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Dealing with bereavement
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"Can I ask what happened yesterday op.?? T" The OP lost his Dad yesterday 
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"Sorry for your loss OP. There is no right way, and each time I've gone through it it has been different. " This^^ | |||
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I lost my dad suddenly on the 10th of December. I loved him dearly. Been through all the emotions since then. It was intense for the first few days and I couldn't believe how much it hurt. Constantly cried, could barely get out of bed. Sometimes totally numb and school myself not to think about him being gone. I miss him. Little things trigger me and I start sobbing. I just accept it all. Talking about him with people who knew him helps me. I don't suppose anything but time will make it easier.
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way. Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick. Hope you are ok. X | |||
"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" Condolences to you and your family. I don't think many of us react how we thought we would. That's ok. In the hopes that you will realise that however you react is fine this is what I experienced. When my mum died nearly two years ago it was a huge relief for her and us as her last month's were unpleasant for her. I was mostly supporting my dad who was 94 at the time and I was fortunate to have no unfinished business with my mum. I missed her yesterday when I went to the pantry and saw one of the jute bags she was always buying in Waitrose. She had so many if the darn things it kind of summed her up. Some people think I'm hard hearted but they don't understand how these things work. You do what's best for you. | |||
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Hope this helps and sending love and best wishes your way | |||
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"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way. some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral. time is the necessary thing" I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it. | |||
"So sorry for your loss, I totally get that feeling as I am going through the same at moment, lost my mum 2 weeks and the funeral is tomorrow. Everyone has a different way of handling the emotional side of it " I'm so sorry for your loss too | |||
"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way. some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral. time is the necessary thing I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it." John, I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess trying to keep myself occupied is what I've been doing today. I've been logged into Fab all day. Crazy thing is the situation has driven my kinkiness into overdrive and I sort of feel guilty for that | |||
"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way. some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral. time is the necessary thing I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it. John, I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess trying to keep myself occupied is what I've been doing today. I've been logged into Fab all day. Crazy thing is the situation has driven my kinkiness into overdrive and I sort of feel guilty for that " I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive. | |||
"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way. some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral. time is the necessary thing I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it. John, I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess trying to keep myself occupied is what I've been doing today. I've been logged into Fab all day. Crazy thing is the situation has driven my kinkiness into overdrive and I sort of feel guilty for that " The one thing I've learned with grief (not recently) is that feelings are unpredictable, and you just have to let them happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. | |||
"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive. " Did you find that you kink desires were intensified? | |||
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"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way. some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral. time is the necessary thing I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it. John, I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess trying to keep myself occupied is what I've been doing today. I've been logged into Fab all day. Crazy thing is the situation has driven my kinkiness into overdrive and I sort of feel guilty for that " Thanks. Yes, I find I spend a lot more time on Fab now and respond more often to threads. Maybe just keeping up that hguman contact even remotely is good. | |||
"So sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Dad five years ago and I still struggle. His birthday was Christmas Eve as well so this time is year is always hard. All you can do is take one day at a time. There is no time frame for grieving and everyone is different. I read a quote that brought me some comfort. "That pain you feel, is from the piece of your heart that your Dad took with him, so he'd always feel your love. In the times when the pain is the strongest, is when he holds that piece a little tighter and whispers, "I miss you too!" If you ever need to talk our inbox is always open and be kind to yourself. Mrs " Thank you - that actually helped a lot | |||
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" Denial, guilt, anger, confusion and a lot of not having a clue what to do in cycles. Found my emotions were much nearer the surface than normal and had to work really hard not to react badly to trivial things. My biggest mistake was not taking time to process or to talk about how I was feeling, I threw myself into practical things, registering death, informing the many organisations I had to etc. As a result I had an awful time some 7 months afterwards when the walls I’d built to hide it all away collapsed. So whatever you do, talk about how you’re feeling and be kind to yourself | |||
