I'm just a bit dramatic with my wording sometimes, and you know these things do happen SOMETIMES.
But anyway, thank you. I won't see him until next week or so but I'll let you know if anything exciting happens. I just hope he doesn't reject me but if he does then at least I get a gold star for trying. |
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If you have someone you trust. Use the Whatsapp location feature with them. and keep your phone on you, have the safety word thing setup with them, and then IF anything goes wrong, you just msg them or call them with the safety word, and they will know where to get/meet up with you.
Other than that, as everyone has already suggested, meet in public, and got to a hotel rather than his place. Vetting etc etc.
You have all the advice i think that can be offered here.
Main thing is, if you have a bad feeling, just dont. Your health and safety isn't worth it in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational
In what way is it irrational?
Depends what you class as irrational
Your more likely to be murdered by a friend or a partner
You’d probably more likely to die from a vending machine falling on you "
Two reasons I won’t go to the cinema with Dave. |
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All them one nighters with girls I just met when I was a student, I must have been really lucky, I think I need to get a lottery ticket
Odds are probably low or people are really careful.
Millions go on dates or do things with people they just met so I think it probably has odds as bad as winning the lottery.
But it is good to be careful. |
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