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You couldn’t erase the past.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
You couldn’t even change it.
But sometimes life offered you the opportunity to put it right.(Ann Brashares)
How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better  |
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I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works. |
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I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works."
I think it can work really well as a coping strategy for some people.  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"you cant well not really best you can do is admit your mistake learn from it move on as hard as that can be "
So for you "admitting" is a really imporant part in the process of moving on. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again "
Another way of looking at bad things form the past in a more positive light - a learning opportunity! |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works."
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way x"
It is a form of detachment from what happened. |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way xIt is a form of detachment from what happened. "
feck me that nail just got a wolop lolol |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way xIt is a form of detachment from what happened. "
It is complete detatchement for me, im not even sure when it began, but terrible events that have happened in my life when i talk about them it is really like im talking about they happened to a different person, i dont associate myself with them and in fact quite often, ive genuinely forgotten about some major events unless something is said and it jogs my memory |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way xIt is a form of detachment from what happened.
feck me that nail just got a wolop lolol "
Who is talking about nailing now |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
think that how most minds work well i know mine does but sadly its not always the best way. your minds an amasing thing when you learn how it work well try to any way xIt is a form of detachment from what happened.
It is complete detatchement for me, im not even sure when it began, but terrible events that have happened in my life when i talk about them it is really like im talking about they happened to a different person, i dont associate myself with them and in fact quite often, ive genuinely forgotten about some major events unless something is said and it jogs my memory"
It seems to work for you and that is the main thing. Some people, who experienced severe trauma (in the broadest sense of the word) can actually go on to develop a dissociative disorder. That is rare though. |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works."
Very interesting. I've done the same with my marriage. I divorced 25 years ago and when I talk about him, me or my marriage it's like it happened to another person and I'm simply telling a story. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
Very interesting. I've done the same with my marriage. I divorced 25 years ago and when I talk about him, me or my marriage it's like it happened to another person and I'm simply telling a story. "
And when you tell the story do you feel any emotion at all, good or bad? I am thinking things like "aw ... that part was a nice time" kind of thing? |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
Very interesting. I've done the same with my marriage. I divorced 25 years ago and when I talk about him, me or my marriage it's like it happened to another person and I'm simply telling a story. "
I cant even remember being married, i cant imagine the person that i am as at one time being married. Cant imagine having lived with someone lol |
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owwww really wona say more but this is such a touchy subject an really not for a forum
dimond do you understand what it is your saying ? plz dont think im taking the wiz or having a go its somthing i know more than a care to admit |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"owwww really wona say more but this is such a touchy subject an really not for a forum
dimond do you understand what it is your saying ? plz dont think im taking the wiz or having a go its somthing i know more than a care to admit "
My thread was meant more in an innocent kind of way. Please dont be tempted to post something on here that you might later regret. That was not my intention xx |
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I have teh exact same feeling, like Im telling a story from a TV prog Ive watched or similar.
I have a friend who went through a lot of my 'issues' with me, and she remembers vivid things that happened, sometimes she reminds me of them, but I dont remember them happening, never mind actually telling her.
Its wonderful how the mind protects us ! x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have teh exact same feeling, like Im telling a story from a TV prog Ive watched or similar.
I have a friend who went through a lot of my 'issues' with me, and she remembers vivid things that happened, sometimes she reminds me of them, but I dont remember them happening, never mind actually telling her.
Its wonderful how the mind protects us ! x"
Perhaps it is that protective function that a healthy mind can apply to distance itself from the hurtful memories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have teh exact same feeling, like Im telling a story from a TV prog Ive watched or similar.
I have a friend who went through a lot of my 'issues' with me, and she remembers vivid things that happened, sometimes she reminds me of them, but I dont remember them happening, never mind actually telling her.
Its wonderful how the mind protects us ! x"
Glad I'm not the only one! I do remember most things but I'm kind of detached from them. Weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better "
You can't can you
There are a few things in my life I wish I could change but you just have to live with your memories, be them good or bad |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have teh exact same feeling, like Im telling a story from a TV prog Ive watched or similar.
I have a friend who went through a lot of my 'issues' with me, and she remembers vivid things that happened, sometimes she reminds me of them, but I dont remember them happening, never mind actually telling her.
Its wonderful how the mind protects us ! x
Glad I'm not the only one! I do remember most things but I'm kind of detached from them. Weird."