"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive. Did you find that you kink desires were intensified?" Yes, I did. I was feeling very guilty and then a chap I was due to meet reassured me quite a bit. I felt I was doing wrong somehow but I think as others have said, you have to go with your emotions. Accept them as part of grieving. | |||
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"Had to bury my partner 21 dec a couple of years back … you never really get over it … The world doesn’t stop moving because we want it to … what I do know is no one gets a free ticket … so I’m living now with no regrets ! " I know - life goes on and we have to go with it | |||
"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive. Did you find that you kink desires were intensified? Yes, I did. I was feeling very guilty and then a chap I was due to meet reassured me quite a bit. I felt I was doing wrong somehow but I think as others have said, you have to go with your emotions. Accept them as part of grieving. " Thanks for sharing that x | |||
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" My wife passed away in front of me last year. It tore my soul out. I'm still trying to come to terms with it. | |||
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"What someone said to me when my dad died and it's true nearly 15 years on.. You'll never get over it and things will never be the same again but you will learn a new normal... And that's true... But the hurt does lessen when you accept the new normal " Spot on. Sorry for your loss xx | |||
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one? My wife passed away in front of me last year. It tore my soul out. I'm still trying to come to terms with it." I'm so sorry for your loss - it means a lot to me that you could share this | |||
"14 years since my mum passed, 3 weeks later my uncle who was like a father passed in a car accident. This middle of November il say. Then when my birthday came middle of January grandad passed and no joke not even by the end of January my grandma passed. Didn’t cry at any of them. In shock, but like someone said. You’ll never get over it. You learn how deal with it as each day passes. I blocked the pain out and got rid of all pictures of my mum. Don’t know why I did and I blocked her that much I can’t even remember what she even looks like. You get on with it for everyone else you realise. " Oh my word | |||
"Sorry for your loss OP. Same thing happened to me a few months ago. Been a shit year. No right or wrong way to deal with someone dying. Make time for yourself and speak to people. Try and keep busying and try and do things you enjoy. Him x" I'm so sorry for your loss - yup "shit year" is a bit of an understatement. It's almost hard to believe that so many of us have lost loved ones this year | |||
"My mum died in October, I've felt many emotions and cry easily about so many things but not that. I seem to remember that when we found out she was terminal, I was a huge mess so maybe I'm all cried out. I often feel relieved for a couple of reasons, firstly and most importantly, a week or so before she died she really deteriorated and the way she was, she would have hated that more than anything, so the fact she died soon after being like that would I think have made her happy. Secondly after her death, I have no longer got attachment to someone unbearably toxic in my life, I can happily tell them to fuck off. Having them not here all the time to see my mother is a huge weight lifted off me, and think helps me cope easier, even though others are struggling and I have no idea how to help" Yeah, I guess it is sort of a blessed relief that she is no longer suffering and you kind of mourned when you had the news of your mum being terminal. Dad had multiple health issues and I know he wasn't enjoying life much. And he he had begun getting his affairs in order so I think he must have had a feeling his time was coming. Again - I'm so sorry for your loss | |||
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" My heart goes out to you. I lost both my parents in 2020 to cancer. One of the weirdest parts is how much it upsets your foundations and belief in a stable reality. Losing a close one shatters your world in so many ways. It takes a lot of time to process so make sure you're kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time. We all grieve differently and there's no right or wrong way to do it. | |||
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"I just finished writing the text for my dad's funeral next week. Took me 5 hours, but in a way I quite enjoyed it as there were lots of nice things to recall. But I also cried a lot. I think it's important to share memories. To talk about the person. " Yes, us siblings are going to be giving eulogies - Dad gave us plenty to laugh about so it will be wonderful to tell those stories | |||
"I lost my mum to cancer 5 months ago op and I’m still grieving for her, it’s why I’m not currently meeting as it’s killed off my sex drive which I’m not bothered about for now but I still cry over her from time to time. Christmas was hard as she was the queen of it but we got through it and you will get through your loss in time which I’m truly sorry for op " I'm so sorry for your loss. So many of us going through the same thing | |||
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"My mum passed away back in September, telling jokes and being sarcastic seems to be my coping mechanism at the moment, I still haven’t really come to terms with the loss." Yeah, I think we all have a defence mechanism. Mine, and I still feel guilty about this, is my kink brain is in overdrive | |||
