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The fake matrimonial agency
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By (user no longer on site) OP 52 weeks ago
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Please fill in your details
What do you look like, what do you in your spare time, what's your favourite position and most importantly what are you looking for? 
I'll go 1st
I look like a googly eyed mashed up miss piggy that's been filled up with helium
I like to knit my leg hair
I like facesitting on knees whilst reading 50 shades
I'm looking for a hirsuit Jamie Dornan in hannibal lector White jumpsuit |
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By *929Man 52 weeks ago
newcastle |
I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique
In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max
Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons
Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 52 weeks ago
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"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique
In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max
Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons
Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with "
What flavour?  |
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I’m really sorry darling OP but I’m on a strict “no more marriage” thing from ALL of my friends who have banned me from ever making that mistake again
They know I am addicted to wedding cake and that I get easily distracted  |
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I look like the Michelin man changed gender and sprouted wheels.
In my spare time, I lift heavy stuff and operate Mum's Taxi.
My favourite position is doggy but we me more on my front.
I'm looking for a rheumatologist and someone to perform a hysterectomy, please! Do you know anyone?! |
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"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique
In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max
Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons
Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with "
I wandered into said tar pit but only to my ankles.
Switch out the Pepsi max to irn bru.
Favourite position is laid back, feet up, TV control in hand.
Already happy living alone and won't be changing anytime soon...also likes road trips |
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By *929Man 51 weeks ago
newcastle |
"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique
In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max
Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons
Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with
What flavour? "
Either supermarket own brand cheese and onion or McCoy’s flame grill |
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I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.
Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.
You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.
I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 51 weeks ago
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"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique
In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max
Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons
Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with
What flavour?
Either supermarket own brand cheese and onion or McCoy’s flame grill "
Mmmmmmm mcoys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 51 weeks ago
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"I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.
Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.
You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.
I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits."
Welcome back felix, I am imagining the swinging cock |
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Looks, Do not, I repeat, Do Not go to Specsavers.... then I look like an Titian Amazon Glamazon!
Spare time- being a crazy cat lady and walking my dog /reading Dull Mens Club, where I aspire to be that interesting.
Position- Filled, thats the one I like.
Looking for: I don't flamin' know, someone to sweep me off my feet, in a good way, but give me space, and hugs and stroke my hair and not live with me! |
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Middle aged child, face like a broken sofa.
Likes to watch documentaries about series killers and design clothes for pigeons
Looking for a rich old lady with poor eyesight and a dodgy ticker who likes to fuck till they pass out. Must have own teeth, and must be able to remove said teeth for bjs.
Apply within a day for a speedy wedding and a honeymoon in the tropics, paid by you. |
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"I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.
Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.
You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.
I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits.
Welcome back felix, I am imagining the swinging cock "
Thank you darling! The chandelier and fireplace are also imaginary hahaha |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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I look like Kermit the frog if he got kicked in the balls.
I like to arm restless for spare change at my local pub.
I’m looking for a one way ticket to Nashville baby!!!  |
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"Please fill in your details
What do you look like, what do you in your spare time, what's your favourite position and most importantly what are you looking for?
I'll go 1st
I look like a googly eyed mashed up miss piggy that's been filled up with helium
I like to knit my leg hair
I like facesitting on knees whilst reading 50 shades
I'm looking for a hirsuit Jamie Dornan in hannibal lector White jumpsuit "
I look like a chubbier version of Maggie Gyllenhaal.
In my spare time I like to ponder existential theory.
Fave position: goal attack.
Looking for existential meaning.
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