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better
You can't can you
There are a few things in my life I wish I could change but you just have to live with your memories, be them good or bad "
Sure, I agree with not being able to change the past. I was more thinking for example if I had upset somebody in the past but later realised that perhaps I had been too harsh - I could try and seek reconciliation? I could even apologise and try and put things right? |
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"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again "
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry.. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry.."
Just thinking on a lighter note... I know red wine in large quantities does not do me any good... Have I stopped and learnt?  |
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"How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better
You can't can you
There are a few things in my life I wish I could change but you just have to live with your memories, be them good or bad Sure, I agree with not being able to change the past. I was more thinking for example if I had upset somebody in the past but later realised that perhaps I had been too harsh - I could try and seek reconciliation? I could even apologise and try and put things right?"
I think we react correctly at the time of the incident. Then, as time goes by our emotions soften and we begin to question ourselves.
All we need to remember is...... we acted in a way that was right at the time. x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better
You can't can you
There are a few things in my life I wish I could change but you just have to live with your memories, be them good or bad Sure, I agree with not being able to change the past. I was more thinking for example if I had upset somebody in the past but later realised that perhaps I had been too harsh - I could try and seek reconciliation? I could even apologise and try and put things right?
I think we react correctly at the time of the incident. Then, as time goes by our emotions soften and we begin to question ourselves.
All we need to remember is...... we acted in a way that was right at the time. x "
Good way of looking at it. However, what if we clearly acted out in a disproportionately angry or aggressive way at that time? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I really think ive learnt by all the big mistakes in my life. I tell my son its not the mistakes you make its what you learn from them that counts.
Thats why im a wise old owl "
I tell my kids, too... and sometimes they listen. Sometimes they insist on making their own mistakes. And they have even said so in the past... "mum, let me make my own mistake on this one" |
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"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry..Just thinking on a lighter note... I know red wine in large quantities does not do me any good... Have I stopped and learnt? "
you may have a point..  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry..Just thinking on a lighter note... I know red wine in large quantities does not do me any good... Have I stopped and learnt?
you may have a point.. "
and sometimes even a pint...  |
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"I really think ive learnt by all the big mistakes in my life. I tell my son its not the mistakes you make its what you learn from them that counts.
Thats why im a wise old owl I tell my kids, too... and sometimes they listen. Sometimes they insist on making their own mistakes. And they have even said so in the past... "mum, let me make my own mistake on this one" "
They have to learn by their own, my son has made two large ones and thankfully he learnt by them. Im sure like me he will make many more. But we cant go thrugh life without making any otherwise how would we learn anything |
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"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry..Just thinking on a lighter note... I know red wine in large quantities does not do me any good... Have I stopped and learnt?
you may have a point..
and sometimes even a pint... "
thats just wrong, decent red in a tumbler..  |
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The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I really think ive learnt by all the big mistakes in my life. I tell my son its not the mistakes you make its what you learn from them that counts.
Thats why im a wise old owl I tell my kids, too... and sometimes they listen. Sometimes they insist on making their own mistakes. And they have even said so in the past... "mum, let me make my own mistake on this one"
They have to learn by their own, my son has made two large ones and thankfully he learnt by them. Im sure like me he will make many more. But we cant go thrugh life without making any otherwise how would we learn anything"
You are absolutely right here - and sometimes being the earth mother that I am I have to conscisouly tell myself to allow them to make the mistakes without advising. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You couldn’t even change it.
But sometimes life offered you the opportunity to put it right.(Ann Brashares)
How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better "
Not be afraid to admit you're wrong is a start. I'm quite happy to admit when I'm wrong... unless I'm right. 
Also don't give up at the first attempt. Just keep trying. We learn from our mistakes. Well I do...  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"what does not kill you makes you stronger. if you dont learn from your mistakes you end up doing them again
yes, not an issue making mistakes its usually how we learn..
its when folks dont learn from them thats a worry..Just thinking on a lighter note... I know red wine in large quantities does not do me any good... Have I stopped and learnt?
you may have a point..
and sometimes even a pint...
thats just wrong, decent red in a tumbler.. "
I decant the quantity into smaller containers ie red wine glasses, honestly, Sir |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. "
That is also very very true - you cannot undo but apologising seems to lift some of the feelings of guilt. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"You couldn’t even change it.
But sometimes life offered you the opportunity to put it right.(Ann Brashares)
How can you put things right that you consider you could have done better
Not be afraid to admit you're wrong is a start. I'm quite happy to admit when I'm wrong... unless I'm right.