"My mum passed away back in September, telling jokes and being sarcastic seems to be my coping mechanism at the moment, I still haven’t really come to terms with the loss. Yeah, I think we all have a defence mechanism. Mine, and I still feel guilty about this, is my kink brain is in overdrive" Don't feel guilty. Easy for me to say I know but your life is continuing and whatever you do isn't going to change anything so do whatever helps *you*. | |||
"I just finished writing the text for my dad's funeral next week. Took me 5 hours, but in a way I quite enjoyed it as there were lots of nice things to recall. But I also cried a lot. I think it's important to share memories. To talk about the person. Yes, us siblings are going to be giving eulogies - Dad gave us plenty to laugh about so it will be wonderful to tell those stories" I don't know if I'm allowed to talk. Stepmother is organising it all. But sharing of memories is what matters. | |||
"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" Sorry for your loss OP Then one thing I learned from the loss of my mum is...every one deals with it different...so don't overthink things...you feel how you feel and that's ok. | |||
"Make time for your grief, don’t dismiss it. Let tears flow when they need too and talk, don’t keep things bottled up When my grandson died six years ago I found it very hard to grieve myself as I needed to be there for my daughter who had lost her son and my younger children who had lost their nephew I’m still grieving to this day and always will as I have so many what ifs around special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, first day of school and wondering what a wonderful little boy he would have grown to be " | |||
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"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?" Pain sadness a total loss of days weeks sometimes feeling lonely Hope all is well op  | |||
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"I've been to 3 family funerals in the last two years. All on the same side of the family. My brother in law, sister in law and just last week, their 50 year old son. Dying sucks donkey balls." Very succinct and accurate last sentence! | |||
"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would. If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one? Pain sadness a total loss of days weeks sometimes feeling lonely Hope all is well op "Today is just a day of feeling meh so far. Am just in a complete funk. Got to go out and brave the supermarket though so hope that's not when the anger phase comes out  | |||
" Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way. Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick. Hope you are ok. X" This ?. I lost my dad 18 years ago now, very suddenly, and as my family lives in another country, it was an awful shock to get the phone call, have to arrange flights overnight, etc. It was a weekend as well so difficult to let work know so I had to confide in colleagues I barely knew but could get hold of at the weekend. While I was there, and watched my whole family in various states and type of grievous upset, I found myself not able to cry openly, it was as if a switch had been flicked and I was in action mode, holding the family up. My sister, who was still a teen then, even accused me of not having loved him, and not being upset just because I couldn't grieve in the same way she did, for example I chose not to go to the funeral home to "view" him...my mother on the other hand totally understood and supported me. She knew from experience what my sister didn't, that I grieved and got upset in private, with my supportive husband, and that it would hit me later, when I'd be back in the UK. Which it did, words are never enough, but what I can say is, take whatever support you can get and are comfortable with. It will help. And you'll never forget your loved ones when they've passed, you'll start to come out of the grief when you find yourself remembering them fondly, your mind choosing to remind you of the good and the funny times rather than the raw horror of the passing. In sympathy, Eve. | |||
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" Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way. Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick. Hope you are ok. X This ?. I lost my dad 18 years ago now, very suddenly, and as my family lives in another country, it was an awful shock to get the phone call, have to arrange flights overnight, etc. It was a weekend as well so difficult to let work know so I had to confide in colleagues I barely knew but could get hold of at the weekend. While I was there, and watched my whole family in various states and type of grievous upset, I found myself not able to cry openly, it was as if a switch had been flicked and I was in action mode, holding the family up. My sister, who was still a teen then, even accused me of not having loved him, and not being upset just because I couldn't grieve in the same way she did, for example I chose not to go to the funeral home to "view" him...my mother on the other hand totally understood and supported me. She knew from experience what my sister didn't, that I grieved and got upset in private, with my supportive husband, and that it would hit me later, when I'd be back in the UK. Which it did, words are never enough, but what I can say is, take whatever support you can get and are comfortable with. It will help. And you'll never forget your loved ones when they've passed, you'll start to come out of the grief when you find yourself remembering them fondly, your mind choosing to remind you of the good and the funny times rather than the raw horror of the passing. In sympathy, Eve." Thanks Eve - that sounds similar to what I'm feeling. Just having moments of tears, some of sorrow, some of joy from the memories | |||