Also don't give up at the first attempt. Just keep trying. We learn from our mistakes. Well I do... "
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Wouldn't want to change my past as its what made me the person I am today.. "
I would not change much either. But there are a couple of encounters, lets call them that where I think on reflection I could have handled myself better.
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"The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. That is also very very true - you cannot undo but apologising seems to lift some of the feelings of guilt. "
it seems to be popular for governments to apologise for national misdeed from the past. I wonder who benefits from such an action. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wouldn't want to change my past as its what made me the person I am today.. I would not change much either. But there are a couple of encounters, lets call them that where I think on reflection I could have handled myself better."
Would you have punched them??! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. That is also very very true - you cannot undo but apologising seems to lift some of the feelings of guilt. it seems to be popular for governments to apologise for national misdeed from the past. I wonder who benefits from such an action. "
That is another really good point... the pointlessness of governments apologising for mistakes made. Does that ever, EVER have a helpful or healing effect on people?? |
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"The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. That is also very very true - you cannot undo but apologising seems to lift some of the feelings of guilt. it seems to be popular for governments to apologise for national misdeed from the past. I wonder who benefits from such an action. That is another really good point... the pointlessness of governments apologising for mistakes made. Does that ever, EVER have a helpful or healing effect on people??"
personally, whilst I condemn despise the consequences of war and my counties part in it, I feel no better as a result of my governments public apology, do you ? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"The act of apologising for a misdeed of the past can, in some cases, make one feel released from the guilt of the deed. It won't put it right. After all the deed was still done...if an apology is accepted in good spirit we can often put the incident behind us and move on. That is also very very true - you cannot undo but apologising seems to lift some of the feelings of guilt. it seems to be popular for governments to apologise for national misdeed from the past. I wonder who benefits from such an action. That is another really good point... the pointlessness of governments apologising for mistakes made. Does that ever, EVER have a helpful or healing effect on people??personally, whilst I condemn despise the consequences of war and my counties part in it, I feel no better as a result of my governments public apology, do you ? "
No, you are spot on. I comepltely agree. |
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"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
Very interesting. I've done the same with my marriage. I divorced 25 years ago and when I talk about him, me or my marriage it's like it happened to another person and I'm simply telling a story. And when you tell the story do you feel any emotion at all, good or bad? I am thinking things like "aw ... that part was a nice time" kind of thing? "
Gosh, that's made me think. No, no real emotion at all. It was simply something that happened but it feels like it happened to someone else. I saw a recent picture of him and he was a complete stranger. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have this ability to block things from my past out. So much so that if i do talk about them its like im talking about a third person and i have no emotions connected to that event. Not sure if its a coping skill i learnt or whether its just the way my mind works.
Very interesting. I've done the same with my marriage. I divorced 25 years ago and when I talk about him, me or my marriage it's like it happened to another person and I'm simply telling a story. And when you tell the story do you feel any emotion at all, good or bad? I am thinking things like "aw ... that part was a nice time" kind of thing?
Gosh, that's made me think. No, no real emotion at all. It was simply something that happened but it feels like it happened to someone else. I saw a recent picture of him and he was a complete stranger."
While you have been thinking... I have been thinking, too. I do see my ex quite a bit as we have kids together. We get on very well although I would not say we are good "friends" as we dont share a social life. Now this is the interesting bit... when I see him, talk to him I feel as if we both underwent some kind of metamorphosis and came out, not as completely different people, but in a slightly different "shape" and it is hard to imagine I ever had feelings greater than friendship or respect for him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wouldn't want to change my past as its what made me the person I am today.. I would not change much either. But there are a couple of encounters, lets call them that where I think on reflection I could have handled myself better."
I agree to that. There are definitely the odd time if I reflect if I knew back then what I know now yes I would have done differently. But no matter, what's done is done. I never dwell on things that have been and gone !! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Wouldn't want to change my past as its what made me the person I am today.. I would not change much either. But there are a couple of encounters, lets call them that where I think on reflection I could have handled myself better.
I agree to that. There are definitely the odd time if I reflect if I knew back then what I know now yes I would have done differently. But no matter, what's done is done. I never dwell on things that have been and gone !!"
That is healthy |
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"Wouldn't want to change my past as its what made me the person I am today.. I would not change much either. But there are a couple of encounters, lets call them that where I think on reflection I could have handled myself better.
I agree to that. There are definitely the odd time if I reflect if I knew back then what I know now yes I would have done differently. But no matter, what's done is done. I never dwell on things that have been and gone !!That is healthy "
very |
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